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Old 04-23-2018, 08:15 PM
CelticKnot CelticKnot is offline
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What's the worst movie you ever saw?

Mr. CK and I were discussing movies and musicals after reading an interview of Mel Brooks. He didn't make bad movies, but somehow we followed that segue.
We find it interesting that we both agree about probably the worst, and we didn't know each other when we saw it: Joe Vs. the Volcano. I saw it at a dollar movie night and wanted my money back. Mr. CK said he rented it for a dollar and wanted his money back.

So, I wonder what the Dopers consider to be the worst movie they ever saw.
Was it a critical success, or was it panned? Did it do well at the box office, or was it a total flop?

I honestly don't know this info about Joe Vs. the Volcano, but I am curious. I generally don't care for critical favorites, so I don't listen to them.
  #2  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:21 PM
TimeWinder TimeWinder is online now
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Event Horizon, although The Money Pit and Joe vs. The Volcano are definitely in the running.
  #3  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:22 PM
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is offline
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I tried getting through Rent, but kept dozing off. What I saw was terrible.
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Old 04-23-2018, 08:23 PM
Athabasca Athabasca is offline
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I judge bad movies by whether I care enough to stay awake and watch till the end. Star Wars 1 Phantom Menace and Avatar both put me to sleep, and in full theatres, no less. Ymmv.
  #5  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:26 PM
Peanuthead Peanuthead is offline
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Eraserhead. (Where's that vomit emoticon when you need it.)
  #6  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:28 PM
Loach Loach is offline
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I saw Lifeforce in the theater. Horrible movie but Mathilda May was naked the entire time. I’ll call it a push.

In case you don’t know the movie Lifeforce: space vampires from Halley’s Comet.

Last edited by Loach; 04-23-2018 at 08:30 PM.
  #7  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:36 PM
kunilou kunilou is online now
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What's the worst movie you ever saw?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Marmalade
Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.
I've seen a lot of bad movies, but I generally went into them with low expectations. In terms of the movie that had the worst ratio what I hoped for going in vs. how I felt coming out, it's a tossup between Star Trek: The Motion Picture and Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace.
  #8  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:39 PM
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is online now
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High school friend of mine and I were both the artsy-fartsy types and found ourselves at a midnight showing of Wax or the Discovery of Television Among the Bees.

It's one of the very, very few movies I've walked out on. My friend did, too.
  #9  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:39 PM
Dale Sams Dale Sams is offline
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Joe Vs The Volcano has a cult following i believe.

I walked out on

Wild, Wild West
The Fly II

and oddly, I laughed quite a bit at the Sheens "Men at Work"...but realized I'd probably seen the best the movie had to offer, and left.
  #10  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:41 PM
DrFidelius DrFidelius is online now
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Drunkboat.
John Goodman, John Malkovich, no plot or resolution.
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  #11  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:58 PM
Sefton Sefton is offline
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Leonard Part 6 was awful. I was a huge fan of Bill Cosby at the time, so I kept expecting something funny to happen. But it was just really, really weird.
  #12  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:04 PM
Dropo Dropo is offline
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The worst movie I ever paid to see was The Adventures of Lucky Pierre (1961), which I watched on a triple bill of films directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis. Starring nightclub “comic” Billy Falbo and several unattractive women, it’s a staggeringly obvious and unfunny “nudie” film, the only one I have ever seen (and one more than I would have liked to have seen). The audience was dead quiet throughout, though at one point, someone got up to leave and his companion told him “Wait, you’re going to miss the good part.” Everyone in the theater cracked up at that. I can’t believe we didn’t walk out as well, but after sitting through that and The Gore Gore Girls (1972, starring Henny Youngman!), the repeated reel they showed during The Wizard of Gore (1970) was too much to bear and we left early.

