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Old 09-22-2018, 02:41 PM
laurieb laurieb is offline
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Embarrasing moment at dinner out last night...what do you think?

Last night, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend, his parents, and my mom. We went to this awesome Mexican restaurant not far from our apartment.

After the appetizers and entrée, I got really bloated. I was so uncomfortable. Bad bloating, like my stomach was being pumped with water. So, I did something that I usually am shy about doing, especially in public. I had to pop open the top button of my jeans and unzip them. Yes, the bloating was that bad.

My blouse was tucked in, so everyone could see I was undoing my jeans. I tried being as discreet as possible, but we were sitting on high chairs, so there wasn't much room to hide it. My mom then says, "Laurie, have some manners! Exposing yourself like that in front of everyone!"

My boyfriend's mom then commented, "A girl's gotta get some room sometimes."

My mom then replied, "She needs to go on a diet. She's been looking like a doughgirl lately."

I was so embarrassed. My boyfriend and his dad stayed quiet through the whole thing. I felt miserable. What my mom said made it worse. I had an eating disorder back in my 20s, and managed to get back out of it, (I'm now a slightly pudgy 5'6", 160 lbs) but I'm healthy. Why would she make a statement like that?

I've also had mild IBS since college, and I tend to bloat at the most random times, like last night.

I'm just so upset about this, and embarrassed.
  #2  
Old 09-22-2018, 02:45 PM
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I think your mom was way out of line.
What she said was deliberately embarrassing, and, as my mother used to say - if you don't have anything nice to say, shut up.
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Old 09-22-2018, 02:49 PM
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Yep, Mom was outta line. Talk to her about it.
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Old 09-22-2018, 03:16 PM
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I believe the appropriate response is “Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.”

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Old 09-22-2018, 03:17 PM
laurieb laurieb is offline
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Thanks for the support, guys. Means a lot.
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Old 09-22-2018, 03:21 PM
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My boyfriend and his dad stayed quiet through the whole thing.
Smart fellas.
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Old 09-22-2018, 03:37 PM
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Smart fellas.
I would agree with you, but I kinda wish my boyfriend stood up for me. I talked to him about it later on, and he said it just was "getting kind of awkward."
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:03 PM
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I would agree with you, but I kinda wish my boyfriend stood up for me. I talked to him about it later on, and he said it just was "getting kind of awkward."
As a guy, I have to say that interjecting into these kinds of intrafamily dynamics can often result in blowback for not saying or doing the right thing. You have every reason to expect your guy to back you up, but in this kind of scenario you need to make it clear exactly what you want in terms of backup.

Your mother has no excuses, and all I can offer is that she is dealing with her own personality issues by dumping on you, as many parents do. Even if she had a sincere concern about your weight or eating habits, that is something she should have brought up in private, not at a dinner with your boyfriend and his family.

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Old 09-22-2018, 04:08 PM
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I would agree with you, but I kinda wish my boyfriend stood up for me. I talked to him about it later on, and he said it just was "getting kind of awkward."
If it would have been his mother out of line, then absolutely he should have stuck up for you. But since it was your mother, I can definitely see why he might feel awkward about that. Getting between family members can be like stepping into a minefield that's been decades in the making. It takes time to learn where the traps are so you can step into it safely.
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:13 PM
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How old is your mother? I noticed with both of my grandmothers that as they got older they lost their “filters” and would just blurt out whatever came to mind. Especially someone’s weight.
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:13 PM
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Yeah, my GF and her mother fight all the time. I make a point of not picking sides. They are both hot-blooded Latinas and would both turn on me in a heartbeat. He made the only smart choice by staying out of it.
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:18 PM
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From the way you describe yourself, you don't seem an unhealthy weight. And it's rude for someone to comment like that, especially a parent, and in front of your boyfriend and his family.

And I know what bloating is like, and it's not fun.

I'm sorry this happened to you.
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:18 PM
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How old is your mother? I noticed with both of my grandmothers that as they got older they lost their “filters” and would just blurt out whatever came to mind. Especially someone’s weight.
And some people are just ****s at any age. It’s never an excuse.

