Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-05-2020, 10:43 PM
aaronhernandez is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 15

Is sex worth it?


I'm in my 20s and never had sex but hoping to one day. My question is, is it as mind shattering as some people claim? I've always heard the sex is food analogy. When you have it, it's very good but okay. When you don't have it, it occupies your entire world.
  #2  
Old 04-05-2020, 10:46 PM
RickJay is offline
Charter Jays Fan
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Oakville, Canada
Posts: 43,033
It's a big part of the human experience. It's wonderful, and with the right person, more than wonderful.

Learn to date, the sex will come later.
__________________
Providing useless posts since 1999!
  #3  
Old 04-05-2020, 11:01 PM
Loach's Avatar
Loach is online now
The Central Scrutinizer
Moderator
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Pork Roll/Taylor Ham
Posts: 26,442
Quote:
Originally Posted by aaronhernandez View Post
I'm in my 20s and never had sex but hoping to one day. My question is, is it as mind shattering as some people claim? I've always heard the sex is food analogy. When you have it, it's very good but okay. When you don't have it, it occupies your entire world.
The proper analogy is sex is like pizza. When itís good itís great. When itís bad itís still pretty good.

Iíll be here all week, tip your wait staff.
  #4  
Old 04-05-2020, 11:06 PM
Velocity is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 17,448
Depends to some extent on gender. Have you heard of terms like "post-nut clarity," or "Before orgasm, a man isn't thinking clearly, but after orgasm he is, but a woman thinks clearly before orgasm and unclearly after it?" The food analogy is apt; you have a strong hunger for it before it happens, but afterwards it wasn't all that.
  #5  
Old 04-05-2020, 11:16 PM
China Guy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 12,108
@aaronhernandez, is your brother actually you? No problem if he is, we can be here as a sounding board.

Like I wrote in the other thread, I have a 15 year old on the spectrum, make no judgement, and maybe can even assist in a small way...
  #6  
Old 04-05-2020, 11:19 PM
snfaulkner's Avatar
snfaulkner is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: 123 Fake Street
Posts: 8,887
Is sex worth what?
__________________
It may be because I'm a drooling simpleton with the attention span of a demented gnat, but would you mind explaining everything in words of one syllable. 140 chars max.
  #7  
Old 04-05-2020, 11:44 PM
Isamu is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Osaka
Posts: 6,927
45 dollars? That's what the spam mail I get offers for it...
  #8  
Old 04-06-2020, 12:21 AM
2ManyTacos is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,009
Speaking from my personal POV, I'll go out on a limb here and say that sex really isn't that big of a deal. Like, movies and TV will make any (male) virgin think that sex is this mindblowing amazing thing, but after a guy has it the first time he'll be just as likely to have a "that's it?" reaction to it.

By all means go ahead and pursue it (safely!), but do not buy into the hype of it being this life changing experience.

I get that I may be in the minority on this view, though, so ymmv.
  #9  
Old 04-06-2020, 02:55 AM
panache45's Avatar
panache45 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 57,679
It's worth it with my husband. But he's taken; please find your own.
  #10  
Old 04-06-2020, 03:27 AM
GreenWyvern's Avatar
GreenWyvern is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Cape Town
Posts: 2,292
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, itís one of the best."

But sex with someone you care about, and who cares about you, is worth it.

Last edited by GreenWyvern; 04-06-2020 at 03:28 AM.
  #11  
Old 04-06-2020, 03:57 AM
DPRK is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5,087
It really does depend on what you are trying to achieve. While sexual reproduction does lead to genetic diversity in complex organisms that reproduce slowly, one can imagine other forms of genetic recombination, as well as mixed strategies involving both sexual and asexual reproduction. The worth of sex needs to be demonstrated in the context of complex evolutionary models, and certainly some research has been devoted to this question.

Last edited by DPRK; 04-06-2020 at 03:57 AM.
  #12  
Old 04-06-2020, 04:18 AM
Melbourne is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,288
Quote:
Originally Posted by aaronhernandez View Post
I'm in my 20s and never had sex but hoping to one day. My question is, is it as mind shattering as some people claim? I've always heard the sex is food analogy. When you have it, it's very good but okay. When you don't have it, it occupies your entire world.
You know, a thing I remember with love about my first girlfriend, is lying naked together.

