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Old 03-17-2019, 02:27 PM
The Flying Dutchman is offline
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Dealing with your Trump supporter friends


I started reading through Trump from the very beginning or at least before the apprentice. A bullshitter. Later,his staunch assertion that Obama's birth country was highly questionable, disavowed me of any opinion that any good could come from this man. Day after day I am proven right.
What bothers me even more is the trump supporter. I'm not talking about his super rich friends funding his/their cause or even his/their politicians, I understand their greed. No, I'm talking about those fans at his rallies and the rest of the base.

They disgust me with their naivete , disregard for certain other, disregard for norms and pretty well disregard for human decency.

I have a few friends that are trump supporters. They are Canadians as well, but they wear a red MAGA hat. They know how I feel about Trump What they don't know is how deeply I feel about Trump supporters

The fact is I don't see any of characterizations I ascribed to Trump supporters in general in them.

Some friendships require overlooking
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Old 03-17-2019, 02:44 PM
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I dropped the few people in my life who supported Trump. I think that shared values is an important part of friendship.
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Old 03-17-2019, 02:45 PM
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I'm about to be dealing with Trump supporter relatives for the evening, and not looking forward to it. I wish I was in a position to just avoid them, but that'd be pretty difficult and disruptive. God what a mess. I'm probably just going to overeat and try not to look up.
  #4  
Old 03-17-2019, 03:01 PM
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With the exception of (probably) my 87 year old mother-in-law, I don't think I have any friends or family who voted for Trump. I'm giving her a break because her husband just died and she never brings up politics.

I have one friend who voted for a third party because he didn't like either candidate in 2016. I let him have it one night pretty hard over a few bottles of wine. We're still friends, but it's a sore spot, for sure. He's not a Trump supporter, and we live in a heavy Blue state, so perhaps no harm done. But still...
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Old 03-17-2019, 03:01 PM
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Sorry, my Trump supporter what?
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Old 03-17-2019, 03:05 PM
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My family is either Trump supporter or Trump apologist. Even the ones that don't like Trump think he's a good deal better than those "Demon rats."

I avoid talking any politics around family, and whenever they bring them up, I stand up from whatever it is that we are doing, and leave without a word. I used to let them bait me into getting into arguments with them, but I found that they enjoyed ganging up on me more than I enjoyed being ganged up on.

Since I started that tacic, they are a bit less inclined to start things, and we've actually had a couple of pleasant holidays, even if I can see that there are a couple of things that my parents really want to say.

While I live in Trumplandia, I don't have any MAGA friends. All of them dumped me as a friend in 2012 over the Obama sign in my yard. I do have some Trump supporting acquaintances, but the way to keep acquaintances is to not discuss religion or politics. They will never really be friends as I have to censor myself around them too much to really be comfortable and relaxed.
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Old 03-17-2019, 04:38 PM
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Most of my family are Trump supporters. I stopped discussing politics with them during the election. There is no point in even trying to engage in an honest dialogue with them.
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  #8  
Old 03-17-2019, 04:45 PM
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Here's another thing he did, even before he ran in 2016: He said in 2014 that the Ebola-stricken missionaries should not be brought back to this country to treatment, but left there, subjected to whatever treatment they could get there, and let the chips fall where they may.

Asshat.
  #9  
Old 03-17-2019, 04:48 PM
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Fuck 'em. I don't have any Trump supporting friends. Anymore.

I used to work in a Trump-supporting-friendly environment. A large part of the reason I left is because I couldn't stand to go there every day and know that I'm surrounded by awful people.
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Old 03-17-2019, 04:51 PM
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I don't consider everyone who voted for Trump to be a Trump supporter. A couple of guys who said they voted for him haven't said much about him since then and I'm pretty sure they feel like they were taken. But I don't want to spend any time around someone that still supports Trump. I see a MAGA hat and I'm putting space between me and that moron.
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Old 03-17-2019, 06:17 PM
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I have one “friend” who is a Trump supporter. She’s always been sort of into crazy theories (she’s also a doctor so my other friends and I joke about what crazy theory she is into each time we meet up-eating for your blood type, the cookie diet, systemic yeast infection etc). In the past, she has tried to sell me on the electricity provider scam and once even tried to get me to go to some Trump entrepreneurial seminar. I try very hard to avoid talking politics ( although I use her as an indicator for what nutty theories my patients may be asking about). The last time we met, though, she mentioned that she was attending a conference and I made the mistake of asking what it was about. She told me it was for QAnon and then called me out for rolling my eyes. I may just have to drop her entirely.
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Old 03-17-2019, 06:31 PM
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Most of my friends are liberals but I do have one (1) good friend who, while not exactly a whole-hearted Trump supporter, is more or less a Trump apologist because he likes many of his policies. We deal with it by not talking about it very much, and when he does, I try to keep in perspective that I've known him for the better part of a lifetime and he's actually a good person if politically misguided, so I regard his rants as essentially humorous, sort of Monty Python-esque, like the Orange Peril himself.
  #13  
Old 03-17-2019, 07:06 PM
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My parents are Trump supporters (the kinds who think the Clintons should die in prison but every accusation against Trump is a fake news deep state coup). I try to avoid debating politics with them but they sometimes enjoy trying to get a rise out of me. However I don't want to debate them because I can't respect their morals or critical thinking skills when it comes to politics, and I don't want to be rude.
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Old 03-18-2019, 12:58 AM
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I've got no friends at all.

