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Old 10-15-2019, 12:12 PM
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Is This a Guy Thing?


I'm wondering if other women experience this. These are two of the latest instances....

Last week a male co-worker and I attended an informational meeting at city hall together. I have worked with this person for close to 15 years. I know quite a bit about his family from what he has shared with me over the years. We arrived at the meeting about 20 minutes early. So I asked him different things about the kids and grandkids, etc. Nothing really personal, (just catching up) although he has told me personal things in the past. He answered all of my questions with lots of details - some humorous and some frustrating teenage issues. In turn, he asked me NOTHING. Nothing at all. The whole conversation was about him. I had to try and bring up something about my life that was similar to what he was experiencing.

This seems to happen a lot when talking with men. When my boss (male) stops by my office for something, he might tell me what he did last weekend or some other personal anecdote. This is usually without prompting by me. I'll chat with him about whatever he brought up and then that's it. Out the door he goes. He never asks me anything. Sometimes I'll blurt out as he's leaving - I did such and such over the weekend.

And no, I'm not a Chatty Kathy, I don't talk non-stop. I'm actually very quiet. Maybe I'm just a good listener. Or maybe my life isn't interesting enough

Is this a "man thing"? Maybe I shouldn't expect to be asked anything and just blurt out fun facts of my life instead.

I don't find this to be the case when talking with another woman. There's always give and take in a conversation.
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Old 10-15-2019, 12:19 PM
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At the danger of sounding sexist, I think it is a bit of a man thing. I sit on a senior leadership team where it's 7 men and me. I can't remember when they last asked me anything about my personal life beyond 'good weekend'?

I would say, however, that the younger men (sub 35) in my company seem more inclined to ask me stuff. So maybe there's a generational element too.
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Old 10-15-2019, 01:11 PM
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I once heard that something like 72% of all Facebook users are female. This suggests that people of the female gender enjoy the sort of engagement that one gets from social activity more than people of the male gender.

Personally, and I am aware that I am about to say something anti-social, I apologize in advance. Personally, I wish that people would stop asking about my family and my weekend plans. I find it off putting and intrusive. I never ask about anyone else's weekend plans or families. Please don't ask me what I am going to eat for lunch. I won't ask what you are about to eat for lunch. I really don't care where you are going on vacation. I won't show you slides from my vacation.

I find it all to be noise.

I don't mind asking for or giving advice. If you've got a problem, let's sit down & talk it through. No problem. I don't care *at all* that you baked brownies last night.
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Old 10-15-2019, 01:19 PM
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Yeah, it's a guy thing.
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Old 10-15-2019, 01:26 PM
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I work in a mainly-female environment, and the other guys who work here aren't exactly yer Ron Swanson types. Do most guys, when talking with other guys, ask a lot of "how's your life going" questions?

It may well be that this isn't a typical conversational topic with American guys.
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Old 10-15-2019, 01:26 PM
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I'd say it's just a bad conversationalist thing. I'd believe that more men are bad conversationalists than women, but I know plenty of people of both genders that don't ask questions or notice that they're monologuing, and plenty of people of both who know how to ask polite questions and share in conversation.
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Old 10-15-2019, 01:29 PM
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Speaking for myself as a guy, I would answer reasonable questions to be polite, but won't ask many because I don't care about your family. I don't care about your personal life. I wouldn't want you or yours to die a slow death from a horrible disease, but other than that what you do in your free time doesn't matter to me in the least. (I also wouldn't be spontaneously offering details about mine without prompting.)
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Old 10-15-2019, 01:35 PM
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I can offer some anecdotal evidence.

My roleplaying group has been going for nearly 40 years. We have spent a LOT of time in each other's company (including conversations over meals.)

Yet I have literally no idea about their politics, nor their religions (if any.)

I only know which of them are married because I have been invited to every wedding of a group member!
I would be nervous about even saying how many children the married ones have.

I can tell you a great deal about which character classes they like to roleplay and what sort of books they read.
Errr . that's it.
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Old 10-15-2019, 01:43 PM
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Yeah it can be a guy thing. We don't multitask that well, so if he had anything else on his mind he wouldn't have been able to pay attention that well. And we don't care as much about personal/family issues.
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Old 10-15-2019, 01:43 PM
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I'm a guy. It's my preferred way of having a conversation. I prefer for the other person to relate something of their own if they want to share. I don't like asking a lot of questions because it feels like I'm doing an interview or prying. If someone wants to share something with me, I prefer that they bring it up on their own. I don't like when people ask me a lot of questions for the same reason. I don't want to feel pressured to share something that I may not want to. I like conversations where there is lots of back and forth where we are each interjecting, adding, and relating whatever relevant stories we want to talk about. At the beginning of the conversation some questions may be necessary, but I don't want the whole conversation to be like that.