Then there is the worst film I was ever forced to sit through. In high school, a teacher screened Wavelength (1967), a well-known test of cinematic masochism. Running 45 tortuous minutes, the experimental film consists of (what appears to be) a single, very slow zoom-in from a wide shot of a room to an extreme close-up of a painting in the room, while the electrical hum soundtrack grows progressively louder. There is some incidental and vague human action and a snippet of a Beatles song is played, but the end result was one of only two movies I have ever seen to make me nauseous (Mr. Smith Goes to Washington was the other). That teacher had more positive influence on my life than any other, but I will never forgive her for subjecting the class to that horror.
  #13  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:11 PM
FlikTheBlue FlikTheBlue is offline
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I remember wanting to walk out of the theater while watching The Thin Red Line back in the day. Going into it I had a feeling that I was going to be disappointed after having recently seen Saving Private Ryan. I was right, and it turned out to be exactly the sort of movie you don’t want to see when you’re hoping for an action packed WWII war movie.
  #14  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:21 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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The worst movie I ever saw in a theater, all the way to the finish, was "National Lampoon's Class Reunion". Leonard Maltin said, "If you went to high school with people like this, no jury on earth would convict you for turning homicidal either."

I was a college freshman, and the girl I went with and I wondered why there were so few other people in the theater for a National Lampoon movie. Hoo boy, we found out.
  #15  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:23 PM
Llama Llogophile Llama Llogophile is offline
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"Mortal Thoughts", starring Demi Moore and Bruce Willis.

I was with a Russian friend and afterward asked him what he thought. In his pigeon English he said, "Well... this man hit this woman, this woman kill this man, other woman fuck this man... This is not my problem."

That about summed it up.

Now, to mount a defense for "Joe vs the Volcano". I think this is a very misunderstood movie. I find it clever and endearing, despite some quirky tricks like Meg Ryan playing multiple roles. It's a nice hero story, the music is great, and did you notice a young Nathan Lane in one of his first roles?

The luggage scene is hilarious. Ossie Davis has a fun role, and the terrible company and boss Joe works for in the beginning is over the top funny.

That movie does not belong in this thread.

Last edited by Llama Llogophile; 04-23-2018 at 09:23 PM.
  #16  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:24 PM
burpo the wonder mutt burpo the wonder mutt is offline
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"Bloodline" When poor old Omar Sharif is the comic relief in a drama, you got trouble. Plus, Audrey Hepburn's first, and only, R-rated film.
  #17  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:28 PM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
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In the theater: Yor, the Hunter from the Future which tried to mix fantasy with scifi and failed on all fronts.

At home: Manos: the Hands of Fate, which I fortunately watched only on MST3K, which made it barely bearable.
  #18  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:30 PM
Chronos Chronos is offline
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My dad was a rabid fundamentalist Christian, and he knew that I like time travel stories. So one year for my birthday or Christmas (I can't remember which), he got me a copy of a fundamentalist Christian time travel movie called Time Changer.

I had known that there were boring movies out there, and stupid movies, and ugly movies. But I hadn't realized that it was possible for a movie to be physically painful. I managed to get through about five minutes of it, and going any further would have required clawing my eyes out.
  #19  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:32 PM
RealityChuck RealityChuck is online now
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I liked Joe vs. the Volcano, but not excessively.

Worst I ever saw in a theater was The Secret of Santa Vittorio, which made me cringe to watch -- bad dialog and Anthony Quinn overacting terribly.

I rarely walk out on movies. The only one I can think of was Night of the Living Dead, though mostly because it annoyed me. I can respect it overall, but I detest that sort of blatant audience manipulation.
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  #20  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:42 PM
salinqmind salinqmind is online now
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That Mario Brothers movie back in the 90's. My neighbor took a bunch of the neighborhood kids to the movie theater to see it, and the five of them were the only ones there, on a hot August Saturday afternoon.

Myself? a documentary or something on Robert Crumb, the grotesque 60's comic idol.... I watched 5 minutes and immediately remembered I had to go clean the litter box.

