Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-02-2020, 07:05 PM
Lumpy's Avatar
Lumpy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota US
Posts: 16,936

Things you learned the hard way


Today I learned that "kerosene" is NOT "lamp oil". Not if you want to use it indoors.
  #2  
Old 04-02-2020, 07:18 PM
WildaBeast's Avatar
WildaBeast is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Folsom, CA
Posts: 1,359
Olives need to be cured before you can eat them. I learned that years ago when I was hiking. The trail passed through what used to be an olive orchard. I noticed a tree that was still producing olives. So I thought I'd try a fresh olive off the tree, found one that looked ripe, and popped it in my mouth. It was one of the most bitter, unplesant things I have ever put in my mouth.
  #3  
Old 04-02-2020, 08:17 PM
Baker is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Tottering-on-the-Brink
Posts: 21,064
Don't jump to marry the first guy who asks you, no matter how head over heels in love you are.
__________________
At least my dog loves me.
  #4  
Old 04-02-2020, 08:19 PM
Ulfreida is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: pangolandia
Posts: 4,198
There is a right way and a wrong way to pick up a rabbit.
  #5  
Old 04-02-2020, 09:41 PM
VOW is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: NE AZ
Posts: 4,256
Never, ever, ever ask a kid, "Why?"

The circumstances of asking this of a kid means that the kid has done something wrong. You are already mad. There is NO answer that the kid can have that will alleviate whatever problem exists.

Any answer will just make you more mad.

Be kind to yourself. Never ask a kid, "Why?"

Just. Don't.


~VOW
__________________
Klaatu Barada Nikto

Last edited by VOW; 04-02-2020 at 09:41 PM.
  #6  
Old 04-02-2020, 09:47 PM
jtur88 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Cebu, Philippines
Posts: 15,724
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildaBeast View Post
Olives need to be cured before you can eat them. I learned that years ago when I was hiking. The trail passed through what used to be an olive orchard. I noticed a tree that was still producing olives. So I thought I'd try a fresh olive off the tree, found one that looked ripe, and popped it in my mouth. It was one of the most bitter, unplesant things I have ever put in my mouth.
I did the same thing, in Chile. It took me days to get the taste out of my mouth.
  #7  
Old 04-02-2020, 10:44 PM
galen ubal is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Central VIC Australia
Posts: 2,993
Double-check that the soldering pencil is unplugged before picking it up by the business end.
__________________
Salvator apiae.
  #8  
Old 04-02-2020, 11:00 PM
thorny locust's Avatar
thorny locust is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 2,359
Never pick up a strange cat.

Though I've violated that one a number of times since; including the time that wound up with this nice yellow cat snoozing on my couch. Maybe I'd better amend that:

Always use caution when offering to pick up a strange cat; and be ready to let go extremely fast.
  #9  
Old 04-02-2020, 11:16 PM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 23,354
Don't ever punch your 16yo younger brother.
I had tormented him for many years. One day he punched back. I didn't mess with him after that.
  #10  
Old 04-03-2020, 01:00 AM
VOW is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: NE AZ
Posts: 4,256
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
Don't ever punch your 16yo younger brother.
I had tormented him for many years. One day he punched back. I didn't mess with him after that.

My kids are two and a half years apart. Ever since her brother came into her life, The Daughter has used every opportunity to let him know she was FIRST. She'd really whale on the kid.

She was about four or five when I pulled her aside for a little talk. I told her, "Right now, you are bigger than he is, because you are older. But before long, he's going to be much bigger and stronger than you are. Just look how big your daddy is."

As they grew, the fights got louder and more violent. I used to tell them to take it to the other room, and the survivor to come back and tell me how many plates to set for dinner.


