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Old 08-05-2018, 01:05 PM
Athena Athena is offline
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Can you hang out with folks who have beliefs you don't agree with

This came up in conversation between some friends and I the other day, and I'm curious how other folks think. Let's say a friend says "Oh, you have to meet my buddy Joe, you guys have a ton in common, and I think we'd have a good time." then mentions that Joe has a lifestyle or belief that, though not illegal or unethical, you just personally have issues with. Like, let's say Joe is an anti-vaxxer and you think that's a really stupid belief, or Joe and his wife have an open marriage, and you are very uncomfortable about the idea of sleeping around on a spouse, even if it's all in the open and both parties are OK with it. Assume other than the certain lifestyle/belief, the person is by all accounts a lovely person and you have much in common with them.

My friends and I were more or less evenly divided on this one, with some saying "I just have no desire to hang with someone who has beliefs that I find so uncomfortable" and "As long as they don't dominate the conversation with it or try to change my mind, I have no issues hanging out and potentially becoming friends with them."

What say you?
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:24 PM
Thudlow Boink Thudlow Boink is online now
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My friends and I were more or less evenly divided on this one, with some saying "I just have no desire to hang with someone who has beliefs that I find so uncomfortable" and "As long as they don't dominate the conversation with it or try to change my mind, I have no issues hanging out and potentially becoming friends with them."
I assume that one of those groups is unwilling to hang out with the other?
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:35 PM
Athena Athena is offline
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I assume that one of those groups is unwilling to hang out with the other?
Not sure what you mean? It was more or less a theoretical conversation, I don't recall exactly how it came up. All the folks involved are friends and have no issues being around each other.
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:39 PM
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I live with people whom I agree on almost nothing with ….I just roll my eyes and ignore them ……………...
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:40 PM
Thudlow Boink Thudlow Boink is online now
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Not sure what you mean? It was more or less a theoretical conversation, I don't recall exactly how it came up. All the folks involved are friends and have no issues being around each other.
One group believes they can't hang out with folks who have beliefs they don't agree with; the other group believes otherwise.
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:43 PM
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I am fairly certain everyone I know has differing beliefs and ideals than me. Not ever been a problem, yet.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:02 PM
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It really depends if they inject politics into everything. I can't spend more than an hour with my dad. Even just driving around, everything used to be an anti-Obama rant. Pull into a parking lot and see an electric vehicle charging station? That's the jumping off point for a 15 minute anti-Obama rant.

A friend of mine used to watch football together. Our disagreements used to be on the play called by the QB. Then, he also became so infected with Obama derangement syndrome that he couldn't spend 3 hours without spewing anti-Obama nonsense. No, the president being born in Kenya didn't have anything to do with a bad call by a football referee.

But, I have two friends that I disagree with and yet we get along splendidly. One of them, we will spend time listening to music and our only differences are which of Sibelius' symphonies are the best. We also disagree over craft beer, but even though his politics are far more left than I do, if anything comes up, we can joke about it.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:03 PM
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I really don't mind arguing with my sister or my nephew. Sometimes though I wonder if my sister deliberately pretends to believe in weird things just to get a rise out of me. Recently my nephew seems to have adopted the philosophy of "Nothing is really true so why believe in anything". Which really pisses me off for some reason.

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Old 08-05-2018, 02:05 PM
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Most people I hang out with have differing beliefs and ideals than me. I mean, as long as the other person is not a Nazi or is trying to impose his or her beliefs on me the whole evening, what does it matter? While at the same time I'm most often genuinly interested in the reasons behind others beliefs that differs from mine, so given that the other guy has thought them though somewhat I would probably like to hear more about it. I think it is important to be able to hang out with people with differing beliefs; an opinion does not define a person.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:10 PM
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Sure, but it depends how strongly they have to push those beliefs in everyday conversation.

For example, I have a few rather conservative friends, but once one of them used the term (not ironically) "muslim-in-chief" I stopped following him on FB.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:30 PM
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Depends on the beliefs we disagree on.

They think dogs are better than cats? I don't agree, but it's not a deal-breaker. A belief like that wouldn't indicate anything about their morals or values.

They think all cats should be exterminated? It would be hard for me to be around that person. Doesn't matter if they stay quiet about it.

I like people okay, but I'm not that starved for company that I feel the need to hang out with just anyone.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by dalej42 View Post
It really depends if they inject politics into everything. I can't spend more than an hour with my dad. Even just driving around, everything used to be an anti-Obama rant. Pull into a parking lot and see an electric vehicle charging station? That's the jumping off point for a 15 minute anti-Obama rant.

