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Old 10-12-2017, 07:46 AM
Aufgeblassen Aufgeblassen is offline
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The Stupidest Conspiracy Theories Of All Time

Kindly post the stupidest conspiracy theories of all time you've heard, and/or comment on or refute ones others have posted.

I'll have a go at it:

(A) The Salem Witch Trials; they were a perfect example of human mass hysteria.

(B) The theory that exhaust gas contrails of jets at high altitude is really the government putting chemicals in our atmosphere.

(C) The one about the government putting fluoride in toothpaste "just to get rid of it".

(D) That the government is hiding wreckage of UFOs and space alien bodies.
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Old 10-12-2017, 07:55 AM
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The "vaccines cause autism" nonsense blows them all away, in terms of elaborateness of the fabrication and the harm caused by the spread of the theory.
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Old 10-12-2017, 07:58 AM
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The moon landings were all faked.

9/11 was a massive government false flag operation.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:04 AM
TheOtherHalfian TheOtherHalfian is offline
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oh boy, the plases this thread will go
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:10 AM
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An oldie, but still around: President Kennedy was killed by (1) A second shooter (2) VP Johnson (3) Castro (4) the Mafia (5) Any and all of the above.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:12 AM
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An oldie, but still around: President Kennedy was killed by (1) A second shooter (2) VP Johnson (3) Castro (4) the Mafia (5) Any and all of the above.
Johnson? I never heard of that one.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:27 AM
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An oldie, but still around: President Kennedy was killed by (1) A second shooter (2) VP Johnson (3) Castro (4) the Mafia (5) Any and all of the above.
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Johnson? I never heard of that one.
Jackie believed it.

https://www.irishcentral.com/news/ja...0093-237788131
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:28 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Stephen King shot John Lennon

One of the stupidest conspiracy theories of all time was the whole Satanic Ritual Abuse shit of the 1980's. Ruined a lot of lives, and there are still people who believe in a world wide network of Satanists doing unspeakable things, and it's all being covered up. BULLSHIT!

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 10-12-2017 at 08:28 AM.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:29 AM
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The Clinton Body Count. A friend of mine was yammering about this the other day. It's been thoroughly debunked, but evidently still part of conservative canon.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:30 AM
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Easily it's that the world is flat and NASA is a super powerful agency that goes back before the space age and whose role has been to keep this from everyone. They do this, today, by sinking and destroying all ships and planes that approach the 700 foot ice cliffs that demarc the edge of the earth as well as by false propaganda like supposed satellite imagery supposedly showing the earth is round (which it is...it's just not a sphere, instead it's a plate with Game of Thrones ice walls all around it).

By far, this is the stupidest conspiracy theory....ever. But it's also a hell of a lot of fun.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:32 AM
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The moon landings were all faked.

9/11 was a massive government false flag operation.
I was going to go with these, but then I remembered the one about Hillary Clinton's child porn ring located in the basement of a pizza restaurant without a basement and realized that there's no bottom to the Pit of Stupid.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:35 AM
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I...realized that there's no bottom to the Pit of Stupid.
As long as there is no downside to believing and espousing these things, then there will be no end to believing and espousing them as they provide their own rewards.

It's awesome to be among those in the know—to not be one of the sheeple.

It feels good.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:41 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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BTW, Hillary is a lesbian who has had about 100 abortions. I cannot begin to tell you what's wrong with that one.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:51 AM
Llama Llogophile Llama Llogophile is online now
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I used to know a guy who believed all sorts of nonsense. He talked a lot about special additives to gasoline that would increase mileage. Interestingly, his defense mechanism seemed to be making fairly moderate claims of better performance from his car. However, this left him with no answer to the question, "Isn't it possible you're just driving more efficiently?" Dear-in-the-headlights look.

But the best moment came when I asked him to slowly and carefully explain the chemtrails thing. I was sort of surprised he agreed to even have this conversation because he knows I fly planes for a living. So he gave me his rundown on that nefarious scheme, after which I had one question. "So how come I, as a professional pilot, know nothing about this? Even assuming I'm not one of the pilots involved, wouldn't I have witnessed this in some way?