~VOW
__________________
Klaatu Barada Nikto
  #11  
Old 04-03-2020, 01:13 AM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 23,354
Same with my 2 oldest ~VOW, some days I seriosly wondered would both grow up. The great equalizer happened as the teen years came on. Then I wondered would I survive.
Me and the lil'wrekker used to hide from them. Of course she was a joy as a teen. (at least there was only one of her)
  #12  
Old 04-03-2020, 04:26 AM
longhair75 is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: omaha, ne
Posts: 3,341
Never carry credit card debt.
__________________
Per tutto i mali, vino. Per tutto bene, lo stesso
  #13  
Old 04-03-2020, 10:52 AM
FloatyGimpy's Avatar
FloatyGimpy is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Vancouver Island
Posts: 3,672
Don't catch a cactus plant that you knocked off the counter.
  #14  
Old 04-03-2020, 10:57 AM
Lumpy's Avatar
Lumpy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota US
Posts: 16,936
Quote:
Originally Posted by FloatyGimpy View Post
Don't catch a cactus plant that you knocked off the counter.
And of course the automatic instinct is to catch knocked-off items...
  #15  
Old 04-03-2020, 12:31 PM
pullin is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: N Texas
Posts: 3,327
Backhoes don't float.

Last edited by pullin; 04-03-2020 at 12:32 PM.
  #16  
Old 04-03-2020, 12:55 PM
Treppenwitz is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,485
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildaBeast View Post
Olives need to be cured before you can eat them. I learned that years ago when I was hiking. The trail passed through what used to be an olive orchard. I noticed a tree that was still producing olives. So I thought I'd try a fresh olive off the tree, found one that looked ripe, and popped it in my mouth. It was one of the most bitter, unplesant things I have ever put in my mouth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
I did the same thing, in Chile. It took me days to get the taste out of my mouth.
Oh Man - Spanish olives are just the same. Jeez, it was a shocker.

j
  #17  
Old 04-03-2020, 02:14 PM
Velocity is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 17,445
Never jump too soon at an opportunity, and never jump at it too late, either. A great many things in my life were wasted/wrecked because of poor timing.
  #18  
Old 04-03-2020, 03:44 PM
Spectre of Pithecanthropus is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Transplanted!
Posts: 19,634
Early on in a relationship, if she tells you out of the blue that she considers Splendor In The Grass "a beautiful movie", she might be trying to tell you something.
__________________
Change your latitude, change your attitude.
  #19  
Old 04-03-2020, 04:34 PM
AHunter3's Avatar
AHunter3 is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: NY (Manhattan) NY USA
Posts: 21,222
Roughly six hours and approximately 11 separate phone calls later... the way to complain about your internet/phone/cable TV bill going up up up is to cancel one of your services and ask how much that reduces it. They'll instead pitch to you a new promotional rate to keep you signed up. It'll probably expire in a year so mark it on your calendar to renegotiate.

We still don't have much use for the TV part — although we hold out hope for Outlander or Better Call Saul to be televised in a place we can get to without "joining" something else — but if they're gonna reduce the rate for the whole package each time we threaten to cancel it...
  #20  
Old 04-03-2020, 04:37 PM
Sefton is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Stalag 17
Posts: 1,846
Her mother treated her father like a punching bag and her favorite novel was Ethan Frome. I should have run and run fast.
  #21  
Old 04-03-2020, 04:55 PM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 23,354
That oh so cool guy in highschool will break your tiny teenage heart.
  #22  
Old 04-03-2020, 04:57 PM
gnoitall is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,124
Quote:
Originally Posted by galen ubal View Post
Double-check that the soldering pencil is unplugged before picking it up by the business end.
In a related lesson, look at the soldering iron when reaching for it. Even if you think you have to keep your eyes on the workpiece to keep everything aligned and in place, when you grab the iron by the barrel instead of the handle the resulting spasm of pain and fear will make you knock the workpiece apart anyway.