Last edited by salinqmind; 04-23-2018 at 09:44 PM.
  #21  
Old 04-23-2018, 09:52 PM
Beckdawrek Beckdawrek is online now
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'Alive' the plane wrecked soccer team who had to resort to cannibalizing people who died. I just couldn't stomach that. I tried watching it at home when it came out on video. Nope, still couldn't do it.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 04-23-2018 at 09:53 PM.
  #22  
Old 04-23-2018, 10:05 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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I saw "Endless Love" in the theater, and couldn't understand why all the critics panned it. Do keep in mind that I was still in high school, and later did read the book which was a lot better.

AFAIK, it's not on Netflix (it wasn't when I looked for it) but I did see it on TV a few years ago, and shut it off after about 10 minutes because it was JUST.THAT.BAD. I did the same thing with "Leonard Part 6, which I had not previously seen. There's a scene just a few minutes into "Leonard Part 6" that I couldn't believe was left in the movie, or for that matter got into it in the first place, and here's why.

SPOILER:
One of the characters takes a machine gun into a restaurant kitchen and starts spraying bullets. Incredibly, nobody seems to get hit.
  #23  
Old 04-23-2018, 10:05 PM
guestchaz guestchaz is offline
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For me, its a toss up between Beauty an The Beast with Emma Watson and Star Wars Rogue One.

Beauty was disjointed from the extra songs they jammed in making it impossible to stay immersed in the story. Got me yelled at by Mrs. Guest for repeatedly falling asleep.

Rogue One was a travesty of disney tropes and racist and ethnic stereotypes that could have been great(and oh how i wanted it to be good,i love back stories/in universe lore). I was actually angered by this movie and gave consideration to demanding a refund.
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Old 04-23-2018, 10:09 PM
Baal Houtham Baal Houtham is offline
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There have been lots of movies that annoy me— and mercifully I’ve forgotten most of them. But yeah, Joe Versus the Volcano definitely had me rolling my eyes, and thinking, “There are people who fall for this?”

Crash engendered similar eye rolling, but wasn’t the mess that Joe’s was.

(But hey, Crumb was a fine, fascinating documentary, dammit.)
  #25  
Old 04-23-2018, 10:09 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by salinqmind View Post
Myself? a documentary or something on Robert Crumb, the grotesque 60's comic idol.... I watched 5 minutes and immediately remembered I had to go clean the litter box.
I saw it in the theater when it came out, and later recommended that a movie club I was in screen it, which they did. When the club folded a decade later, people were STILL saying, "DO NOT show 'Crumb' again." They also got the same reaction from "I Shot Andy Warhol", which was recommended by someone else. Interestingly, "I Shot Andy Warhol" nearly sold out, and most of the attendees were not our usual clientele, which skewed towards older adults.
  #26  
Old 04-23-2018, 10:10 PM
Dr. Strangelove Dr. Strangelove is online now
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Battlefield Earth. I still feel cheated out of my time spent watching that dreck.

Most of the movie is filmed at a nausea-inducing tilt. Someone (Ebert, maybe) once said, paraphrasing: The director of Battlefield Earth has learned that good directors sometimes tilt the camera for dramatic effect. He has not however learned why they do so.

Even aside from the Scientology stuff, it's a heap of garbage.
  #27  
Old 04-23-2018, 10:11 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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Originally Posted by Baal Houtham View Post
Crash engendered similar eye rolling, but wasn’t the mess that Joe’s was.
Which "Crash" - the Cronenberg movie about people who are sexually aroused by watching automobile accidents, or the award-winning movie about Los Angelenos who aren't nice to each other?

I saw the latter. Not the best movie I ever saw, by a long shot, although I understood why other people might have liked it.
  #28  
Old 04-23-2018, 10:25 PM
Dale Sams Dale Sams is offline
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Originally Posted by guestchaz View Post
For me, its a toss up between Beauty an The Beast with Emma Watson and Star Wars Rogue One.

Beauty was disjointed from the extra songs they jammed in making it impossible to stay immersed in the story. Got me yelled at by Mrs. Guest for repeatedly falling asleep.

