Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-18-2018, 05:37 PM
ThelmaLou's Avatar
ThelmaLou ThelmaLou is online now
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Neither here nor there
Posts: 14,379
In 2018 are political differences a dealbreaker WRT to new romantic relationships?

Back in the day I could have dated a George W. Bush supporter. I could certainly have dated an ordinary conservative Republican. The political divide was not so vast as it is now. Today, things are different.

I recently joined a group and met a guy there that is very much the kind of guy I'd be interested in. I got a vibe that he was interested in me, too. He's an ex-military pilot (like my late husband), runs his own computer consulting company, he's musical with a good singing voice, dog-lover. Nothing to disqualify him there. Until I went home and looked at his Facebook page. He is a virulent, (dare I say) rabid Trump supporter. Lots of posts about the "caravan full of diseased, drug-addicted criminals who want to invade our country and take away our rights," "Democrats kill babies," "Trump in 2020!" I was shocked and disappointed, but for me, now, in the year 2018, this is a dealbreaker.

Just having differences in beliefs alone isn't a dealbreaker, IF I can respect the person and the beliefs. For instance, I could date someone of a different religion, because the difference in religious belief would not in and of itself make me lose respect for him. I can't respect the beliefs of a Trump supporter. That's why I couldn't date him. For the purposes of this thread, let's let that be a given. This is not a Pit thread.

I'm asking others on either side: if you met someone attractive and interesting but found out they stand fervently against everything you believe in politically (and today, that just about includes "morally," as well), would you turn and walk away? Try to date/be friends/socialize but avoid politics? Try to change their minds or win them over to your pov?
__________________
Barely good enough to do the job most of the time. (Thanks, guestchaz.)
  #2  
Old 11-18-2018, 06:35 PM
Allysium Allysium is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 15
I’m a centrist, so I’ve long accepted there’s going to be at least one thing I disagree with someone politically on, it just depends to what degree, and how they express it. At this point in time, though, it would be much harder to date a liberal, I mostly date other centrists. I don’t know many conservatives. Most centrist guys I date are happy not to be with someone who browbeats them into performative feminism, however.
  #3  
Old 11-18-2018, 07:08 PM
Budget Player Cadet's Avatar
Budget Player Cadet Budget Player Cadet is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 8,133
Quote:
I can't respect the beliefs of a Trump supporter. That's why I couldn't date him.
This. The average Trump supporter has essentially swallowed a phenomenally toxic ideology whole. They have fallen for numerous hoaxes, they don't care about integrity in public figures (or are so cynical that they fail to differentiate between "lies occasionally" and "lies about everything pathologically")... I cannot respect someone who is that wrong. I would not invite a Trump supporter into my life or my home, let alone date them. Maybe the odd hatefuck if they're super hot and not a full-on nazi, but date? How can I date someone I can't respect?
  #4  
Old 11-18-2018, 07:20 PM
Projammer's Avatar
Projammer Projammer is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: SW Arkansas
Posts: 6,521
I wouldn't be interested in someone spouting that kind of evangelical nonsense from either side. Either the "Democrats kill babies!" variety or the "Republicans are racists!" ones.
  #5  
Old 11-18-2018, 08:10 PM
manson1972's Avatar
manson1972 manson1972 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 9,169
I would sleep with them as long as I could until they got too annoying.
  #6  
Old 11-18-2018, 08:38 PM
Merneith Merneith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: The Group W Bench
Posts: 6,820
Quote:
Originally Posted by Projammer View Post
I wouldn't be interested in someone spouting that kind of evangelical nonsense from either side. Either the "Democrats kill babies!" variety or the "Republicans are racists!" ones.
Not only would I not date Trump supporters, I wouldn't date conservatives who try to pretend that "Republicans are racist" is equivalent to the nonsense statement, "Democrats kill babies!".
  #7  
Old 11-18-2018, 09:07 PM
Frank Burly Frank Burly is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 13
I only date Marxists.
  #8  
Old 11-18-2018, 09:10 PM
iiandyiiii's Avatar
iiandyiiii iiandyiiii is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 31,593
Were I single, it'd depend on the nature of the differences. Some differences are bridgeable, some would not be, at least for me.
  #9  
Old 11-18-2018, 09:10 PM
ThelmaLou's Avatar
ThelmaLou ThelmaLou is online now
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Neither here nor there
Posts: 14,379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank Burly View Post
I only date Marxists.
Harpo was always my favorite. Did you know that he taught himself to play the harp?
__________________
Barely good enough to do the job most of the time. (Thanks, guestchaz.)
  #10  
Old 11-18-2018, 09:13 PM
Left Hand of Dorkness's Avatar
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 1999
Location: at the right hand of cool
Posts: 39,652
Similar values have always been really important to me. I don't much care whether you're a Christian or an atheist or a Muslim or neopagan or whatever; I don't much care whether you love reading mysteries or fantasies or Man Booker prize winners. But if you're tribalistic--whether that means being nationalistic or racist or antisemitic or whatever--I can't imagine opening my heart.
  #11  
Old 11-18-2018, 09:19 PM
Frank Burly Frank Burly is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Projammer View Post
I wouldn't be interested in someone spouting that kind of evangelical nonsense from either side. Either the "Democrats kill babies!" variety or the "Republicans are racists!" ones.
Republicans actually are racist, so those two statements aren't equivalent at all.
  #12  
Old 11-18-2018, 09:47 PM
Wesley Clark Wesley Clark is online now
2018 Midterm Prediction Winner
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 20,664
Before Trump it wouldn't have bothered me. I would've dated a McCain supporter, A Romney supporter, a W Bush supporters, a Dole supporter, a Reagan supporter, etc.