A friend of mine used to watch football together. Our disagreements used to be on the play called by the QB. Then, he also became so infected with Obama derangement syndrome that he couldn't spend 3 hours without spewing anti-Obama nonsense. No, the president being born in Kenya didn't have anything to do with a bad call by a football referee.

But, I have two friends that I disagree with and yet we get along splendidly. One of them, we will spend time listening to music and our only differences are which of Sibelius' symphonies are the best. We also disagree over craft beer, but even though his politics are far more left than I do, if anything comes up, we can joke about it.
Pretty much this. I wouldn’t want to hang out with anyone who injects politics into everything even if it’s something I agree with.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:55 PM
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Every goddamn day at work. I work with a bunch of conservative, church-going, ex-military Midwestern homophobes, and I have nothing in common with any of that. I talk to them as little as possible and try to keep everything work-oriented, but whenever there's an option of a group lunch or dinner, I've got something going on, can't make it, sorry.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:57 PM
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I do and I have, but to be honest, it's an uneasy situation. For instance, I have a friend who's an anti-vaxxer. Logic and science don't budge her beliefs: all anti-vaxxers are conspiracy theorists in that they believe there's a huge conspiracy between Big Pharma, the FDA, and doctors. I've banned the topic from our conversations so I don't end up screaming, "That is SO FREAKING STUPID!" at her. I value her friendship because she's a kind, compassionate, intelligent person who has other things in common with me.

I also have Trump-supporting friends.

What it boils down to is I have a lot of imaginary arguments when I shower, wash the dishes, etc.
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Old 08-05-2018, 03:47 PM
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I used to be able to when I was younger. No longer. Could be I'm older and more stubborn, could be the Others have become more radical, could be a combination thereof.
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Old 08-05-2018, 04:06 PM
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Sure I can. But they have to like arguing if they're going to bring up the subjects that we disagree about.
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Old 08-05-2018, 04:13 PM
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Absolutely, my best friend is a Yankee fan...seriously, I have good friends that share very differing political, religious and cultural views, the common denominator is they are all, nice, intelligent, reasonable people who don't dwell on our differences and aren't threatened by an opposing view...when we talk about the differences, we do so frankly, openly and respectfully...no big deal...
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Old 08-05-2018, 04:20 PM
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For instance, I have a friend who's an anti-vaxxer. Logic and science don't budge her beliefs: all anti-vaxxers are conspiracy theorists in that they believe there's a huge conspiracy between Big Pharma, the FDA, and doctors. I've banned the topic from our conversations so I don't end up screaming, "That is SO FREAKING STUPID!" at her. I value her friendship because she's a kind, compassionate, intelligent person who has other things in common with me.
One of my brother-in-laws is a 'Flat Earther', and as a chemist and one who has flown AROUND (yup, it's round) the world numerous times, I find it best we just don't discuss it...beyond that, he's a great guy, I can hang with him all day, great sense of humor, laid-back, just a good guy...

My wife and I are convinced it's like a preacher thing, he's kind of a youtube "Flat Earth" poster, he has a lot of followers, we think it fills his need to be 'respected' or 'listened to', it's so totally out of character for him...we just avoid the subject, and all is good...there's just some subjects in life that aren't even worth the breath to discuss...
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Old 08-05-2018, 04:31 PM
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Depends on the beliefs.
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Old 08-05-2018, 05:12 PM
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So long as they aren't evangelical about whatever we disagree on I can hang out with just about anyone.
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Old 08-05-2018, 06:14 PM
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There are a very few beliefs that are so offensive (even to hold, not necessarily mention) that I would feel I had to separate myself from them. Prejudice based on skin colour or preferred type of sex partners or other inherited traits is one. I used to just hang out with people anyway, but it got to be too much.
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Old 08-05-2018, 07:40 PM
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Sometimes if we have a shared common interest where we don't have to talk about our other beliefs and values it can work.

But I too find that either people are more strident or I am less tolerant than in the past. Not sure which it is.
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Old 08-05-2018, 07:53 PM
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Depends on the beliefs we disagree on.
Yes, and also how much they might feel the need to ram them down your throat. I can handle somebody thinking something I strongly disagree with, but if they want to rabbit on about it constantly or try to "convert" me they need to think again.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:11 PM
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Depends on the beliefs we disagree on.


