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Old 05-13-2018, 08:01 PM
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Most disagreeable chocolate/candy bars

No, these aren't confections that are able to employ rhetoric and actually disagree with you; these are offensive little comestibles innocuously wrapped up all spiffy-looking but containing vomit fodder.

Turkish Delight - All that red crap I couldn't get my head around. (also Big Turk)
Cherry Blossom - sickly-sweet cherry syrup - I'll pass.
Butterfinger - a poor man's Crispy Crunch
Red Twizzlers - ok slightly going from the bar thing, but still (usually) in the same grocery rack.

ETA: No Spring Surprises on me.

Last edited by Guest-starring: Id!; 05-13-2018 at 08:02 PM.
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Old 05-13-2018, 08:35 PM
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Butterfinger is the only one those I consider a candy bar. There ain't one that I see at the grocery store candy counter that I wouldn't gladly eat.
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Old 05-13-2018, 08:42 PM
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Butterfinger is the only one those I consider a candy bar. There ain't one that I see at the grocery store candy counter that I wouldn't gladly eat.
I'll admit Cherry Blossom is kinda stretching it, too, but in google images there's a Turkish Delight 'mini-bar' in a purplish-pink wrapping, and the aforementioned Big Turk, which is definitely in bar format.
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Old 05-13-2018, 08:51 PM
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Do Girl Scout cookies count? A few years ago, when I was living in my old town, the GS council test-marketed a sugar-free brownie. I never tasted it, but I was told by multiple people that they never thought a brownie could be disgusting, but this was, and that's why it didn't go into wide circulation in following years.
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Old 05-13-2018, 09:18 PM
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Hershey's Milk Chocolate, plain. Adding almonds doesn't help much, either.
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Originally Posted by Guest-starring: Id! View Post
Butterfinger - a poor man's Crispy Crunch
A what, now?

:asks Google:

You know Butterfinger predates the Canadian bar by seven years, right?

Last edited by Skywatcher; 05-13-2018 at 09:18 PM.
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Old 05-13-2018, 09:25 PM
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Cherry Ripe - I'm not sure if the coconut or the cherry is the worst part
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Old 05-13-2018, 09:32 PM
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If you're talking about just "chocolate" candy bars, Baby Ruth and Butterfinger are at the bottom of my list. If you expand it to anything that calls itself candy, there's nothing worse than Laffy Taffy, which is not only disgusting, but also sticks to your mouth so you can never completely get it out of your mouth, which means you can't wash or gargle out the taste.
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Old 05-13-2018, 09:34 PM
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Cherry Blossoms are amazing. Blasphemy!

My entry is the Zero bar. So bland. It's like a protein bar without the protein or the sheen of assumed virtue.
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Old 05-13-2018, 09:47 PM
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Please let me add my nomination: Charleston Chews.

Some alien artificially flavored "nougat" that tastes vaguely of cherry or chocolate with a weird, greasy, overly sweet chewy texture, covered in "chocolate" that is applied with the same technology used to electroplate silver. There's no other explanation for how they get that layer so thin.

Just yuck.
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Old 05-13-2018, 09:49 PM
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Milk duds are a dud! But who can dispute Hershey bar? Not me, oh no, not me!
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Old 05-13-2018, 09:49 PM
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Any chocolate bar that has rice in it needs to be tossed into a super volcano.
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Old 05-13-2018, 09:53 PM
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Circus Peanuts. They suck.

Yes, I said it!
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Old 05-13-2018, 09:55 PM
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Hershey chocolate (their bar of straight chocolate) tastes terrible. Some Americans like it, but only because Hershey's market dominance there means they don't often get to taste the better stuff.
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Old 05-13-2018, 10:00 PM
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I will eat everything mentioned in this thread thus far. Yes, I have a problem.
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Old 05-13-2018, 10:00 PM
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Cherry Blossom - sickly-sweet cherry syrup - I'll pass.
Even worse (in my opinion) is the Canadian "Eat-More" candy bar, which may or may not contain cherries because the factory sometimes throws deformed Cherry Blossoms into the ingredient vat. (It's true!)
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Old 05-13-2018, 10:04 PM
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Mounds and Almond Joy.

They have coconut in them.

BTW, if you think Hershey's chocolate is bad, it's not even close to the awfulness of Palmer (though that's not a bar; it's cheap Easter chocolate).
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Old 05-13-2018, 10:08 PM
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Hershey chocolate (their bar of straight chocolate) tastes terrible. Some Americans like it, but only because Hershey's market dominance there means they don't often get to taste the better stuff.
Some? Some? We loves our Hershey bar. It is perfection! IMO.
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Old 05-13-2018, 10:09 PM
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Hershey chocolate (their bar of straight chocolate) tastes terrible. Some Americans like it, but only because Hershey's market dominance there means they don't often get to taste the better stuff.
Bah. I've eaten great chocolate; I worked for awhile with a pastry chef who ordered magnificent 10 lb bars of Scharffen Berger that I got to nibble on while chiseling off chunks for ganache. And while Hersheys is of course not in that league, it's perfectly delicious for what it is. The soured milk tang to it ain't to everyone's taste, but I like it.