But Trump is basically the antichrist. I'm not religious so I don't think he is 'the' anti-christ, but he is everything christians have pretended they oppose for the last 2 millennia. Someone once said Trump doesn't have a personality, just a collection of negative personality traits. That is true, Trump is basically the 7 deadly sins personified.

I suppose I could date someone who understood Trump was a horrible person but they just liked some of his policies (conservative judges, supply side tax cuts). But the white identity politics, authoritarianism, idiocy, etc. are so baked in that you pretty much have to be ok with them on a moral and intellectual level to be a Trump supporter nowadays.
__________________
Sometimes I doubt your commitment to sparkle motion

Last edited by Wesley Clark; 11-18-2018 at 09:48 PM.
  #13  
Old 11-18-2018, 09:51 PM
ZipperJJ's Avatar
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
Just Lovely and Delicious
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 24,853
No. Gross.
  #14  
Old 11-18-2018, 10:00 PM
Jonathan Chance Jonathan Chance is offline
Domo Arigato Mister Moderato
Moderator
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: On the run with Kilroy
Posts: 21,901
Yeah, I gotta admit I do this. The republican party has - in my opinion - spent the last ten years losing their collective fucking minds. And I simply decided not to date anyone who follows Trump. It's just not going to end happily all around so why begin?

This does make it a bit of a challenge here in South Carolina. Still, we elected a democrat in my district for the first time in many, many years. Keep hope alive, people!
  #15  
Old 11-18-2018, 10:10 PM
Oredigger77 Oredigger77 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Back at 5,280
Posts: 4,630
One of my best friends is a texas oil man. I also am friends with the former head of the Colorado young dems. I like people on both sides of the political divide and I consider myself a libertarian though I voted straight dem in the location. All that being said I couldn't date a trump supporter. I could date one who voted for him but now repudiates that vote. In being honest I could probably fuck one if she was hot enough but it wouldn't be more then a weekend or two though I'd probably feel bad about having sex with someone who was retarded.
  #16  
Old 11-18-2018, 10:28 PM
guizot guizot is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: An East Hollywood dingbat
Posts: 8,157
Quote:
Originally Posted by Budget Player Cadet View Post
This. The average Trump supporter has essentially swallowed a phenomenally toxic ideology whole. They have fallen for numerous hoaxes, they don't care about integrity in public figures (or are so cynical that they fail to differentiate between "lies occasionally" and "lies about everything pathologically")... I cannot respect someone who is that wrong.
To boil it down, a Trump supporter is one or more of the following:
  • a gullible idiot
  • an unprincipled opportunist
  • a white nationalist
None of these can be attractive.
  #17  
Old 11-18-2018, 10:50 PM
Velocity Velocity is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 12,698
i could date someone of opposite political views, to a certain extent, but not one of opposite moral views. The former is just a matter of red vs. blue or seeing things differently, but the latter means something far more consequential.
  #18  
Old 11-18-2018, 11:09 PM
Happy Lendervedder's Avatar
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Michigan
Posts: 14,433
The bigger question is: In 2018, are political differences a dealbreaker WRT established relationships.