Rogue One was a travesty of disney tropes and racist and ethnic stereotypes that could have been great(and oh how i wanted it to be good,i love back stories/in universe lore). I was actually angered by this movie and gave consideration to demanding a refund.
I'll bite.

What??
  #29  
Old 04-23-2018, 10:31 PM
Tamerlane Tamerlane is offline
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Highlander 2 is nonsense on steroids. I think it wins in my mind just by virtue of having disappointed( and really, really confused )the younger me the most.

Honorable mention to The Happening, which really is probably the most insultingly and aggressively stupid film I have ever seen. But at least I hadn't been expecting much when I saw it.

By contrast I was fine with both Crumb( interesting eccentric ) and Joe vs. the Volcano .
  #30  
Old 04-23-2018, 10:49 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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"Worst" in the sense that I willingly forked over money expecting it to be good and was sorely disappointed? Entrapment with Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones. A true steaming turd that was worse than Plan 9 from Outer Space, They Saved Hitler's Brain, Ninja vs. Mafia, and all the other awful movies I went into because I knew I was going to be entertained. I think it was the only time I ever left the theater actually demanding my money back.
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  #31  
Old 04-23-2018, 11:16 PM
Superdude Superdude is offline
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I'll bite.

What??
I assume the "blind mentor who fights really well played by an Asian man" was one of them
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  #32  
Old 04-23-2018, 11:42 PM
Tilt-A-Whirl Tilt-A-Whirl is offline
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The trailer for Prometheus is a masterpiece, and raised my hopes high. The actual film was so aggressively stupid, so obviously without thought behind it, that it singlehandedly killed my sense of wonder. Before it, I would have been intrigued by the hints purportedly in Prometheus that the Alien movies and Blade Runner shared a common universe. After it, all I could think was that it was just some assholes in a room, making up some bullshit.

Seconding The Thin Red Line. I watched it on video, and it is a movie that is so dull, it's dull even on fast forward.
  #33  
Old 04-23-2018, 11:47 PM
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While Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny is equally bad, I'd say Nukie wins the tiebreak by being so goddamn annoying.

Manos would be at the same level without the MST3K riffs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dale Sams
The Fly II
That traumatized me as a child. I think I cried for a couple of days straight.
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  #34  
Old 04-23-2018, 11:53 PM
Dale Sams Dale Sams is offline
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I assume the "blind mentor who fights really well played by an Asian man" was one of them
NOT casting the amazing Donnie Yen would be the real crime.


....oh wait, he/she meant cause all the villains are white guys. :}

Last edited by Dale Sams; 04-23-2018 at 11:56 PM.
  #35  
Old 04-23-2018, 11:56 PM
beowulff beowulff is online now
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Collisions.
I can pretty much guarantee that nobody else on this board has seen it. It was so bad it was never released.
  #36  
Old 04-24-2018, 12:05 AM
TreacherousCretin TreacherousCretin is offline
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I have to go pretty far back, but 200 Motels still takes the prize. Literally unwatchable dreck, despite the music being some of Zappa's finest. The soundtrack album would go to the desert island with me.
  #37  
Old 04-24-2018, 01:07 AM
GuanoLad GuanoLad is offline
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The English Patient.
  #38  
Old 04-24-2018, 01:15 AM
adaher adaher is offline
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Leonard Part 6 was awful. I was a huge fan of Bill Cosby at the time, so I kept expecting something funny to happen. But it was just really, really weird.
Yeah, Leonard Part 6 was HORRIBLE. I was one of evidently six people to watch it on its first theatrical run. I figured Cosby could do know wrong. But for some reason he just never made a good movie.

But the worst movie I've ever seen I believe was called The Mask. Not the Jim Carrey one. Some local station was hyping this movie big time for Halloween, and local grocery stores were selling 3-D glasses that we were supposed to put on whenever the guy in the film put the mask on. It was 2 hours of nothing. I'm still not even sure what that movie was about.

