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Old 08-12-2018, 04:07 PM
UCBearcats UCBearcats is offline
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Why are some people losers

Why do some people do all the right things with school, volunteering, etc yet can't ever get ahead and are kept in certain positions?
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Old 08-12-2018, 04:11 PM
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Moved to IMHO.

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Old 08-12-2018, 04:33 PM
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Because life's not fair. A message I drilled into my kids for years.
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Old 08-12-2018, 04:42 PM
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Because life's not fair.
This may be the only blanket answer that's true across the board. There are many other answers to the OP's question that apply to some individuals but not others.

For example, for some people a big part of the answer may be of the form "You're really hard to get along with, because of __________." For others, that's not it at all.
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Old 08-12-2018, 04:48 PM
UCBearcats UCBearcats is offline
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So just drawing the short straw in life. Great.
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Old 08-12-2018, 04:52 PM
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"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
- Tolstoy

People with problems are like unhappy families. Each is different. And since unhappy childhoods leads to a lot of problems later, well there goes trying to sort such people into a small number of groups.

One thing I see often of are people who blame others for their mistakes. They blow money on a get rich scheme and blame their family for not supporting their dreams and a million such stupidities.

But that's just one type in an ocean of issues people can have.
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Old 08-12-2018, 05:57 PM
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Some people may look like losers to others, but to themselves, they may be exactly where they want to be. We don't all have the same dreams and aspirations.
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Old 08-12-2018, 06:02 PM
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I'm looking at an internal viewpoint.
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Old 08-12-2018, 06:23 PM
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It is completely impossible to be "a loser".

What you can be is a loser at something.

If I am a loser at cards (which by the way I am), then surprise surprise I have to either get better at cards or go do something else.

It really is that simple, even if you don't believe it. If you're seriously no good at X, then do something else. And if everything has gone to shit and nothing is working, then you have nothing to lose, so start something new and different and see what happens.

ETA:

My first statement can be wrong in only one situation: If you DECIDE you're a loser, you can easily make it come true. It's work, but it can be done.

Last edited by DavidwithanR; 08-12-2018 at 06:28 PM.
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Old 08-12-2018, 06:31 PM
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In general, happiness attracts and morosity repels. So once things start to go rotten, it's easy to get depressed and then it just stays that way. For those who have a lot to be sad about in childhood, it just may always be that way.
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Old 08-12-2018, 06:44 PM
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For some people, it is self inflicted. Those I understand. It is when, as the OP states, on the surface they do all the right things. No drugs, 90th percentile in all tests, do the community volunteer stuff, get the degree. San son #2 did that yet he hasn't had a job last more than 3 months since graduating with some type of IT degree. Last several have "eliminated the position" through mergers or other cost reductions or the business just closed. He can't seem to get with anyone that wants him long term. With multiple job changes on his resume, each position takes a bit longer to get. Part of it I understand is him not leaving the area -gf and cheap CoL. Still there is nothing to say he would do better elsewhere and he wouldn't have the safety net to help him out.
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Old 08-12-2018, 06:44 PM
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So just drawing the short straw in life. Great.
Maybe. That doesnít mean you canít turn things around. You asked a general question and got a general answer. If youíre talking about yourself though, you can ask specific questions and get specific answers.

If you are young it could be as simple as just being patient and waiting for your opportunity.
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Old 08-12-2018, 06:50 PM
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Unfortunately I'm mid 40's so youth is not on my side.

Last edited by UCBearcats; 08-12-2018 at 06:51 PM. Reason: Grammar
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Old 08-12-2018, 06:53 PM
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So just drawing the short straw in life. Great.
I don't know how old you are. But I know it's way too easy to conclude that your life is a certain way when you've only been around for a relatively short period of time.

One thing I wish people had taught me growing up is that there are intangibles that go into success. Touchy-feely stuff that you can't quantify but still count towards "merit". The kids who didn't want me on their kick-ball team weren't being big meanos. Because what did I have to offer them? I was a giant klutz. I would get performance anxiety and run in the wrong direction and duck from all the balls. I wasn't entertaining enough to be a mascot and I wasn't cute enough to evoke team spirit. If I had been able to improve myself in any of these areas, maybe I wouldn't have always been left out. But I was fixated on the one thing I couldn't actually change very much--my clumsiness--because I was under the impression that clumsiness was the only thing holding me back.

