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Old 03-12-2018, 04:30 AM
Blue Mood Blue Mood is offline
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Should I be mad at my husband?

We let our 13 year old son choose our last car rental - it was a Camaro SS. All was fine but my husband took him for a little spin on the interstate and exceeded 90 mph several times, topping out at 103 mph at one point. I felt sick when they came home and told me somewhat gleefully. What if a tire had blown out or worse? Or what if he had been caught going 33mph over the limit, with a child in the front seat? But maybe it's no big deal and I'm worrying over nothing - after all, they did make it home okay.

So, should I be mad at my husband?
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Old 03-12-2018, 04:59 AM
WordMan WordMan is offline
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Dad blowing off steam for a bit of car coolness, and letting the kid experience his choice of car at a high speed? And no ticket? I wouldn’t sweat it as a single event - sounds like fun. If there’s a broader context where this doesn’t feel like a one-off “treat,” that’s another thing. But it sounds like a fun, cool father son moment and that’s what he was sharing with you.

My $.02.
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Old 03-12-2018, 05:33 AM
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I've done this a couple times with my son. And I made sure it was safe (long flat road, no traffic, etc.). I don't make a habit of it.

Certainly there are other things more important to worry about?
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Old 03-12-2018, 05:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Blue Mood View Post
We let our 13 year old son choose our last car rental - it was a Camaro SS. All was fine but my husband took him for a little spin on the interstate and exceeded 90 mph several times, topping out at 103 mph at one point. I felt sick when they came home and told me somewhat gleefully. What if a tire had blown out or worse? Or what if he had been caught going 33mph over the limit, with a child in the front seat? But maybe it's no big deal and I'm worrying over nothing - after all, they did make it home okay.

So, should I be mad at my husband?
this isn't 1955. Tires don't just "blow out" anymore.
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Old 03-12-2018, 05:48 AM
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If it were on a straight stretch of Interstate with no other cars around 103 doesn't seem too high these days. Heck, 95 doesn't seem too high these days. In an unusual circumstance, I went 95 for a long stretch of time when it was the safest thing to do, which admittedly was an anomaly and would still have left me at ticket risk.

I was traveling I-95 (no relation to the speed) when there were 2 cars that were speed matching me. I went down to 65, they both slowed down to 65 when the speed limit was 70. I sped up to 85, they went up to 85 and stayed within 3 car lengths of me! This continued for several speed up/slow down cycles. There were no cars ahead of us for miles at this point, and lots of cars behind us, so if I kept slowing down the other cars would catch up to us which would increase the danger. So I slowed down to 65, then floored it until I hit 95 and didn't slow down until I had approached the traffic far ahead of us (around the next bend). Let them find someone else to speed match.
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Old 03-12-2018, 05:49 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Did you rent from a company that monitors driving data? ISTR hearing about rental cars that have onboard computers that can tell the rental company if you’ve been *ahem* “driving it like it was rented,” and rental agreements with fine print permitting them to assess penalties if they find you have.

Is that a thing, these days?
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Old 03-12-2018, 05:52 AM
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Should I be mad at my husband?

No.

If anything you should be angry. Or furious, disappointed, chagrined, whatever. "Mad" is too childish sounding, creating a mental image of you pouting.
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Old 03-12-2018, 06:20 AM
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I'd be mad if my wife did it. Greater speed means greater risk, and I don't want her messing around with her safety or our kids' safety for a bit of fun.

The thing is, my wife would know that's how I'd feel. She'd never come home and tell me a story like that, and not expect me to be upset. And that's a big part of why I feel like my feelings would be justified -- as a couple, and especially as parents, we have an understanding of what sort of risks we're willing to take, and what sort we're willing to expose our kids to. Ignoring that expectation and just doing it anyway without even discussing it would be a crummy thing to do. (My wife and I are also not a couple that typically avoids discussing things -- which is relevant to my expectation.)

So my question would be, do you think your husband knew you'd be upset, and did it anyway? Or that he really believed you'd think it just sounded like fun? If it's the latter, maybe a conversation about what sort of risks you're comfortable with would be more valuable than getting mad.
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Old 03-12-2018, 06:37 AM
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Ooh, tricky. I mean, it's quite possible that your husband wasn't really taking much risk; car in good condition, empty fairly straight roads, good lighting and dry conditions, driver who knows how to handle it. On the other hand, saying nothing could easily give a teen the idea that going 103mph is fine, which is obviously often isn't.

