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  #1  
Old 06-03-2000, 11:46 AM
Kimstu Kimstu is online now
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Okay, since I never get no credit for trying to make serious arguments on this topic, I decided this time just to have fun with it. As this is parody rather than debate I have pre-exiled it to the Pit; I apologize in advance for the absence of Pitworthy obscenity and vilification.

Kimstu


I Am the Very Model of a Modern Libertarian
by Kimstu

[With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan, and
also to one Lollius. Note: In order to avoid the
infringement of individual rights by imposing
totalitarian ideals of harmony, the soloist and
choristers may sing each in his or her own tempo,
tune, and key.]


I am the very model of a modern Libertarian:
I teem with glowing notions for proposals millenarian,
I've nothing but contempt for ideologies collectivist
(My own ideas of social good tend more toward the Objectivist).
You see, I've just discovered, by my intellectual bravery,
That civic obligations are all tantamount to slavery;
And thus that ancient pastime, viz., complaining of taxation,
Assumes the glorious aspect of a war for liberation!

[Chorus:]
You really must admit it's a delightful revelation:
To bitch about your taxes is to fight for liberation!


I bolster up my claims with lucubrations rather risible
About the Founding Fathers and the market's hand invisible;
In fact, my slight acquaintance with the fountainhead Pierian
Makes me the very model of a modern Libertarian!

[Chorus:]
His very slight acquaintance with the fountainhead Pierian
Makes him the very model of a modern Libertarian!


All "public wealth" is robbery, we never will accede to it;
You have no rights in anything if you can't show your deed to it.
(But don't fear repossession by our Amerind minority:
Those treaties aren't valid---Uncle Sam had no authority!)
We realize whales and wolves and moose find wilderness quite vital,
And we'll give back their habitats---if they can prove their title.
But people like unspoiled lands (we too will say "hooray" for them),
So we have faith that someone else will freely choose to pay for them.

[Chorus:]
Yes, when the parks are auctioned it will be a lucky day for them---
We're confident that someone else will freely choose to pay for them!


We'll guard the health of nature by self-interest most astute:
Since pollution is destructive, no one ever will pollute.
Thus factories will safeguard our communities riparian---
I am the very model of a modern Libertarian!

[Chorus:]
Yes, factories will safeguard our communities riparian,
He is the very model of a modern Libertarian!


In short, when I can tell why individual consumers
Know best who should approve their drugs and who should treat their tumors;
Why civilized existence in its intricate confusion
Will be simple and straightforward, absent government intrusion;
Why markets cannot err within the system I've described,
Why poor folk won't be bullied and why rich folk won't be bribed,
And why all vast inequities of power and position
Will vanish when I wave my wand and utter "COMPETITION!"---

[Chorus:]
He's so much more exciting than a common politician,
Inequities will vanish when he hollers "Competition!"


---And why my lofty rhetoric and arguments meticulous
Inspire shouts of laughter and the hearty cry, "Ridiculous!",
And why my social theories all seem so pre-Sumerian---
I'll be the very model of a modern Libertarian!

[Chorus:]
His novel social theories all seem so pre-Sumerian---
He is the very model of a modern Libertarian!
  #2  
Old 06-03-2000, 11:56 AM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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ROTFUSOHMTRDMCPOMSR!

(That's rolling on the floor, uttering shrieks of helpless mirth, tears rolling down my cheeks, pissing off my sleeping roommate).
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A. Humble.
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  #3  
Old 06-03-2000, 11:59 AM
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xenophon41 xenophon41 is offline
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Kimstu!

Still wanna get hitched?




My sides hurt.
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  #4  
Old 06-03-2000, 12:02 PM
Shayna Shayna is offline
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Oh God, my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

Brava! Awesome! And since this is the pit, hi-fuckin-larious!!!!!!!
  #5  
Old 06-03-2000, 12:04 PM
Shayna Shayna is offline
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Hey! Since we're all here together...

Why don't the 4 of us get together and have a communal marriage?!!

This just ROCKS!
  #6  
Old 06-03-2000, 12:05 PM
WallyM7 WallyM7 is offline
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Seeing as this is the pit:

Brilliant! Fucking brilliant!