Last edited by Gatopescado; 03-18-2019 at 12:59 AM. Reason: Well, I've got the dogs, so I have most people beat, right fucking there!
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Old 03-18-2019, 02:15 AM
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About seven years ago, my Texas-born, Southern Methodist, Rush Limbo fan
brother-in-law and I decided that there was never a day that wasn’t so dark that talking to each other wouldn’t make it worse, or a so good that it couldn’t be spoiled so we just don’t talk anymore.

I’m sure he loooooves Trump.

Before we ended the relationship, I had gotten so tired of his anger against liberals, Democrats and everyone else who was waging war against Christmas that I instituted a conversation ban on politics.

That’s the only way that I could be friendly with a supporter.
  #16  
Old 03-18-2019, 05:43 AM
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I would never consider a Trump supporter anything but an enemy.
  #17  
Old 03-18-2019, 06:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Vinyl Turnip View Post
Sorry, my Trump supporter what?
AFAIK, the closest I've physically been to a Trump supporter was that woman who, in a room full of foreign Catholic visitors (the one foreign Muslim visitor happened to be out of the room), gave a speech about how Trump was going to Make America Great Again and keep those horrible Catholics and Muslims out of the country.

Not only would I find it difficult to be friends with someone who doesn't want me in their country, I'm completely uninterested. And if they really want to keep me out, hey, they're welcome to become as good as I am at the job I do. Good luck with that.
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Old 03-18-2019, 06:06 AM
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I must say these anecdotal stats don't look good for the next election.
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Old 03-18-2019, 06:59 AM
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A good portion of my office are Trump supporters. I try to avoid talking about politics, and usually succeed. Maybe once or twice a year, someone says something so egregiously stupid and factually false that I can't help myself.
  #20  
Old 03-18-2019, 08:12 AM
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This coming weekend I will have to see some family that likely include Trump supporters; as long as they don't bring up politics, it will be fine, but if they insist on talking about, I will respond. If they start in, I usually say, "We don't have to talk about this, but if you continue, you should know that I strongly disagree with you." If they drop it, I then disengage from the conversation and find someone more pleasant to talk to, but if they keep dropping their Fox News BS, I start arguing, including asking for cites and using my phone to pull up facts.
  #21  
Old 03-18-2019, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by madmonk28 View Post
I dropped the few people in my life who supported Trump. I think that shared values is an important part of friendship.
Exactly.

I never had any friends who supported Trump, and I don't think I ever could. We could be civil work acquaintances, maybe, but that's it.

One of the guys in my cohort from grad school was a Trump supporter. We were never close, but we did friend each other on Facebook. After he started posting MAGA crap, I unfriended him. We've had no contact since and have no reason to keep in touch.

I have two extended family members who support The Cheating Cheeto. We weren't all that close to start with, though, so avoiding them isn't hard to do.

Last edited by Scribble; 03-18-2019 at 09:22 AM.
  #22  
Old 03-18-2019, 10:16 AM
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I don't have a single friend who is a Trump supporter. I have a few Republican friends who are appalled by Trump and don't really know what to say or do. They're VERY quiet these days. My brother is one person who no longer feels any loyalty to the party because of the blind and unwavering support of Trump.