It's not that Dad really took a big risk right then, it's that he (possibly) increased the risk of your kid getting into his own car in a few years and going faster than he should, to have fun or show off.

I'm not sure being mad at anyone's a good plan, that could push the kid towards thinking Dad's cool, but you don't want him to have fun. That might just make him less likely to tell you stuff, rather than less likely to do stuff. It's likely a good idea though to have a conversation, or make damn sure Dad has a conversation on, well, how to be an idiot responsibly. Getting mad at your husband is probably just going to make him defensive; unless he's a complete idiot, he would have assessed the risk and decided it was worth it, and isn't likely to welcome someone who wasn't there and just got the summary version telling him he was wrong.

Concern and information is probably a better way to get your very real and sensible concerns across to both husband and son than anger is. Kind of like the safe sex conversation, but for cars.

Last edited by Filbert; 03-12-2018 at 06:40 AM.
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Old 03-12-2018, 06:39 AM
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He set a terrible example for his son. Now the son may think it's okay to go recklessly fast as long as he thinks the conditions are right.
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Old 03-12-2018, 06:45 AM
pulykamell pulykamell is offline
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If it were on a straight stretch of Interstate with no other cars around 103 doesn't seem too high these days. Heck, 95 doesn't seem too high these days.
Indeed. I mean, maybe setting a bad example for the kid, but the speed itself, assuming reasonable road conditions, is not all that bad. Traffic around here can routinely get up to 80-85 mph on the highway (as it was Wednesday afternoon coming back down from Wisconsin on I-94 and I-294), and I've definitely hit 90-100 with the wife and the kids in the car before.

Yeah, I personally wouldn't get angry about it as long as it's not a habit.
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Old 03-12-2018, 06:47 AM
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I think it could be one simple incident, and as I trust my spouse, I might be able to see it as a non issue. I’m willing to believe he chose a safe spot, under ideal conditions and it isn’t a habit.

The gleeful boasting in front of the 13 yr old might push me over the edge though.

Demonstrating, to a 13yr old, the pleasure of driving at high speed, does seem ill advised to me. As an adult, embrace it, enjoy it, take a measured risk, all okay by me. But showing a 13yr old how much pleasure daddy gets from breaking the driving speed rules borders on idiotic if you’re actually trying to raise a safe driver.

Did you ask him what exactly he thought he was communicating to his son, with this experience? I would. My second question would be, how will he feel if his kid dies in a high speed crash at 16? Will he still think it’s a cool thing to share with a 13yr old boy?
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Old 03-12-2018, 07:03 AM
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Did you rent from a company that monitors driving data? ISTR hearing about rental cars that have onboard computers that can tell the rental company if you’ve been *ahem* “driving it like it was rented,” and rental agreements with fine print permitting them to assess penalties if they find you have.

Is that a thing, these days?
I haven't heard of that - if so it hadn't been pointed out to us. But another concern is that the insurance would be invalidated if the driver was not driving lawfully.
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Old 03-12-2018, 07:08 AM
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Stupid, just stupid.
Say your piece, make sure son hears you, that this is childish and dangerous behaviour that you don't approve of.
It's like your husband giving your son alcohol, saying, "I want him to experience getting drunk with me" it is safe because he's with Dad. Wrong.
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Old 03-12-2018, 07:08 AM
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So my question would be, do you think your husband knew you'd be upset, and did it anyway?
Yes. I am a stickler for safe driving, and we had had a conversation about it before they left.
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Old 03-12-2018, 07:13 AM
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It's not that Dad really took a big risk right then, it's that he (possibly) increased the risk of your kid getting into his own car in a few years and going faster than he should, to have fun or show off.
This is a concern as my son is REALLY into cars and talks about them constantly.