And like above with the roleplaying group, I have groups of male friends where I know very little about their wives, kids, hobbies, etc. If they don't bring it up themselves, rarely will they be asked about it.
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Old 10-15-2019, 01:54 PM
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I think it's more a function of a person's personality with no gender bias. I know plenty of women who just talk about themselves without so much as a question about me, my family, my well being, etc. In a professional environment, I purposely don't ask about my coworkers' personal lives because (a) I'm very wary of appearing to show more interest than necessary in the details of my female coworkers' lives, and (b) I'm genuinely not all that interested anyway.
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Old 10-15-2019, 02:41 PM
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I don't think it's a gender thing. I think it's a people thing. I'm one of those "good listener" types who prefer to listen and feels awkward when having to talk about myself or my life. Once I figured out that people in general prefer to talk about themselves and I could just ask questions and sit back and listen, being around people became much easier for me.

I know three people, all of whom are men, who will ask me about my life and what is going on with me (none of this is based on sexual attraction, I am 100% positive). I actually find it kind of weird that they do this! But they stick out in my mind because every-damn-one else fails to do it.

One of the three guys I just mentioned revealed to me just last night that he has this ability to ask me what's new. We're trivia team members, he's the husband of one of my friends, and we were the only team members there. I started telling him what was new with me and the whole time in the back of my head thinking "wow, this is weird. This is polite. This is ok."
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Old 10-15-2019, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Darren Garrison View Post
Speaking for myself as a guy, I would answer reasonable questions to be polite, but won't ask many because I don't care about your family. I don't care about your personal life. I wouldn't want you or yours to die a slow death from a horrible disease, but other than that what you do in your free time doesn't matter to me in the least. (I also wouldn't be spontaneously offering details about mine without prompting.)
This.
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Old 10-15-2019, 02:54 PM
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The guys I work with when we talk, its more about hobbies or projects they are working on. I dont even know really which guys are married. i do know which ones own a motorcycle.

Also sad to say that in todays world, its better for a man not to talk too closely with a female coworker to protect yourself from a harassment charge.
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Old 10-15-2019, 03:08 PM
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This.
+1. I've worked with some guys for 15-25 years. I think, if pushed, I could name 2 of his 4 children. And maybe his wife.
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Old 10-15-2019, 03:13 PM
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Also sad to say that in todays world, its better for a man not to talk too closely with a female coworker to protect yourself from a harassment charge.
This post is the stupidest thing I've read today. And I've read the President's twitter account.
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Old 10-15-2019, 03:22 PM
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This post is the stupidest thing I've read today. And I've read the President's twitter account.
It's probably just as well he believes that. If somebody can't understand the difference between sexual harassment and asking somebody about their kids, they're better off avoiding all personal conversations.
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Old 10-15-2019, 03:22 PM
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I dunno if it's a guy thing but I noticed about a year ago that my female manager and coworkers often ask how my weekend was on Mondays and what my plans are on Fridays and I now make a point of returning the volley, as it were.
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Old 10-15-2019, 03:33 PM
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As far as a gender divide being the issue, I offer my mother as a counter-example. I've always said it's easy to keep secrets from her because she has zero interest in learning anything about anyone else. I can have a twenty minute phone call with her and I will be told everything that's occurring in her life, including how many hours of sleep she's had and everything she's eaten since the last time I talked to her. But I'm not sure she's aware I retired ten years ago or where I live.
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Old 10-15-2019, 03:39 PM
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Narcissism is a more common trait in men than women, so, yeah, there's a bit of a tendency for men to assume that once they're done talking about themselves, the conversation is done.
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Old 10-15-2019, 04:39 PM
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Narcissism is a more common trait in men than women, so, yeah, there's a bit of a tendency for men to assume that once they're done talking about themselves, the conversation is done.
I think it's more of the placement on the autism spectrum (the whole thing, not just the outliers at the end). The population is distributed along that line, and those closer to the autism end not only tend to be men, but have what we think of as a typical man brain.