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Old 09-22-2018, 04:30 PM
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I've never "bloated" in my life and have no idea what it really even means.
But undoing your jeans and zipper in a public restaurant, really?
That's so classless that I can't imagine it happening.
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Leaffan View Post
I've never "bloated" in my life and have no idea what it really even means.
But undoing your jeans and zipper in a public restaurant, really?
That's so classless that I can't imagine it happening.
Are you serious?

I highly doubt that you've never bloated. Everyone has at one point in their lives.

Not to mention my IBS. My stomach was in so much pain and felt like exploding, the last thing I cared about was doing that in public. I usually wouldn't, but the discomfort and sick feeling was too much. I felt like my pants were going to pop open, it was THAT bad.

A little compassion goes a long way, you know?
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Leaffan View Post
I've never "bloated" in my life and have no idea what it really even means.
But undoing your jeans and zipper in a public restaurant, really?
That's so classless that I can't imagine it happening.
By the way, here's a little video one of my girlfriends sent me this afternoon to cheer me up about my drama. And it partially addresses your question:

https://vimeo.com/242931790

Things happen. Live and let live, especially when a person like me with a digestive disorder is suffering.
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:38 PM
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From the way you describe yourself, you don't seem an unhealthy weight. And it's rude for someone to comment like that, especially a parent, and in front of your boyfriend and his family.

And I know what bloating is like, and it's not fun.

I'm sorry this happened to you.
Thank you.

What angered me the most is that she knew about my eating disorder. She knew I shrank to 105 when I was 24. She really just wanted to provoke me.
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:40 PM
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How old is your mother? I noticed with both of my grandmothers that as they got older they lost their “filters” and would just blurt out whatever came to mind. Especially someone’s weight.

My mom is 66, for what it's worth.
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Old 09-22-2018, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Leaffan View Post
I've never "bloated" in my life and have no idea what it really even means.
But undoing your jeans and zipper in a public restaurant, really?
That's so classless that I can't imagine it happening.
You’re all class, aren’t you?

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Last edited by Stranger On A Train; 09-22-2018 at 05:10 PM.
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Old 09-22-2018, 08:42 PM
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Did your mother contribute to your earlier eating disorder issues? I know for some women the way their mothers picked at their bodies (and usually their grandmothers too) it led to their body issues and eventual eating disorders.
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Old 09-22-2018, 08:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Leaffan View Post
I've never "bloated" in my life and have no idea what it really even means.
But undoing your jeans and zipper in a public restaurant, really?
That's so classless that I can't imagine it happening.
Are you a breatharian?
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Old 09-22-2018, 08:57 PM
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Like Leaffan your mother embarrassed nobody but herself.
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Old 09-22-2018, 09:06 PM
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I've never "bloated" in my life and have no idea what it really even means.
But undoing your jeans and zipper in a public restaurant, really?
That's so classless that I can't imagine it happening.
How would you be harmed by seeing a fellow diner do this?
  #24  
Old 09-22-2018, 09:24 PM
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I wasn't really clear on what it meant, either. For other ignoramuses like me, Medicine Net to the rescue.

(And your mom was terrible.)

Last edited by Left Hand of Dorkness; 09-22-2018 at 09:25 PM.
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Old 09-23-2018, 12:10 AM
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I wasn't really clear on what it meant, either.
Really?

The smartest and hippest.
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Old 09-23-2018, 12:29 AM
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Your mum was a bitch. For some reason, some people think they have a licence to be rude to family members and say whatever they think, when they wouldn't DREAM of saying it to somebody else. My mother had weight issues and felt that it was perfectly ok to call me skinny (hey, guess what, calling somebody skinny is just as rude as calling somebody fat). Once she said something to me about how thin I was and I retorted "and you're a fat old pig!" She did not comprehend that she had done a thing wrong.

Point? You mum was a total bitch, but whether she really understands that she was being bitchy is a different question. Just ignore the old cow, don't let it get to you.
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Old 09-23-2018, 12:43 AM
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I wasn't really clear on what it meant, either. For other ignoramuses like me, Medicine Net to the rescue.

(And your mom was terrible.)
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Originally Posted by Drunky Smurf View Post
Really?

The smartest and hippest.
I've never experienced it. I had no idea it was a real thing.

ETA: I thought it was just another name for "I've eaten too much," or "I'm full."

In fact I still think that may be the case.