My brother-in-law was an Obama-loving liberal, basically from 2014/5 and earlier. Then he got a job in corrections, and 2016 rolled around and he voted for Trump. My sister-in-law began to think he was nuts, and wondered how he could vote for such a vile sexist pig. But chalked it up to Hillary being a bad candidate, and the two of them just decided not to talk much about current events. But over the past two years, he moved rapidly down the road of guns/racism/Republicanism. Still, my sister-in-law held out a shred of hope that he would vote for Gillum, Bill Nelson, etc. to counter the truly nutty shit happening in our country.

Nope, on election night, he proudly announced to my sis-in-law he voted all Republican, and said some other slightly horrific Trumpy/racist stuff. Sis-in-law texted my wife (about her brother): "Can this marriage survive?"

My wife and I both sorta jokingly agreed that if it didn't, we'd rather claim sis-in-law. He came for a visit last month with my niece, and he's just not very fun to be around anymore. He's angrier at life, bitter, gets riled up if the topic of guns or foreigners comes up, he's short-tempered with his daughter, and he just likes to provoke people around him now. This was not who he was two, three, four years ago.

So I think my sister-in-law is really wondering how this marriage continues.

Last edited by Happy Lendervedder; 11-18-2018 at 11:12 PM.
  #19  
Old 11-18-2018, 11:19 PM
Wesley Clark Wesley Clark is online now
2018 Midterm Prediction Winner
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 20,664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Lendervedder View Post
The bigger question is: In 2018, are political differences a dealbreaker WRT established relationships.

My brother-in-law was an Obama-loving liberal, basically from 2014/5 and earlier. Then he got a job in corrections, and 2016 rolled around and he voted for Trump. My sister-in-law began to think he was nuts, and wondered how he could vote for such a vile sexist pig. But chalked it up to Hillary being a bad candidate, and the two of them just decided not to talk much about current events. But over the past two years, he moved rapidly down the road of guns/racism/Republicanism. Still, my sister-in-law held out a shred of hope that he would vote for Gillum, Bill Nelson, etc. to counter the truly nutty shit happening in our country.

Nope, on election night, he proudly announced to my sis-in-law he voted all Republican, and said some other slightly horrific Trumpy/racist stuff. Sis-in-law texted my wife (about her brother): "Can this marriage survive?"

My wife and I both sorta jokingly agreed that if it didn't, we'd rather claim sis-in-law. He came for a visit last month with my niece, and he's just not very fun to be around anymore. He's angrier at life, bitter, gets riled up if the topic of guns or foreigners comes up, he's short-tempered with his daughter, and he just likes to provoke people around him now. This was not who he was two, three, four years ago.

So I think my sister-in-law is really wondering how this marriage continues.
Has he considered a career change? For some people, working in positions where you see the worst in people changes you for the worst. You become entitled, rude, racist, cruel, etc. Sounds like that is what is happening to your BIL.

Maybe a change of career would help calm him down.
__________________
Sometimes I doubt your commitment to sparkle motion
  #20  
Old 11-18-2018, 11:33 PM
Happy Lendervedder's Avatar
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Michigan
Posts: 14,433
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wesley Clark View Post
Has he considered a career change? For some people, working in positions where you see the worst in people changes you for the worst. You become entitled, rude, racist, cruel, etc. Sounds like that is what is happening to your BIL.

Maybe a change of career would help calm him down.
I absolutely agree it was when he went down this current career path. He went to college for law enforcement, but kept his "college" job for several years after graduating because it paid so well. He finally hit 30 and figured he needed to put his degree to work, so he got a job with Florida corrections and parole. He hasn't been the same since. I'm pretty sure he wants out, but feels trapped. Mid-30s, two kids, currently living with his in-laws until his wife finishes nursing school. I fear it's only gonna get worse for him. He feels trapped, angry, is convinced minorities are vile scum. And he loves Trump more and more each day.