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Getting mad at your husband is probably just going to make him defensive; unless he's a complete idiot, he would have assessed the risk and decided it was worth it, and isn't likely to welcome someone who wasn't there and just got the summary version telling him he was wrong.
Thanks - this makes sense, and is somewhat along the lines of what I was thinking.
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Old 03-12-2018, 07:21 AM
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IDid you ask him what exactly he thought he was communicating to his son, with this experience? I would. My second question would be, how will he feel if his kid dies in a high speed crash at 16? Will he still think it’s a cool thing to share with a 13yr old boy?
We haven't talked about it yet but I'm sure he thinks he was just having fun with the car. My son loves cars and has already said that if he crashes and dies on the Nurburgring in his Lotus Exige that he will get once he's grown up I should not worry because he would have died happy!
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Old 03-12-2018, 07:47 AM
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He set a terrible example for his son. Now the son may think it's okay to go recklessly fast as long as he thinks the conditions are right.
This is a huge concern to me. Teenagers in cars are already famous for the number of poor decisions and stupid risks they (as a group) take. A parent who values their child's survival of their first few years of driving needs to spend a lot of effort modeling safe driving and talking about how taking unnecessary risks in order to get thrills is a terrible idea.

Your husband just did the opposite, and increased the risk of your kid's getting in a high-speed accident once he starts driving. It's up to the dad to fix this. I really, really wish the dad had gotten pulled over for this stunt, as that would've been the best lesson possible for the kid.
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Old 03-12-2018, 08:01 AM
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Stupid, just stupid.
Say your piece, make sure son hears you, that this is childish and dangerous behaviour that you don't approve of.
It's like your husband giving your son alcohol, saying, "I want him to experience getting drunk with me" it is safe because he's with Dad. Wrong.
I was going to make that comparison, myself, except to raise the opposite point. I've often heard it said (perhaps "speculated" is a better word) that the U.S. has a problem with college binge drinking precisely because alcohol is completely banned until 21. If kids have a sip of wine with family meals they find out it's not some magic elixir or right of passage into adulthood, and they don't overdue when they're on their own for the first time.

If the OP's son already wants to drive fast, and is going to do this anyway, better he learns how to do it safely than to build it up as some great forbidden pleasure.

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We haven't talked about it yet but I'm sure he thinks he was just having fun with the car. My son loves cars and has already said that if he crashes and dies on the Nurburgring in his Lotus Exige that he will get once he's grown up I should not worry because he would have died happy!
I've driven the Nurburgring, and in a rental car, too. Your son may be disappointed. The 'ring is all twists and turns; it's much more a test of skill than a shot of adrenaline. The only straight section is where you enter and leave the track and there's a speed limit. I went faster on the Autobahn on the way there.
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:01 AM
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Demonstrating, to a 13yr old, the pleasure of driving at high speed, does seem ill advised to me. As an adult, embrace it, enjoy it, take a measured risk, all okay by me. But showing a 13yr old how much pleasure daddy gets from breaking the driving speed rules borders on idiotic if you’re actually trying to raise a safe driver.

Did you ask him what exactly he thought he was communicating to his son, with this experience? I would. My second question would be, how will he feel if his kid dies in a high speed crash at 16? Will he still think it’s a cool thing to share with a 13yr old boy?
+1
Dad going for a speed run by himself is one thing. To have your son sets a horrible example. Especially to a 13 year old (who is so worldly wise to have set the criteria to "die happy" via a high speed crash). By having your son along, Dad has condoned such activity. Kids learn more from example than lecture.

Along with the "how will he feel if his kid dies in a high speed crash at 16 ?" question is an even better one: how will he feel if his kid kills someone as a result of a high speed crash at 16 ?
A friend of mine in high school, for his graduation present received a (beautiful) Trans Am. Barely a few weeks later, he killed a little kid while speeding through the neighborhood. Went to jail for manslaughter. Pretty much ruined my friend's life.
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:23 AM
Procrustus Procrustus is online now
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I'm angry at the husband just from reading the OP. As some others have expressed, it sets a terrible example for the kid. I don't care about going 70 in a 65 zone, but driving that fast is an asshole move. The kid will be driving in 3 years, and will be excited to try it himself. I am not one to worry much about risky behavior, but I've seen too many autopsy photos of teenagers.
Quote:
Teens are more likely than older drivers to underestimate dangerous situations or not be able to recognize hazardous situations. Teens are also more likely than adults to make critical decision errors that lead to serious crashes. From the CDC:

Among male drivers between 15 and 20 years of age who were involved in fatal crashes in 2015, 32% were speeding at the time of the crash and 22% had been drinking.
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:27 AM
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Wow. Yes, if the kid is somewhat immature and likely to have a lead foot and use this as permission to go nuts when he drives, I would NEVER mess around like this.

My son and I communicate great - he's now in college, but was never a threat to be a lead foot. Quite the opposite - he wasn't interested in drinking in school and liked to be the designated driver for late nights out when they'd play Magic the Gathering or hang out at a local diner with girls.