Narcissism is different, and autism can look to an outsider to be similar to narcissism.
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Old 10-15-2019, 05:01 PM
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But, in my observation when working with more men than women, the men will chat with each other about small stuff. The topics tend to be different unless it's physical aches and pains, but men at work appear to be willing to chat. It's just about how the truck is running or that they scored tickets to a concert or a hockey game. They don't speak about how they felt about stuff.
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Old 10-15-2019, 05:23 PM
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I'm a guy. It's my preferred way of having a conversation. I prefer for the other person to relate something of their own if they want to share. I don't like asking a lot of questions because it feels like I'm doing an interview or prying.
I'm a woman, and I feel the same way. If we're having a conversation and you never volunteer anything about yourself without my asking ... well, I'm keeping track, and after a bit I will start asking "what about you?" more and more. But I'll also mark you down in my head as a bad conversationalist yourself, because you made me do all the brain work of figuring out what we were talking about.

(that's not 'bad' in the ultimate sense, but bad for me - you're doing conversation in the way that makes it the most difficult for me)

Talking with people who talk about themselves is easy - they say some stuff they're doing, you say some stuff you're doing. Ultimately, if you're both paying attention, you center the conversation around the stuff you both find interesting - which you discover by everyone volunteering some information.
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Old 10-15-2019, 05:24 PM
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Without going back to my dusty old communication and sociology books from college, the broad answer is this. Women see conversation as a social interaction; men see it as an exchange of information.

When it comes to basic "how was your weekend" exchanges, a man will decide it's a low-value exchange. "Okay" is sufficient to answer the question and move on to the next thing.

That's a gross oversimplification, of course. There are men out there who are genuinely interested in social conversation, even when no useful information is exchanged. There are a lot of men interested in gossip, because we all believe the dirt we collect will be useful either in the short or long term. And there are a lot of women who aren't particularly interested in how your weekend was, either.

I could give a lot more information, but it would be of increasingly less value to the topic at hand. So the broad-brush answer is, yeah, it's a guy thing.
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Old 10-15-2019, 05:39 PM
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When it comes to basic "how was your weekend" exchanges, a man will decide it's a low-value exchange. "Okay" is sufficient to answer the question and move on to the next thing.
I typically say "How was your weekend?" because it gives the person the freedom to answer however they like. If they want to give me the whole rundown, they can say "It was great! I went hiking and did blah, blah, blah...". But if they don't feel like saying a lot, they can just respond with "okay". I typically don't ask the question as "What did you do on the weekend?", since then the person would feel obligated to say what they did on the weekend even if they didn't want to.

As a related topic, do some people want it to be more of a series of question/responses like this?

A: How was your weekend?
B: Okay
A: What did you do?
B: I worked in the yard
A: What did you do in the yard?
B: I put in some bushes
A: What kind of bushes?

I would typically end things at Okay without having any followup questions.
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Old 10-15-2019, 05:51 PM
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Generally I don't want to make any personal conversation at all. I know it's expected, so I speak enough to dispel the awkwardness. That's me holding up my end of the bargain.

I don't care about what I'm saying, so I certainly don't care about what you're saying. We're just making chitchat, not starting a family.
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Old 10-15-2019, 05:59 PM
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Comedian Brian Regan covering this very topic
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Old 10-15-2019, 06:03 PM
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IDK, I do ask women about their lives that show interest in mine.

But that said, I can think of at least two occasions where I was asking about their lives, and I got the distinct impression they thought my questions were a prelude to me asking them out on a date. And they just sort of shut down.


So yeah, I sort of get guys not wanting to ask too many questions.
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Old 10-15-2019, 06:32 PM
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It may well be that this isn't a typical conversational topic with American guys.
In my experience the conversations run along the lines of, "man did the Cardinals suck this week".

~Max
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Old 10-15-2019, 07:15 PM
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...people in general prefer to talk about themselves...
This.
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Old 10-15-2019, 07:47 PM
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I think some of it is just that many people just expect women to do the emotional labor of keeping a community together. It's not that men don't like having a community, it's just seen as low-value work. Women ask after people's kids and spouses and weekends for the same reason that they organize condolence cards and congratulations cards for major events. It's just seen--by men and women--to be a woman's job. And while I am sure there are people who literally don't care about any of that, the fact is that a professional community DOES run more smoothly if someone has their finger on the general pulse of what's going on, and if people know that Bob just had a baby or Cathy lost her mom or whatever.