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Do Girl Scout cookies count?
no
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Old 05-13-2018, 10:26 PM
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Hershey's Milk Chocolate, plain. Adding almonds doesn't help much, either.A what, now?

:asks Google:

You know Butterfinger predates the Canadian bar by seven years, right?
Guess I'll give Butterfinger longevity points, but CC came along and made it more ingestible.

Someone gave the thumbs down to Eat-More bars; I've heard them dissed elsewhere, too, but I can stomach them, despite it being maybe 30 years since I last had one.
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Old 05-13-2018, 10:31 PM
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Another Canadian voting for Eat-Mores.
I don't know if they still make them, but Pep Chews were truly bad too.
In other candy gone bad, may I offer nasty little purple chewy pellets called Thrills. They look like candy covered rat poop. The awesome thing though is that the makers are totally aware of how bad they are because printed on the package is - "Thrills. They still taste like soap!"
Ah, nostalgia!
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Old 05-13-2018, 10:43 PM
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Chocolate is my life. I don't want any with coconut, fruit, nuts, or the dreaded rice crispies. I like dark chocolate or milk. Marshmallow and chocolate is ok together. Reese cups are the bomb!
I don't know who buys it but, Ghirardelli is pure vomit.

ETA: absolutely no mint with chocolate, there should be a law!

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 05-13-2018 at 10:45 PM.
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Old 05-13-2018, 10:45 PM
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Mounds and Almond Joy.

They have coconut in them.

BTW, if you think Hershey's chocolate is bad, it's not even close to the awfulness of Palmer (though that's not a bar; it's cheap Easter chocolate).
Ah yes, the kind that in other countries wouldn't even be allowed to have the word "chocolate" on the label, because... it isn't.
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Old 05-13-2018, 11:16 PM
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Hershey chocolate... Some Americans like it, but only because Hershey's market dominance there means they don't often get to taste the better stuff.
I grew up in the States, loving Hershey's until I got across the pond. I'd heard there were Cadbury vending machines in London, and as soon as they opened the door of the plane...HEY! There's one, thirty feet down the corridor (before we even got to the terminal)! And that was my first of probably thirty Cadbury Fruit & Nut Bars. Then it was on to Switzerland, and our new tradition, The Daily Milka Bar. I can still eat a domestic chocolate bar if desperate, but I now seek out local hand-crafted quality. Just got my wife some Hawaiian Sea Salt 70% Dark (from William's Chocolates in Madison, WI), and she said it had spoiled her for "ordinary" chocolate bars.

Oh, to add to the OP... Twin Bing. A weird wrapped chocolate bar that's two lumps. The name leads you to believe "Say, maybe it's two dark chocolate-covered Bing cherries. But no, it's shaped just like that, but it's two cheapass-chocolate-covered lumps of granular "cherry cough syrup" dough.

Ah, found it (although I'm shivering in disgust) -- I see it's made by the afore-maligned Palmer.
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Old 05-13-2018, 11:17 PM
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Originally Posted by RealityChuck View Post
Mounds and Almond Joy.

They have coconut in them.


BTW, if you think Hershey's chocolate is bad, it's not even close to the awfulness of Palmer (though that's not a bar; it's cheap Easter chocolate).
THIS! (Bolding mine.) It's as if you read my mind. I like actual fresh coconut and its milk (juice?). However, I detest anything with coconut in it. Donut sprinkles, Mounds/AJ, etc.
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Old 05-13-2018, 11:21 PM
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I grew up in the States, loving Hershey's until I got across the pond. I'd heard there were Cadbury vending machines in London, and as soon as they opened the door of the plane...HEY! There's one, thirty feet down the corridor (before we even got to the terminal)! And that was my first of probably thirty Cadbury Fruit & Nut Bars. Then it was on to Switzerland, and our new tradition, The Daily Milka Bar. I can still eat a domestic chocolate bar if desperate, but I now seek out local hand-crafted quality. Just got my wife some Hawaiian Sea Salt 70% Dark (from William's Chocolates in Madison, WI), and she said it had spoiled her for "ordinary" chocolate bars.

Oh, to add to the OP... Twin Bing. A weird wrapped chocolate bar that's two lumps. The name leads you to believe "Say, maybe it's two dark chocolate-covered Bing cherries. But no, it's shaped just like that, but it's two cheapass-chocolate-covered lumps of granular "cherry cough syrup" dough.