"Oh, no. You see, they only drop the stuff off the published airways. You only fly the routes on the map, so you're never near it."

I looked him in the eye and said, "I fly off the airways all the time. Nearly every day, sometimes for very long distances. Everyone does. Listen to ATC online - every time they clear someone "direct" they're no longer flying via a published airway."

Dear-in-the-headlights again. I've never seen someone just deflate like that. He was strange in other ways too. Not unintelligent - just a very narrow view of the world. He went to a good college, had a degree in computers. But also went to a church a bare notch above snake handling. Big gaps in his knowledge - turned out he'd never heard of the civil rights movement. Not disliked, not disagreed, never knew a thing about it. I showed him some Wikipedia pictures. Very strange experience talking with him.

To the OP - not sure I agree with including the Salem witch trials. I'd say that's more an example of incorrect history that people continue to believe just by mistake. Not sure why anyone would have a compelling interest to fervently believe the various inaccuracies associated with it.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:55 AM
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One anti-abortion woman I know insists that abortions cause homosexuality. After all, there are more gay people since abortions became legal!

And the whole abortion causing breast cancer myth has been totally debunked, but the anti-abortion crowd still uses it.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:55 AM
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I was in a car ride with my sister recently, and we each tried to come up with one conspiracy theory that we actually believed and, to my relief, we couldn't think of one.

We were left with trying to think of one mystery that we'd really like the answer to, such as what happened to Amelia Earhart, is there really a God, etc.

Having said all that, I will occasionally claim that I believe that the word is flat, just to stir the pot. I do wonder how many of the above theories are just that, folks having fun but not believing the nonsense they are espousing for a second.
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:07 AM
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More opinion seeking than debate. Moving from GD to IMHO.

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Old 10-12-2017, 09:14 AM
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One anti-abortion woman I know insists that abortions cause homosexuality.
I've heard from a couple people that wheat causes homosexuality because the part we eat stores the female hormones of the plant.
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:15 AM
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Easily it's that the world is flat and NASA is a super powerful agency that goes back before the space age and whose role has been to keep this from everyone. They do this, today, by sinking and destroying all ships and planes that approach the 700 foot ice cliffs that demarc the edge of the earth as well as by false propaganda like supposed satellite imagery supposedly showing the earth is round (which it is...it's just not a sphere, instead it's a plate with Game of Thrones ice walls all around it).

By far, this is the stupidest conspiracy theory....ever. But it's also a hell of a lot of fun.
Yes, easily the STUPIDEST (who could possibly gain?). Fortunately, probably the most harmless.

(After all, although I'm not sure where he stood on the flat earth issue. apparently Sherlock Holmes thought the Sun circled the Earth. When Watson informed him that it was the other way around, Sherlock said he would do his best to forget this new information, as it could not possibly help him solve crimes. I'm not quite sure what to make of this: clearly Holmes is very siloed, but just as clearly Watson will lose out in EVERY discussion with Holmes, because anything Holmes doesn't know seems to be, by definition, unimportant. AC Doyle never said he wasn't a prick.)
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:34 AM
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The 9/11 conspiracy gets a particularly high ranking from me.

OK, so the GWBush administration wants to fabricate a reason to go to war and get the American people solidly behind him, and he and his neoconservative pals are sneaky and care so little about legitimate governing and are so callous about people's lives that they faked the events of 9/11.

• Sneaky neocons who care little about the genuine will of the people or people's lives? Check...

• Best they could come up with is a plan that involves the destruction of a major center of corporate capitalist enterprise? Hmmm... well they weren't the brightest bulbs...

• And they do it in such a way that they look like incompetent idiots because it will be shown that they ignored warnings about bin Laden and other premonitory data? Ermmm....