I do have one family member who is a big Trump fan. She's also terrified of EElegals and thinks Trump is a Godly Man. I don't talk to her anymore. I used to try to have a civil relationship by avoiding politics but she can't help herself, in every conversation she has to say something truly hateful. She posts hateful links and comments daily about the Great Southern Invasion and despite claiming to my FACE that her problem isn't with Mexicans, it's with EElegals, her links and posts prove she's a flaming bigot, and she knows I see these posts/comments. I have never once set out to argue with her on her wall about this even though I have a child with a Mexican who was an illegal immigrant and she knows this. She doesn't care. She doesn't care if her hateful words hurt me, because she's fighting the evildoers! She's a PATRIOT!

Our last conversation was about some marriage equality post I made when it passed and she made it clear it was disgusting to her, and posted links on my wall to some religious site that explains how the gay is a demonic possession issue. I let her know she just called my daughter a demon and that was the last time we talked. I just cannot see wasting any time on trying to be friendly with people like this. They are so full of hate and condescension it's unbearable.
  #23  
Old 03-18-2019, 11:00 AM
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I find that I make more progress in changing minds if I don't attack the man himself, I stick to debating the completely false underlying "facts" in all those ridiculous memes.
1. Neither Obama nor Hilary ever planned on coming to take your guns.
2. Nowhere in the western world has banned anything Christian or switched to Sharia law to appease Muslim immigrants.
3. Absolutely zero benefits were taken away from veterans in favor of illegal immigrants. And no one is choosing refugees over veterans either.
4. Bestiality and pedophilia are not "next" if homosexuals are allowed to marry.
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Old 03-18-2019, 11:01 AM
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Some of the responses in this thread are interesting in light of this article:

Quote:
We know that americans have become more biased against one another based on partisan affiliation over the past several decades. Most of us now discriminate against members of the other political side explicitly and implicitly—in hiring, dating, and marriage, as well as judgments of patriotism, compassion, and even physical attractiveness, according to recent research.

...

In general, the most politically intolerant Americans, according to the analysis, tend to be whiter, more highly educated, older, more urban, and more partisan themselves. This finding aligns in some ways with previous research by the University of Pennsylvania professor Diana Mutz, who has found that white, highly educated people are relatively isolated from political diversity. They don’t routinely talk with people who disagree with them; this isolation makes it easier for them to caricature their ideological opponents. (In fact, people who went to graduate school have the least amount of political disagreement in their lives, as Mutz describes in her book Hearing the Other Side.) By contrast, many nonwhite Americans routinely encounter political disagreement. They have more diverse social networks, politically speaking, and therefore tend to have more complicated views of the other side, whatever side that may be.

...
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Old 03-18-2019, 11:07 AM
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When you enthusiastically support someone, that person is a reflection of your own values. That's all I needed to know, so I simply got rid of them. I now have no friends who are Trump supporters.
  #26  
Old 03-18-2019, 11:36 AM
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When you enthusiastically support someone, that person is a reflection of your own values. That's all I needed to know, so I simply got rid of them. I now have no friends who are Trump supporters.
Right. My problem with them isn't that they voted the wrong way; my problem with them is that they are racist, anti-intellectual, and entitled. They're support of Trump is just a reflection of who they are and they are not the kind of people I would want as friends.
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Old 03-18-2019, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Churchill, I think
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind, and won't change the subject.
By that definition, at least, neither my pro- nor anti-Trump friends and family members are fanatics, because we can either change the subject, or talk respectfully.

"Agreeing to disagree" seems to be a lost art nowadays. Or at least "we aren't going to agree, so let's talk about movies or grandchildren or whatever." Or, at my age, "what medications we are on, and the side-effects, and how much my feet hurt..."

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Old 03-18-2019, 12:11 PM
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I've got friends - a married couple - who are delightfully quirky, super-intelligent, fanatical cat lovers with a fantastically morbid sense of humor just like mine. I adore then, what's not to like? But. I was aghast to learn they planned to vote for Trump, because "he's rich, he must be smart about financial stuff so America will prosper under his leadership."

With the exception of making a few matter-of-fact observations (fact-based rather than opinion-oriented) about Trump's financial acumen, I let it go. Since 2016, they have made some unwise decisions that seem to be making their lives miserable. I rarely hear from them, but when I do, politics are the last thing I worry about. I just hope they can get through the tough personal times they are having.


.
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Last edited by CairoCarol; 03-18-2019 at 12:11 PM.
  #29  
Old 03-18-2019, 12:21 PM
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My parents, especially my father, have been co-opted by Fox "News." This is terrifically painful to me. Our visits have become fraught with political landmines. It's so bad, most subjects are off limits. Can't even talk about the weather: Climate change is sure to come up.