There are people who I go around and chit chat with once a week entirely because I know they need to contact, they need to feel heard and appreciated. These are generally people that are underpaid and underappreciated, and sometimes they are just people I know are struggling and I don't want them to go find another job somewhere else. Some of them I don't even like. I certainly am not having these conversations out of sincere curiosity about their dogs or hobbies. I think a lot of women do this sort of thing. I don't think I've ever had a male boss who was even aware it was going on: instead, we get goal-focused team building and mandated discussions about "building relationships".
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Old 10-15-2019, 08:09 PM
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the fact is that a professional community DOES run more smoothly if someone has their finger on the general pulse of what's going on, and if people know that Bob just had a baby or Cathy lost her mom or whatever.
It may be important to know about major events like that, but not that Susy won 3rd place in her Junior Ladybugs craft contest with a diorama of Florence Nightingale Crossing the Delaware made entirely out of elbow macaroni bought at Piggly Wiggly at 50% off with a coupon that was due to expire the next day that happened to blow across the sidewalk in front of Billy as he was walking home from his piccolo lesson where he is learning to play an uptempo interpretation of Jingle Bell Rock for the church play and doesn't God work in mysterious ways.
  #33  
Old 10-15-2019, 08:21 PM
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As a related topic, do some people want it to be more of a series of question/responses like this?

A: How was your weekend?
B: Okay
A: What did you do?
B: I worked in the yard
A: What did you do in the yard?
B: I put in some bushes
A: What kind of bushes?

I would typically end things at Okay without having any followup questions.
Actually, some people want it to be more like this:

A. How was your weekend?
B. Great! Bob and I hiked at the nature reserve.
A. I'm so jealous. Billy was sick all weekend so we stayed in.
B. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Is he feeling better?
A. He seems okay, so we let him go to school.

Both parties get to relate what the significant event of their weekend, and receive emotional support from each other.

Last edited by Kent Clark; 10-15-2019 at 08:22 PM.
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Old 10-15-2019, 08:38 PM
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He answered all of my questions with lots of details - some humorous and some frustrating teenage issues. In turn, he asked me NOTHING. Nothing at all. The whole conversation was about him. I had to try and bring up something about my life that was similar to what he was experiencing.

This seems to happen a lot when talking with men. When my boss (male) stops by my office for something, he might tell me what he did last weekend or some other personal anecdote. This is usually without prompting by me. I'll chat with him about whatever he brought up and then that's it. Out the door he goes. He never asks me anything. Sometimes I'll blurt out as he's leaving - I did such and such over the weekend.

And no, I'm not a Chatty Kathy, I don't talk non-stop. I'm actually very quiet. Maybe I'm just a good listener. Or maybe my life isn't interesting enough

Is this a "man thing"? Maybe I shouldn't expect to be asked anything and just blurt out fun facts of my life instead.
It's the male style of speaking in our culture; men tend to talk about what they want to say without being prompted, with the expectation that the other person will do the same. He's generally going to assume that if you want to share something with him you'll do it without being asked.

He's likely not even aware that you are bothered if you haven't mentioned it; conversation styles tend to be pretty unconscious things.
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Old 10-15-2019, 09:03 PM
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Personally, I think it's an asshole thing, not necessarily a man thing. I'm a guy and I try to make sure to ask people about themselves.
  #36  
Old 10-15-2019, 09:16 PM
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It may be important to know about major events like that, but not that Susy won 3rd place in her Junior Ladybugs craft contest with a diorama of Florence Nightingale Crossing the Delaware made entirely out of elbow macaroni bought at Piggly Wiggly at 50% off with a coupon that was due to expire the next day that happened to blow across the sidewalk in front of Billy as he was walking home from his piccolo lesson where he is learning to play an uptempo interpretation of Jingle Bell Rock for the church play and doesn't God work in mysterious ways.
But that's the shit that builds the relationships so that later when you hear Cathy lost her mom, it means something because you know something about Cathy. Or maybe you don't need to know, but someone in the office need to know, so that Cathy doesn't feel like her grief is meaningless. Generally speaking, women take on the burden of being the "someone".
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Old 10-15-2019, 09:18 PM
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I don't think it's strictly a guy thing at all. I work with mostly women and I regularly hear what I call "parallel conversations":

Mary: How was your weekend?
Sue: Nice, we went on a picnic. How about you?
M: Just hung out at home with the kids. Bobby has a new girlfriend.
S: Cool. Amy has a new boyfriend!
M: Bobby took her for ice cream.
S: Amy doesn't like ice cream, can you believe it?
M: Neither does Jimmy. He loves cake, though.
S: Yeah, Amy loves cake too. She got a speeding ticket yesterday.
M: I got pulled over too! But no ticket.
S: Amy said the cop was nice.
M: The cop that pulled me over was SUPER nice!

and on and on and on.
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Old 10-15-2019, 09:23 PM
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I don't know if it is a guy thing, but it is a me thing. I will respond to questions asked by co-workers, but you won't get reciprocation from me. No particular reason for it, it just doesn't occur to me to ask.