If I was wearing a hat, it would be very, very tipped.
  #7  
Old 06-03-2000, 12:25 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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Shayna: Because to the best of my knowledge, Xenophon is not gay. Are you?
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Q: You are the nation's most popular fruit. What are you?
A. Humble.
- Bruce Vilanch, in Hollywood Squares
  #8  
Old 06-03-2000, 02:14 PM
Initial Entry Initial Entry is offline
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Absolutely incredible.
I haven't laughed so hard in months.
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Onto a more serious note, Screw the French.
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  #9  
Old 06-03-2000, 04:18 PM
Danielinthewolvesden Danielinthewolvesden is offline
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Kimstu: Great! I'll share with you all my 2 recent mpsims "litebulb" jokes: How many Libertarians does it take to change a litebulb? None: he was no contract with the litebulb, so it can't be changed. OR
None: the free market will change it for you.

However, K, I bow in recognition of your far greater skill & wit.
  #10  
Old 06-03-2000, 06:13 PM
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xenophon41 xenophon41 is offline
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Quote:
Shayna: Because to the best of my knowledge, Xenophon is not gay. Are you?
Well, I'm frequently happy, lighthearted some of the time, but not necessarily gay. I mean, sure I'm cordial and high spirited, could even be described as "jolly" if I gained a hundred pounds or so, but really, what has that to do with Shayna's group proposal?

Oh by the way, I'm straight as a tea drinking Lutheran, so get your hand off my thigh, Matt.
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  #11  
Old 06-03-2000, 07:05 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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*matt humphs and goes off to molest Esprix*
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Q: You are the nation's most popular fruit. What are you?
A. Humble.
- Bruce Vilanch, in Hollywood Squares
  #12  
Old 06-04-2000, 01:24 AM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is online now
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That's the funniest post I've seen since Wally's cybersex chat.
  #13  
Old 06-04-2000, 05:19 PM
Gilligan Gilligan is offline
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Excellent, Kimstu, definitely a classic. I want to play, too, but you've set the bar high. Since you like Giilbert & Sullivan, I'll take one from The Mikado.


From every kind of man obedience I expect.
I'm the government of the land.
(And we're the bureaucrats un-elect.
You haven't a clue
What's best for you
Say the bureaucrats un-elect.)

By majority vote my rule is declared both just and correct.
(But it's nothing at all compared
With that of the bureaucrats un-elect.)

Bow, bow
To the bureaucrats un-elect.
Chorus: Bow, bow
To the bureaucrats un-elect.

In a fatherly kind of way I govern each family and sect.
You are free to disagree.
(But you'll face the bureaucrats un-elect.
We'll confuse the fools
With a million rules
Say the bureaucrats un-elect.)

My nature is justice and truth and freedom from all defect.
(Just leave those things to us,
"Trust me", say the bureaucrats un-elect.)

Bow, bow
To the bureaucrats un-elect.
Chorus: Bow, bow
To the bureaucrats un-elect.

A more humane plutocracy never did in this land exist
To nobody second I'm certainly reckoned a true philanthropist
It is my very humane endeavor to make, to some extent
Each man and lady, from birth to eighty, a ward of the government

My object all sublime
I will achieve in time
To let the government fix the crime
The government fix the crime

And make each citizen
Unwillingly represent
A source of wealth for the government
Of wealth for the government

The parents who choose to teach their children that work is the way to succeed
I'll let them, as long as I get to remind them that self-esteem's all they need.
The rural people who listen to country & western and other things lame
May not know a thing of the ballet or opera, but will pay for them just the same.

The woman who chooses to do with her body what she and her god approve
Must wait to hear voices on alternate choices; if she don't like it she can move.
The couple who dare their love to share, in a way that some people find wrong
I can't let them wed, for then marriage is dead, and society won't last for long.

Chorus: My object all sublime...

The friends who gather to share and enjoy the drugs that I don't yet condone
I'll round them up swiftly, a bit faster if I can take a quick look through your home.
I'll wage my war in your streets and your places of work and your schools, night and day.
Some innocent people will suffer, but that's just the price that we'll all have to pay.