Last edited by Leaffan; 09-23-2018 at 12:47 AM.
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Old 09-23-2018, 01:35 AM
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I've never experienced it. I had no idea it was a real thing.

ETA: I thought it was just another name for "I've eaten too much," or "I'm full."

In fact I still think that may be the case.
No, it's not. You were horrifically rude in your prior post. You can be bloated hours before or after eating and it's not necessarily related to recent food consumption.

Bloating can be incredibly painful, with sharp cramps that don't go away, along with your pants suddenly digging in like you literally grew 3+ pants sizes in 5 minutes. It sounds like the OP experienced bloating on the more severe end of the spectrum.

But don't let that keep you from making more thoughtless, rude and classless remarks!
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Old 09-23-2018, 02:23 AM
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I kinda wish my boyfriend stood up for me.
He DID stand up for you.
He knew when not to interfere and make things even more awkward.

So he stayed quiet, let the next few sentences blow over,ignored it, and then kept on having a nice evening with you.
As post #6 said, that's one smart fella. Caring, respectful, and socially adept.

When people get married, they can have issues with in-laws. And if arguments and strong words fly, at least everybody is family, and on an equal status.
But this is your boyfriend, not her son-in-law.
Your issue was between you and your mother. That's a lifelong connection, while he's only been a connected as a sidekick for a short time.
So he did the smart thing.

Yes, he did support you. And it sounds like he'll keep doing so for a long, long time.
Forget your embarrassment with your mom, and remember that there's something very good here developing with your boyfriend.
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Old 09-23-2018, 02:40 AM
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IME, bloating is hormonal. Happened to me the worst when I was pregnant.

And yeah, your mom was horrible and way out of line. I suspect her behavior has way more to do with her than with you. Is she normally this disrespectful & cruel to you?

And, as others have said, no wise man is going to touch that situation with a 10 foot pole. Your boyfriend and his father did exactly what they should. And your bf's mother sounds like a lovely & kind woman.
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Old 09-23-2018, 02:55 AM
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Sometimes even though I enjoy the view I feel bad that for women to dress to impress they have to wear very tight pants and whatnot, being a guy my pants fit but have a little extra room if I've eaten too much. I could understand a woman needing to make a little extra space if the clothing felt too restrictive. I don't understand how a lot of women even fit into the jeans I see them out in for instance they seem so tight.

Don't be mad at your boyfriend, he's not a mind reader, from his perspective maybe he thought him bringing further attention to the issue might just embarrass you further. Your Mother was the one that was out of line.
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  #32  
Old 09-23-2018, 03:02 AM
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. . .
I highly doubt that you've never bloated. Everyone has at one point in their lives.
. . .
For the record, you are wrong.

I'm sorry for your medical problems and that your mother is toxic, but please don't tell me what I have and haven't done.
  #33  
Old 09-23-2018, 06:00 AM
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I think everyone is being too harsh on Leaffan.

Mother was thoughtless and cruel, I agree. But unbuttoning and UNZIPPING your pants in a public restaurant? No, it doesn't harm anyone. But neither does farting, picking your nose, or belching loudly.

If you were in that much distress, it was time to leave (you even said this was after the appetizers and entrée). Or, at the very least, excuse yourself to the ladies room to relieve the pressure.


mmm

Last edited by Mean Mr. Mustard; 09-23-2018 at 06:00 AM.
  #34  
Old 09-23-2018, 06:50 AM
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Yeah, as much as I believe a girl’s gotta do, what a girl’s gotta do at times, if others around you are aware of your unzipping, you’re not doing it right!

Either have the discretion to unzip in an unnoticeable way or take yourself off to the washroom and accomplish it there. Return with your top covering the button and fly area, and you’re fine.

No one should be in public with their pants unbuckled and zipper down. Unless it’s a medical emergency, which bloating, while uncomfortable, is NOT. It wouldn’t be cool for the old man at the table beside you, so it’s really not cool for you either.