The actual sex was just a fun thing we could do together, like homework or eating.
  #13  
Old 04-06-2020, 05:18 AM
kayaker's Avatar
kayaker is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Rural Western PA
Posts: 34,750
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loach View Post
The proper analogy is sex is like pizza. When itís good itís great. When itís bad itís still pretty good.
I always thought it was like pizza in that it is just as good in the morning, cold.
  #14  
Old 04-06-2020, 06:26 AM
brainstall is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,360
Mind-shattering? Um, still waiting for that experience and likely, given my age, not going to happen. Orgasm feels good. Some are better than others. Being with the right person helps, whether its just being with someone who knows how to create pleasure with you, or all the warm fuzzies of being in love and doing something that feels really good for both of you.

It can also be pretty disappointing. Being on the receiving end of someone just seeking their own moment with little regard for their partner's pleasure is not worth it. Not everyone is a skilled lover, but that can come with getting to know your partner. There are guys that don't even try.
  #15  
Old 04-06-2020, 06:34 AM
panache45's Avatar
panache45 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 57,679
Quote:
Originally Posted by DPRK View Post
It really does depend on what you are trying to achieve. While sexual reproduction does lead to genetic diversity in complex organisms that reproduce slowly, one can imagine other forms of genetic recombination, as well as mixed strategies involving both sexual and asexual reproduction. The worth of sex needs to be demonstrated in the context of complex evolutionary models, and certainly some research has been devoted to this question.
WTF does this have to do with the OP's question?
  #16  
Old 04-06-2020, 06:56 AM
DPRK is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5,087
It was not meant completely facetiously: it is a legitimate question whether the machinery of sexual reproduction is "worth it" for natural selection. I realize I have not addressed whether sex is "as mind shattering as some people claim", but that is easy to answer: it absolutely can be, or it can be meh, why even bother; it's entirely up to you and your mental+physical framework for it.

Last edited by DPRK; 04-06-2020 at 06:58 AM.
  #17  
Old 04-06-2020, 07:19 AM
kayaker's Avatar
kayaker is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Rural Western PA
Posts: 34,750
Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
WTF does this have to do with the OP's question?
Girls-in-glasses porn is a thing.
  #18  
Old 04-06-2020, 07:32 AM
DPRK is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5,087
One important thing: if sex is not satisfying, that is definitely not something you simply have to accept. Ask Dr Ruth.
  #19  
Old 04-06-2020, 07:34 AM
Cheesesteak's Avatar
Cheesesteak is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Lovely Montclair, NJ
Posts: 14,217
Sex doesn't deserve the pedestal that many people put it on.

- It's not the super-important thing you have to "save" for your "one and only".
- It's not a filthy dirty sinful act that must be avoided.
- It's not the mind blowing experience you've been waiting for your whole life.

It's an enjoyable activity that you can share with someone you love, or someone you like. It's an activity where you can give pleasure and receive pleasure. It's a way to bond with someone you want a lasting relationship with, or a way to pass the time that's more fun and interactive than watching Netflix.
  #20  
Old 04-06-2020, 07:54 AM
Dewey Finn is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 30,613
Did the OP have urges as an adolescent? Constant erections? Need to masturbate? Need to masturbate multiple times a day? If so, did it ever occur to you that it might be fun to share the experience with another person; girl or boy?

