Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-18-2020, 09:22 AM
elmwood's Avatar
elmwood is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 9,402

Things you see in TV commercials that never happen in the real world


For example:

* Doctors who present slide shows on their tablets, facing the screen out and away from them.

* A perfectly multiethnic group of conventionally attractive BFFs. - white, black (light skin with type 3A or 3C hair), Asian, and Hispanic/Latino -- in their late 20s or early 30s.

* Getting really excited about salad.

* A fridge full of nothing but yogurt.

* Cradling a cup of coffee or tea with both hands, and leaning your head back really far after every sip.

* Finding a perfectly restored or preserved Craftsman bungalow for US$249,900.

* Trashing a living room after your team scores a touchdown or goal.

* Doing yoga alone in a scenic locale.
  #2  
Old 02-18-2020, 09:27 AM
boffking is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 2,556
Driving through downtown Boston without any traffic.
  #3  
Old 02-18-2020, 09:36 AM
running coach's Avatar
running coach is offline
Arms of Steel, Leg of Jello
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Riding my handcycle
Posts: 37,867
A cop partnered with a large, flightless bird.

  #4  
Old 02-18-2020, 10:15 AM
terentii's Avatar
terentii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 19,065
People like Dr Marcus Welby (remember him?) appearing unannounced in your kitchen.
__________________
"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #5  
Old 02-18-2020, 10:19 AM
cochrane is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: The Nekkid Pueblo
Posts: 23,086
People making furtive 3 a.m. calls to their State Farm agent.
  #6  
Old 02-18-2020, 10:20 AM
Son of a Rich's Avatar
Son of a Rich is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Barsoom
Posts: 4,377
Eating a large sub sandwich, fully loaded, and holding the sandwich vertically with one hand.

An insurance salesperson inexplicably wearing a white apron.
  #7  
Old 02-18-2020, 10:24 AM
terentii's Avatar
terentii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 19,065
Women at a cocktail party discussing feminine hygiene products and laughing about it.
__________________
"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #8  
Old 02-18-2020, 10:27 AM
slash2k is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,722
Quote:
Originally Posted by elmwood View Post
* Finding a perfectly restored or preserved Craftsman bungalow for US$249,900.
1930 Craftsman in Manhattan, Kansas. Not perfect, but except for the kitchen it looks pretty good, and it's $225K.

1905 Craftsman in Kalamazoo, again in decent but not perfect shape, $214K.

On either coast that pair would be significantly higher, of course.
  #9  
Old 02-18-2020, 10:34 AM
Ukulele Ike is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Brooklyn
Posts: 18,450
Professional beauticians who soak their clients’ hands in dishwashing liquid.

Grocery store managers who become upset when a customer squeezes toilet paper.

Leprechauns who try to keep commercial breakfast cereal away from small children.

— Ukulele Ike, old
__________________
Uke
  #10  
Old 02-18-2020, 10:36 AM
cochrane is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: The Nekkid Pueblo
Posts: 23,086
Woodchucks chucking wood into a lake.
  #11  
Old 02-18-2020, 10:51 AM
terentii's Avatar
terentii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 19,065
A hot chick perched on a barstool showing off her beautiful bare feet.
__________________
"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #12  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:09 AM
Annie-Xmas is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 59,680
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ukulele Ike View Post
Leprechauns who try to keep commercial breakfast cereal away from small children.
Children who try to keep commercial breakfast cereal away from rabbits.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 02-18-2020 at 11:10 AM.
  #13  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:19 AM
salinqmind is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Liverpool NY USA
Posts: 10,395
Not a tv ad, a print ad - usually before the superbowl, in the coupon insert of the newspaper, usually for Kraft foods, for pepperoni, junk food - coupons for cheese and snacks, and recipes how to make dip. For years and years I've seen these ads. A group of excited, attractive, youngish football fans sitting crammed together on a huge couch. White couples, a scattering of black people, one or two Asians. All of them 'lit', happy, wearing matching jerseys, and one of the men holding aloft a football. (which I don't get - when people watch ice dancing, do they hold aloft a pair of ice skates?)