I don't recall if I ever took him out in a speedy car, but if I did, I would have The Talk with him before I did anything - "you know this is a one-off because we are in a safe place, etc. - and if I ever found out you did something similar, I would ground you until you were 37 - got it?" This is similar to other prep talks in different situations, of which I have had many with each of my kids. We've never had an issue.

There is room to be the Parent in the situation and still check out the Camaro.

Last edited by WordMan; 03-12-2018 at 10:29 AM.
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:31 AM
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Won't Dad be surprised when he gets the bill....
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:32 AM
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Wow. Yes, if the kid is somewhat immature and likely to have a lead foot and use this as permission to go nuts when he drives, I would NEVER mess around like this.

My son and I communicate great - he's now in college, but was never a threat to be a lead foot. Quite the opposite - he wasn't interested in drinking in school and liked to be the designated driver for late nights out when they'd play Magic the Gathering or hang out at a local diner with girls.

I don't recall if I ever took him out in a speedy car, but if I did, I would have The Talk with him before I did anything - "you know this is a one-off because we are in a safe place, etc. - and if I ever found out you did something similar, I would ground you until you were 37 - got it?" This is similar to other prep talks in different situations, of which I have had many with each of my kids. We've never had an issue.

There is room to be the Parent in the situation and still check out the Camaro.
I think there is an acceptable range of parenting options for most things. The world is not a black and white place. However, "do as I say and not as I do" is dangerous. Is it really that important to "check out the Camaro?"
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:37 AM
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You do have to watch what example you are setting. Every now and then my oldest grandson (in his 20s) asks about racing (I'm an ex road racer). I live several hundred yards from a freeway entrance. As I stop at the end of the driveway waiting to go right to the freeway quite a few drivers coming from my left are really speeding, perhaps 50 in a 35. They are coming from a semi-rural area.

Soooo, sometimes when I pull out I find a car shooting up on my tail. Little do they know I have the freeway turn down pat. The little Scion xB jumps to life, slam into 2nd, pull up the hill to the overpass. 3rd gear - NO BRAKES - just a quick right turn down the on ramp, the xB squealing the front tires as I kiss the apex. Full throttle, check for merging traffic and a final surge out onto the highway.

Now - look back and see the guy who was nearly pushing me down the road looking at the Scion disappearing a quarter mile ahead. One time with the grandson aboard he remarked, "Grandpa, I don't think I could drive a race car."

Yeah, yeah. I'm a bad example.

Dennis
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:39 AM
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I don't think you should be mad ... anger is the mind killer and will cloud your judgement ... however, acting mad is fine ...

Let's keep in mind the goal here ... you want to teach your child the evils of reckless driving ... you know your child better than we do, and if you acting angry is the best way to teach this lesson, then go for it ... however, most 13-year-old man-children believe that the angrier the mom gets, the more fun it must be, especially if mom is angry with dad ... basic human nature ... I suggest looking through your "toolbox" first and calmly decide which approach will net the best results ...

Your son picked the Camaro ... he's already interested in fast cars ... time to think about installing black boxes on all the cars he will be driving ... rental agencies are doing this, so can you ... perhaps get your son interested in racing ... I don't know, but do take the time to accept your son will be doing dangerous things and the day will come where he will ignore your warnings ... in just 5 short years he will be an adult ...

My dad would take us kids to the races and then drive home like a maniac ... "This is how Parnelli Jones passed Lloyd Ruby during the 1962 Indy 500" ... naturally I got a lil' roadster first chance I could and after a few times having to close my eyes while I rounded a hairpin curve I learned to slow down a bit ... that and having to adjust the valves twice a week ... I finally settled on a VW Bus (0-60 in a couple minutes) ... so all is not lost ...

[Smile] ... maybe push the climate change agenda on him ... my own sons are fully indoctrinated to the point the one will not even get a driver's license and he's damn near 30-years-old ... just an idea ...
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:47 AM
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this isn't 1955. Tires don't just "blow out" anymore.
That's funny, because I thought that was exactly what happened to a red Mazda in front of me yesterday at 80 mph on the interstate. If that driver had know that this wasn't 1955 he could have kept driving, despite the fact that his right rear tire was absolutely shredded and beating the hell out of his fender. Or maybe we hit some time portal and it was 1955. Daylight saving time is funky at times.
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:50 AM
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Yes. I am a stickler for safe driving, and we had had a conversation about it before they left.
This, to me, may just be disrespectful. When choosing a car like that, there is the implication that the intent is to have a little fun and drive faster than is typical. Did you talk about rates of speed in your "safe driving" conversation, about what is okay ("yeah, fine, a couple mph faster, but nothing foolish...")?
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Old 03-12-2018, 10:59 AM
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I would be bothered as well.