•And they plan the day-of-execution of the scheme in such a way that the Conspirator-in-Chief looks entirely like a deer in the headlights while kids around him continue to read "My Pet Goat" instead of looking like a serious President of considerable gravitas and decisiveness? Seriously?....

• And they do it in such a way that the hostile aggressors who did it are not the oil-rich country they actually want to invade but rather instead a mountainous country we helped arm during their phase of resistance to the USSR invaders a few decades ago? And therefore, to redirect our military attention to the nation they actually want to invade, they have to fabricate or misconstrue additional info that does not at all flow from this faked-up attack? Yeesh...

• And they do this pivot of our military attention so clumsily that the enormous upsurge in international good will and sympathy to the US is rapidly squandered, the domestic united-in-our-grief-and-struggle is similarly squandered as demonstators take to the street to protest the WTF sable-rattling and subsequent invasion of Iraq, and they don't get the identified culprit (Osama bin Laden) who is apparently in Afghanistan before attempting this switch of focus to Iraq? Are you fucking KIDDING me?

Look, either they're evil conniving conspiratorial planners who are good enough at manipulating perceptions of reality to pull this stunt off, or they're one of the most incompetent bunch of blithering idiots to come rolling out of clown car, but you can't have it both ways.

Last edited by AHunter3; 10-12-2017 at 09:35 AM.
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:37 AM
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(A) The Salem Witch Trials; they were a perfect example of human mass hysteria.
I don't think this qualifies as a "conspiracy theory."
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:15 AM
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Look, either they're evil conniving conspiratorial planners who are good enough at manipulating perceptions of reality to pull this stunt off, or they're one of the most incompetent bunch of blithering idiots to come rolling out of clown car, but you can't have it both ways.
"Quite simple to pull off, really. All I had to do was have explosives planted in the base of the towers. Then on 9/11 we pretended like four planes were being hijacked, when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania, then flew two military jets into the World Trade Center filled with more explosives, then shot down all the witnesses of Flight 93 with an F-15 after blowing up the Pentagon with a Cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly-executed plan ever, ever."
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:33 AM
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Reading AHunters excellent post (#20), I was reminded of an even more wacky conspiracy that is still clung too: That a young, recently married Hawaiian woman would fly alone to have her baby in a third-world country and then fly back to Hawaii with that baby (by herself, mind you), and then (with family help, one presumes) manage to get a completely valid birth certificate issued in Hawaii...all so the baby could be elected President of the United States 48 years later...as conspiracies go, that is a doozy when you look at it.
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:34 AM
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I've always liked the one about how all world leaders are really shape-shifting reptilian humanoids, pushed most famously by David Icke. 'Evidence' for this typically comes in the form of youtube videos that have been compressed so far as to leave artifacts all over the place, which however are actually just the protagonists' human masks slipping.

I really cannot imagine the state of mind that allows anybody to believe this. I'm not trying to be funny here---I actually can't, and truth be told, that's the scariest part of the whole thing.
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:39 AM
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I used to think the shift-shaping, alien lizards, David Ickes believes are running the world (Queen Elizabeth II is one of them!) would be laughed out of Hollywood as a B movie plot. Considering recent movies, I'm not so sure, but I think it's still incredible stupid as a conspiracy theory.
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:39 AM
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Any conspiracy involving "The Government" always assumes that "The Government" is some sort of monolithic, lock-step, hive-mentality, super-secretive, all-powerful entity capable of pulling off all sorts of nefarious plots.

I was a federal employee for 37 years (including time on active duty) and in a couple of my jobs, I held pretty high-level security clearances. I worked in the Pentagon for 30 months. At various times, I worked with people from a number of intelligence agencies. Never once in those 37 years did I experience any organization in lock-step with anything. What conspiracy whack-jobs fail to consider is that "The Government" is full of people who pretty much mirror the public at large, since they come from the public at large.

It's not an organization that people join because of shared interests or goals. For many, if not most, it's a job like any other job. They show up, do what they have to do, collect their pay, and eventually quit, retire, or die at their desks. Some are dedicated, some are barely competent, some are total wastes of oxygen. Considering that, how could anyone believe that enough of them will conspire together to execute these occurrences without anyone else finding out??