Yeah, this.

Considering the examples from the OP: I probably wouldn't hang around with anti-vaxxers, because their beliefs are demonstrably damaging to people who aren't them. It's not only factually wrong, but it's (IMO) immoral as well.

But the swingers? The only people they would be harming, if at all, are themselves. I actually have friends who are into BDSM, and have attended one of their events. I figured out pretty quickly that it's clearly not for me, but so long as they only involve people who are also into it, it doesn't negatively affect anyone else (other than busybodies, and fuck those guys). So there's no problem hanging out with them.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:25 PM
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Like other people, it depends on the beliefs. I could not hang out with anti-vaxxers, I don't think, specifically if they believed that vaccines cause autism. And I could not hang out with racists or homophobes.

But yeah, the cats vs. dogs issue? Personally, I am bi when it comes to pets. I like both cats and dogs equally. I am one of very, very few people I know with this proclivity. But I can put up with either "cat" people or "dog" people. I also don't really care if you prefer Mac to Windows. I am a Windows person, but my brother is firmly in the Mac camp, and we get along fine. He occasionally threatens to buy my son a Macbook, but I know he's kidding. I also do not care if you are not Jewish, as long as whatever you are, you do not try and convert me to it.

However, and this is a quality I am proud of, because until I was in the military, I didn't realize that it was an unusual quality in women-- I can work with anyone to get a job done. If we need to move that large pile of dirt from here to 100 feet there, and you are a raging homophobe, and another guy is a black panther, and another guy is a neo-Nazi, I will work just as hard as I would with my best friends in the world. And I discovered that most men in the military would too. Sadly, women would stop work if they didn't like the other people on their team. Drove me nuts. There was another woman in my platoon who was a really hard worker who would also work with anyone, didn't have to like them. It happened that she and I did not get on particularly well-- we had absolutely nothing in common, and she was a little bit of a wild-eyed Christian, and a big red Republican. But we would always pick each other to pull duty like CQ together, because we trusted each other to get stuff done, and not screw around. If they told us "Mop," that floor was going to shine, and we could both be proud.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:36 PM
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Depends on the beliefs.
Surely this is true for everyone.

You got your World Church of the Creator assholes, who want a racial holy war in which all non-white people get exterminated, who go around in T-shirts that sanctify racist serial killers. Them? I don't care how good they are at chatting about Dungeons and Dragons, how delicious their coffee, how sweet their kids, I ain't hanging around with them.

But I got a friend who thinks the Lord of the Rings movies were travesties. I got friends who can't stand even thinking about eating wild mushrooms. I got friends who think that charter schools are a good idea, or that charter schools should be illegal, or that Jesus walked upon the earth, or that religious people are all dummies. I can be friends with all of them.

Lots of beliefs are in the middle. A person who believes that we should lock up immigrant children in order to dissuade their parents from entering the US without documentation, they're closer to the WCotC end of the spectrum. A person who thinks we should pay more attention to the white working class and less attention to identity politics, they're closer to the charter-schools-are-great end of the spectrum. Lots of beliefs are there in the middle.
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:44 PM
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Yes. In fact, I'd say it was these differences that have made for some very stimulating conversations.

Also have learned a thing or two had I otherwise not been inside my bubble.
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Old 08-05-2018, 09:41 PM
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As said, it depends on the beliefs. And whether they insist on pushing those beliefs on others. Anti-vaxxers are literally endangering the rest of humanity for the sake of their conspiracy theory; I want nothing to do with such people.

But I don't really care what consenting adults do in their bedroom, even if it's something not personally to my taste. Or take vegetarianism; I don't care if someone is a vegetarian, but I do care if they are the sort who goes on meat-is-murder rants to your face.

Last edited by Der Trihs; 08-05-2018 at 09:42 PM.
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Old 08-05-2018, 10:14 PM
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Every Holiday. I bite my tongue and read a book. Just one in-law who goes on and on. I guess she no longer sees my skin color. And the tiny micro-aggressions that occur once the wine gets flowing and, yeah, they all no longer see my skin color or maybe I'm "one of the good ones."

Whenever I go to The Shop and the Mister's BFF (who owns The Shop) gets going I usually bite my tongue but on camping times (we plug our camper in when it's planting and harvesting times for their salsa garden) I get to drink. When I drink I will argue instead of discretely rolling my eyes.
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Old 08-05-2018, 10:30 PM
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Sure, I do ti somewhat often. But it depends how much the thing comes up. I have one friend who has become an anti-vaxxer, and I find I spend a lot less time with her than I used to, because it comes up too often, and it's just exhausting for both of us when it does. But if we can keep the conversation on other topics, it's fine.