I do realize these unfortunate people might just have a problem to cure
But the polls indicated these people are hated by fifty-two percent or more.
And so they'll be thrown in prison cells with murderers, rapists, and scum
But we're better society; we need sobriety; now pass us the whiskey and rum.

Chorus: My object all sublime...
  #14  
Old 06-04-2000, 06:26 PM
Kimstu Kimstu is online now
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thank you, thank you!

Hey, I better get in here and take my bow before I'm completely upstaged by Gilligan. (All political-philosophy debates should be this fun!) All matrimonial offers happily accepted. (As I understand it, the marital obligations for "prize-of-valor" marriages on a message board are not that onerous: you simply have to add the phrase "trophy husband (or wife) of so-and-so" to your sig on one subsequent message.)

Thanks, y'all made my day!

Kimstu
trophy wife of xenophon41 and Shayna
  #15  
Old 06-04-2000, 10:10 PM
WallyM7 WallyM7 is offline
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Excellent, Gilligan!

How did you guys know that I love G&S. I mean, this was just for me, right?

Has anyone nominated this page for the Threadspotting feature? It's a sure thing.
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  #16  
Old 06-05-2000, 01:39 PM
Iolanthe Iolanthe is offline
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Quote:

Excellent, Gilligan!

How did you guys know that I love G&S. I mean, this was just for me, right?
Hell no. It's for me. I'm the one with the user name and all.

(Kimstu and Gilligan - holy-shit-am-I-impressed. And jealous. I wish I could write these. Well done. Now do one to "My Eyes are Fully Open..." and I'll bear your little ones.)
  #17  
Old 06-06-2000, 09:37 AM
Kimstu Kimstu is online now
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Anything for you, Iolanthe honey, but skip the part about bearing my little ones---God made Adam and Eve, ya know, not Eve and Pat! Speaking of which, I decided to pick on the creationists this go-round, so enjoy. (But this is it for now, okay kids? You get out and play in the sunshine.)

Kimstu


My Eyes Are Fully Open to the Folly
by Kimstu

My eyes are fully open to the folly of believing
What a mere ten thousand scientists have spent their lives achieving;
I know that modern research is to error sadly liable,
But I need have no such fears about the science in my Bible!
Where the straight dope on creation takes up barely seven pages
With no unconvincing nonsense about geologic ages,
Or our hominid heredity or other monkey chatter,
And it's all chock-full of Spirit, so don't say it's only matter!

You've misread the fossil strata---
Or you've falsified your data---
But it can't be true that life is merely matter, matter, matter!


If man and apes at first were just the same, then where would we be?
Would God write "Eve and Adam" if he meant "J. Fred and Phoebe"?
And you needn't try to tell me they developed through mutation:
Since mutants are defective, that would mean degeneration!
Sure, some microevolution may have tweaked the protozoa,
But the "basic kinds" today are still the same that sailed with Noah---
So I'll see the local school board gets your head upon a platter
If you try to teach my children that the source of life is matter!

We'll expel you with a clatter---
It won't help to sue or flatter---
If you try to teach our children life is matter, matter, matter!


Of course, I've learned the uses of obscure impressive jargon:
I cite potassium's decay to calcium and argon,
And changes in magnetic field and polar-axis angle
(Add entropy and mix---it takes forever to untangle!)
And I jump in bed with Kuhnians (which they find pretty eerie)
To argue my new paradigm, since each is "just a theory"---
And when the maddened scientists attempt my claims to shatter,
Then they're hostile to religion, so their arguments don't matter!

Though the infidels may batter,
They will never shake or scatter
My conviction that their arguments don't matter, matter, matter!
  #18  
Old 06-06-2000, 11:06 AM
Kimstu Kimstu is online now
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Oops, forgot the link to the original Gilbert and Sullivan song.