Now, perhaps you never had such urges, and that's OK. That happens for some people and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that for most people (most mammals, really) the urges are quite strong and hard to ignore.
  #21  
Old 04-06-2020, 08:24 AM
kayaker's Avatar
kayaker is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Rural Western PA
Posts: 34,750
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheesesteak View Post
more fun and interactive than watching Netflix.
Black Mirror: Bandersnatch notwithstanding.
  #22  
Old 04-06-2020, 08:58 AM
Robot Arm is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Medford, MA
Posts: 23,802
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
Girls-in-glasses porn is a thing.
Dorothy Parker didn't know everything.
  #23  
Old 04-06-2020, 09:14 AM
Inner Stickler's Avatar
Inner Stickler is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 15,284
All I know is it's better than jigsaw puzzles for killing time.
  #24  
Old 04-06-2020, 09:35 AM
QuickSilver's Avatar
QuickSilver is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 21,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inner Stickler View Post
All I know is it's better than jigsaw puzzles for killing time.
Either you're really good at jigsaw puzzles or this is the most absurd humble-brag ever.
__________________
St. QuickSilver: Patron Saint of Thermometers.
  #25  
Old 04-06-2020, 09:47 AM
CarnalK's Avatar
CarnalK is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 20,077
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuickSilver View Post
Either you're really good at jigsaw puzzles or this is the most absurd humble-brag ever.
https://static.turbosquid.com/Previe...bfd9Larger.jpg
  #26  
Old 04-06-2020, 10:28 AM
thorny locust's Avatar
thorny locust is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 2,362
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loach View Post
The proper analogy is sex is like pizza. When itís good itís great. When itís bad itís still pretty good.
Nope. Nope, nope, nope. When it's bad it can be utterly terrible.

Whether it's fantastic, good, meh, or awful depends on the person having it, who they're having it with, and the circumstances.
  #27  
Old 04-06-2020, 10:41 AM
QuickSilver's Avatar
QuickSilver is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 21,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by thorny locust View Post
Nope. Nope, nope, nope. When it's bad it can be utterly terrible.

Whether it's fantastic, good, meh, or awful depends on the person having it, who they're having it with, and the circumstances.
Well, if the pizza was so terrible, why didn't you throw it out immediately? Instead, it's still there in the morning.
__________________
St. QuickSilver: Patron Saint of Thermometers.
  #28  
Old 04-06-2020, 11:15 AM
DrForrester is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 629
I think the most important thing about sex is to relax and enjoy yourself.... Ok, the two most important things about sex are to practice "safe sex" whenever appropriate. Follow manufacturer's instructions. Seriously. And to relax and enjoy yourself.

Ok, the three most important things about sex are -

1) Find a partner who is LEGALLY able to give consent and who is similarly inclined. (likes what you like).

2) Safe Sex.

3) Relax & Enjoy yourself.

Ok. Maybe we're starting to understand how mind-bogglingly complex sexual behaviour can be.

Generally speaking, don't freak out too much if things don't go perfectly. I'm not talking about criminal behaviour. I'm talking about the typical things that happen to remove the magic. Very few people have avoided the experience of waking up the next day wondering how in the world they ended up in a bed with That Person. Just learn from it & don't do it again.

Be prepared to go to the Emergency Room. This happens more times than I think is generally appreciated. Again, please, don't panic. Just seek professional advice. I don't care what weird thing you've invented. They've seen it before & won't give you a bunch of trouble about it.

Be prepared for your pets to be extremely interested. Dogs are naturally curious. They want to go outside with you. They want to go for car rides. They will want to know what you are doing. If you don't lock them out of the room, you might get a cold nose or a rough paw in just the wrong place at just the wrong time.

Is sex *worth* all of the trouble? Most of the time. I am glad for having given it a whirl.
  #29  
Old 04-06-2020, 01:05 PM
markn+ is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: unknown; Speed: exactly 0
Posts: 3,301
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewey Finn View Post
Did the OP have urges as an adolescent? Constant erections? Need to masturbate? Need to masturbate multiple times a day? If so, did it ever occur to you that it might be fun to share the experience with another person; girl or boy?
Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, "masturbate". I thought you said "masticate". I've had strong urges to eat, multiple times a day. But actually I rarely think it might be fun to share the experience with someone else because this is MY food!
  #30  
Old 04-06-2020, 01:14 PM
thorny locust's Avatar
thorny locust is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 2,362
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuickSilver View Post
Well, if the pizza was so terrible, why didn't you throw it out immediately? Instead, it's still there in the morning.
Hey, I didn't order that pineapple anchovy jello pizza in the first place!
  #31  
Old 04-06-2020, 01:21 PM
naita is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Norway
Posts: 6,985
Some people think eating is too much of a hassle, the enjoyment they get out of it isn't worth the effort. They wish the food-pill-future envisioned in midcentury science fiction had come to pass.