Frankly, seeing his anger and racism increase at the same rate as his conservatism tells me all I need to know about modern-day Republicans. So to answer the OP: Yes, it's a dealbreaker.

But is it a dealbreaker for marriages? Our family will likely find out sometime between now and 2021.
  #21  
Old 11-19-2018, 12:22 AM
Nava Nava is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Hey! I'm located! WOOOOW!
Posts: 39,929
To me, it always has been, if the differences were extreme enough.

"A woman's place is in the kitchen." "A woman can never hold a job which pays better than her husband's; if she's offered a promotion which would mean she'd earn more than he does, she must turn it down." I'm an engineer.

"People simply should stay wherever they were born." Unless your family tree is all from the same village as far as the records get, you're a hypocrite. None of us would be here without our "outsider" foreparents.

Etc, etc, etc.

Last edited by Nava; 11-19-2018 at 12:26 AM.
  #22  
Old 11-19-2018, 01:10 AM
pool pool is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Inside
Posts: 4,115
No not really a deal breaker, also I find that I sometimes change people's beliefs over time by just being around them and engaging in little conversations and sometimes debates. I'm an atheist and I've dated Christians who after a time ended up atheist too, not because I was trying to change them it just happened naturally over time. Of course for some of them I think maybe they were happier when they believed, my bad.
__________________
"You can do anything you set your mind to...But money helps"
  #23  
Old 11-19-2018, 01:13 AM
Gatopescado's Avatar
Gatopescado Gatopescado is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: on your last raw nerve
Posts: 20,668
Quote:
Originally Posted by manson1972 View Post
I would sleep with them as long as I could until they got too annoying.
It's refreshing to see an honest reply on the internet these days.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThelmaLou View Post
Harpo was always my favorite. Did you know that he taught himself to play the harp?
I bet he's glad his parents didn't name him "Skinflute".
  #24  
Old 11-19-2018, 01:35 AM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 11,361
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Lendervedder View Post
The bigger question is: In 2018, are political differences a dealbreaker WRT established relationships.

My brother-in-law was an Obama-loving liberal, basically from 2014/5 and earlier. Then he got a job in corrections, and 2016 rolled around and he voted for Trump. My sister-in-law began to think he was nuts, and wondered how he could vote for such a vile sexist pig. But chalked it up to Hillary being a bad candidate, and the two of them just decided not to talk much about current events. But over the past two years, he moved rapidly down the road of guns/racism/Republicanism. Still, my sister-in-law held out a shred of hope that he would vote for Gillum, Bill Nelson, etc. to counter the truly nutty shit happening in our country.

Nope, on election night, he proudly announced to my sis-in-law he voted all Republican, and said some other slightly horrific Trumpy/racist stuff. Sis-in-law texted my wife (about her brother): "Can this marriage survive?"

My wife and I both sorta jokingly agreed that if it didn't, we'd rather claim sis-in-law. He came for a visit last month with my niece, and he's just not very fun to be around anymore. He's angrier at life, bitter, gets riled up if the topic of guns or foreigners comes up, he's short-tempered with his daughter, and he just likes to provoke people around him now. This was not who he was two, three, four years ago.

So I think my sister-in-law is really wondering how this marriage continues.
It sounds like the JOB has changed him, and not for the better.

My opinion? Not so much their views, as their attitude about them and those who disagree with them, and how they react when errors are pointed out to them. That goes for human relationships in general.
  #25  
Old 11-19-2018, 01:43 AM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 11,361
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Lendervedder View Post
currently living with his in-laws until his wife finishes nursing school.

(snipped)

But is it a dealbreaker for marriages? Our family will likely find out sometime between now and 2021.
Marriages survive nursing school so infrequently, especially if children are involved, I really think they just might as well get divorced first, because they're going to do it anyway, regardless of how the family supports itself. At the very least, it sounds like this guy needs another job; even flipping burgers would be less harmful to his family.
  #26  
Old 11-19-2018, 02:00 AM
Cazzle's Avatar
Cazzle Cazzle is offline
Friend of Cecil
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Victoria, Australia
Posts: 7,711
If they were right leaning and we differed on a few issues, I could live with that. An intelligent back and forth about how we arrived at our respective positions on the issues is something I'd enjoy.