Last edited by gnoitall; 04-03-2020 at 04:57 PM.
  #23  
Old 04-03-2020, 05:03 PM
needscoffee is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 7,716
Cow corn is not the same as people corn, no matter how good it looks.
  #24  
Old 04-03-2020, 05:27 PM
Qadgop the Mercotan's Avatar
Qadgop the Mercotan is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Slithering on the hull
Posts: 28,012
Baking powder and baking soda are NOT interchangeable as cooking ingredients.

Guaifenesin and guanfacine are two very different drugs for very different purposes.

Remove the obturator from the anoscope very, very slowly when using it to examine a patient. And during that process, be ready to put it back in quickly at need.
  #25  
Old 04-03-2020, 05:42 PM
IvoryTowerDenizen's Avatar
IvoryTowerDenizen is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Bye NYC hello Chicagoland
Posts: 19,665
Lose the first five pounds when they appear.
  #26  
Old 04-03-2020, 05:50 PM
nearwildheaven is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 14,177
Don't grab a hot dish in the oven with a wet hotpad. Just don't.
  #27  
Old 04-03-2020, 05:50 PM
Ulfreida is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: pangolandia
Posts: 4,198
Quote:
Originally Posted by pullin View Post
Backhoes don't float.
I laughed. But I bet you didn't!
  #28  
Old 04-03-2020, 05:53 PM
Chefguy's Avatar
Chefguy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 44,060
Ditto on the olives. A lovely trip through southern Spain cured me of that.

Don't have sex with the crazy.

Never take your eyes off the knife when chopping things up.

Never put said knife in the sink.

Metal handles on pans that come out of the 400F oven are also 400F. After an incident with a pan full of seared lamb chops a few nights ago, it turns out I still haven't learned that one.

When cats roll onto their back, it is NOT an invitation to skritch their tummies.

Last edited by Chefguy; 04-03-2020 at 05:56 PM.
  #29  
Old 04-03-2020, 05:53 PM
pkbites's Avatar
pkbites is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Majikal Land O' Cheeze!
Posts: 11,253
“We’ll see” is moms way of saying NO!

From my much younger days: If she cheated on him with you, she’ll cheat on you as well. Also, no matter how hot she is, somewhere there is a guy who is sick of her shit!

In the wee hours of the night it is better to have beer though no money than to have money but no beer.
  #30  
Old 04-03-2020, 06:03 PM
Shoeless's Avatar
Shoeless is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The Sunflower State
Posts: 7,312
Did NOT learn the hard way, but came awfully damn close: do not mix bleach and ammonia.
__________________
"We can all sink or we all float
'Cuz we're all in the same big boat"

- The Police, "One World"
  #31  
Old 04-03-2020, 06:11 PM
TruCelt's Avatar
TruCelt is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Near Washington, DC
Posts: 11,870
Being alone doesn't hurt nearly as much as being with the wrong person.

When you feel down, find somebody who needs your help and help them. There is always something you can do for somebody else, and there is no better way to raise your mood and self-esteem.
  #32  
Old 04-03-2020, 06:19 PM
Joey P is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 30,241
Liquid propane is, like, really cold.
  #33  
Old 04-03-2020, 06:35 PM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 23,354
To my men folks: clean that ice chest as soon as you get the fish out. It seems even expensive ice chests won't release the odor of fish.
  #34  
Old 04-03-2020, 07:06 PM
a6ka97 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 60
Make sure the gas grill is a few feet away from the vinyl siding on your house when lighting the grill. 1 foot is not enough. I have a 2'X3' warped spot of siding by my back door of my old house.
  #35  
Old 04-03-2020, 07:18 PM
48Willys is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Western Colorado
Posts: 913
Quote:
Originally Posted by pullin View Post
Backhoes don't float.
Neither do D-8 Cats!
  #36  
Old 04-03-2020, 07:20 PM
48Willys is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Western Colorado
Posts: 913
Quote:
Originally Posted by VOW View Post
Never, ever, ever ask a kid, "Why?"

The circumstances of asking this of a kid means that the kid has done something wrong. You are already mad. There is NO answer that the kid can have that will alleviate whatever problem exists.