Kimstu
  #19  
Old 06-06-2000, 11:27 AM
Shayna Shayna is offline
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Y'all have to stop doing this to me while I'm at work - I'm gonna get in trouble here. Gilligan and Kimstu -- brilliant! Works of art! Kimstu, this latest by you is beyond hilarious. I am so proud to have you as my trophy wife, even if neither one of us are lesbians. You rock, woman!
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  #20  
Old 06-06-2000, 12:03 PM
hawthorne hawthorne is offline
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Thank you

All three are quite superb. Any chance of the Policeman's Lot from Pinnafore? Or something from Cox and Box regarding our related posters? (I'd try, but I'm crap)

picmr
  #21  
Old 06-06-2000, 02:54 PM
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xenophon41 xenophon41 is offline
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Kimstu and Gilligan those were awesome.

Brava!
Bravo!
Brava!

Encore!








"xeno never amounted to much, but at least he married well."
  #22  
Old 06-06-2000, 03:48 PM
sdimbert sdimbert is offline
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:inawe:

holishit.

holy shit.

Holy Shit.

Holy Shit!

HOOOOOOOO LEEEEEEEEEEE SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!


Those are incredible.

kimstu, Gilligan, do you take requests?

How about something from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum?

Maybe about.... oh I don't know... legalization of pot? (You could use "Free!", no?)
  #23  
Old 06-06-2000, 04:13 PM
oldscratch oldscratch is offline
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Jumping on the ass-kissing brown-nosing bandwagon

Amazing. Great. More fun then I've had in weeks. Kimstu and Gilligan, you guys are wonderfull.
  #24  
Old 06-06-2000, 05:55 PM
Iolanthe Iolanthe is offline
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Quote:

Anything for you, Iolanthe honey, but skip the part about bearing my little ones---God made Adam and Eve, ya know, not Eve and Pat! Speaking of which, I decided to pick on the creationists this go-round, so enjoy. (But this is it for now, okay kids? You get out and play in the sunshine.)

Kimstu
(snip glorious writing.)

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Hell, bugger me voraciously with a howitzer. You actually went and did it, less than 24 hrs after I asked. My awe has deepened, and if we can have a Prom Queen, then we can have a Parody Laureate (and I'm dubbing you it. Gilligan can have the other crown.)

You've earned a rest, of course. But when you're ready (or anyone who's feeling tough,) then here's my uber-challenge: "Society Has Quite Forsaken All Her Wicked Courses" from Utopia, Limited. Do this, and I'll have to sacrifice something (I suspect it might be exercise, but we'll find out. Or I could hunt down a troll or two.)

(By the way, this Pat who is the Steve equivalent, is she related to Pat-the-Bunny?)

And Picmr you semi-carnal-wankel-rotary-engine, Policemen's Lot is from *Pirates*, not Pinafore. Still, you know Cox & Box, so we don't have to mercy kill you yet.
  #25  
Old 06-06-2000, 06:22 PM
Gilligan Gilligan is offline
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Wow, Kim, absolutely perfect. I am in awe, I can’t believe you took on creationism. Please include me in your harem, there’s always room for one more.

Thanks, everyone. :: holds out hat :: Something for sdimbert; this is the only song I know from Forum. You would pick one of the shows I haven’t played.

Someone offensive,
Someone defensive,
Something for everyone
A BBQ tonight!

Something malicious,
Something fictitious,
Something for everyone
A BBQ tonight!

Nothing with facts,
No one patrols;
Bring on the sock puppets, liars, and trolls!
Old posters bitching,
Newbies just itching,
No one portentous or polite;
MPSIMS tomorrow,
BBQ tonight!

Something ‘bout belching,
Something ‘bout felching,
Something for everyone
A BBQ tonight!

Dead horses beaten
Posters called cretin
Something for everyone
A BBQ tonight!

Nothing with Guns,
Abortion or State,
The Great Debates will just have to wait!
Nothing that's formal,
No one that's normal,
No reason to avoid the fight!
No General Questions,
BBQ tonight!
  #26  
Old 06-06-2000, 07:42 PM
sdimbert sdimbert is offline
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Quote:

Something for sdimbert; this is the only song I know from Forum.
Gilligan,

omigod.

I simply can't believe that you can crank these things out so fast.. that is awesome.