Ah, found it (although I'm shivering in disgust) -- I see it's made by the afore-maligned Palmer.
God, yes, Palmer is the worst.
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Old 05-13-2018, 11:22 PM
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I don't know who buys it but, Ghirardelli is pure vomit.
Not to me! Their brownie mix is the only cake mix I buy. It's SOOOOOO good.

(Or at least I think so.)
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Old 05-13-2018, 11:23 PM
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Ah yes, the kind that in other countries wouldn't even be allowed to have the word "chocolate" on the label, because... it isn't.
I won't buy things that have the word "chocolatey" on the label, because that means it's fake.
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Old 05-13-2018, 11:25 PM
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Oh, to add to the OP... Twin Bing. A weird wrapped chocolate bar that's two lumps. The name leads you to believe "Say, maybe it's two dark chocolate-covered Bing cherries. But no, it's shaped just like that, but it's two cheapass-chocolate-covered lumps of granular "cherry cough syrup" dough.
I like those. Did you know they used to be called Cherry Humps?
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Old 05-13-2018, 11:29 PM
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Cow Tales. I tried them once and as I was trying the chew the doughy mass I thought "what the hell?" Then I saw the first ingredient was flour. Nuff said. Their website describes them as caramel. No. They're not.

Dennis
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Old 05-13-2018, 11:33 PM
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Of course there is always the "Disgusting English candy drill" in Gravity's Rainbow:

http://bella.media.mit.edu/people/fo...n/gravity.html

Dennis
  #31  
Old 05-13-2018, 11:42 PM
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Another Canadian voting for Eat-Mores.
I don't know if they still make them, but Pep Chews were truly bad too.
In other candy gone bad, may I offer nasty little purple chewy pellets called Thrills. They look like candy covered rat poop. The awesome thing though is that the makers are totally aware of how bad they are because printed on the package is - "Thrills. They still taste like soap!"
Ah, nostalgia!
I tried to google Pep Chews but didn't see the garish packaging I was looking for: sorta red and white vertical stripes and 'Pep Chew' in green? Crazy stuff to wrestle with - you had to really clamp onto the stuff and then twist and torque it back and forth in order to finally yank off a bloody piece of the stuff.
Once that mortal combat* was over, however, it was able to make it down past made my esophagus.

Oh doctor those psychotic Thrills thingies - I believe the US has been god-awfully lucky to have never been subjected to them - they are a classic example of the Caveat-Emptor-to-be-disrgarded phenomenon, (which I think I just now made up), with their "Tastes Like Soap!" tag-line, and when we were kids, we were like, "holy crap!!! This DOES taste like soap!", which I found alternately repulsive and addicting. You're warned, it goes through a bunch of synapses and out some others, and before you know it, you're scrunching up your face, in regret, while stuffing your face with more.

Don't get me started on Sherbet Fountain....


*Zoogirl - did you, too, suffer the ignominious shame of letting a rivulet of drool or two escape during said combat?
  #32  
Old 05-13-2018, 11:55 PM
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God, yes, Palmer is the worst.
Palmer,Franklin all those cheap ass fake chocolate making companies that pop up around holidays .....
  #33  
Old 05-13-2018, 11:57 PM
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Cow Tales. I tried them once and as I was trying the chew the doughy mass I thought "what the hell?" Then I saw the first ingredient was flour. Nuff said. Their website describes them as caramel. No. They're not.

Dennis
Supposedly the flour keeps them from store sticking to your teeth
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Old 05-13-2018, 11:57 PM
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Cow Tales. I tried them once and as I was trying the chew the doughy mass I thought "what the hell?" Then I saw the first ingredient was flour. Nuff said. Their website describes them as caramel. No. They're not.

Dennis
And yet, if you can find the ones with the sour apple filling and they're very fresh and soft, those are pretty damned addictive. The other flavors suck though.
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Old 05-14-2018, 01:09 AM
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Carlos V brand chocolate

Nestle had a whole line for it's s cocoa,candy bars .......it's how I learned "Mexican" style chocolate is pretty much baking chocolate


The mercado were selling fun size bars 20 for a buck.....I bought 4 or 5 bucks worth ,....yeah took me months to get through them and like dark chocolate.....
  #36  
Old 05-14-2018, 01:16 AM
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Not to me! Their brownie mix is the only cake mix I buy. It's SOOOOOO good.

(Or at least I think so.)
I have to admit I havn't tried those mixes. I may have to, now.
The bars are nasty.
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Old 05-14-2018, 01:18 AM
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Mounds and Almond Joy.

They have coconut in them.
You say that as if it's a bad thing.
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Old 05-14-2018, 01:19 AM
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Butterfingers are the best!