That said, it is also true that some people have the intangible and tangible qualifications and just have a string of bad luck. Sometimes missing one opportunity makes it even more likely that you will miss others, thus making it more likely you will always be "behind". Why do kids from subpar public schools wind up working at McDonald's rather than at Google? It's not because they didn't work hard enough. It's because they didn't have the opportunities that would set them up with a job at Google. Life is unfair like this.

But life is also funny. Sometimes opportunities arise out of mishaps and disasters. Several years ago I felt a bit loserish because I didn't have the passion that other people seem to have for their jobs and I felt invisible in my workplace hierarchy. But my boss then bailed out unexpectedly right in the midst of a project. No one asked me to take things over, but I did since the project was halfway interesting to me and no one else was doing it. And now I don't feel quite so "loserish" anymore. That one decision propelled me into two promotions and a greater sense of accomplishment.

I think the difference between winners and losers is that winners are at least open-minded to the possibility that an opportunity is available to them, and they don't let rejections bring them down. Losers are so cynical or low self-esteemy that they don't even bother to look anymore. In other words, losers have a specific mindset, not a lifestyle.
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Old 08-12-2018, 06:57 PM
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Unfortunately I'm mid 40's so youth is not on my side.
Can you elaborate more on why you feel like a loser? Are you comparing yourself to the people around you? Or to everyone in society?
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Old 08-12-2018, 07:04 PM
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That is the kind of break that has eluded me. My first company out of college had massive lay offs after I had been there 7 years. Another company was paying for grad school yet wouldn't let me interview for a new position. I have always been 2 or three steps behind in terms of "average" position for someone my age and other factors.
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Old 08-12-2018, 07:27 PM
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Iíve had some pretty serious missteps in my life, so many I could write a book about it. But somewhere in the last 8 years I discovered that Iím perfectly happy with my life. Is it stress-free? No. Do things still go wrong? Absolutely. By most standards I am severely underemployed, and most people would look at the fact that I have a college degree, am a veteran, and could easily do anything else, and call me a loser.

But you know what? I can pay the bills, I can take care of my family, and I love my job. I am well-respected by people and I do quality work. In the end, thatís all that really matters.

The point is that internally you have to come to terms with what you are and what you thought you should have been. I mean, Iíd love to be a jet-setting CEO sleeping with supermodels and driving fast cars out of my enormous mansion, but it wasnít in the cards. If you canít be happy with what you have and you always want more youíll never be happy, youíll be a loser in your own mind forever. And that, my friend, is the only aspect of your life you have any control over.
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Old 08-12-2018, 07:31 PM
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That is the kind of break that has eluded me. My first company out of college had massive lay offs after I had been there 7 years. Another company was paying for grad school yet wouldn't let me interview for a new position. I have always been 2 or three steps behind in terms of "average" position for someone my age and other factors.
When your employer wouldn't let you take another position, did you stay there? Or did you hightail it to another job as soon as you could?
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Old 08-12-2018, 07:39 PM
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I left that company as soon as I could. I'm not looking to be a CEO, but I would like to be able to retire before 75 and with the underemployment I don't see that happening.
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Old 08-12-2018, 08:12 PM
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I left that company as soon as I could. I'm not looking to be a CEO, but I would like to be able to retire before 75 and with the underemployment I don't see that happening.
I'm sorry things aren't working out for you. I don't know if I agree with Airman Doors that only you can control your happiness. We don't know how the rest of your life is treating you. If it's shitty across the board, then I think it is totally understandable that you'd feel major sadness. Sometimes you can zen your way out of misery and sometimes it's impossible.

People will tell you that the worst thing you can do is compare yourself. I haven't been able to figure out how to not do this, personally. We're social creatures. We are programmed to take our cues from other people, to some degree. But what I have found helpful is not to just compare myself against people who are doing "better" than me, because that's a guaranteed way to make me feel bad about myself. I try to offset every comparison that makes me feel like a loser with one that makes me feel like a winner. You may not be doing as well as the "average" person of your age, gender, nationality, and race. But are you doing better than the average person? Are you doing better than someone you see every day?

