# \#1 Christian porn site!\[no actual porn\] **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 17, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501 "2003-06-17T16:59:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![macabresoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e68b1a/32.png) [@macabresoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/macabresoul)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/1 "2003-06-17T16:59:41Z")
I am not making this up, this is the slogan of an anti-porn website. I was wathing TV late on sunday when this commercial comes on. It starts off with a little dwarf trying to reach up to get a skateboard and get the payphone and other kind of things he can’t reach. “who knew that porn would stunt his growth” Spouted the voice of reason from beyond the camera. I thought I missed a day in school or something, who knew dwarfism was caused by an excess of naked women!? I kept waiting for the blind guy and the werewolf with hairy palms to jump on the bandwagon for the anti-porn crusade. It finally ended with it’s catchy slogan, “the #1 christian porn site!” (On a side note, if there are no other competitors in your catagory, you should not be able to label yourself as #1. You are not the #1 christian porn site, you are the **ONLY** friggen christian porn site!!!) Ok now here’s the website, the #1 christian porn website! [xxxchurch](http://www.xxxchurch.org), don’t worry, there is nothing on this site to offend anyone… well, at least it won’t offend the people who have never masturbated. ---
**Author:** ![DonkeyMaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3e96dc/32.png) [@DonkeyMaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DonkeyMaster)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/2 "2003-06-17T17:07:36Z")
I hate that commercial, I was expecting hot nun on nun action. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/3 "2003-06-17T17:09:26Z")
Funny site. The best part was on their ‘about us’ page… > [@](#): > > Hey a little porn never hurt anybody, right? C’mon dude! Get a clue. A little porn is like a little heroine. It’s gonna jack you up one way or the other. I was on a date with a little heroine once, and she jacked me up when I made some crack about her height. I should have known that a 4’6" war heroine had some mad skillz. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/4 "2003-06-17T17:16:17Z")
BAWHAWHAWHAWHAW! ---
**Author:** ![macabresoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e68b1a/32.png) [@macabresoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/macabresoul)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/5 "2003-06-17T17:34:20Z")
Oh let me add a little excerpt… > [@](#): > > The Dabblers > Hey a little porn never hurt anybody, right? C’mon dude! Get a clue. A little porn is like a little heroine. It’s gonna jack you up one way or the other. I know this may be a surprise to some of you, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You have got to decide what type of person you are going to be. Wow, I didn’t know you could stick that much sexual innuendo into 1 paragraph. The little drug simile is a nice touch too. > [@](#): > > The Church and Church Leaders > How come no one is talking about sex, porno, hot chicks and all the other things that we deal with on a daily basis at church on Sunday mornings? C’mon now! Our society is looking for some real answers and the truth. It’s OK to talk about boobs, sex and porn. Let’s get real and get in the gutter to try to help some people. Umm I have a good idea why no one is talking about it at church. Because of jackasses like you comparing porn to heroin. Dear Mr. Anti-Porn Nazi, What you have here is what the people with most of our brain still intact called a double standard. Preaching not to look at porn and then asking people why they don’t talk about porn, you have answered your own fucking question. Instead of teaching people about hormones and natural human desires, you are telling teenagers that looking at porn is like shooting up heroine and it will fuck up your mind. Where do you get off calling yourself a pastor, and better yet, where do you get off telling me how and when I am allowed to tenderize my meat(He He). Instead of wasting money for your church porn site why don’t you spend it actually making a difference in the world. I propose you start a organization dedicated to funding the operation to get your head dislodged from your rectum. Sincerily, Your average horny teenager ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/6 "2003-06-17T17:52:53Z")
Let me get this straight – they are saying that porn causes dwarfism? Are they high? I’m 6’1". I guess without porn I could have topped 8’. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/7 "2003-06-17T18:00:49Z")
I smell a whoosh. I don’t think that [“Every time you masturbate, God kills a Kitten”](http://www.xxxchurch.com/junk/tee_kitten.asp) is strictly canonical doctrine. ---
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/8 "2003-06-17T18:00:52Z")