In conclusion, the idea that "The Government" is capable of conspiracies is the biggest conspiracy theory of all!
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:43 AM
Llama Llogophile Llama Llogophile is online now
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I've always liked the one about how all world leaders are really shape-shifting reptilian humanoids, pushed most famously by David Icke. 'Evidence' for this typically comes in the form of youtube videos that have been compressed so far as to leave artifacts all over the place, which however are actually just the protagonists' human masks slipping.
Whoo boy, did Penn & Teller have a field day with that on their show Bullshit!.

Watching Icke speak with such credulity is half chilling, half hilarious.
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:48 AM
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Reading AHunters excellent post (#20), I was reminded of an even more wacky conspiracy that is still clung too: That a young, recently married Hawaiian woman would fly alone to have her baby in a third-world country and then fly back to Hawaii with that baby (by herself, mind you), and then (with family help, one presumes) manage to get a completely valid birth certificate issued in Hawaii...all so the baby could be elected President of the United States 48 years later...as conspiracies go, that is a doozy when you look at it.
Yeah, this is a good one. And what exactly would be the point? She knew her mixed race baby would grow up to be a candidate for the Presidency 50 years later and wanted to leave documentation that would fool those people 50 years later?

The people who believe this have to believe it was done deliberately. She sneaked over to Kenya to have that baby, precisely BECAUSE it would make him ineligible to become president, as part of some sort of Satanic Ritual to curse the United States when this baby would eventually get fraudulently elected. With a fake President that would break the covenant God had with the United States, and the land would become cursed, Fisher King style.
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:53 AM
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Any conspiracy involving "The Government" always assumes that "The Government" is some sort of monolithic, lock-step, hive-mentality, super-secretive, all-powerful entity capable of pulling off all sorts of nefarious plots.

I was a federal employee for 37 years (including time on active duty) and in a couple of my jobs, I held pretty high-level security clearances. I worked in the Pentagon for 30 months. At various times, I worked with people from a number of intelligence agencies. Never once in those 37 years did I experience any organization in lock-step with anything. What conspiracy whack-jobs fail to consider is that "The Government" is full of people who pretty much mirror the public at large, since they come from the public at large.

It's not an organization that people join because of shared interests or goals. For many, if not most, it's a job like any other job. They show up, do what they have to do, collect their pay, and eventually quit, retire, or die at their desks. Some are dedicated, some are barely competent, some are total wastes of oxygen. Considering that, how could anyone believe that enough of them will conspire together to execute these occurrences without anyone else finding out??

In conclusion, the idea that "The Government" is capable of conspiracies is the biggest conspiracy theory of all!
While not a Government employee, I concur with everything you say here. IMHO, one reason people are able to stretch their mind into believing the Government is capable of such plots, is the development of the A-bomb - that was done mainly in secrecy, was well orchestrated, and people involved, for the most part, kept quiet. <sarcasm>If they were able to do that without anyone noticing, who knows what else they are capable of?</sarcasm>
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Old 10-12-2017, 11:03 AM
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In conclusion, the idea that "The Government" is capable of conspiracies is the biggest conspiracy theory of all!
This. I worked for the Department of Defense in the '90s and it's laughable that "The Gub'mint" could put together, much less keep secret, captured UFOs and alien autopsies, 9/11, HAARP controlling the weather, and so on.

I think hardcore conspiracy theorists are looking for ways to control their lives (or at least have the illusion of control) and -- rather counter-intuitively -- try to keep themselves "safe"; certain beliefs can create a sense of community and belonging.
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Old 10-12-2017, 11:05 AM
Aufgeblassen Aufgeblassen is offline
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I don't think this qualifies as a "conspiracy theory."
Maybe, maybe not, the false conspiracy was that there were witches, not the hunt.
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Old 10-12-2017, 11:09 AM
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An oldie, but still around: President Kennedy was killed by (1) A second shooter (2) VP Johnson (3) Castro (4) the Mafia (5) Any and all of the above.
I saw a page somewhere on the net that tried to draw links between multiple conspiracies. The only part I remember was that Aristotle Onasis was in on the Kennedy assassination, and married Jackie afterwards to keep an eye on her.