My experience with watching the superbowl is bringing the pizza, wings, and beer to the fat guy sitting in his recliner in front of the tv. A shocking lack of photogenic same-age friends to come over for a big fat jolly superbowl party!
  #14  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:26 AM
KneadToKnow is offline
Voodoo Adult (Slight Return)
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Charlotte, NC, USA
Posts: 27,064
A well-balanced breakfast.
  #15  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:38 AM
WildaBeast's Avatar
WildaBeast is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Folsom, CA
Posts: 1,186
People telling all their friends about the prescription medication they're taking, and then proceeding to list all the possible side effects.
  #16  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:45 AM
terentii's Avatar
terentii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 19,065
An actor who isn't a doctor but plays one on TV plugging a pharmaceutical product.
__________________
"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #17  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:47 AM
KneadToKnow is offline
Voodoo Adult (Slight Return)
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Charlotte, NC, USA
Posts: 27,064
Kids giving their bed-ridden mother flack about having bought life insurance.
  #18  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:47 AM
running coach's Avatar
running coach is offline
Arms of Steel, Leg of Jello
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Riding my handcycle
Posts: 37,867
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildaBeast View Post
People telling all their friends about the prescription medication they're taking, and then proceeding to list all the possible side effects.
And using the phrase "moderate to severe" while describing their condition.
  #19  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:49 AM
burpo the wonder mutt's Avatar
burpo the wonder mutt is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Slow-cala, Florida
Posts: 25,468
People going into their doctor's office and demanding the newest medicine for whatever (because you know he'll get pissed and order a chunk of your liver removed every week for the next six months for "tests.")

A little sad cloud following me around.
__________________
"Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! That's my other dog imitation." - Oddball

Last edited by burpo the wonder mutt; 02-18-2020 at 11:51 AM.
  #20  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:52 AM
KneadToKnow is offline
Voodoo Adult (Slight Return)
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Charlotte, NC, USA
Posts: 27,064
Quarter Pounders with Cheese that are more than 1.5 inches tall.
  #21  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:53 AM
terentii's Avatar
terentii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 19,065
People actually buying things for pennies a day.

... And they cost no more!
__________________
"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #22  
Old 02-18-2020, 11:59 AM
rsat3acr is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,802
light wipe with a sponge cleaning any bathtub scum
  #23  
Old 02-18-2020, 12:16 PM
terentii's Avatar
terentii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 19,065
Americans who learn a foreign language from an app being instantly understood by native speakers.
__________________
"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #24  
Old 02-18-2020, 12:21 PM
Shoeless's Avatar
Shoeless is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The Sunflower State
Posts: 7,188
Kid makes a huge mess and parents just laugh as they clean it up.
__________________
"We can all sink or we all float
'Cuz we're all in the same big boat"

- The Police, "One World"
  #25  
Old 02-18-2020, 12:25 PM
terentii's Avatar
terentii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 19,065
Being told anyone between the ages of 18 and 80 can apply with the implication they'll be automatically accepted.
__________________
"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #26  
Old 02-18-2020, 12:32 PM
Biggirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Right here
Posts: 18,985
Texting people about your bowels.
Taking a boner pill and then getting into a separate, but very close by, bathtub than your spouse.
Dancing around the kitchen with your SO while cooking dinner and hand feeding them the ingredients as you do so.
Sing about how much I'm loving my fast food.
  #27  
Old 02-18-2020, 12:34 PM
DCnDC's Avatar
DCnDC is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Dueling Grounds
Posts: 13,677
Pretty much the entire "has this ever happened to you" section of any given infomercial, featuring the most inept people to have ever lived. Y'know, the part where the lady is so totally incompetent she's incapable of dumping a pot of pasta into a strainer and she desperately needs a technological solution that they're about to tell you all about and can be yours for only three easy payments of $9.95, but if you call RIGHT NOW they'll knock off a payment and even send you a free gift just for calling?