:shakingheadindisbelief:

wow.
  #27  
Old 06-06-2000, 08:17 PM
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Kinstu, Gilligan: most entertaining thread I've read to date!! Un-believable talent! You guys NEED to do something on a regular basis, it's just too good.

I'll put something in here, not anywhere near to what the two of you have done, just a newbie itching to contribute. (Please hold the tomatoes, I'm doin' my best!)

Imagine Al Gore and George Bush on stage, straw (campaign) hats in hand, dancing and singing for your vote in a vaudeville act!( pick an appropriate up-beat tune)

Al and George want your Vote!

A: My name is Al, I'm your best Pal!
G: My Name is George, the future I'll forge!

A: I'll bring you Green as never seen.
G: I'll dig for oil, forget the soil.

A: I've no respect for these red necks.
(music stops)
G: Hey, who you callin' a red neck?

(music starts)
Together: I want the vote for President,
from each and every resident.
I'll give you all you've ever dreamed and mooooooore,
Just vote for me and you will see a world
Like neeeeeeeveeeeeerrrr, before.


G: I'll teach your sons to handle guns.
A: I'll make all guns prohibited.
G: I'll fix the schools
A: I'll make more rules
G: I'll make your taxes limited!
A: I'd like to make air really clean!
G: I want to stop all that's obscene!
(music stops)
A: Hey, why'ja hafta bring Bill into this?

(music starts)
Together: I want the vote for President,
from each and every resident.
I'll give you all you've ever dreamed and mooooore,
Just vote for me and you will see a world
Like neeeeeeeveeeeeerrrr, before.

(music stops, they speak slowly, passionately)
A: I invented the Internet for all people.
G: I brought Texas Pride.
A: I wrote the New Testament!
G: You? All you ever wrote was a note to Bill to stop embarrassing himself!
A: You skipped the draft!
G: You dirty rat!
A: He Did Cocaine!
G: The Man's Insane!
A: He's done nothing original!
G: Oh yeah, well I've decided on a new stand AGAINST immigration, starting with my home state - Read My Lips, No New Texans!

(music starts)
Together: We want the vote for President,
weather or not you're a resident.
we promise to improve, all things that stand or move!
Just vote for us and you will seeeeeeeeeeee,
How prosperous we all can be!
  #28  
Old 06-06-2000, 08:20 PM
tradesilicon tradesilicon is offline
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::slapping my own hand::
Kimstu, I meant Kimstu. Got to excited...

Sili
  #29  
Old 06-06-2000, 08:49 PM
WallyM7 WallyM7 is offline
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I am in awe.

I am not worthy to touch the hem of your garments.

I must have read this thread 8 times. I keep getting drawn back.

Thank you.
  #30  
Old 06-07-2000, 10:10 AM
Kimstu Kimstu is online now
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(blushing, bowing)

*Sigh*...I can resist anything but a compliment...but Gilligan, this is creepy that our thoughts took basically the same direction here. This one's for you picmr---as Iolanthe noted, the original is from Penzance and not Pinafore. (But this is the last one and this time I mean it---I can't go on just ignoring the dirty dishes.)

Kimstu
trophy wife (and mystic channeler) of Gilligan (I never dreamed I'd marry a libertarian, but I guess some things are more important than politics!)


When a Poster's Not Composing an Oration
by Kimstu

[manhattan:] When a poster's not composing an oration (an oration)
Or denouncing what another poster's done, (poster's done)
[TubaDiva:] They are usually expressing indignation (indignation)
About the way the message board is run; (board is run)

[Lynn Bodoni:] Now they howl that we are needlessly repressive, (-ly repressive)
[Alphagene:] Now we're letting trolls and puppets run amok--- (run amok)
[TubaDiva:] Ah, although the phrase may seem a bit excessive, (bit excessive)
A moderator's lot can really suck!

[All:] When you feel you've been run over by a truck, by a truck,
Oh, a moderator's lot can really suck!