Other people will gladly pay thousands for a couple of mouthfuls from a three star restaurant.

Sex is similar some people find it mind-blowing, some are just asexual. How much you enjoy different parts that can make up sex might give you an idea where on the scale you lie. How much do you enjoy various orgasms from masturbation? (Yes, they can vary.) How much do you enjoy intimacy? How much do non-intercourse intimate contact with a desirable human turn you on?

And people can be mistaken about where they are on the scale because they're "doing it wrong". By which I mean, they haven't found the things that really excite them, but only do things they think they ought to enjoy. But for some sex just isn't that big a thing.
  #32  
Old 04-06-2020, 01:24 PM
MortSahlFan is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: US
Posts: 889
It was important in my 20s, now in my 30s, it's not worth all the trouble (endless list)
  #33  
Old 04-06-2020, 01:29 PM
Tatterdemalion is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 871
"Sex: the expense is damnable, the position is ridiculous, and the pleasure fleeting."
-- Samuel Johnson
  #34  
Old 04-06-2020, 01:36 PM
QuickSilver's Avatar
QuickSilver is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 21,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by MortSahlFan View Post
It was important in my 20s, now in my 30s, it's not worth all the trouble (endless list)
Really? I didn't figure you for a guy a day over 68.
__________________
St. QuickSilver: Patron Saint of Thermometers.
  #35  
Old 04-06-2020, 01:46 PM
QuickSilver's Avatar
QuickSilver is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 21,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by thorny locust View Post
Hey, I didn't order that pineapple anchovy jello pizza in the first place!
No one ever does. But then it calls you drunk at 1am, all hot and free at your door in 20 minutes. So you're all, "I could eat..." But the next morning you just want to throw yourself into a pond and to get the smell out of the upholstery.
__________________
St. QuickSilver: Patron Saint of Thermometers.
  #36  
Old 04-06-2020, 01:47 PM
Sangahyando is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tatterdemalion View Post
"Sex: the expense is damnable, the position is ridiculous, and the pleasure fleeting."
-- Samuel Johnson
Or -- opinion at least attributed to another English man of letters, Evelyn Waugh: "I don't understand why people make such a fuss about sex; I'd rather have to go to the dentist, any day." Mind you, though, Waugh was (1) a devout Catholic, (2) misanthropic, and (3) weird.
  #37  
Old 04-06-2020, 02:14 PM
kenobi 65's Avatar
kenobi 65 is offline
Corellian Nerfherder
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Brookfield, IL
Posts: 17,705
Quote:
Originally Posted by markn+ View Post
Oh, "masturbate". I thought you said "masticate". I've had strong urges to eat, multiple times a day.
Obligatory link to one of my favorite moments in Pushing Daisies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdD13eYjdKU

Last edited by kenobi 65; 04-06-2020 at 02:15 PM.
  #38  
Old 04-06-2020, 02:19 PM
kaylasdad99 is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Anaheim, CA
Posts: 33,203
"Earth-shattering?"

I dunno. If you've ever seen the movie Juno, there's the scene where the Ellen Page character and the Michael Cera character go "all the way" for the first time. The expression on Cera's face when he first enters her is one of shock, and life-changing understanding (I know this because I'm confident that my face betrayed the same reaction when I was deflowered).

But the thing is, you only get that ONCE. The sensation is one that's worth pursuing several iterations of, but the life-changing bit is one to a customer.* If my Earth had been "shattered" by it, I'm afraid that would have been a reflection of the fragility of my "Earth."