Ah, I found it. It's got an astonishing 6.0 from IMDB:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055151/?ref_=fn_tt_tt_3

Last edited by adaher; 04-24-2018 at 01:18 AM.
  #39  
Old 04-24-2018, 01:38 AM
buddha_david buddha_david is offline
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Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
'Alive' the plane wrecked soccer team who had to resort to cannibalizing people who died. I just couldn't stomach that.
I.S.W.Y.D.T.

I'm surprised at the hate for Joe vs. the Volcano in this thread. Most people who hate that movie never bothered to actually watch it. To me, it's a true forgotten gem.

Worst movie I actually finished watching: Dude, Where's My Car? I forced myself to sit through the whole thing and came out traumatized as a result.
  #40  
Old 04-24-2018, 02:43 AM
Asuka Asuka is offline
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I assume the "blind mentor who fights really well played by an Asian man" was one of them
The characters are pretty cliched and run into some stereotypes

The Asian character was the old stereotype of a blind samurai who despite his handicap is so much more capable than anyone else. Lots of stuff about loyalty and honor.

The Mexican was an untrustworthy smuggler who lied, cheated and stole.

The Black guy has elements of the Magical Negro/Wise Old Mentor cliches
SPOILER:
and of course dies first of the main cast


The White woman who is naive and initially overwhelmed but still somehow in charge despite not being more skilled than anyone else.
  #41  
Old 04-24-2018, 04:02 AM
Isamu Isamu is offline
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Seconding The Thin Red Line. I watched it on video, and it is a movie that is so dull, it's dull even on fast forward.
Go see The Tree of Life. It makes The Thin Red Line look like Crank. This movie actually makes time itself slow down.
  #42  
Old 04-24-2018, 04:46 AM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is offline
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The one that comes to mind is This is 40, the Judd Apatow 'comedy'.

I remember watching it with active hatred. I was probably glaring at the screen. It was so clunky, worked so inefficiently to be funny I swear I saw it sweating.

It felt like a team of 20 apathetic writers worked independently of one another to write it, 20 apathetic directors worked independently to direct it, and 20 apathetic editors cobbled it together.

Independently.

To quote Roger Ebert, I hated, hated, hated, hated this movie.


mmm
  #43  
Old 04-24-2018, 05:01 AM
Asuka Asuka is offline
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The worst movie I ever saw in theaters was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the second in the Transformers live-action movie series.

Now you may go "Hey aren't all the Transformers movies terrible" and I'd disagree. Transformers 1 was basically the best movie you were going to get out of a big budget studio with that premise. Was it a bad movie? Yes but it was at least somewhat entertaining. Are the movies after the 2nd bad? Yes, they are all terrible but not on the level of sheer awfulness that is Transformers 2. After ROTF the Transformers franchise simply got very lazy while ROTF actively went out of its own way to be terrible.

The film itself feels like it's doubling-down on every single criticism of the first film. There's too many humans and not enough robots fighting? Well the entire first act is the human character going to college to do a bunch of cliched and lazy college gags while robots just kind of occupy the background doing nothing. There's too much childish/dumb humor? Well the film opens on two male dogs trying to have sex with each other and the humor doesn't get any better from there. The robots are too one-dimensional personality wise? Well lets add in two robots who are the biggest and most offensive racial stereotypes ever despite the fact robots shouldn't be racial caricatures of anything because they're vehicles.

The first and third films in the trilogy are infinitely more watchable, as even in the 3rd film they decided to just make the second and third arcs entirely robot fighting, as opposed to stuffing it all in the last 30 minutes like the second one does.
  #44  
Old 04-24-2018, 05:04 AM
Mr Shine Mr Shine is offline
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Technically the worst films I've seen weren't that bad as they came accompanied with Joel/Mike/Jonah and the bots' snark. The worst film I remember watching from beginning to end without the MST3K treatment is "Smokin' Aces". My Dad's friend had lent it to him, we watched it together and afterwards both agreed it was unmitigated crap from beginning to end. (If either of us had been watching alone it probably wouldn't have lasted 15 minutes.)