[Gaudere:] They will whine that mods are being too abrasive (too abrasive)
[David B:] When we candidly explain their logic stinks; (logic stinks)
[CKDextHavn:] They complain that Cecil's answers are evasive, (are evasive)
[Arnold Winkelreid:] And they constantly forget to put in links! (put in links)

[slythe:] They make passes at us right here on the b-board, (on the b-board)
[Eutychus55:] They explode in outrage when the server's stuck: (server's stuck)
[UncleBeer:] Do these people have a life beyond the keyboard?! (-yond the keyboard)
Oh, a moderator's lot can really suck!

[All:] And what's more, it doesn't even make a buck, make a buck,
Oh, a moderator's lot can really suck!
  #31  
Old 06-07-2000, 11:43 AM
hawthorne hawthorne is offline
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You are a dead-set legend Kimstu. This is a lay-down misere for threadspotting. Thanks.

picmr
  #32  
Old 06-07-2000, 05:45 PM
Iolanthe Iolanthe is offline
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Well. My brain is fried after a long day, so my well of compliments has dried up. But Gilligan & Kimstu, take everything positive said about you here, and multiply it by twenty. There's my admiration of y'all (or all I'm capable of right now.)

Oh, and I especially loved "Something 'bout belching, Something 'bout felching" and "And they constantly forget to put in links (put in links.)"
  #33  
Old 06-07-2000, 06:45 PM
sdimbert sdimbert is offline
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Kimstu and Gilligan:

Can I share your songs with people not on the SDMB? I have a non-internet-savvy friend with whom I love to discuss politics. He would love your song about Libertarians - may I print a copy out for him?
  #34  
Old 06-07-2000, 06:49 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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Mad Magazine once did a pot one to the tune of "Stout Hearted Men." It began:

Give me some men
Who are pot smoking men
Who will puff on the stuff they adore
Start me with ten
Who are pot smoking men
And I'll soon give you 10 000 more...
  #35  
Old 06-07-2000, 08:45 PM
Gilligan Gilligan is offline
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Kim: As if you hadn't won my heart already, you give us that last masterpiece, and reveal that you're a historian of mathematics. What more could I ask for? "Sweet Analytics, 'tis thou hast ravished me."

Sdimbert: Feel free to show anything I've written to anyone you like, and thanks.

tradesilicon: Great work, others should join in. The more the merrier.
  #36  
Old 06-08-2000, 11:25 AM
Kimstu Kimstu is online now
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Quote:
"Sweet Analytics, 'tis thou hast ravished me."
Bene disserere est finis logices---so naturally we end up swapping parodies in the Pit! (I have been humming "Bring on the sock puppets, liars, and trolls" all morning---thanks a lot! )

You go, sili! And of course I don't object to having my stuff shown around---information wants to be free, eh? especially if it makes people laugh.

Thanks,
Kimstu
  #37  
Old 06-08-2000, 04:55 PM
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xenophon41 xenophon41 is offline
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Posts: 4,970
Trying my hand (be gentle)

G&S oughta be gyrating in their graves right about now...

Here's one to the tune of "Oh, Better Far to Live and Die"

Oh better far to post a rant
Using a brand new name they grant
Than play a splenetic, contentious role
With a head full of bunk and the heart of a troll.
Away to other boards go some
Where they can post a higher sum,
But I will stay and make my goal
To be the tolerable 'Reformed Troll.'
For I am a Reformed Troll!
And it is, it is a talented role
To be a Reformed Troll.
For I am a Reformed Troll!

You are!
Hurrah for the Reformed Troll!


And it's quite a task for a cynical soul
To be a Reformed Troll!

It is!
Hurrah for the Reformed Troll!
Let's humor the Reformed Troll!


When I venture posts in another's thread
-My reformation duly plead-
I often fail to help my case
By proving lack of social grace.
But many established Dopers cast,
When they post replies to my bombast,
Aspersions, jeers; such emnity
As never you would hear from me!
For I am a Reformed Troll!
And it is, it is such a talented role
To be a Reformed Troll.
For I am a Reformed Troll!

You are!
Another Reformed Troll!


And it is an almost magical role
To be a Reformed Troll!

It is!
Hurrah for the Reformed Troll!
He's a magical Reformed Troll!
  #38  
Old 06-08-2000, 05:32 PM
Kimstu Kimstu is online now
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xeno, you rock!! More! more!