Just know that you will not be the only person working well past retirement. A lot of people who do all the right things are in this position....and a lot of those people are enjoying the fruits of their success right now, but don't know what's in store for them.
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Old 08-12-2018, 09:12 PM
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A comparison against the average person isn't relevant. Unless it is against my peers it wouldn't truly show how I'm doing and what the metrics are like.
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Old 08-12-2018, 09:40 PM
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That is the kind of break that has eluded me. My first company out of college had massive lay offs after I had been there 7 years. Another company was paying for grad school yet wouldn't let me interview for a new position. I have always been 2 or three steps behind in terms of "average" position for someone my age and other factors.
Me too! In fact, my boss flat out told me I'd never advance to middle management. (My first reaction was "Good, those people are miserable!"...)

It took a switch to an entirely different field to make any progress*. So I went from a Bio Lab to an Ad Agency to teaching at a Tech College (where an Associates degree was enough "credentials" to get me what I had no idea would be my dream job).


*Progress NOT being some "American Dream" sort of artificial "more responsibility, better title, more money, bigger house, redder car", but measured in happiness and fulfillment.
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Old 08-12-2018, 10:33 PM
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Because life's not fair.

Even if it were "fair", everyone can't be Number One.



Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidwithanR
It is completely impossible to be "a loser".

What you can be is a loser at something.
I disagree. I think there are some people who you can put them in any situation and they will come out on top. Others, not so much. Most are somewhere in the middle.


It may sound trite, but often the difference between being a "winner" and a "loser" is the ability to set a goal and take action to achieve it. Particularly if you aren't successful at something right away.
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Old 08-12-2018, 11:03 PM
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I'm a loser in a lot of ways. My career sucks, dating life sucks, not very attractive, etc.

But I've also done a lot of work on my mental health. I'm more mentally healthy than my siblings who both have families and careers.

It depends on what metric you use to define being a loser. Part of it is your skill set, priorities and luck.
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Old 08-12-2018, 11:05 PM
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I disagree. I think there are some people who you can put them in any situation and they will come out on top. Others, not so much. Most are somewhere in the middle.
Agreed, it's probably a bell curve distribution of life skills. Some people have incredible life skills, some have horrible life skills. But I'm not sure if life skills are nature or nurture, or what they even are. I assume intelligence, parents socioeconomic status, ability to delay gratification, etc all play a role but who knows.
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Old 08-12-2018, 11:06 PM
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I'm looking at an internal viewpoint.
When people feel bad about themselves, they spread unhappiness. When people feel good about themselves and are not jerks, they spread happiness. When people "do all the right things" for the wrong reasons, they spread confusion and resentment.

People respond to what others are spreading.



And if being succesful is "averageness", sorry but it took me 36 years to stop my mother's attempt at "normalizing" me and I'm not stepping back. I don't want to be normal. I don't spend my nights longing to have a husband, 2 kids and a fraction of a child (which is what some people think I should have done). I don't want to be a farmer in the third world (which is the most common job on Earth). I don't want to be the average human being or the average woman or the average me.

I just want to be and do what makes me happy, while to the best of my ability leaving this Earth better than I found it. Anything else is other people's expectations, and fuck that.
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Old 08-12-2018, 11:13 PM
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A comparison against the average person isn't relevant. Unless it is against my peers it wouldn't truly show how I'm doing and what the metrics are like.
Your only peer is you. Stop measuring yourself against the rest of the world; you can always find a group against which you'll be on the lower half and others against whom you'll be on the upper half. The question is, how well are you playing the cards you and only you were dealt? I was going to say "if what you're doing doesn't make you happy, stop it" - well, one of the things you need to stop is all that benchmarking!
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Old 08-12-2018, 11:40 PM
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A comparison against the average person isn't relevant. Unless it is against my peers it wouldn't truly show how I'm doing and what the metrics are like.
So imagine everything was the same except your peers have done worse than you. Would you feel better? If so, why? Your position would be exactly the same. Why does someone else’s success or failure have any bearing on your own happiness?

Last edited by Richard Pearse; 08-12-2018 at 11:41 PM.
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Old 08-13-2018, 01:21 AM
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So imagine everything was the same except your peers have done worse than you. Would you feel better? If so, why? Your position would be exactly the same. Why does someone elseís success or failure have any bearing on your own happiness?
Because humans are social animals and status provides survival advantages.
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Old 08-13-2018, 02:04 AM
Richard Pearse Richard Pearse is offline
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Because humans are social animals and status provides survival advantages.
So OP is unhappy because evolution? I see the point you are making but I’m not sure I buy it. A lot of low status people seem to be comfortable with it and happy.

I suggest the OP focuses on what he has rather than what others have and on what he has achieved rather than what others have achieved.