However, we love each other and so manage to avoid these discussions. The universal rule during visits is that the tee vee remains OFF, except to watch something we all agree on. So we watch a lot of Jeopardy (something I only do with them) and indulge in common interests such as perfecting the family chili verde recipe. I cook for them a lot, try to do things for them around their home they are unable to do for themselves nowadays. When they visit here, I take them for driving excursions to places they want to see. That's how we get through it. We talk about nothing of substance.

I do not reject their views due to intolerance. I reject their views because they are not grounded in factual information.

I can respect that we may have differing values. I can't accept their conclusions, which are based on propaganda and a complete lack of evidence. This is easy enough to prove to someone who is open to having an honest debate. My parents are not. It makes me very sad.
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Old 03-18-2019, 12:27 PM
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An aunt died in December. Her funeral will be in June, and a Trump-supporting uncle I spar with and a Trump-supporting cousin-in-law will be there. The cousin rebuts factual data I post with 'Drain the swamp!' and 'Make America Great Again' and whatnot. Relatives put the 'fun' in 'funeral'.
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Old 03-18-2019, 01:50 PM
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An aunt died in December. Her funeral will be in June
This is the part of your post I can't wrap my head around.
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Old 03-18-2019, 02:17 PM
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Pretty much what everybody else is saying. I have no friends who are Trump supporters. They are the enemy.
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Old 03-18-2019, 02:21 PM
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This is the part of your post I can't wrap my head around.
I was wondering about that, myself. What, were they going to keep her on ice? Then I was told that she would be cremated.
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Old 03-18-2019, 02:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. View Post
An aunt died in December. Her funeral will be in June, and a Trump-supporting uncle I spar with and a Trump-supporting cousin-in-law will be there. The cousin rebuts factual data I post with 'Drain the swamp!' and 'Make America Great Again' and whatnot. Relatives put the 'fun' in 'funeral'.
Seems to me that a funeral would be a weird place to debate politics, but if the funeral is six months after the death, I guess it's already a weird funeral anyways, so you do you.

Last edited by HurricaneDitka; 03-18-2019 at 02:47 PM.
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Old 03-18-2019, 03:01 PM
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My SO has relatives who voted for Trump; we only see them on Facebook and they seem to be realizing that he's really of the "eating people's faces" party.
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Old 03-18-2019, 03:03 PM
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... the "eating people's faces" party.
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Old 03-18-2019, 03:15 PM
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'I never thought leopards would eat MY face,' sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party.
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Old 03-18-2019, 03:15 PM
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I usually just try to channel Switzerland and remain neutral.

My colleague, with whom I co-own a product, is a staunch Trump supporter. He tries to needle me on my politics all the damn time. Generally I don't engage. The few times I've bitten and provided citations and facts to him (such as when I commented that someone, somewhere will eventually have to pay for last year's checks resulting from Trump's tax bill), his responses were so far outside the realm of reality I just stopped trying anymore.

The last time we talked about politics, after he kept referring to the liberal elite, I asked him what that phrase meant. It's something you hear from conservative pundits, but I wasn't sure what it meant to actual conservatives and despite the disparity in political views, we're comfortable enough with each other I can ask. His response was that "No one from Hollywood is gonna tell me how to vote!" Ooookay, then. If you're looking to Hollywood for advice on how to vote, that's a whole other problem that doesn't have anything to do with the "liberal elite" and a whole lot more to do with being really easily led.
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Old 03-18-2019, 03:24 PM
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I don't have any Trumpy friends, but I do have some relatives that most likely voted for him. They managed to say some shitty things on FB and we no longer communicate. No loss, as far as I'm concerned.
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Old 03-18-2019, 03:46 PM
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... The last time we talked about politics, after he kept referring to the liberal elite, I asked him what that phrase meant. It's something you hear from conservative pundits, but I wasn't sure what it meant to actual conservatives and despite the disparity in political views, we're comfortable enough with each other I can ask. His response was that "No one from Hollywood is gonna tell me how to vote!" Ooookay, then. If you're looking to Hollywood for advice on how to vote, that's a whole other problem that doesn't have anything to do with the "liberal elite" and a whole lot more to do with being really easily led.
It sounds like your colleague is not "looking to Hollywood for advice on how to vote" (hopefully nobody is), but that doesn't seem to have put any dent in Hollywood's desire to tell people how to vote:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRp1CK_X_Yw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7STNrFjJhF0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wE2YE8hadnk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z0iuWh3sek