(Her kid is severely autistic, and she's gone down a lot of different weird-medicine rabbit holes. She even goes and testifies to regulatory agencies about some of her research. Who knows, maybe some of her theories have helped her kid. I'm pretty sure a lot of them haven't. But I really can't talk medicine with her at all.)
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Old 08-06-2018, 06:38 AM
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I'd guess that around 3/5 or more of Facebook friends or people in my social circle are those with views I disagree with, perhaps even 3/4.
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Old 08-06-2018, 06:50 AM
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I tried for a while, also because I think it's theoretically a good idea to try and not live in a like-minded liberal bubble.

But the people I was hanging out with would regularly make racist jokes, they thought this was fun and rebellious or something. 🙄

Well, ignoring it felt like a betrayal of my principles as well as of friends of the targeted races. But in that kind of company it just wasn't do-able to make well-thought out counters or even get annoyed as I would be the humourless no fun person. We drifted apart.
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Old 08-06-2018, 08:00 AM
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I can be friends with anyone no matter what they believe. It's actions that can kill a friendship.
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Old 08-06-2018, 08:23 AM
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I can be friends with anyone no matter what they believe. It's actions that can kill a friendship.
Indeed, separate the belief, which is essentially internal, from the action, which is the externalization.
  • Belief - crazy crazy crazy
  • Action - Listen to me tell you about my crazy belief!
I would add that the level of intensity is a factor. If someone has oddball beliefs and occasionally mentions it, maybe OK. If instead they are constantly promoting or arguing their oddball beliefs, that's a deal breaker.
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Old 08-06-2018, 08:25 AM
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It depends on a couple of things, how radically does the person's views diverge from my own and how willing are they to work with me to find common ground? I probably am not going to be able to be friend's with a Trump voter because Trumpism represents a radical departure from my values and is causing real harm. A Republican who voted for McCain and or Romney, on the other hand is someone I could be friends with. My policy on religion and politics is that I'm happy to discuss it, but I don't need to. If the other person doesn't want to talk about either topic that's fine, but if they do bring up the topics, I will share my opinion. There is a certain type of consumer of vulpine news who wants to float his/her opinion, but then gets butthurt when they get pushback or disagreement. I can never get along with someone like that.
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Old 08-06-2018, 08:40 AM
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If I only hung out with people who agreed with me, I'd never leave the house. Actually, my wife disagrees with me too on many things, so I'd have to lock myself in the bathroom.

People are all trying to just muddle through life. Some muddle along different paths than I do. I'll never change their mind by shunning them. My beliefs are not so fragile that they can't stand up to debate. I guess if all you wanted to do every time I saw you was talk about how awesome Trump is or denigrate my beliefs I would probably stop hanging out with you, but more out of an absolute boredom that that's all that your life is. My best friend is a Trumpist and occasionally we wander into that territory, but usually we talk about kids and jobs and hobbies. You might not notice from a message board, but I tend to be more of a listener than a talker in real life. I like to mull over what other people think and say. My father-in-law thought I was a Republican for years simply because when we talked politics I just let him talk. I learned a long time ago that you almost never change people's minds with facts or debate. Beliefs are social and emotional in nature. Everyone thinks their beliefs are rational and everyone else is a fool, but they aren't. (Of course you, dear reader, are the exception. Your beliefs are the result of a million hours of long debate, pain-staking research and wrestling with Jacob's angel. The rest of us do not possess your intellect, so you'll excuse us.) Changing minds generally involves emotional connection and social advantage, so changing minds involves dialogue and true relationship, not social shunning and a treatise on social democracy. If someone that disagrees with me or hates my beliefs wants to pal around, then by all means, let's hang out.
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Old 08-06-2018, 08:43 AM
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Indeed, separate the belief, which is essentially internal, from the action, which is the externalization.
  • Belief - crazy crazy crazy
  • Action - Listen to me tell you about my crazy belief!
I would add that the level of intensity is a factor. If someone has oddball beliefs and occasionally mentions it, maybe OK. If instead they are constantly promoting or arguing their oddball beliefs, that's a deal breaker.