You should bring this up with your husband privately, in way that is less apt to bring out defensiveness. "For some time I've been worried that our son is going to have a blasé attitude about speeding, and now I'm really worried after your trip with him in the car. I don't want to be a kill joy, but can we talk about what example we'd like to set for him going forward? It's important to me that we are on the same page."
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:03 AM
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Yes, you should be mad, the behavior was irresponsible.
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:23 AM
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Cut the apron strings. It was a father son bonding moment. Junior is going to speed at times no matter what you or hubby say or do as it is what teenage boys do. Insurance companies build that into their rates.
I had the wife and two of the kids in our minivan 5 years back with the cruise parked at 90mph while crossing one of the plains states. Was safer than doing speed limit on the freeway around home.
As long as it was a one time deal, let it ride. If there was a ticket, it would have been an expensive lesson learned.
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:26 AM
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I would be bothered as well.

You should bring this up with your husband privately, in way that is less apt to bring out defensiveness. "For some time I've been worried that our son is going to have a blasé attitude about speeding, and now I'm really worried after your trip with him in the car. I don't want to be a kill joy, but can we talk about what example we'd like to set for him going forward? It's important to me that we are on the same page."
This makes good sense. And if the spouse doesn't come back with "this makes good sense, and here is what I discussed with him before I did it" there should be further discussion.

Procrustus - no, *I* didn't need to "check out the Camaro" with my kid, but I can understand it if a parent did. But sure, I did do some things that required some discussion up front - e.g., seeing an R-rated movie too young, using a sharp knife to help cook or stir food over a hot stove while standing on a chair, etc. - and yes, it is critical to make sure that parents are on the same page on any risky activity.
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:27 AM
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I don't know if "mad" is what you should be, but I'd certainly be disappointed.

In contrast to what a few posters have said, this sort of thing makes me, as a third-party, furious. What sort of entitled jerk thinks he/she has the right to drive/cruise on ANY stretch of road at 103 MPH? This is exactly the cause of many, many fatal accidents--a driver decides that the road is somehow "safe" for engaging in reckless behavior. What if the car that seems to be way ahead is actually only going 45 MPH because of a mechanical issue and is overtaken at a much greater speed than intended? What if another driver is merging on to the highway from a partially-concealed on-ramp? After all, hitting a car doing 45 MPH from the rear when you're doing 95 MPH is a lot worse than hitting a standing car at 50 MPH...both cars can basically launch from the road and hit whatever is in the way. The results are bad.

I'm not trying to be an ass, but EVERY driver who does something stupid and causes an accident will say, "The road looked clear," or "I was doing the same speed as everyone else," or "I didn't see that other vehicle at the time." I'm not going to say that I'm unconcerned about your husband's safety and the well-being of your son, but it's MY butt that concerns me the most.

And, yes, it was a terrible example to set for your son. If it were my spouse, I'd swat him on the nose with a newspaper and send him to bed without dinner.
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:28 AM
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Yes, you should be mad, the behavior was irresponsible.
Username/post cognitive dissonance.

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Old 03-12-2018, 11:33 AM
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Yes. I am a stickler for safe driving, and we had had a conversation about it before they left.
The driving would make me nervous, too, but this makes me even moreso. If he knew you'd be unhappy then came back, gleefully boasting about it, that seems really disrespectful and sends the message that your feelings aren't relevant.

It seems a small thing and, not knowing your situation may or may not be a battle you want to fight, but I don't think a, "Hey, you guys know I don't like that - please respect my wishes in the future," would be amiss. Plus, I agree that it sets a pretty terrible example. In my mind, bonding is better done over basketball or video games or something that doesn't carry a high potential for a really bad outcome if something goes wrong.
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:34 AM
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Originally Posted by WordMan View Post
Procrustus - no, *I* didn't need to "check out the Camaro" with my kid, but I can understand it if a parent did. But sure, I did do some things that required some discussion up front - e.g., seeing an R-rated movie too young, using a sharp knife to help cook or stir food over a hot stove while standing on a chair, etc. - and yes, it is critical to make sure that parents are on the same page on any risky activity.
Sharp knives, hot stoves, and R-rated movies are all things a kid needs to learn to navigate. No kid ever needs to drive over 100 mph. I'm 57 and have never exceeded 100 mph in my life. Not even as a crazy teenager (where I did engage in my share of really stupid stuff).