Otherwise, if he measures his success against others, he will always find someone who is doing better and he will never be happy. You see, as you climb the social ladder your peer group changes. All those CEOs? They don’t compare themselves with Jim from school who became a street cleaner, they compare themselves against other CEOs and entrepreneurs and if they allow themselves to they could easily find themselves lacking in comparison to someone.

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Old 08-13-2018, 02:25 AM
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Because everyone cant be winners and people are amazing creatures of adaptation. "Losers" can be just as happy with their lives as the "winners".
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Old 08-13-2018, 04:56 AM
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As others have said, life's not fair. So get over yourself and find some happiness in something, no matter how trivial. For example, when I was working the night shift, I used to go outside and watch the dawn. For another example, I'm the ultimate failure in that I'm never going to be a parent, so I'm determined to be the best uncle I can be to my nephew and niece and I find delight in helping and watching them grow. (Brag alert: my nephew just got straight As in his exams! I am, of course, immensely proud of his achievement.)
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Old 08-13-2018, 05:52 AM
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A comparison against the average person isn't relevant. Unless it is against my peers it wouldn't truly show how I'm doing and what the metrics are like.
It isn't relevant only because you're choosing to ignore it. If you are really interested in doing a fair, non-biased assessment of your life, you need to expand your concept of "peer". You are almost certainly doing better than the average mid-40s human being. You are probably doing just as well or better than the average mid-40s Ohioian and the average mid-40s American. If you are only looking at yourself as a member of a relatively small, elite group, then of course you're going to feel like a loser. But I'm wondering if it is possible that you look like you're a winner compared to the majority of people around you, including the people immediately around you. If this is in any way the case, you need to appreciate this. Doing otherwise is to choose to be low self-esteemy.

If you were to meet someone who is a One-Percenter and who is bummed out because his peers are all Point-One-Percenters, what would you tell that person to cheer them up? Would you feel that person was a loser? Or would you think that person was lucky in a lot of ways and that it's kind of a shame that they can't see it?
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Old 08-13-2018, 06:13 AM
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Because everyone cant be winners and people are amazing creatures of adaptation. "Losers" can be just as happy with their lives as the "winners".
I would amend this by saying that everyone can't be winners if they are using a normative assessment. But it is possible to be a winner when the evaluation is done in an ipsative fashion.

At any rate, it's not that hard to find something that you're better at than the majority of people. A person can have a "loser" salary and a "loser" romantic life, but they can have a "winner" physical activity level and a "winner" body fat percentage. Or they can be a "winner" gamer or gardener or stamp collector. If a person wants to view life as a competitive game, they'd do better collecting tokens from as many different areas of achievement as they possibly can rather than waiting for a single slot machine to pay out.
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Old 08-13-2018, 08:07 AM
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It isn't relevant only because you're choosing to ignore it. If you are really interested in doing a fair, non-biased assessment of your life, you need to expand your concept of "peer". You are almost certainly doing better than the average mid-40s human being. You are probably doing just as well or better than the average mid-40s Ohioian and the average mid-40s American. If you are only looking at yourself as a member of a relatively small, elite group, then of course you're going to feel like a loser. But I'm wondering if it is possible that you look like you're a winner compared to the majority of people around you, including the people immediately around you. If this is in any way the case, you need to appreciate this. Doing otherwise is to choose to be low self-esteemy.

If you were to meet someone who is a One-Percenter and who is bummed out because his peers are all Point-One-Percenters, what would you tell that person to cheer them up? Would you feel that person was a loser? Or would you think that person was lucky in a lot of ways and that it's kind of a shame that they can't see it?

After losing the Super Bowl last year, do you think Tom Brady went back to his mansion and told Gisele "but honey, I can still beat like 99.999% of the world in football!"?
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Old 08-13-2018, 08:32 AM
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After losing the Super Bowl last year, do you think Tom Brady went back to his mansion and told Gisele "but honey, I can still beat like 99.999% of the world in football!"?
I don't know. But I know most people don't think Tom Brady is a loser in life just because he was a loser in one game. I am guessing Tom Brady feels similarly. YMMV.