Well, by actions I mean like someone having racist beliefs vs. someone actually discriminating against someone or being hostile to someone. Although I guess constantly talking crazy and never getting the hint that I'm not interested wouldn't help either.

Last edited by adaher; 08-06-2018 at 08:43 AM.
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Old 08-06-2018, 09:19 AM
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My girlfriend is a Christian, I'm an atheist. Neither of us tries to convert the other, so it's not an issue.
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Old 08-06-2018, 09:21 AM
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My wife is Christian, I am also atheist. She does try to convert me, but I put up with it.

We also don't agree much on politics.
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Old 08-06-2018, 09:25 AM
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For me, it comes down to whether I consider the beliefs of the other person evil or not. I'm an atheist, but I have friends who are various religions; I'm a liberal, but I have friends who are varying stripes of conservative. But when a person's beliefs call for actual harm to be done to other people based on nothing more than racism and ignorance, I can't be friends with that person. I couldn't be friends with an ardent Stalinist for example, or a member of the KKK, or a Trumpist, what would be the point? If people aren't what they say, do and think, then what are they? Evil people do and say evil things and I think that by choosing to befriend such people you are tacitly endorsing their repugnant views.
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Old 08-06-2018, 09:36 AM
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As long as someone is willing to explain the logic behind a belief I don't mind hearing it. I lean conservative but at least 70% of my friends lean liberal. I have never been a Trump supporter but I do support some of his policies. The man himself defies logic and I often feel anyone who can fully support him has to either be a hypocrite or is just woefully uninformed. I won't hang with any kind of racist. I tolerate slightly homophobic views as I am slightly homophobic myself when it comes to showing off ones sexuality. I still see that as as a private thing and I have no problem with that.
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Old 08-06-2018, 09:38 AM
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Well, by actions I mean like someone having racist beliefs vs. someone actually discriminating against someone or being hostile to someone. Although I guess constantly talking crazy and never getting the hint that I'm not interested wouldn't help either.
The biggest problem I see with that is that actions and beliefs aren't that separable. What you believe is what you use to determine your actions. In fact, you can use someone's actions to determine whether they have told the truths about their beliefs.

So, while I could agree with you in theory, in practice I can't see how someone with racist beliefs hasn't acted upon them at some point. So it become more a measure of how harmful those beliefs are in practice as to whether I can tolerate it. In practice, this tends to at least mean the person at least tries not to be racist and is open to changing beliefs at some level--even if not changing everything at once.

The only thing I can see stopping a belief from leading to action is that you have another, stronger belief that takes precedence. It's hard to do with racism, so I'll take homophobia. You think being gay is a sin. However, you also think it's wrong to force that beliefs on others, and they have to decide for themselves. That is a big difference between the person who believes the same but thinks it is their duty.

But the problem there is that no belief will completely nullify another, so the bad belief will still lead to back actions. In this one, you might still discriminate against gay people because you feel like you'd be taking part in their gayness if you don't. Or you might champion "education" that teaches people the "problems" with being gay, to help them "make a decision." Or even support conversion camps for those who "decide" to stop sinning.

So I think it depends entirely on how bad I think the actions are. Will they hurt me? Will I be helping them feel like their actions are okay and encourage more? Will liking them make me more sympathetic to their wrong beliefs?

Fortunately, with racism, the decision is pretty much made for me. I don't know anyone sufficiently racist who isn't an asshole. Homophobia is harder, but I find that I'm moving away from people who see it as a problem.

The only thing that gives me pause is influence: friends have more influence than non-friends. Can my being friends with some awful people help them become less awful? I know I'm one who is rather resolute in my beliefs now--are they strong enough that I can get in and help others?

My general practice is not to seek this sort of thing out, but exploit it when I can. I've at least gotten some pro-lifers to be anti-abortion but pro-choice. I've convinced people that homosexuality may not be a sin. I've gotten people to at least stop using hurtful words, even if I can't completely change their beliefs. So it seems worth it.

Sorry if that seemed a bit rambly, but I don't feel like going back and editing this and then losing chunks of it, like I usually do. So take it as it is.
  #43  
Old 08-06-2018, 09:41 AM
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Bullitt Bullitt is offline
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I believe in respecting other people and their viewpoints. I believe in being polite and professional. I enjoy learning about differing viewpoints, and if I learn something new, all the better. If the other people can respect the fact that we differ on some things, and they then don't repeatedly try to convert me, I think for the most part that we can get along well enough.