*DISCLAIMER: This conclusion is based on a survey with a sample size of ONE.
  #39  
Old 04-06-2020, 02:37 PM
Voyager's Avatar
Voyager is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Deep Space
Posts: 47,695
Depends on you. It seems that some people don't get much out of sex. For me, it is still great after nearly 50 years of it. Always good, sometimes mind blowing.
And by sex remember that it isn't just the mechanics, it is snuggling naked before and after, it is visual, it is the touch.
And as a bonus we got two great kids out of it.
  #40  
Old 04-06-2020, 02:42 PM
asahi's Avatar
asahi is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: On your computer screen
Posts: 13,198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Isamu View Post
45 dollars? That's what the spam mail I get offers for it...
Smartphone caught you hangin around the soapland, eh?
  #41  
Old 04-06-2020, 02:45 PM
GreenWyvern's Avatar
GreenWyvern is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Cape Town
Posts: 2,292
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tatterdemalion View Post
"Sex: the expense is damnable, the position is ridiculous, and the pleasure fleeting."
-- Samuel Johnson
It certainly wasn't Johnson who said that.
  #42  
Old 04-06-2020, 03:07 PM
not what you'd expect is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,027
Sometimes it is very worth it, but other times, all you get is the wet spot.
  #43  
Old 04-06-2020, 03:29 PM
CarnalK's Avatar
CarnalK is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 20,077
I guess it depends on how much you care about the survival of our species.
  #44  
Old 04-06-2020, 04:08 PM
Inner Stickler's Avatar
Inner Stickler is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 15,284
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuickSilver View Post
Either you're really good at jigsaw puzzles or this is the most absurd humble-brag ever.
Hah, I didn't even think about that interpretation. Substitute birdwatching or the passing-the-time activity of your choice that doesn't have a defined endpoint.
  #45  
Old 04-06-2020, 04:11 PM
silenus's Avatar
silenus is offline
Isaiah 10:1-3
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: SoCal
Posts: 52,471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loach View Post
The proper analogy is sex is like pizza. When itís good itís great. When itís bad itís still pretty good.
Nope. There's nothing more over-rated than bad sex and nothing more under-rated as a good shit.
  #46  
Old 04-06-2020, 04:36 PM
Urbanredneck is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 8,486
Quote:
Originally Posted by DPRK View Post
It really does depend on what you are trying to achieve. While sexual reproduction does lead to genetic diversity in complex organisms that reproduce slowly, one can imagine other forms of genetic recombination, as well as mixed strategies involving both sexual and asexual reproduction. The worth of sex needs to be demonstrated in the context of complex evolutionary models, and certainly some research has been devoted to this question.
Actually the few times the wife and I were doing it for the purpose of making a baby... well it felt weird. I mean she knew her cycle and I was this . . . well back on the farm we used to rent this bull to come over and service our cows (no really we did). Well I had trouble getting that image out of my mind.
  #47  
Old 04-06-2020, 05:02 PM
Melbourne is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,288
Quote:
Originally Posted by thorny locust View Post
Hey, I didn't order that pineapple anchovy jello pizza in the first place!
I know, I did.

It's probably selfish but I still get a kick out of remembering that when I was in a share house / room-mate situation, my pineapple anchovy pizza was safe from social pressure.
  #48  
Old 04-06-2020, 06:21 PM
HoneyBadgerDC is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Torrance Ca
Posts: 8,379
For me the sexual experience continued to improve as I aged. 71 now and still holds true even though my main weapon is not as consistent as it used to be.
  #49  
Old 04-06-2020, 06:44 PM
Tatterdemalion is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 871
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenWyvern View Post
It certainly wasn't Johnson who said that.
Well, that's what I get for relying on memory and Google.
  #50  
Old 04-06-2020, 08:10 PM
Loach's Avatar
Loach is online now
The Central Scrutinizer
Moderator
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Pork Roll/Taylor Ham
Posts: 26,442
Quote:
Originally Posted by thorny locust View Post
Nope. Nope, nope, nope. When it's bad it can be utterly terrible.

Whether it's fantastic, good, meh, or awful depends on the person having it, who they're having it with, and the circumstances.
Itís an old joke but if you want to take it seriously thatís fine.

If you are interested I have one about a chicken crossing the road...
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:30 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright © 2019 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017