Much easier to just believe that he was killed by a tiger.
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Old 10-12-2017, 11:22 AM
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I worked closely with a lot of government agencies while in real estate. IMHO, the government couldn't orchestrate a plot to convince the public not to take poison.

Other theories:

The Beatles were a communist plot to take over America. And Yoko was a government agent hired by the government to break up the Beatles so that would not happen.

Most successful rock musicians have sold their souls to the devil in exchange for fame. Talent and luck had nothing to do with it.

Rock music causes premature deaths, because most rock musicians have died young.
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Old 10-12-2017, 12:07 PM
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I think hardcore conspiracy theorists are looking for ways to control their lives (or at least have the illusion of control) and -- rather counter-intuitively -- try to keep themselves "safe"; certain beliefs can create a sense of community and belonging.
Part is this. Another part is the desire to be better than you, as felt by someone who has, or feels they have, no valid way to become better than anyone else.

If I'm stuck in the same reality as you normies, I'm never going to excel. So I know the world is round. So what? Everyone knows that. It doesn't make me special. However, if I know that the world is flat, and that everyone around me thinks it's round due to some vast conspiracy only I and a few others have seen through, then I'm special. I'm better than you dumbasses, at any rate, and I didn't have to do a damn thing to earn it beyond watching some YouTube videos and shitposting in some forum.

So I can become as smug as humanly possible because I believe in something people two thousand years ago knew was fake, and if you think I'm wrong, you're just a sheep. Baa. Baa. Now I shall laugh in your face until you punch mine.
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Old 10-12-2017, 01:13 PM
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I used to know a guy who believed all sorts of nonsense. He talked a lot about special additives to gasoline that would increase mileage. Interestingly, his defense mechanism seemed to be making fairly moderate claims of better performance from his car. However, this left him with no answer to the question, "Isn't it possible you're just driving more efficiently?" Dear-in-the-headlights look.
Llama in the headlights?[/rlh]
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Old 10-12-2017, 01:29 PM
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Llama in the headlights?[/rlh]
That was actually meant to be a "deer" in the headlights, not a loved one. Autocorrect is conspiring to screw up posts on the Dope!!!
  #37  
Old 10-12-2017, 01:45 PM
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Any conspiracy involving "The Government" always assumes that "The Government" is some sort of monolithic, lock-step, hive-mentality, super-secretive, all-powerful entity capable of pulling off all sorts of nefarious plots.

I was a federal employee for 37 years (including time on active duty) and in a couple of my jobs, I held pretty high-level security clearances. I worked in the Pentagon for 30 months. At various times, I worked with people from a number of intelligence agencies. Never once in those 37 years did I experience any organization in lock-step with anything. What conspiracy whack-jobs fail to consider is that "The Government" is full of people who pretty much mirror the public at large, since they come from the public at large.

It's not an organization that people join because of shared interests or goals. For many, if not most, it's a job like any other job. They show up, do what they have to do, collect their pay, and eventually quit, retire, or die at their desks. Some are dedicated, some are barely competent, some are total wastes of oxygen. Considering that, how could anyone believe that enough of them will conspire together to execute these occurrences without anyone else finding out??

In conclusion, the idea that "The Government" is capable of conspiracies is the biggest conspiracy theory of all!
I've heard it said that the federal government is like your local DMV office, only on a larger scale when it comes to miscommunication and incompetentcy.
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Old 10-12-2017, 01:54 PM
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That there is some child sex slave ring on the Moon. Or Mars.

That Satan Worship and underground Pedophilia Rings are prevalent and pervasive, and that Bill Clinton and various celebrities regularly pay to rape and kill children.