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Old 08-13-2018, 08:35 AM
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Some people simply like being pitied, and do everything they can to be losers. They make all the bad decisions in life, and feel like nothing is their fault.
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Old 08-13-2018, 09:02 AM
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A comparison against the average person isn't relevant. Unless it is against my peers it wouldn't truly show how I'm doing and what the metrics are like.
You are treating yourself very harshly by comparing yourself to others this way. I would suspect you have let others define your goals and ambitions as well. Maybe I'm totally wrong about that but if not then it's time for you to re-evalute who you are and what you want to be. Don't bother with any critical analysis of what you have done before, that's what is depressing you now. Take a fresh look at who you are and what really matters to you. If all that matters to you is how you rate yourself based on other people you will face an unhappy or self-deluding life ahead of you no matter what you do.

A lot of us have at this point in life at some time. My observation is that happiness, or as close to happiness as you can get will come from finding your best self within you. Hard to say how that works for any particular person but it's clear you haven't done that so far.

I wish you the best. The odds are in your favor, most people find the way to work this out to their advantage.
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Old 08-13-2018, 09:41 AM
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I was reading this thread and composing a reply and tje foind airman doors' response which was suspiciously exactly what i was going to say almost word for word (stop reading my thoughts before I've had them damn it! :-D)

One of the messages that seems to run through this thread is look at what you have and where you are what you have achieved and compare that to what was, first. Don't look at what others have and ask why not me, ask how can i get there, ask what problems they have what sacrifices they made what do they regret in getting what or where they are in life. It sounds trite, but the grass aint geeener, or if it is theres less of it than you think.

Look, my life is a pile of shit right now, but i knowit will get better, because i see what i want and i ask how and then do it, i ask whats the deawbacks and then decide if its worth it, and i accept the results of my decisions good AND bad as MY responibility,
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Old 08-13-2018, 11:30 AM
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Bad decisions. I think how they were raised plays a big part. Single parent children or children from abusive/neglectful parents tend to fare worse. Untreated depression or other mental conditions can of course contribute in a major way. Substance abuse (esp alcohol). All these (but certainly not limited), can contribute to making bad decisions in life. And bad decisions can cause major hurtles to succeeding.

I also think that certain people are just inclined to be lazy procrastinators.
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Old 08-13-2018, 11:46 AM
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Thanks for the replies. I do accept my faults and the responsibility for them. Of course I have it better than a 40 year old crack whore or meth head. It would still be nice to figure out what I need to do to crack the glass ceiling above me, especially when I am I high performer.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nava View Post
When people feel bad about themselves, they spread unhappiness. When people feel good about themselves and are not jerks, they spread happiness. When people "do all the right things" for the wrong reasons, they spread confusion and resentment.

People respond to what others are spreading.
Though this is purely speculation on my part, I think this could well be part of it.

Obviously, I don't know you, and I've never worked with you. That said, if you're proving to be competent at your job, but unable to get promoted, it may be that, if you're seen as a negative person, or someone with whom your colleagues don't enjoy working, your supervisors may be hesitant to promote you (especially if a promotion would put you into a supervisory or managerial role).

I understand that you may not want to share details, but if you're getting performance appraisals, what are they saying? Are you being given areas in which your supervisors want to see you improve (and, if so, are they pointing to the same things over time)? Do you have anyone in your current job whom you trust enough to have an open conversation about how you're viewed by others at your company?

Last edited by kenobi 65; 08-13-2018 at 12:11 PM.
  #43  
Old 08-13-2018, 12:15 PM
monstro monstro is online now
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Originally Posted by UCBearcats View Post
Thanks for the replies. I do accept my faults and the responsibility for them. Of course I have it better than a 40 year old crack whore or meth head. It would still be nice to figure out what I need to do to crack the glass ceiling above me, especially when I am I high performer.
Without knowing the specifics of your occupation, your strengths and weaknesses, and just how high your performance is, I don't think we will be able you the feedback you are looking for.

I think most people have someone they work with who on paper seems to be doing all the right things but can't seem to climb as far up on the totem pole as they want. I have a coworker like this. I could give you a list of WAGs for why his career has stalled, but they probably would not apply to you. And my WAGs could also be wrong.

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  #44  
Old 08-13-2018, 12:26 PM
Poysyn Poysyn is offline
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A lot of perception is how we deal with what happens - good and bad. Life isn't fair, you can do all of the "right" things and it may still not work out, but how are you dealing with it? There is so much in life that is beyond our control, except maybe our attitude. That doesn't mean you have to walk around like Pollyanna and always be cheerful and optimistic, but you also should not dwell on everything negative.