There is a washroom to accommodate your needs. You’re not at home, you’re in a public restaurant. Unbuttoning and unzipping where others can see, is NOT cool in a public space.
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Old 09-23-2018, 07:12 AM
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I think everyone is being too harsh on Leaffan.
It's one thing to say that OP shouldn't have unbuttoned/unzipped, it's quite another to say that she had no reason to. "I don't have this medical complaint so it doesn't exist?" That deserves harshness. It's ridiculous as well as being offensive.
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Old 09-23-2018, 07:35 AM
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I think everyone is being too harsh on Leaffan.
You're wrong. Note that he did NOT write "I did my master's thesis on bloating, and what I think is ..."
Instead he wrote " ... [I] have no idea what [bloating] even means [but] ....!"

Perspective is often lacking these days. Our society has far worse problems than a minor unbuttoning.
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Old 09-23-2018, 07:57 AM
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We went to this awesome Mexican restaurant


...


After the appetizers and entrée


..


I tend to bloat at the most random times, like last night. (
That's not random.

What's the purpose of this thread? Of course if your mother made those comments, especially the second, it was inappropriate. You wanted confirmation of that?

Yet you write the OP in such a way you make sure we know YOU were unbelievably inappropriate:

"I had to pop open the top button of my jeans and unzip them."

..

"My blouse was tucked in, so everyone could see I was undoing my jeans. I tried being as discreet as possible, but we were sitting on high chairs, so there wasn't much room to hide it. "


No, you weren't trying to be as discreet as possible, and it seems you wanted to make sure we knew it, even making sure we knew the chairs were really high. Of course eventually someone was going to comment not on how inappropriate you mother was but on how inappropriate you were. And then of course the pile-on. It was inevitable.

You know you have IBS. You know you're going to be in a Mexican restaurant. Maybe jeans that allow for some bloating, or another form of dress altogether? At a minimum, maybe un-tuck the blouse away from the table?

Maybe once it happens, you excuse yourself to the bathroom? Tell everyone you're so sorry, but you are feeling really sick and have to leave? Entrees were finished at the point you unbuttoned and unzipped your jeans on "high" chairs, which you are "usually" embarrassed to do in public ("usually", seriously?) so it wouldn't have been a total evening killer.

Your mother said you were exposing yourself. I noticed that you didn't deny it. Some of the little details you mentioned seem as though you're baiting others to leave comments that will blame the poor victim, leading them to be attacked. Well, you got it.
  #38  
Old 09-23-2018, 10:12 AM
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It's one thing to say that OP shouldn't have unbuttoned/unzipped, it's quite another to say that she had no reason to. "I don't have this medical complaint so it doesn't exist?" That deserves harshness. It's ridiculous as well as being offensive.
Bullshit. Please direct me to where he said "she had no reason to".

Leaffan never said she had no reason to relieve the discomfort. He said she did not have reason to do it there.

I agree.

Nice job making up both sides of your own argument.


mmm
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Old 09-23-2018, 10:19 AM
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That’s what I can’t tell from the OP. Was it a medical emergency that called for immediate relief? Or could she not have excused herself to go to the rest room to open her jeans?
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Old 09-23-2018, 10:36 AM
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Bullshit.
I won't be directing you anywhere. The thread isn't very long. You could put in the effort to read it. Then you could consider withdrawing your remarks.
  #41  
Old 09-23-2018, 10:39 AM
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Yeah, as much as I believe a girl’s gotta do, what a girl’s gotta do at times, if others around you are aware of your unzipping, you’re not doing it right!

Either have the discretion to unzip in an unnoticeable way or take yourself off to the washroom and accomplish it there. Return with your top covering the button and fly area, and you’re fine.

No one should be in public with their pants unbuckled and zipper down. Unless it’s a medical emergency, which bloating, while uncomfortable, is NOT. It wouldn’t be cool for the old man at the table beside you, so it’s really not cool for you either.

There is a washroom to accommodate your needs. You’re not at home, you’re in a public restaurant. Unbuttoning and unzipping where others can see, is NOT cool in a public space.
I have to disagree. Perhaps the typical custom is that we keep our pants fully fastened, but it is only a custom. Pants typically don't harm us, either, but that isn't always true as in the current example. Unfastening the waist does not even expose any taboo areas. And even exposing taboo areas is not necessarily 100% forbidden, as in the case of somebody on fire. Sure, we seem to have grown a bunch of customs about clothing, but to have these cause somebody pain, especially somebody dealing with a medical situation, goes much too far.
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Old 09-23-2018, 10:39 AM
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Just to be clear, I believe the mother's behavior was very cruel and unnecessary. I'm not sure I can blame the boyfriend for not knowing what to do. But given that opening your pants in public is a serious breach of protocol in our society, that's why I ask whether there couldn't have been an opportunity to excuse oneself from the table. If it really is that serious a medical issue, of course, that makes the mother's behavior even more cruel.
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Old 09-23-2018, 11:24 AM
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If a man unzipped and unbuttoned, in view of others, sitting in a Starbucks I’d think you’d find out pretty swiftly it’s more than just a custom!