Speaking of stupid stuff, one thing I did repeatedly in the old days is drive drunk. You know what? My father would routinely have a few too many at a restaurant and drive us home without incident. I guess I thought I could do the same. (as long as I was careful.) Neither he nor I ever killed anyone, but I know now it was more luck than care.
  #37  
Old 03-12-2018, 11:42 AM
WordMan WordMan is offline
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Originally Posted by overlyverbose View Post
The driving would make me nervous, too, but this makes me even moreso. If he knew you'd be unhappy then came back, gleefully boasting about it, that seems really disrespectful and sends the message that your feelings aren't relevant.
Yes. That's a different topic than holds true for any parental coordination.

Procrustus - yeah, I don't think I have broken 90 more than once or twice, and certainly not to impress a kid. I would not do this. But I see how it could be lumped in with the risky behaviors I cited.
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:43 AM
Skara_Brae Skara_Brae is offline
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Originally Posted by Blue Mood View Post
Yes. I am a stickler for safe driving, and we had had a conversation about it before they left.
So he paid you lip service, then went out and flagrantly went against your wishes and then came home and bragged to you about it in front of your son? I’d be beyond pissed about that (even more so than the unsafe driving).

Does he openly disrespect you like that often?
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:44 AM
Blue Mood Blue Mood is offline
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Thanks everyone - there's lots of good advice here. To clarify, I wrote the OP in haste and didn't literally mean whether I should be mad - that's not an emotion I could manufacture at whim. Rather, whether I was justified in thinking it was very, very, VERY wrong. I'm less concerned about the lessons our son is learning than his safety. He talks the talk now, but there's more of me in him than he realises, and he is surprisingly cautious. I had a chance to ask him about it more and he said that it was fun but he was a little scared too.

I said upthread that I was a stickler for safety, but that doesn't mean never going above the speed limit; around here that could be the least safe thing to do. So basically, my question was more of how dangerous that particular situation was. If something were to go wrong at that speed it would be disastrous not just for them, but, as others have pointed out, for other cars on the road who were put at risk through no fault of their own...
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:58 AM
purplehorseshoe purplehorseshoe is offline
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Two related thoughts:
I see the O.P. is in the UK but was considerate enough to post MPH so number one, thank you for accommodating us.

Number two, I wonder how much of the variety in replies (ranging from "Aww, shucks, whatsa matter?" to "Aww hellz yeah, u should be very mad!") can be attributed to local attitudes towards speeding.

Freeways in Houston and Dallas often have 100+ mph civilian drivers on them; driving a mere 5 or 10 mph over the "limit" can earn you dirty looks from everyone who's shooting past you & travelling with the general flow of traffic. It's not a great thing, but it's pretty common reality so folks around here might fall in more with the "no big deal" crowd.
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  #41  
Old 03-12-2018, 12:07 PM
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Pork Rind Pork Rind is offline
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It's stories like this that remind me that I miss who my dad used to be. He had MS and the latter half of his life was a long, slow decline. Usually when I think of him, I remember the frail, easily confused old man who spoke little and needed help with everything. I forget the vital, young man he was in my early childhood.

He, like me, was a car and motorcycle nut, and occasionally he'd come home for a day with a ridiculous sports car of one kind or another. He'd of course take me for a ride, and the conversation always went like this...

Dad: "What's the rule about what we do when we go for a ride?"
Me: "Mom doesn't need to know!