Admittedly, hard to eat without making an ungodly mess.
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Old 05-14-2018, 01:55 AM
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... if you think Hershey's chocolate is bad, it's not even close to the awfulness of Palmer (though that's not a bar; it's cheap Easter chocolate).
For me, the difference is that I instinctively know to stay away from chocolate bunnies. But with Hershey's I go into a store and see a thing that looks just like a chocolate bar, and it turns out to be... well, it's clearly chocolate by the dictionary definition, and I thought it would be ludicrous for a big chocolate company to make their flagship plain chocolate bar taste bad, so I bought one, and really regretted it. If I had bought the Palmer bunny, I would have known all along what I was getting.
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Old 05-14-2018, 03:05 AM
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God, yes, Palmer is the worst.
Then, to make things difficult, Palmer will have some of their chocolate bunnies and holiday treats made of actual real chocolate meaning you have to read the label closely to make sure you get the real thing.

Take the advice of George Carlin on the subject.
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Old 05-14-2018, 06:50 AM
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Chunky.

Do they still make this piece of crud? I can't remember seeing any in a while. Some idiot thought adding raisins to chocolate would help. Raisins, dammit. What were they thinking?
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Old 05-14-2018, 07:36 AM
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I grew up resenting the Brick Named Chunky whenever I got one in my Halloween bag, but when I had my first Cadbury Fruit & Nut, I loved it. Similar product, better chocolate.

For anyone disgusted by the pathetic attempts at candy bars in this thread, find a local chocolatier. We did, at our local farmer's market, and we've since found his bars in local coffee joints.

Like my wife, you'll be spoiled and may never go back to "Chocolate(y) Bars". But there's a nice side effect: you'll eat less of it. A square inch of the good stuff will satiate your sweet tooth more than a handful of mass-produced "Fun Size" bars.
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Old 05-14-2018, 08:49 AM
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Chunky.

Do they still make this piece of crud? I can't remember seeing any in a while. Some idiot thought adding raisins to chocolate would help. Raisins, dammit. What were they thinking?
Raisinettes? Delicious.
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Old 05-14-2018, 09:44 AM
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Ignoring cheapo chocolates with paraffin or vegetable fats, I like all chocolate brands. But some are more enjoyable than others. Off the top of my head: I love any chocolate from Hershey's--that buttermilk tang perfectly complements the bitterness of the chocolate and the sweetness of the sugar. I'm not a big fan of Cadbury's--too milky and sweet with nothing to offset it. Lindt is good--they seem to get the melting point just right.

I helped run a blind chocolate-tasting party years ago. It's surprising what people like and don't like when the branding is stripped away. We bought a bunch bars, cut them up into bite-sized pieces, defaced them to remove identifying marks, and put them into anonymously labeled cups. Had everyone judge each one by sweetness, bitterness, etc. Oh, and some cheese, crackers, and champagne to cleanse the palette. Tons of fun!

I don't get candy bars any more, since I'd rather have straight chocolate. But Butterfingers was my go-to for a long time. I love the peanut-butteriness of them. I've been known to spread peanut butter (unsweetened, of course) on my Hershey's bar when I'm in that mood.
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Old 05-14-2018, 09:51 AM
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mounds, almond joy, butterfinger, twizzler, etc. are all excellent.

However york peppermint patties are terrible. They taste like a disc made of toothpaste.
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Old 05-14-2018, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
Milk duds are a dud! But who can dispute Hershey bar? Not me, oh no, not me!
OK sister, you and I will do well on a post-apocalypse team. You get all the Hershey bars, and I'll dispose of your milk duds. You can even have all the confections with coconut in them because *yaaaacckkkk*

Contributions to the OP:
- Almond Joy/Mounds (sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't); anything with coconut in it. You can have all the snowballs as well.
- Take 5 (contrived by a scientist to tackle a bunch of different cravings with all the finesse of filling a blender with pizza, daiquiri, and chicken salad because why not mix a bunch of yummy things together?
- Butterfinger are gritty and yucky
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Old 05-14-2018, 10:13 AM
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I was remembering those Brach bulk candy racks in Grocery stores. I used to like the chocolate stars. They were unwrapped and uncovered. How trusting we were. I wouldn't dare buy that now. Candy crave still has them.
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Old 05-14-2018, 10:22 AM
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I will eat everything mentioned in this thread thus far. Yes, I have a problem.
me too! except circus peanuts
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Old 05-14-2018, 10:32 AM
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I like Zero bars. And I miss the Zagnut bar.
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Old 05-14-2018, 10:36 AM
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Location: On the level, if inclined
Posts: 14,780
"Abba-Zabba, you my only friend."
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Y'all are just too damned serious. Lighten up.
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