Kimstu
  #39  
Old 06-08-2000, 07:43 PM
tradesilicon tradesilicon is offline
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Kimstu and Gilligan,

My eternal thanks; to be acknowledged by the two of you (who I hold most talented) is truly making my day! That, and the fact that I had a series of tests on the ticker, and all came out well. Huuurrraaaaahhh!!

Xeno, this is just too much fun!

(To the Tune of Phantom of the Opera)

You 'post reply' to me, and make my day.
Most talented are thee, far and away!
Inside this message board, I'm lost in time
The POOOOEEEEETS of SDMB are here, inside my mind.


Sili
  #40  
Old 06-08-2000, 09:51 PM
xenophon41's Avatar
xenophon41 xenophon41 is offline
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I must be a slave to duty...

With more apologies to G&S, here's another ripoff from 'Pirates of Penzance' ("Oh Men of Dark and Dismal Fate")

Cast of Characters
Major Pain (a poster in Great Debates)
Moderator 1 (suspiciously like David B.)
Moderator 2 (suspiciously like Gaudere)
Sympathetic poster
Other Posters

[Major]
Oh Moderators stern and dour
Forbear from your intent,
Allow my references poor
To stand without relent.
[Mods]
You'll not repent?
[Major]
Without relent!
[Posters]
His facts he does invent!

[Major]
These studies that I cite
I cannot link to let you see.
[Posters]
You'd better!
[Major]
I'd like to stay and fight,
But on-line time just isn't free.
[Posters]
You'd better!
[Major]
In fairness, if you will,
You'd trust my good intent.
My web access is nil!
My points are valid still!
And the sad thing is my references are spent.
[Posters]
You nutter!
Your relevance is nil!
Your references frill!
And the sad, sad thing is you never will repent.
[Mod2]
You'll not repent?
[Mod1]
I'll have to vent!
[Mods]
Your posts are full of swill!
[Mod1]
Your posts I'd like to kill!
[Mods]
And the sure thing is you'll never read our vent
[Posters]
You'd better!

[Major] (aside)
I'm making a bogus citation
But it doesn't diminish my station!
For they wouldn't have bought my rebuttal
Without my citing a reference subtle.
So I cited a harmless invention
Which seemed to support my contention,
And thus I deserve an ovation
For showing this faux correlation!

[Posters] (aside)
He's making a bogus citation
And it surely detracts from his station;
So we'll never believe his rebuttal
Even if his intentions are subtle.
So his reference is just an invention
And it's caused some remarkable tension.
We're going to show indignation
If he keeps up this horrid oration!


[Mods] (aside)
He's making a bogus citation
And it's going to cause aggravation,
So his obviously specious rebuttal
The rest of the posters will scuttle.
Since his foolish convenient invention
Shows a lack of respect for convention
We'll applaud his humiliation
When he suffers his repudiation!

[Mod1]
Although we like to join
In fighting ignorance where'er it's hiding
We like to think our coin
Is moderate persuasive chiding.
Although our cause is just
And guided by our benefactor,
We know that Cecil's thrust
Would never make him fun's detractor.

[All]
Great fun, this SDMB!
It's fun to fight ingnorance with glee!
Hail to Gaudere and David B!
Oh wonderful board, we sing of thee!

[Mod1]
We'll let this slide, for our aim is friendly; your posts are merely fodder
So join the fray, but watch your step; you may be led to slaughter!
[Mod2]
And you really should repent!
[Posters]
You bet! You really should repent!
[Major]
But it sometimes is a useful thing,
My references to invent!
[Posters]
You nut! You really must relent!
[All]
Oh lack'a'day, this foolish fray
Will go on ad infinitum.
Unless by chance this wand'ring one
Gets lost before we smite him.
  #41  
Old 06-10-2000, 05:20 PM
Kimstu Kimstu is online now
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What can I say? I love it. (Psssst, I'm very curious: which thread is this?)

Kimstu
(noting that we'll have to cut the Parodist Laureate bay wreath into three or four pieces...)
  #42  
Old 06-10-2000, 06:03 PM
xenophon41's Avatar
xenophon41 xenophon41 is offline
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Location: Somewhere up country.
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Thanks, Kimstu, I thought I might've killed the thread with that one! (Oh, and pick almost any creation vs. evolution thread and you'll find the Major posting away.)