Are they high? Yes it must be from that herion. ---
**Author:** ![DonkeyMaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3e96dc/32.png) [@DonkeyMaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DonkeyMaster)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/9 "2003-06-17T18:01:15Z")
The only people I know who go to church every sunday go there to meet “hot chicks” and see “boobs”. ---
**Author:** ![Journeyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/779978/32.png) [@Journeyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Journeyman)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/10 "2003-06-17T18:11:01Z")
Looks like a joke. If for no other reason than because of one of the faq questions: > [@](#): > > What is your doctrinal statement? > Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. We believe what Billy Graham believes?!!?! ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/11 "2003-06-17T18:23:30Z")
I don’t think it’s a joke. They have another website: [www.thegoofballs.com](http://www.thegoofballs.com) where they talk about their Christian youth ministry and stuff. They’ve been featured on TV. ---
**Author:** ![macabresoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e68b1a/32.png) [@macabresoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/macabresoul)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/12 "2003-06-17T18:28:58Z")
No it’s definetly not a joke, it was an REAL commercial. Real website and all. ---
**Author:** ![macabresoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e68b1a/32.png) [@macabresoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/macabresoul)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/13 "2003-06-17T18:31:14Z")
from [www.thegoofballs.com](http://www.thegoofballs.com) > [@](#): > > April 7, 2003 > Just got back from speaking in Seattle, Washington. It was a conference called “Guys Only” which focused on the issues facing all of us today. It was a great time of ministry as we laid it all out on the line on what it means to live a life of integrity and purity. The only negative thing: Mike had a glass of tomato juice spilled all over his pants on the plane ride up there. It was his only pair for the weekend. Oops! Might was chuggin’ a bloddy mary before his purity speech. hehe ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/14 "2003-06-17T18:39:54Z")
He didn’t _any_ other pants?! That’s weird. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/15 "2003-06-17T18:43:12Z")
“pack” would fit well between the “T” and the “A” of my former post Hmmm… seems to be an awful lot of inuendo in this post ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/16 "2003-06-17T18:45:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tdn \* > \*\*Let me get this straight – they are saying that porn causes dwarfism? Are they high? > > I’m 6’1". I guess without porn I could have topped 8’. \*\* I think they mean spiritual growth. The little guy was just in the commercial for effect. Happy ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/17 "2003-06-17T19:59:02Z")
The scary thing is that this thread has probably doubled the site’s hit count. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/18 "2003-06-17T20:13:16Z")
That site and their “goal” is pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![sickboy51](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@sickboy51](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sickboy51)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/19 "2003-06-17T20:33:38Z")
so if everytime somebody masturbates God kills a kitten, how is it that there are still kitten alive? I guess that if people would stop masturbating right now, kitten population would grow till they become a major problem, a pest, a plague… Then I guess that masturbating could be seen as “population control of kitten”. By the way, are the actors starring “Cats” included in kitten slughter? If so, would it be considered homicide if somebody masturbates and, consecuently, one of those actors get killed? Or would be God held as responsible and the masturbating one would just be considered as accomplice? Ugh, too many questions, so little answers. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501/20 "2003-06-17T20:38:09Z")
It’s not meant to be a joke. All of these sites are run by Fireproof Ministries > [@](#): > > Fireproof Ministries exists to win people to the Lord as well as train and develop people to meet the unmet needs of the world through culturally relevant programs and ideas. > > Our deepest convictions affect every decision we make as a ministry. While the Bible itself is our formal document of faith, the following statements should help you understand those Biblical ideas that most fundamentally define who we are: And if you’ve been trying to hunt down some Jesus Action figures…you’re all [set](http://www.fireproofclothing.com/other_video2.htm) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/1-christian-porn-site-no-actual-porn/182501.md?page=2)