Last edited by DCnDC; 02-18-2020 at 12:36 PM.
  #28  
Old 02-18-2020, 12:35 PM
Darren Garrison's Avatar
Darren Garrison is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 13,326
Quote:
Originally Posted by terentii View Post
Women at a cocktail party discussing feminine hygiene products and laughing about it.
And those femine hygiene products being used to soak up blue liquids. (Though I don't think I have seen one of those commercials for quite a few years.)
  #29  
Old 02-18-2020, 12:37 PM
terentii's Avatar
terentii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 19,065
People throwing obsolescent kitchen appliances out the nearest window.
__________________
"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #30  
Old 02-18-2020, 12:46 PM
WOOKINPANUB's Avatar
WOOKINPANUB is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: St Petersburg, Floriduhhh
Posts: 7,404
Someone surprising their spouse with a brand new luxury car with a giant bow on it.
  #31  
Old 02-18-2020, 01:12 PM
WildaBeast's Avatar
WildaBeast is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Folsom, CA
Posts: 1,186
Quote:
Originally Posted by WOOKINPANUB View Post
Someone surprising their spouse with a brand new luxury car with a giant bow on it.
Apparently Lexus dealerships actually sell those giant bows as accessories, which would seem to indicate that someone must be doing that. Although I imagine some people who buy them just do so for the novelty of putting a giant bow on their car.

ETA cite: https://www.mediapost.com/publicatio...-red-bows.html

Last edited by WildaBeast; 02-18-2020 at 01:14 PM.
  #32  
Old 02-18-2020, 01:14 PM
jnglmassiv is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Chicago's Northside
Posts: 3,388
Quote:
Originally Posted by DCnDC View Post
Pretty much the entire "has this ever happened to you" section of any given infomercial, featuring the most inept people to have ever lived. Y'know, the part where the lady is so totally incompetent she's incapable of dumping a pot of pasta into a strainer and she desperately needs a technological solution that they're about to tell you all about and can be yours for only three easy payments of $9.95, but if you call RIGHT NOW they'll knock off a payment and even send you a free gift just for calling?
There's an entire subreddit for those:
https://old.reddit.com/r/wheredidthesodago/
  #33  
Old 02-18-2020, 01:27 PM
Kent Clark's Avatar
Kent Clark is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Posts: 27,759
Boomers talking about how much they're saving with cheap cellphone plans. The only discussions I hear Boomers having about their cellphones is whether they're hearing aid-compatible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WOOKINPANUB View Post
Someone surprising their spouse with a brand new luxury car with a giant bow on it.
I know someone who actually did that. The bow is pretty damned impressive!
  #34  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:00 PM
BobLibDem is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Home 07 NCAA HockeyChamps
Posts: 22,218
Women being super impressed that the guys had the right beer for the party. Most women I know aren't that much into beer and would be a lot more impressed with mixed drinks being offered.

Black folks gushing over Buicks. Anyone gushing over Buicks.

People who have structured settlements and needing cash now and breaking into opera.
  #35  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:07 PM
WildaBeast's Avatar
WildaBeast is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Folsom, CA
Posts: 1,186
Anthropomorphized bubbles emerging from a bottle of cleaning product and cleaning your bathroom for you. When I was maybe 5 or so I wanted my mom to buy the brand of cleaner being advertised (I think it was Dow Bathroom Cleaner) because I believed that was literally going to happen.
  #36  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:14 PM
Skywatcher's Avatar
Skywatcher is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Somewhere in the Potomac
Posts: 36,051
Off-road vehicles being driven on dirt roads yet remaining virtually pristine.
  #37  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:20 PM
SuntanLotion is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: mentor ohio
Posts: 364
People coming in and leaving houses with never locking the doors.
__________________
Gellerreport. Com
  #38  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:28 PM
RealityChuck's Avatar
RealityChuck is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Schenectady, NY, USA
Posts: 43,412
People driving cars on the wrong side of the road.
  #39  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:35 PM
xizor's Avatar
xizor is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 5,607
Quote:
Originally Posted by WOOKINPANUB View Post
Someone surprising their spouse with a brand new luxury car with a giant bow on it.
Not a luxury car, but when I bought my wife a car from Carmax they put a big bow on it and took her picture with it when we came to pick it up.
__________________
You were pumping iron while I was pumping irony - Robert Plant
  #40  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:44 PM
mbh is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 5,065
Quote:
Originally Posted by Biggirl View Post
Taking a boner pill and then getting into a separate, but very close by, bathtub than your spouse.
A house with two side-by-side bathtubs, outside the house, overlooking a scenic view.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WildaBeast View Post
Anthropomorphized bubbles emerging from a bottle of cleaning product and cleaning your bathroom for you. When I was maybe 5 or so I wanted my mom to buy the brand of cleaner being advertised (I think it was Dow Bathroom Cleaner) because I believed that was literally going to happen.
Same here. My brother and I badgered my mom into buying a can. We were extremely disappointed.
  #41  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:44 PM
ZipperJJ's Avatar
ZipperJJ is offline
Just Lovely and Delicious
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 25,849
Quote:
Originally Posted by KneadToKnow View Post
A well-balanced breakfast.
In commercials people are always sitting down to eat a "well balanced breakfast" consisting of many different items.