A Trump supporter is so wrong on so many issues, I could not be involved with them.
  #27  
Old 11-19-2018, 02:22 AM
octopus's Avatar
octopus octopus is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 7,670
My wife and I discuss politics and we don’t always agree. However, who she votes for and why is her business. We are teaching our kids the same thing.

Last edited by octopus; 11-19-2018 at 02:22 AM.
  #28  
Old 11-19-2018, 03:33 AM
madsircool madsircool is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 7,391
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank Burly View Post
Republicans actually are racist, so those two statements aren't equivalent at all.
Ahhh...the old dehumanize and vilify your opponent ploy. Used to great effect by Josef Goebbels. Its hard to take seriously those who can't recognize shades of gray.
  #29  
Old 11-19-2018, 04:04 AM
Spoons Spoons is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Lethbridge, Alberta
Posts: 15,173
Isn't that what the purpose of dating is for? To find out how and what the other person thinks, and to make a decision whether to proceed with the relationship or not?

Seriously, when you date, you talk about everything--hobbies, work, politics, families, commutes, sports, movies, religion, music, and so on. If something doesn't click, it doesn't click. After a few dates, you add up the positives and minuses, and decide if it is worth continuing. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't.
  #30  
Old 11-19-2018, 09:13 AM
Icarus's Avatar
Icarus Icarus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: In front of my PC, y tu?
Posts: 4,811
Quote:
Originally Posted by nearwildheaven View Post
My opinion? Not so much their views, as their attitude about them and those who disagree with them, and how they react when errors are pointed out to them. That goes for human relationships in general.
This is an important point for me. Many people lean one way or the other politically, but they are not particularly intense in their politics. (Consider how many people don't vote.) ISTM the level of intensity would be a contributing factor. As an example, my current spouse is on the other side, but not really intensely engaged. This is OK, for the most part (see below*).

Regarding the OP, sorry to say it - but, ex-military, business owner, and you're surprised by their politics? Um OK.

*I say for the most part, here is why - Were I dating now I would look for someone who shares my politics and my level of engagement. I miss the opportunities to have those types of conversations where we would hear something or read something and agree on our opinions and have free wheeling discussions punctuated by "I know!". I miss the opportunity to get involved and participate in political activities, and attend rallies, and see prominent speakers, all with my spouse. This is whole social world I am cut off from because my spouse does not share my views and level of engagement.
__________________
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.
- C. Darwin
  #31  
Old 11-19-2018, 11:10 AM
Tim R. Mortiss's Avatar
Tim R. Mortiss Tim R. Mortiss is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Lincoln Park, Chicago
Posts: 6,804
I've dated many women who were the polar opposite of me, politically. Never regretted it. Everyone knows that crazy women are great in the sack.
  #32  
Old 11-19-2018, 11:11 AM
Frank Burly Frank Burly is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by madsircool View Post
Ahhh...the old dehumanize and vilify your opponent ploy. Used to great effect by Josef Goebbels. Its hard to take seriously those who can't recognize shades of gray.
You're right. Republicans are a diverse group, all of whom support white supremacy.
  #33  
Old 11-19-2018, 11:22 AM
ThelmaLou's Avatar
ThelmaLou ThelmaLou is online now
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Neither here nor there
Posts: 14,379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
...Regarding the OP, sorry to say it - but, ex-military, business owner, and you're surprised by their politics? Um OK....
I'll excuse the patronizing tone. Once.

This man belongs to an EXTREMELY liberal Episcopalian church and sings in the choir, so yeah, I was surprised. Other members have since told me he is an outlier in the congregation. And let's don't tar all ex-military with the same brush. I've dated a few, married one, both my stepsons are retired military, and I'm an Air Force brat myself.

Anyway, I wouldn't have been shocked to find that he was a conservative Republican, or that he was "pro-life," (being a churchy guy), but I was appalled to see the virulent, angry, scorching, hateful pro-Trump posts on his FB page.



Thanks, all, for the extremely interesting replies and discussion. The question of political differences breaking up existing relationships (blood relationships, too) is very pertinent.
__________________
Barely good enough to do the job most of the time. (Thanks, guestchaz.)