They seem preoccupied with this subject matter.
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:01 PM
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I known someone that believed right wing radio talk shows like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck embedded sub-harmonic pulses into their shows in order to make the listeners more susceptible to extraterrestrial abduction.

He also believed homosexuality was genetically engineered into humans by the extraterrestrials in order to corrupt the evolutionary progress of the human species.
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by dorvann View Post
I known someone that believed right wing radio talk shows like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck embedded sub-harmonic pulses into their shows in order to make the listeners more susceptible to extraterrestrial abduction.
I've always know Limbaugh was up to no good!
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:18 PM
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I've heard it said that the federal government is like your local DMV office, only on a larger scale when it comes to miscommunication and incompetentcy.

My local DMV office ROCKS! I almost feel sorry for all the rest of you.
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:23 PM
Dendarii Dame Dendarii Dame is offline
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My former neighbor's mother believed that all earthquakes since 1969 were caused by the moon landing.
  #43  
Old 10-12-2017, 02:25 PM
Falchion Falchion is offline
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My former neighbor's mother believed that all earthquakes since 1969 were caused by the moon landing.
She believed in the moon landing?
  #44  
Old 10-12-2017, 02:43 PM
lisiate lisiate is offline
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oh boy, the plases this thread will go
Theodore Geisel was a Zionist propagandist.
  #45  
Old 10-12-2017, 02:43 PM
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The Stainless Steel Rat The Stainless Steel Rat is offline
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I've always liked the one about how all world leaders are really shape-shifting reptilian humanoids, pushed most famously by David Icke. <SNIP>
But, but, this documentary!! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/They_Live
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Last edited by The Stainless Steel Rat; 10-12-2017 at 02:44 PM.
  #46  
Old 10-12-2017, 02:54 PM
Jennshark Jennshark is offline
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My local DMV office ROCKS! I almost feel sorry for all the rest of you.
My DMV is a pit of despair, where souls are harvested and sent to Satan.
  #47  
Old 10-12-2017, 03:34 PM
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Rick Kitchen Rick Kitchen is offline
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Reading AHunters excellent post (#20), I was reminded of an even more wacky conspiracy that is still clung too: That a young, recently married Hawaiian woman would fly alone to have her baby in a third-world country and then fly back to Hawaii with that baby (by herself, mind you), and then (with family help, one presumes) manage to get a completely valid birth certificate issued in Hawaii...all so the baby could be elected President of the United States 48 years later...as conspiracies go, that is a doozy when you look at it.
All of that can be explained by the Obama working with mad scientists on Mars story.

It involves time travel.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/45878146/n...ent-mars-teen/
  #48  
Old 10-12-2017, 03:37 PM
cormac262 cormac262 is offline
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Considering that, how could anyone believe that enough of them will conspire together to execute these occurrences without anyone else finding out??

In conclusion, the idea that "The Government" is capable of conspiracies is the biggest conspiracy theory of all!
I would normally be inclined to agree with you. But having just watched Ken Burns' "Vietnam War" documentary, it was STAGGERING to find how long the american people were being misled about the "progress" and situation in Vietnam. The recordings played clearly showed that "enough" people (White House) knew what the real situation was, and then would tell outright lies on TV.
Maybe not a "conspiracy" per se, but this to me was a clear example of the degree "the government" was capable of deception.
  #49  
Old 10-12-2017, 03:46 PM
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I'll just leave this right here. Rainbow Conspiracy
  #50  
Old 10-12-2017, 03:47 PM
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I saw some of that documentary, and it was pretty appalling. I was just a kid for many of those years, and I was still naive enough to believe that the government existed to take care of us. But it's a different world in a lot of ways and I don't know that it could happen in the same way today. People seem more willing to leak, or be careless, and then there's social media, where it's easy to be anonymous and report about certain things going on.

So while small groups may be in cahoots, it's certainly not "The Government" as a whole. Or is that splitting hairs? In reality, the vast majority of government employees are people trying to pay their bills.
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