Keep that wreath in one piece; I'm not in the same league with you and Gilligan.
  #43  
Old 06-15-2000, 06:46 PM
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Saltire Saltire is offline
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Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Seattle, WA, USA
Posts: 3,751
My, oh, my. This is indeed more fun than people should be allowed to have in the BBQ Pit. After all, when's the last time someone wrote an operetta while grilling steaks?

True creativity has a way of overwhelming me. I'm just stunned that this stuff just pours out of some people's heads, and I can barely string two paragraphs together. [Case in point: total lack of witty segue between thoughts in this post.]

I don't want to impose, but have you geniuses of farce started working on a homeopathy song yet?
  #44  
Old 06-16-2000, 09:15 AM
filthy filthy is offline
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It coulda beendone better........,

.....but damned if I can figger out how!

GREAT!!

filthy
  #45  
Old 06-16-2000, 09:54 AM
Olentzero Olentzero is offline
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Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Posts: 7,620
Y'know, I thought my "Oil Gets in the Smoke" song was pretty damn clever for 5 minutes' work, and here I come in to a whole thread of G&S parodies about life on the SDMB... I don't know whether to swear at the two of you or bown down in abject admiration for such skill. Hell, why not do both?

[groveling]

I am not WORTHY, you filthy rotten, oh-so-very-lucky bastards!!!!

[/groveling]

Congratulations on some bloody fine work!

:walks off, humming "A moderator's lot can really suck":
  #46  
Old 06-16-2000, 10:34 AM
jayron 32 jayron 32 is offline
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As a libertarian myself, I must say that I LOVED Kimtsu little tribute to Gilbert and Sullivan. Utterly brilliant.

And mad props to anyone else who came up with songs as well. You have far more talent than I (which is not to hard, I must admit).
  #47  
Old 06-16-2000, 12:34 PM
xenophon41's Avatar
xenophon41 xenophon41 is offline
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Location: Somewhere up country.
Posts: 4,970
You asked...

Quote:
I don't want to impose, but have you geniuses of farce started working on a homeopathy song yet?
Well, Saltire, while we're waiting for the geniuses, here's my effort...

Pour, Squand'ring One
by xenophon41

[Homeopathic Practitioner, admonishing pharmacist:]
Pour, squand'ring one!
This tincture's worth shall grow!
Dilute it then,
One part in ten;
Succussion strengthens the run.

Pour, squand'ring one!
Each pass grows more robust!
No parts remain
To weaken the strain:
It's healing power we trust!

[Pharmacist]
No parts! Nothing is free!
Take it yourself; not me!
[HP]
No parts, healing is done!
Take any part --- take none!
[Pharmacistt]
No parts! Nothing is free!
Take it yourself; not me!

[HP]
Take part, healing is done;
Take any part --- take none!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Poor pond'ring dun;
Your drugs can ne'er contain
True strength to cure;
But 10x is sure!
Pour, squand'ring one!

Pour, squand'ring one!
Strength grows with every hour--
Dilute some more,
Efficacy soars,
Molecules vibrate with pow'r.

[Pharmacist]
No parts! Nothing is free!
Take it yourself; not me!

[HP]
No parts, healing is done!
Take any part --- take none!
  #48  
Old 06-16-2000, 01:31 PM
hawthorne hawthorne is offline
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Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 4,751
Quote:
Pour, squand'ring one!
Strength grows with every hour--
Dilute some more,
Efficacy soars,
Molecules vibrate with pow'r.
On this basis the thread grows still weaker.
  #49  
Old 06-16-2000, 01:50 PM
Moe Moe is offline
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Well, I'm sure glad I arrived in here late as opposed to never. Absolutely brilliant stuff all of you.

I enjoyed this thread very much.
  #50  
Old 06-16-2000, 01:58 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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Location: Montreal
Posts: 20,200
WOO HOOO! We made Threadspotting!

*pops nonalcoholic champagne*
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