Last edited by ThelmaLou; 11-19-2018 at 11:23 AM.
  #34  
Old 11-19-2018, 12:37 PM
ISiddiqui ISiddiqui is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Decatur, Georgia, USA
Posts: 6,411
Definitely these days would be a deal breaker if I was in the market. My family is Muslim (I am Lutheran), so any potential partner who would say Islamaphobic things, or vote for an Islamaphobic candidate, would be immediately a no.
  #35  
Old 11-19-2018, 12:55 PM
Procrustus Procrustus is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Pacific NW. •
Posts: 11,276
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icarus View Post

Regarding the OP, sorry to say it - but, ex-military, business owner, and you're surprised by their politics? Um OK.
Support for Trump goes way beyond "politics." It's a major character flaw that can't be ignored.

Many (but not enough) conservatives have made a point of distancing themselves from Trump. If the OP's friend can't do that, he's not worth the time of day.
  #36  
Old 11-19-2018, 01:04 PM
Snarky_Kong Snarky_Kong is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,817
I would not date a Trump supporter. A never-Trump conservative? Perhaps.
  #37  
Old 11-19-2018, 01:43 PM
TruCelt's Avatar
TruCelt TruCelt is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Near Washington, DC
Posts: 10,966
Nobody who still calls themselves a Trump supporter could ever earn my respect at this point. If I found out on a first date that he was one, I wouldn't even let him buy my dinner.
  #38  
Old 11-19-2018, 01:51 PM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 34,107
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThelmaLou View Post
I can't respect the beliefs of a Trump supporter. That's why I couldn't date him.
I would agree with this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Merneith View Post
Not only would I not date Trump supporters, I wouldn't date conservatives who try to pretend that "Republicans are racist" is equivalent to the nonsense statement, "Democrats kill babies!".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank Burly View Post
Republicans actually are racist, so those two statements aren't equivalent at all.
Exactly. Any "centrist" who says something like this isn't exercising his or her reason in a way that I can respect.
  #39  
Old 11-19-2018, 02:19 PM
you with the face you with the face is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Laurel, MD
Posts: 11,912
I couldn’t be in an intimate relationship with a strong Trump supporter. Aside from conflicting values and attitudes etc., politics is something I’m gonna need to talk about openly and freely with the one I love. If we can’t do that without getting into a debate, then that means not talking about it at all. And I’m not seeing how sustainable that would be. After a while, it would be like censoring the word “the” from your speech.
  #40  
Old 11-19-2018, 03:08 PM
Icarus's Avatar
Icarus Icarus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: In front of my PC, y tu?
Posts: 4,811
Quote:
Originally Posted by you with the face View Post
politics is something Iím gonna need to talk about openly and freely with the one I love. If we canít do that without getting into a debate, then that means not talking about it at all. And Iím not seeing how sustainable that would be.
Take it from me, it's a struggle.
__________________
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.
- C. Darwin
  #41  
Old 11-19-2018, 03:09 PM
Quimby Quimby is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 1999
Location: NJ
Posts: 8,036
I believe that people who have different political opinions can be friends (I am friends with people who don't agree with me on things) but if someone is a dyed in the wool Trumper it means either:

1. They are brainwashed and radicalized by Right Wing media. And as much as I sympathize, I don't have the time, energy or skill set to deprogram them.

or

2. They know exactly what they are doing, which means they have an outlook on the world that I find abhorrent.

So I guess, yes, it's a deal breaker.

Last edited by Quimby; 11-19-2018 at 03:10 PM.
  #42  
Old 11-19-2018, 03:24 PM
Wesley Clark Wesley Clark is online now
2018 Midterm Prediction Winner
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 20,664
Quote:
Originally Posted by madsircool View Post
Ahhh...the old dehumanize and vilify your opponent ploy. Used to great effect by Josef Goebbels. Its hard to take seriously those who can't recognize shades of gray.
The issue is that the modern republican party is the party of identity politics. Men over women, Christians over other faiths (especially Islam and secularism), whites over other races, native born Americans over other nationalities, heterosexual over gays, etc.

It isn't an insult to admit how important identity politics is to the modern right in the us. This is what happens after half a century of the southern strategy. Pretty much all the racists, sexists, theocrats and authoritarians have congregated in the gop now. Maybe not absolutely everyone in the gop participates in those beliefs, but you have to be OK with them to be a member.