ETA:. I am an extreme introvert with a pleasant and cheerful public persona, which probably has a lot to do with it.

Last edited by krondys; 10-15-2019 at 09:25 PM.
  #39  
Old 10-15-2019, 09:24 PM
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But that's the shit that builds the relationships so that later when you hear Cathy lost her mom, it means something because you know something about Cathy. Or maybe you don't need to know, but someone in the office need to know, so that Cathy doesn't feel like her grief is meaningless. Generally speaking, women take on the burden of being the "someone".
Yeah, it's recognizing the humanity in other people. If it's a guy thing, I'd argue it's an old white guy thing. We're the worst and we didn't really need to give a crap about anyone else until very recently.
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Old 10-15-2019, 09:40 PM
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This post is the stupidest thing I've read today.
I do not agree.

I think it's unprofessional to do much in the way of discussing the personal lives of co-workers, even casually. In particular, a man asking personal questions of a woman can easily become inappropriate.
  #41  
Old 10-15-2019, 10:58 PM
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@manson1972 & Little Nemo - while I don't totally agree with Urbanredneck's comment - I could not disagree with your dismissal of the comment even more.

Quote:
This post is the stupidest thing I've read today.
20 years ago I was a Director at a "Fortune Top 50" (13 direct employees plus 50 indirect) and we had an explicit policy that we were to never discuss personal lives with any employees. I signed documents indicating that I understood this policy and if I violated I could be reprimanded and possibly terminated (without compensation) if violations continued.

If a subordinate initiated a conversation and discussed personal lives I was to politely listen and then change the topic. I was never to ask them questions or probe further.

The rationale was that some employees (especially females) did not feel comfortable sharing personal information with managers. Unwanted questioning was considered both a form of harassment and and a violation of personal privacy. The policy was implemented as a direct result of employee complaints.

Bottom line was I used my judgement to discuss personal lives. For employees I knew & had a history with, we'd openly talk about family, kids etc. For new employees never.

This was 20 years ago, I'm no longer in that corporate world, but if anything the environment has only become more sensitive to harassment & privacy issues due to civil and criminal litigation. Large corporations have always been in "cover your ass mode".

Note:
1) I'm not saying I agreed with this policy, I agree with you, there is a huge difference between harassment and chatting, but some staff did not see it that way so a policy stopping all personal discussions was the only option.
2) I'm not saying this was the case with the OP's comments, (I would fall on the side of narcissism, especially in peer to peer relationships), but to suggest as you two do, that is never a factor is 100% incorrect.
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Old 10-16-2019, 02:19 AM
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Well, I'm a guy, and I could totally see myself doing that. I'm polite so I'll play the game, but I don't enjoy it.

Then again, there is maybe one other person on the planet that I give 2 shits about what they're going to be doing on the weekend. My wife. And only because that will invariably involve me. Hate small talk, although I will occasionally initiate it if I know for a FACT that we share a common interests. You wanna talk to me about the game last night? How about you ask if I am into sports first? I'll happily talk to you about my myriad nerdy interests, but I'm not going to assume you are into them right off the bat.

However, if I am talking to you about some trivial thing you will know I am genuinely interested in it and not just filling dead air.

Last edited by Ashtura; 10-16-2019 at 02:21 AM.
  #43  
Old 10-16-2019, 03:24 AM
Little Nemo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GMANCANADA View Post
@manson1972 & Little Nemo - while I don't totally agree with Urbanredneck's comment - I could not disagree with your dismissal of the comment even more.



20 years ago I was a Director at a "Fortune Top 50" (13 direct employees plus 50 indirect) and we had an explicit policy that we were to never discuss personal lives with any employees. I signed documents indicating that I understood this policy and if I violated I could be reprimanded and possibly terminated (without compensation) if violations continued.

If a subordinate initiated a conversation and discussed personal lives I was to politely listen and then change the topic. I was never to ask them questions or probe further.

The rationale was that some employees (especially females) did not feel comfortable sharing personal information with managers. Unwanted questioning was considered both a form of harassment and and a violation of personal privacy. The policy was implemented as a direct result of employee complaints.