Was it a good idea? No. Do I remember it fondly? Yup. Sorry for the partial hijack. This thread just brought back some super vivid memories that I thought I had lost. I'll be laughing all day about thinking about those rides.
  #42  
Old 03-12-2018, 12:09 PM
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Pork Rind Pork Rind is offline
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Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe View Post
Two related thoughts:
I see the O.P. is in the UK but was considerate enough to post MPH so number one, thank you for accommodating us.
Fun fact: The UK uses MPH for speed limits.
  #43  
Old 03-12-2018, 12:13 PM
Lamoral Lamoral is offline
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If you get too mad at him, you run the risk of him buying a fast car, putting on his lead boots, and taking a long long drive.
  #44  
Old 03-12-2018, 12:16 PM
scr4 scr4 is offline
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He demonstrating to his/your son that it's OK to break the law and risk their lives just for a bit of fun. I'd be mad if I were in your position.
  #45  
Old 03-12-2018, 12:19 PM
pulykamell pulykamell is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pork Rind View Post
It's stories like this that remind me that I miss who my dad used to be. He had MS and the latter half of his life was a long, slow decline. Usually when I think of him, I remember the frail, easily confused old man who spoke little and needed help with everything. I forget the vital, young man he was in my early childhood.

He, like me, was a car and motorcycle nut, and occasionally he'd come home for a day with a ridiculous sports car of one kind or another. He'd of course take me for a ride, and the conversation always went like this...

Dad: "What's the rule about what we do when we go for a ride?"
Me: "Mom doesn't need to know!

Was it a good idea? No. Do I remember it fondly? Yup. Sorry for the partial hijack. This thread just brought back some super vivid memories that I thought I had lost. I'll be laughing all day about thinking about those rides.
Indeed. My dad is still alive, but frailer than before, but this thread also brought up one of my earliest memories (I was maybe 5 or 6), when he and his buddies took me along on a fishing trip with some muscle car or another they had, and I was in the back seat back in the no seatbelt days, as they raced down the Indiana highway to see how fast they could the car to go. It was only a brief moment, and I remember them hitting not too far past 110 or so. Yeah, a silly thing to do in retrospect, but a fond memory.
  #46  
Old 03-12-2018, 12:35 PM
Gary Kumquat Gary Kumquat is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Mood View Post
So, should I be mad at my husband?
No.

Sure I could go into detail why, but let's be honest it'd all be subjective to me, my wife, and our kids, so not really relevant to you. Whereas you are clearly pissed off at him, so please do go through this with him, and reach some form of agreement over ground rules (so at least he knows where you stand).
  #47  
Old 03-12-2018, 01:10 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Originally Posted by kaylasdad99 View Post
Did you rent from a company that monitors driving data? ISTR hearing about rental cars that have onboard computers that can tell the rental company if you’ve been *ahem* “driving it like it was rented,” and rental agreements with fine print permitting them to assess penalties if they find you have.

Is that a thing, these days?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Mood View Post
I haven't heard of that - if so it hadn't been pointed out to us. But another concern is that the insurance would be invalidated if the driver was not driving lawfully.
Well, if it’s not prying too much, could you share the name of the company you rented from (plus maybe why you find yourselves renting a car at all)?
  #48  
Old 03-12-2018, 01:25 PM
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I'd be uneasy about the speeding example. I'd be angry about the disrespect. I don't think what I say goes, but I expect to have conversations about it, not to be ignored and then face what could appear to be almost taunting over it.
  #49  
Old 03-12-2018, 01:52 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beowulff View Post
Won't Dad be surprised when he gets the bill....
There are a few problems with that link, not the least of which is that the findlaw article tells of a case in which the penalties/assessments were ultimately struck down by the state Supreme Court. It was also written in 2005, and dealt with U.S. legal issues, whereas the incident under discussion here took place in the UK.

It did illuminate some areas of US contract law wrt the use of GPS, so that was useful. And it was probably the type of policy that I remembered hearing about. But thirteen years later, I wonder if a black box-type data recorder would be used; whether its use would be subjected to the same restrictions as data from a GPS; and whether European (and soon-to-be-former European) legal outcomes would follow those of the US case[s].

(Is there any reason the rental company couldn’t assess penalties based solely on breach of contract grounds, and leave the issue of wear-and-tear out of it?)
  #50  
Old 03-12-2018, 01:56 PM
nightshadea nightshadea is offline
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[I]
Quote:
Dad: "What's the rule about what we do when we go for a ride?"
Me: "Mom doesn't need to know!
actually one of the few fun times I ever had with my stepdad was when he had his bike and it was like 12:30at night and we wanted snacks and he said .. wanna try something (famous last words when he asked that )? Me "sure" of course I was wearing a helmet ...... he gunned the bike to 95 down the main ave on that side of town there and back

mom found out months later when I was telling my friends ... she just shook her head and sighed ......(which was a common reaction to things I did back then)
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