Last edited by Mr Shine; 04-24-2018 at 05:05 AM.
  #45  
Old 04-24-2018, 05:33 AM
galen ubal galen ubal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kunilou View Post
What's the worst movie you ever saw?



I've seen a lot of bad movies, but I generally went into them with low expectations. In terms of the movie that had the worst ratio what I hoped for going in vs. how I felt coming out, it's a tossup between Star Trek: The Motion Picture and Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace.
Using this criteria, I'll say Prometheus.
While The Motionless Picture and The Phantom Entertainment are in hindsight pretty poor, I did manage to enjoy both at the theater at the time.

I hated Prometheus, on the other hand, pretty much all the way through. It was painful, with stupid characters doing stupid things for no good reason - why were these morons even allowed into space in the first place, let alone be the crew handpicked by MegaWealthyGuy?
<devolves into incoherent growling>
Still pisses me off, and it's the only movie I've ever left feeling angry and ripped off.

Last edited by galen ubal; 04-24-2018 at 05:35 AM.
  #46  
Old 04-24-2018, 05:35 AM
penultima thule penultima thule is offline
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Eraserhead.
Plus eleventy seven plus 1.

Didn't have the foggiest of what it was when I agreed to see it at the Valhalla in Glebe.
Stone cold sober. Dumbfounded. 40 years on and still none the wiser.
[it would be an interesting question as to which stimulant would be best to take before viewing Eraserhead]
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  #47  
Old 04-24-2018, 05:45 AM
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Eraserhead. (Where's that vomit emoticon when you need it.)
This is the first movie that came to my mind, although I found it more tedious than nauseating.
  #48  
Old 04-24-2018, 05:52 AM
Bijou Drains Bijou Drains is offline
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Originally Posted by Sefton View Post
Leonard Part 6 was awful. I was a huge fan of Bill Cosby at the time, so I kept expecting something funny to happen. But it was just really, really weird.
Cosby told people not to watch this movie, he said it was awful. He went on talk to shows to pan it.
  #49  
Old 04-24-2018, 06:30 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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It's hard to answer a question like this one. There's the Worst Big Budget Film you ever saw, or The Biggest Disappointment, or The Worst Film Overall , By Anyone. There are lots of candidates, but I'm suirprised by the above.

First, I gotta agree that Joe vs. the Volcano doesn't belong in this thread. It's a highly stylized, very weird comedy. Technically, it's a well-written, well-directed, well-acted film with decent special effects. It's not a Bad Film.

There are the classic Bad Films that the filmmakers thought was Good, with low budgets, bad acting, and Bad Effects. I grew up watching a lot of these. Several involved actual talented people:

Plan Nine from Outer Space (with Bela Lugosi and Tor Johnson! directed by Ed Wood)
Bridge of the Monster 9same comment)
Robot Monster (with music by Elmer Bernstein! And it was in 3D!)
Manos, the Hands of Fate (I never saw this until MST3K)
Tales from the Past (With John Carradine. and the best scenes were literally stolen from Roger Corman movies)
Spider Island
The Prehistoric Sound (AKA Sound of Horror-- the worst Invisibility effects you'll ever see. Starring Horror and Action movie queen Ingrid Pitt
Killers from Space starring a young Peter Graves (looking more like his brother James Arness than he ever did later on). The villains all wore stretchy leotards and had ping pong balls with pupils painted on tem placed over their eyes, which gave them a bug-eyed appearance I found creepy as a kid, but which looks unbelievably stupid when you're an adult. I saw this one a LOT as a kid.



The thing is, I have to give some of these guys credit for trying. Robot Monster may be utterly stupid and awful, but two of the women remaining at the end are scientists, not fainting flowers needing rescue. Killers from Space features several scenes of otherworldly civilizations and cities, not just still images, but actual moving models -- it's trying to be Big Boy-Science Fiction on a nothing budget.
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  #50  
Old 04-24-2018, 06:35 AM
QuickSilver QuickSilver is offline
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Naked Lunch.
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