Why not go give it a try and report back what kind of attention you received?

Feeling bloated is not a medical condition that precludes one from having a little discretion. Just untuck your shirt first, no one would have seen or cared, it’s not that hard!
  #44  
Old 09-23-2018, 11:39 AM
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From the way you describe yourself, you don't seem an unhealthy weight.
At 5'6 and 160 lbs, her BMI is 25.8, which is classified as overweight, and is not healthy.
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Old 09-23-2018, 11:58 AM
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At 5'6 and 160 lbs, her BMI is 25.8, which is classified as overweight, and is not healthy.
Oh come on. BMI is not meant to diagnose individuals; the OPs muscle mass and other factors play a large part in determining health. For the record, I'm about the same size & weight as the OP (hell, maybe a little more) and the last time I discussed losing weight with my doc in his opinion I shouldn't; I was at a healthy weight for my body.
  #46  
Old 09-23-2018, 01:00 PM
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At 5'6 and 160 lbs, her BMI is 25.8, which is classified as overweight, and is not healthy.
In the United States, the average adult man has a BMI of 26.6 and the average adult woman has a BMI of 26.5. So she's healthier than average, based on that statistic alone (which we shouldn't even use like that). And a lot healthier than most of my patients, that's for sure.

And as already noted, one can say very little about one's health based on BMI alone, especially when it's less than 30. BMI is one of most misapplied and poorly understood health statistics there is, in the hands of the general public.

Last edited by Qadgop the Mercotan; 09-23-2018 at 01:02 PM.
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Old 09-23-2018, 01:05 PM
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Before I knew I am a bit lactose intolerant, I once made the mistake of knocking back a small bottle of milk. Almost immediately, my stomach began to swell. Within an hour, I looked like I was six months pregnant, and I had some of the worst stabbing pains I've ever experienced in my life. I felt so bad I had to go home (I was afraid I'd kill everyone with my nasty farts) So yes a person can be bloated independent of the amount of food they've eaten.

Last edited by monstro; 09-23-2018 at 01:07 PM.
  #48  
Old 09-23-2018, 01:19 PM
Magiver Magiver is offline
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Location: Dayton Ohio USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laurieb View Post
I'm just so upset about this, and embarrassed.
Your mother is having the same conversation somewhere else. You embarrassed her with your behavior and you already admitted you understand this isn't good manners. You said you tried to be discreet. If you're so bloated you have to unzip your pants then go to the bathroom and take care of it and buy pants that fit better going forward.

You posted this thread looking for moral support. OK, you get some but not all. Your mother was tactless in response to your boorish behavior. As for your boyfriend, I really don't know what you expected him to say. It's not that his silence was in support of your mother, he was probably at a loss for words over the whole situation.
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  #49  
Old 09-23-2018, 01:44 PM
Novelty Bobble Novelty Bobble is offline
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Christ there's some self-righteousness going on here.

The lady needed a small adjustment to her clothing in order to feel more comfortable, I think it was no big deal and anyone calling attention to body-shapes and weight issues in that scenario is in the wrong.
Short of waving your bare arse in my face I really don't care what you do with your trousers in a restaurant and nor should anyone else.
  #50  
Old 09-23-2018, 02:34 PM
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ThelmaLou ThelmaLou is offline
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My 2 cents. Only read the first few posts.

Both grandmas were out of line. So was your bf for not saying anything. Consider whether you want to join this family.

If I had been in your shoes, I'd have gone to the ladies' room, loosened my buttons, and then untucked my blouse. If anyone asked when I got back to the table, I'd say, "It was nothing." Call me old-fashioned but I come from a generation that did not discuss bodily functions at the dinnertable. YMMV.
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