Then when you get back to the show, people are always presented with this same sort of complicated breakfast but are always in too much of a hurry to do anything more than eat a bite of toast or have a swig of orange juice. The bus is here!
  #42  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:45 PM
Rick Kitchen's Avatar
Rick Kitchen is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Citrus Heights, CA, USA
Posts: 18,104
Parents who throw their entire nicely prepared salmon dinner away because the kid will only eat mac and cheese, and decide the entire family has to eat mac and cheese instead of just ordering the kid to eat what he's given, or if you're a pushover, make it just for him.

Flashbacks in black and white and modern day in color.
  #43  
Old 02-18-2020, 02:53 PM
pirviii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kent Clark View Post
I know someone who actually did that. The bow is pretty damned impressive!
The bow is probably worth more then most of my cars.
  #44  
Old 02-18-2020, 03:49 PM
EinsteinsHund's Avatar
EinsteinsHund is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: NRW, Germany
Posts: 3,594
A broke young guy with a miserable credit score, walking away gladly with € 1.000 in cash from an usury credit given by a financial sharks institute, being instantly surrounded by at least four swooning hot chicks.
__________________
And if my thought-dreams could be seen
They’d probably put my head in a guillotine

Last edited by EinsteinsHund; 02-18-2020 at 03:50 PM.
  #45  
Old 02-18-2020, 03:59 PM
Marvin the Martian is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Posts: 1,435
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobLibDem View Post
Women being super impressed that the guys had the right beer for the party. Most women I know aren't that much into beer and would be a lot more impressed with mixed drinks being offered.
Mrs. Martian would be super impressed if the guys had picked up a nice Belgian quad...
  #46  
Old 02-18-2020, 04:19 PM
Skywatcher's Avatar
Skywatcher is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Somewhere in the Potomac
Posts: 36,051
Quote:
Originally Posted by WOOKINPANUB View Post
Someone surprising their spouse with a brand new luxury car with a giant bow on it.
Colin Powell's Corvette came with a bow. Granted, it was from his children rather than his spouse.
  #47  
Old 02-18-2020, 04:20 PM
terentii's Avatar
terentii is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 19,065
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darren Garrison View Post
And those femine hygiene products being used to soak up blue liquids. (Though I don't think I have seen one of those commercials for quite a few years.)
Nowadays they use bladder leak liners for that.
__________________
"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #48  
Old 02-18-2020, 04:25 PM
Gatopescado is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: on your last raw nerve
Posts: 23,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skywatcher View Post
Off-road vehicles being driven on dirt roads yet remaining virtually pristine.
Yeah, and what's with everybody in commercials driving perfectly restored 1969 Ford Broncos???
  #49  
Old 02-18-2020, 04:55 PM
Shoeless's Avatar
Shoeless is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The Sunflower State
Posts: 7,188
People getting their title back from Title Max.
__________________
"We can all sink or we all float
'Cuz we're all in the same big boat"

- The Police, "One World"
  #50  
Old 02-18-2020, 05:00 PM
Shoeless's Avatar
Shoeless is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The Sunflower State
Posts: 7,188
I'm not sure if this is a local ad or not, but it's for some "retirement village" and shows these two girls who are about 10 years old, and one is raving to the other about all the great amenities at grandma and grandpa's new place. Yeah, that's not what 10 year old girls are talking about in real life.
__________________
"We can all sink or we all float
'Cuz we're all in the same big boat"

- The Police, "One World"
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:55 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright © 2019 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017