Some of my best friends hold strongly differing views. We’ve shared those views, and we don’t try to convert each other, and we seek and enjoy the common ground that we share.
  #44  
Old 08-06-2018, 09:42 AM
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GuanoLad GuanoLad is online now
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I'd be surprised if there is anyone who agrees with me on everything. And I'd probably not want to hang out with them either, what a weirdo they'd be.

I have many friends who believe fundamentally different things than I do, including religion, sexual orientation, politics, and in one case, conspiracy theories, and as long as those subjects don't come up, I can usually get along with them fine without any problem. I am even open to having my mind changed on certain smaller issues.
  #45  
Old 08-06-2018, 09:44 AM
adaher adaher is offline
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There's racism as in believing that certain harmless stereotypes are true, like black friends saying white people can't jump, which do not lead to blatant discrimination, and then there's racism.
  #46  
Old 08-06-2018, 09:51 AM
senoy senoy is online now
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Originally Posted by GuanoLad View Post
I'd be surprised if there is anyone who agrees with me on everything. And I'd probably not want to hang out with them either, what a weirdo they'd be.
If you find someone that agrees with you on absolutely everything, don't hang out with him because he's an idiot.
  #47  
Old 08-06-2018, 10:27 AM
Athena Athena is offline
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Hey all, thanks for the responses.

One thing I'd like to emphasis (as this was a key point in my real-life discussion) we're not talking about actively talking about the issue in question. The whole premise was "Potential new acquaintance is an anti-vaxxer (or whatever), you find that point of view really unappealing and are not going to change your mind, but there will be no active discussion or evangelizing on it while you're together."

In other words - is the mere knowledge that this person subscribes to that belief, even if there's absolutely no talk about it, enough to make you not want to associate with them, even if you have plenty of other stuff in common?
  #48  
Old 08-06-2018, 10:31 AM
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Folks who are like, "Sure, I'll hang out with anyone": I want to clarify. Let's say you meet someone like Matt Hale through a friend. You find out that the person you've met advocates loudly for a racial holy war in which everyone who's not white will be murdered; after the majority of humanity is wiped out, your new acquaintance believes the remaining humans will live in a whites-only utopia. This new acquaintance likes to wear shirts with the image of Benjamin Smith, a racist mass murderer.

To the best of your knowledge your new acquaintance hasn't ever actually committed violence against anyone, despite their vocal advocacy of genocide.

Those of you who don't choose friends based on beliefs, you're cool hanging out with this guy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by adaher View Post
There's racism as in believing that certain harmless stereotypes are true, like black friends saying white people can't jump, which do not lead to blatant discrimination, and then there's racism.
One helpful distinction, IMO, is that racism is racial prejudice backed by institutional power.

Last edited by Left Hand of Dorkness; 08-06-2018 at 10:32 AM.
  #49  
Old 08-06-2018, 10:47 AM
madmonk28 madmonk28 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athena View Post
Hey all, thanks for the responses.

One thing I'd like to emphasis (as this was a key point in my real-life discussion) we're not talking about actively talking about the issue in question. The whole premise was "Potential new acquaintance is an anti-vaxxer (or whatever), you find that point of view really unappealing and are not going to change your mind, but there will be no active discussion or evangelizing on it while you're together."

In other words - is the mere knowledge that this person subscribes to that belief, even if there's absolutely no talk about it, enough to make you not want to associate with them, even if you have plenty of other stuff in common?
If the belief system is repugnant, then yes, mere knowledge is enough. If you told me someone was a member of NAMBLA or a climate change denier, or a Trumpist, or a member of the KKK, then I would not want to hang out with them.
  #50  
Old 08-06-2018, 11:08 AM
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I wouldn't be able to hang out with people who I learned hold extremist views, no, nor would I want my kids around them. I also wouldn't want to hang out with people whose actions I feel are completely repugnant.

For example, a former friend of mine bragged to me about how she'd started inviting strangers in her house for sex while her husband and kids slept upstairs. She thought it was hilarious. I try hard not to judge people, and her marriage had been on the rocks before it even started, but what really threw me was that she was a psychologist for the local public school system for special needs kids; she shared that she'd had sex with one of the kids' dads in her office. The thought that she thought it was "funny" to fuck strangers in her own home with her kids nearby or to even entertain the idea of doing something like that with her students' parents made me wonder what else (and who else) she was willing to do in her position. I used to think she was a pretty cool person, but suddenly I couldn't talk to her without feeling dirty.
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