Bottom line was I used my judgement to discuss personal lives. For employees I knew & had a history with, we'd openly talk about family, kids etc. For new employees never.

This was 20 years ago, I'm no longer in that corporate world, but if anything the environment has only become more sensitive to harassment & privacy issues due to civil and criminal litigation. Large corporations have always been in "cover your ass mode".

Note:
1) I'm not saying I agreed with this policy, I agree with you, there is a huge difference between harassment and chatting, but some staff did not see it that way so a policy stopping all personal discussions was the only option.
2) I'm not saying this was the case with the OP's comments, (I would fall on the side of narcissism, especially in peer to peer relationships), but to suggest as you two do, that is never a factor is 100% incorrect.
I was a manager myself. So I know that just because a policy exists doesn't mean a policy makes any sense.

Saying that any discussion of personal matters might be construed as sexual harassment is stupid. But it's certainly possible that some executive was stupid enough to believe it and make it company policy.

I'm standing by what I said.
  #44  
Old 10-16-2019, 03:52 AM
kambuckta is offline
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Originally Posted by Urbanredneck View Post

Also sad to say that in todays world, its better for a man not to talk too closely with a female coworker to protect yourself from a harassment charge.
Yeah, those evil, predatory females are just waiting for you to ask how their weekend was and BOOM, you'll be facing sexual harassment charges, right? FFS.

Quote:
Originally Posted by manson1972 View Post
This post is the stupidest thing I've read today. And I've read the President's twitter account.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Nemo View Post
It's probably just as well he believes that. If somebody can't understand the difference between sexual harassment and asking somebody about their kids, they're better off avoiding all personal conversations.
I guess I shouldn't have expected better from Urbanredneck.
  #45  
Old 10-16-2019, 04:09 AM
nelliebly is offline
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I get it that some people are reticent, but OP, you say you've known this guy well and for many years, and he's confided in you before. Clearly this is a guy who likes telling you about his life. The question is, is this a pattern of his or is this the first time? In the 15 years you've known him, has he ever asked you questions about yourself? Does the boss ask anyone else friendly questions, or is he self-involved, too?

I've known both men and women who could see you with a hatchet in your head and launch immediately into a long account of every headache they've ever had. Once a guy asked me out, and he spent the entire evening talking about himself. I couldn't have gotten a comment in edgewise if I'd had a crowbar. I've also had female co-workers who could see you with an axe in your head and launch right into a long account of every headache they've ever had.
  #46  
Old 10-16-2019, 05:37 AM
Novelty Bobble is offline
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Originally Posted by madmonk28 View Post
Personally, I think it's an asshole thing, not necessarily a man thing. I'm a guy and I try to make sure to ask people about themselves.
But of course not everyone likes to be asked about themselves, it is entirely possible the the asshole behaviour in some situations is yours.
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  #47  
Old 10-16-2019, 05:46 AM
Aspidistra is offline
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It's never a bad thing to observe the conversational style your acquaintance is using, and be guided by that. If they're asking questions of you a lot then ask questions of them at least a little since it's probably a signal that that's what they expect. If they never do any question-asking but volunteer a lot of info, try volunteering some info of your own and dial back the questions. If they never leave a space big enough for you to get a word in edgeways, talk into the spaces that aren't 'big enough'. If they answer in monosyllables, let the conversation die quietly.

I feel like a lot of communication disconnects could probably be solved if everyone followed those rules.
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  #48  
Old 10-16-2019, 05:49 AM
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It's never a bad thing to observe the conversational style your acquaintance is using, and be guided by that. If they're asking questions of you a lot then ask questions of them at least a little since it's probably a signal that that's what they expect.
That suggests that they too should observe my conversational style with them and pick up on the fact that I don't want to share personal info with them and so won't asking them personal questions either.
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  #49  
Old 10-16-2019, 05:55 AM
Aspidistra is offline
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Well, yeah, hopefully if they notice that you're not asking many questions, and giving very short to nonexistant answers to their questions, they will also try something else. Then you end up somewhere in the middle. Nobody gets everything they want, but compromise is the glue of society.
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  #50  
Old 10-16-2019, 06:00 AM
Novelty Bobble is offline
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Originally Posted by Aspidistra View Post
Well, yeah, hopefully if they notice that you're not asking many questions, and giving very short to nonexistant answers to their questions, they will also try something else. Then you end up somewhere in the middle. Nobody gets everything they want, but compromise is the glue of society.
The compromise is that they get those short answers and I am not obligated to ask them anything.
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