Last edited by HurricaneDitka; 03-18-2019 at 03:48 PM.
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Old 03-18-2019, 03:49 PM
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Think about the Trump voters you know, are any of them happy people? Politics aside, they just are pretty miserable people to be around.
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Old 03-18-2019, 03:52 PM
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Think about the Trump voters you know, are any of them happy people? Politics aside, they just are pretty miserable people to be around.
I know quite a few. I'd call many of them "happy".
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Old 03-18-2019, 04:57 PM
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Originally Posted by HurricaneDitka View Post
Working class white people vote Republican because they think republicans will increase stress and suffering on non-whites, liberals, immigrants, muslims, gays, etc.

But then some realize republicans intend to increase stress and suffering on anyone who isn't rich. And they aren't rich, and their white skin and christian beliefs won't protect them.

https://www.vox.com/policy-and-polit...-voter-florida

Quote:
Most Marianna residents support Trump’s border wall, his key demand in the shutdown fight, and don’t blame him for the fight. But Crystal Minton, a secretary at the prison who is also a single mother caring for disabled parents, had a somewhat different reaction — one that reveals an essential truth about the core Trump’s political appeal.

“I voted for him, and he’s the one who’s doing this,” Minton told Mazzei. “I thought he was going to do good things. He’s not hurting the people he needs to be hurting.”
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Old 03-18-2019, 04:57 PM
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Recently, my MIL pointed her finger at me, and told me that I was 'bad', because I don't like TheOrangeGoblin (Yes. I've stooped to his immaturity level of name-calling). Immediately before that, she pointed her finger at my husband, and told him that he was 'good', because he agreed with TheOrangeGoblin. That stung a bit. I'm going to avoid them from now on. They can't function without praising all his deeds. I'm done.

Last edited by nonacetone; 03-18-2019 at 05:00 PM.
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Old 03-18-2019, 04:59 PM
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Working class white people vote Republican because they think republicans will increase stress and suffering on non-whites, liberals, immigrants, muslims, gays, etc. ...
Cite?
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Old 03-18-2019, 05:05 PM
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Look at the accommodations people describe in this thread for Trump supporters: making sure Fox isn’t on so that they don’t get over-stimulated, avoiding certain topics so they don’t have a tantrum, and putting up with bad behavior just to keep the peace. Who else gets treated this way? Children that’s who. If I have to treat an adult like he’s a child just so they don’t have a meltdown, I don’t need that relationship.
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Old 03-18-2019, 05:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Jasmine View Post
When you enthusiastically support someone, that person is a reflection of your own values. That's all I needed to know, so I simply got rid of them. I now have no friends who are Trump supporters.
That's pretty much where I am now. It's also the reason I quit Facebook. In closing that account, I let go of a few other people I did like, but the contact with them over the years was sporadic and if I really want to contact them (and vice versa) we know how to find each other.
  #48  
Old 03-18-2019, 05:19 PM
Malleus, Incus, Stapes! is offline
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I try to have a 'no discussing politics at the dinner table" policy.

It doesn't really work that well, because *certain people* love talking about politics and think I should grow a thicker skin, and any topic, no matter how innocuous, has six degrees of separation from politics anyway*.

When my father has friends or my grandmother over, I go into the basement and shut the door. Because between the house acoustics and their loud voices, it's the only place in the house I can not overhear them.

*"political", by *certain people*'s standards, includes acknowledging the existence of LGBT people, so that's usually where the fight breaks out.

Last edited by Malleus, Incus, Stapes!; 03-18-2019 at 05:19 PM.
  #49  
Old 03-18-2019, 05:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nonacetone View Post
Recently, my MIL pointed her finger at me, and told me that I was 'bad', because I don't like TheOrangeGoblin (Yes. I've stooped to his immaturity level of name-calling). Immediately before that, she pointed her finger at my husband, and told him that he was 'good', because he agreed with TheOrangeGoblin. That stung a bit. I'm going to avoid them from now on. They can't function without praising all his deeds. I'm done.
You're going to avoid your husband?
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  #50  
Old 03-18-2019, 05:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iiandyiiii View Post
A good portion of my office are Trump supporters. I try to avoid talking about politics, and usually succeed. Maybe once or twice a year, someone says something so egregiously stupid and factually false that I can't help myself.
Well I'm glad you're around to hit them on the back when they forget to breathe.
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