Granted, again, lots of conservatives would never date someone like me who is OK with killing babies (abortion). To each their own.
__________________
Sometimes I doubt your commitment to sparkle motion

Last edited by Wesley Clark; 11-19-2018 at 03:26 PM.
  #43  
Old 11-19-2018, 03:26 PM
Crybaby Boobie's Avatar
Crybaby Boobie Crybaby Boobie is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 315
One of the great things about online dating apps is you can filter out people with political views you find abhorrent. Saves time!
  #44  
Old 11-19-2018, 03:31 PM
Aspenglow's Avatar
Aspenglow Aspenglow is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 3,144
No, not possible.

Normal disagreements based on differing values I can handle. The utter derangement or cynicism of a Trump supporter, whichever applies, is far beyond what I can tolerate in a romantic relationship.

I'm struggling to maintain a relationship with my parents over the same issues, especially my father. Watching him go from a kind, intelligent, reasoning individual, a former journalist and public relations professional who had particular interests in and knowledge of the disciplines of geology and astronomy, to a climate-change-denying, Obama-hating, Trump-supporting troglodyte who spouts Hannity and alt-right talking points like a doll with a ring pull in his back, has been one of the most painful experiences of my life. There are almost no safe topics between us now.
  #45  
Old 11-19-2018, 04:40 PM
ThelmaLou's Avatar
ThelmaLou ThelmaLou is online now
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Neither here nor there
Posts: 14,379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aspenglow View Post
...I'm struggling to maintain a relationship with my parents over the same issues, especially my father. Watching him go from a kind, intelligent, reasoning individual, a former journalist and public relations professional who had particular interests in and knowledge of the disciplines of geology and astronomy, to a climate-change-denying, Obama-hating, Trump-supporting troglodyte who spouts Hannity and alt-right talking points like a doll with a ring pull in his back, has been one of the most painful experiences of my life. There are almost no safe topics between us now.
That is really sad.
__________________
Barely good enough to do the job most of the time. (Thanks, guestchaz.)
  #46  
Old 11-19-2018, 04:50 PM
octopus's Avatar
octopus octopus is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 7,670
Iím not sure that taking politics that seriously is healthy. With family and friends you can agree to disagree. Whatís the point of living and dying in a bubble?
  #47  
Old 11-19-2018, 04:54 PM
Red Wiggler Red Wiggler is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,529
Heck, it was a deal breaker even 40 years ago. There was no possibility of me partnering with someone who didn't value progress and equal rights for all. I think I could've made a go of it with a conservative lady but she would have had to leave a lot of her party's baggage behind.
  #48  
Old 11-19-2018, 04:55 PM
Procrustus Procrustus is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Pacific NW. •
Posts: 11,276
Quote:
Originally Posted by octopus View Post
Iím not sure that taking politics that seriously is healthy. With family and friends you can agree to disagree. Whatís the point of living and dying in a bubble?
Sure, until you leave the "wide variety of reasonable opinions," and venture into whatever the hell TrumpLand is.
  #49  
Old 11-19-2018, 05:34 PM
you with the face you with the face is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Laurel, MD
Posts: 11,912
Quote:
Originally Posted by octopus View Post
Iím not sure that taking politics that seriously is healthy. With family and friends you can agree to disagree. Whatís the point of living and dying in a bubble?
What do you have in mind when you say ďpoliticsĒ? I can understand this POV if the only things differentiating sides are dry issues like taxes and the distribution of public services. But politics encompasses so much more than that.

To be clear, Iím not advocating that people estrange themselves from loved ones over political disagreements. But I can see how it can happen.
  #50  
Old 11-19-2018, 05:40 PM
you with the face you with the face is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Laurel, MD
Posts: 11,912
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
*I say for the most part, here is why - Were I dating now I would look for someone who shares my politics and my level of engagement. I miss the opportunities to have those types of conversations where we would hear something or read something and agree on our opinions and have free wheeling discussions punctuated by "I know!". I miss the opportunity to get involved and participate in political activities, and attend rallies, and see prominent speakers, all with my spouse. This is whole social world I am cut off from because my spouse does not share my views and level of engagement.
This is something I couldnít sacrifice. Perhaps I could do it if I lived or worked with another person who could provide that outlet for me, but I donít. Such is the life of an introvert with only a few friends.
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:40 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright © 2018 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017