Any answer will just make you more mad.

Be kind to yourself. Never ask a kid, "Why?"

Just. Don't.


~VOW
Damn good advice.
  #37  
Old 04-03-2020, 07:27 PM
dorvann is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 1,053
Quote:
Originally Posted by galen ubal View Post
Double-check that the soldering pencil is unplugged before picking it up by the business end.
related--never pick up a curling iron by the business end even if it is unplugged.
  #38  
Old 04-03-2020, 07:35 PM
blondebear is online now
Shouting Grasshopper
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Meridian/280
Posts: 14,815
Don't drive your new 4Runner across a knee-deep creek if you don't know what you're doing.
  #39  
Old 04-03-2020, 07:35 PM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 23,354
Don't ever go to pet an unknown dog.
  #40  
Old 04-03-2020, 07:43 PM
KCB615 is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Southcoast Massachusetts
Posts: 915
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbites View Post
From my much younger days: If she cheated on him with you, she’ll cheat on you as well. Also, no matter how hot she is, somewhere there is a guy who is sick of her shit!
Both of these. Lessons I have carried for close to 30 years now, and will keep carrying to my grave.
  #41  
Old 04-03-2020, 07:44 PM
Son of a Rich's Avatar
Son of a Rich is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Barsoom
Posts: 4,396
Never tell a crazy bipolar friend that she can stay with you just until she finds a place. Next thing you know she's cranking up the shit-hop and getting into fights with the neighbors until you get an eviction warning.
  #42  
Old 04-03-2020, 08:28 PM
Chefguy's Avatar
Chefguy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 44,060
Always keep your hands behind the sharp edge of the tool; especially wood chisels.

Buy comfortable house shoes and wear them. My broken toe still gives me pains after 20 years.
  #43  
Old 04-03-2020, 08:29 PM
Onthefly is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 82
When picking peppers, do NOT wipe the sweat from your forehead.
  #44  
Old 04-03-2020, 09:08 PM
Moriarty's Avatar
Moriarty is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Denver, CO, USA
Posts: 3,373
Dish washing soap is NOT the same thing as dish washing machine soap.

Paper towels do NOT flush just like toilet paper.

The white stuff you use to mix with tuna is mayonnaise, NOT sour cream
  #45  
Old 04-03-2020, 09:20 PM
Moriarty's Avatar
Moriarty is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Denver, CO, USA
Posts: 3,373
Double post

Last edited by Moriarty; 04-03-2020 at 09:22 PM.
  #46  
Old 04-03-2020, 10:02 PM
Kent Clark's Avatar
Kent Clark is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Posts: 27,990
There's never just one round of layoffs.
  #47  
Old 04-03-2020, 10:02 PM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 23,354
When a kid says they're gonna puke, pull over fast.
  #48  
Old 04-03-2020, 10:02 PM
VOW is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: NE AZ
Posts: 4,256
When my kids were growing up, I said, "Pick somebody that fits in to your family. If someone hates your parents, despises your siblings, only wants to be with their friends and family, move on to someone else."

Fortunately, my two children both made wise choices in that regard.


~VOW
__________________
Klaatu Barada Nikto
  #49  
Old 04-03-2020, 10:03 PM
VOW is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: NE AZ
Posts: 4,256
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
When a kid says they're gonna puke, pull over fast.

When ANYONE says they gotta puke, pull over fast!


~VOW
__________________
Klaatu Barada Nikto
  #50  
Old 04-03-2020, 10:20 PM
enipla is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Colorado Rockies.
Posts: 15,271
The good news - I finally convinced work to allow us to work from home.

The bad news - I finally convinced work to allow us to work from home.

My work day is now... always. I have to get this shit balanced out.

(but really lucky compared to a lot of people at this time)
__________________
I don't live in the middle of nowhere, but I can see it from here.

Last edited by enipla; 04-03-2020 at 10:21 PM.
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:40 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright © 2019 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017