I have dealt with a lot, but overall, things are pretty okay. I could really wallow in the negative, but that accomplishes nothing.
  #45  
Old 08-13-2018, 12:52 PM
UCBearcats UCBearcats is offline
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I used to be the most happy go lucky guy in the world. After getting kicked repeatedly in the junk you kind of lose the positive emotion.
  #46  
Old 08-13-2018, 12:54 PM
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Inigo Montoya Inigo Montoya is offline
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Originally Posted by Richard Pearse View Post
So imagine everything was the same except your peers have done worse than you. Would you feel better? If so, why? Your position would be exactly the same. Why does someone elseís success or failure have any bearing on your own happiness?
I like this. If there were a "Like" button around here, I'd have hit it. Instead, I'm creating a visual distraction to draw attention to your post.

But to the OP: I was a loser for a long time. Personal life in shambles in some form or another, career effectively stalled for over 15 years. At some point a couple years ago I stopped giving a shit and decided to just do what I could about the stuff I felt really mattered, but not at the expense of appreciating what hadn't yet gone wrong. As a result, I started paying attention to what was going right, and generally disregarding the other stuff. I became better at what I liked paying attention to--and saw success happen for things I cared about. I stopped messing with things that I was obviously no good at--and stopped having to own those failures. It'd be easy to boil that down into some nice platitude about floating on your back down the stream of life vs. wearing yourself out swimming against the current, but I think the truth is somewhere between that and "I've been getting lucky for a change."
  #47  
Old 08-13-2018, 12:59 PM
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Sunny Daze Sunny Daze is offline
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Originally Posted by UCBearcats View Post
Thanks for the replies. I do accept my faults and the responsibility for them. Of course I have it better than a 40 year old crack whore or meth head. It would still be nice to figure out what I need to do to crack the glass ceiling above me, especially when I am I high performer.
I would suggest looking for a personal coach. I've seen others use them with extremely positive benefits. I'm speaking of a business coach, but there are lifestyle coaches as well.

Last edited by Sunny Daze; 08-13-2018 at 01:00 PM.
  #48  
Old 08-13-2018, 01:27 PM
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Originally Posted by UCBearcats View Post
It would still be nice to figure out what I need to do to crack the glass ceiling above me, especially when I am I high performer.
I know it must be frustrating to constantly be trying and yet somehow unable to achieve what you want.

Have you talked to someone at your job about how best to get ahead? Someone who has the wisdom, knowledge, and experience to understand what separates the winners from the losers in your organization/industry?

Utlimately, you may have to accept that you have certain intractable personal or situational factors that make it difficult for you to reach the success you desire. But you shouldn't resign yourself to that belief unless you have ruled out things that you can control. Like, if the people at your job who are identified as management material tend to have a certain credential and/or experience on their resume, then that's a big clue that those without that crediential/experience are going to be paddling upstream.

Without knowing specifics about your situation, it's hard to advise you why you aren't succeeding. But don't give up hope just yet.
  #49  
Old 08-13-2018, 01:28 PM
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I don't know if I'd call the OP's example a "loser". Maybe not as successful as they'd like, but not really a loser either.

When I think of losers, I think of a certain sort of "sad-sack" person that I've known in my life who, for whatever reasons, manage to consistently and unspectactularly underperform, and sabotage any opportunities they may have to do better. They're the kids who had solid C averages, and weren't partying a lot. They're the people who are working retail at 45 and aren't managing the place. And so on. They're not the sorts who do something cool and successful and then have that crash down around them, and they're not the ones who are just dealt a complete shit hand with disabilities or other sorts of low value "life cards". They're the ones who don't really have any reason for being chronically less successful except for the choices that they make, and the fact that they consistently make them. Kind of like real-life Al Bundys or Homer Simpsons, but without the luck and crazy stuff that befalls Homer.

It's always seemed to me that a lot of them have barely adequate life skills- they went to college, but didn't graduate, and then didn't have a plan, so they fell into some sort of random job to pay the bills. And then got married and had a kid before they could get anything started. And so on and so forth...

Last edited by bump; 08-13-2018 at 01:29 PM.
  #50  
Old 08-13-2018, 02:00 PM
RickJay RickJay is offline
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Originally Posted by UCBearcats View Post
Unfortunately I'm mid 40's so youth is not on my side.
How do you know you've "done everything right"? If it's not working, it seems to me you're not doing everything right. Try some honest self-reflection or finding a brutally honest friend.
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