# 10 million dollar practical joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 19, 2008, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879 "2008-05-19T19:11:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/21 "2008-05-20T02:36:32Z")
I’m torn between three possibilities, here. Adding some creative details to Mount Rushmore using black spray paint: I’m thinking we could draw big mustaches on George and Tom, put some cool sunglasses on Abe, and give Teddy freckles; OR, getting Christo to put a big ribbed condom (with reservoir tip, of course!) on the Coit Tower here in SF; OR, having an enormous hologram of Jesus’s face projected over the Vatican – and once everyone’s all excited about the Apparition, and it’s on all the media and everything, having JC start making funny faces and blowing razzberries and stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/22 "2008-05-20T03:10:13Z")
I’d send a fleet of small rockets to the moon… small rockets programmed to go to the Moon and burst over the surface in a specific pattern. Upon bursting, they would scatter carbon black in a specific simple pattern or logo, easily visible to the naked eye from Earth against the brighter material of the lunar surface. What pattern, though? That’s for me to know and everyone else to find out. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/23 "2008-05-20T04:12:54Z")
Ah, $10M isn’t as much money as it used to be. Still… something that would get the greatest number of self-important, humorless jerks annoyed - or tripping over themselves trying to explain the purposely inexplicable… …best I can come up with would be a landscaping job that would involve judicious planting of color or groundcover (or maybe spreading some kind of special fertilizer) that would look absolutely wonderful at ground level… but a couple months later would look a little different from a helicopter… …no, I haven’t figured out the details, yet. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/24 "2008-05-20T04:25:14Z")
I’m not sure whether my jokes would cost $10 million or more, but assuming the OP just means “Come up with a really awesome practical joke and money is no object” and I don’t have to prove I can pull these off with $10 million or less: **1. The Great Penguin Transfer.** I’d hire a big freighter and have it outfitted with appropriate compartments to comfortable house penguins for a long trip. I’d have it steam down to Antarctica, and we’d capture about 10,000 penguins. Then we’d steam to the Arctic and drop them off on whatever Godforsaken island in the Canadian Arctic archipelago would best mirror their habitat. Then I’d pay the crew to keep their yaps shut. Then just wait a few months, or a few years, until scientists find the colony of penguins in the Arctic. They’d shit their pants. \*\*2. The Great Jeopardy! Shankfest. \*\* I’d bribe my way into Jeopardy!, be a perfectly normal contestant, until Double Jeopardy. Then I’d start ringing on on every second clue with answers that were most, shall we say, unusual. Alex: Alright, State Capitals for $800… this state capital is French for “red stick.” Me: (Buzz!) What is my throbbing member? Alex: Um, no. Some Other Jerk: (Buzz!) What is Baton Rouge? Alex: Yes. Go ahead. Some Other Jerk: I’ll take State Capitals for $1200. Alex: This is the southernmost state capital. Me: (Buzz!) What is a really soggy pair of panties? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alex: No… Some Other Jerk: (Buzz!) Honolulu? Alex: Umm… yeah… go ahead. Some Other Jerk: Uh, let’s try Literature for $400. Alex: This author’s only novel, written in 1960, was named the best American novel of the 20th century. Me: (Buzz!) What is that hooker I left for dead last night in a motel I’d checked into under an assumed name? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/25 "2008-05-20T06:52:04Z")
I’d take the million dollars, deposit it into a safe banking account, and do absolutely nothing. Whenever the people who paid out ask what my joke is, I’d just smile and wait and keep doing nothing. Eventually they’d start thinking _anything_ was a sign of my big elaborate practical joke and/or heads would melt. ---
**Author:** ![T\_SQUARE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@T\_SQUARE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_SQUARE)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/26 "2008-05-20T06:55:27Z")
[QUOTE=DLuxN8R-13] OR, getting Christo to put a big ribbed condom (with reservoir tip, of course!) on the Coit Tower here in SF; [/QUOTE] They actually did that in [Argentina](http://kaypoh.com/pixelpost/images/20060113023315_5451064.jpg) a while back. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/27 "2008-05-20T12:12:09Z")
[QUOTE=astro] I’d start my own religion. [/QUOTE] Yes, only instead of repainted old school buses, we’d have those cool tour buses like rock bands travel around the country in, just goin’ around picking up folks and bringing them to my humble little church on the prairie, where they’d be told, “Sorry, folks, the party’s over. The buses are gone, you gotta’ find your own way home.” ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/28 "2008-05-20T12:38:59Z")
I would marshal 60,000 sturgeon to gently nuzzle a dam. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/29 "2008-05-20T13:33:09Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] I would marshal 60,000 sturgeon to gently nuzzle a dam. [/QUOTE] Good job. I don’t know how you did it but that was cool. Now put them back. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/30 "2008-05-20T14:02:47Z")
Put them back? That’ll cost you double. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/31 "2008-05-20T14:09:55Z")
Mark Twain wrote a story about a Million Pound practical joke/bet, **The Million Pound Banknote** > **[Page Not Found](https://twaintimes.net/pagenotfound)** > > The Who What Where When, and sometimes, Why which occured in Mark Twain's lifetime. I’ll bet you wouldn’t get your money’s worth out of that idea today, though. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/32 "2008-05-20T17:34:09Z")
[QUOTE=Civil Guy] …best I can come up with would be a landscaping job that would involve judicious planting of color or groundcover (or maybe spreading some kind of special fertilizer) that would look absolutely wonderful at ground level… but a couple months later would look a little different from a helicopter… …no, I haven’t figured out the details, yet. [/QUOTE] If I could go 30 years or so back in time I’d find a big plot of empty land and plant pine trees over a dozen acres that spell ‘Microsoft sucks’ when they grow up, just in time for Google maps. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/33 "2008-05-20T22:45:07Z")
[QUOTE=DLuxN8R-13] I’m torn between three possibilities, here. Adding some creative details to Mount Rushmore using black spray paint: I’m thinking we could draw big mustaches on George and Tom, put some cool sunglasses on Abe, and give Teddy freckles; OR, getting Christo to put a big ribbed condom (with reservoir tip, of course!) on the Coit Tower here in SF; OR, having an enormous hologram of Jesus’s face projected over the Vatican – and once everyone’s all excited about the Apparition, and it’s on all the media and everything, having JC start making funny faces and blowing razzberries and stuff. [/QUOTE] If you’re gonna do that, go _all the way_. Make em look like Groucho. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/34 "2008-05-20T23:52:54Z")
I dont know how, but it would involve people’s pants falling down en masse. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/35 "2008-05-23T00:51:05Z")
Run for president, or at least governor. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/36 "2008-05-23T02:55:43Z")
I would balance a bucket of water on top of a slightly-open door. The next person to walk through the door gets a bucket of water on his head! Hilarious! That would cost me about $5 - the remainder is my fee. ---
**Author:** ![Amblydoper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Amblydoper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amblydoper)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/37 "2008-05-23T15:59:22Z")
[QUOTE=Soul] This depends entirely on the precise dollar amount of gummy bears it would require to fill the Grand Canyon. [/QUOTE] $27,215,000,000,000,000, give or take a few hundred trillion. Cites available if requested. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2008, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/38 "2008-05-24T03:22:30Z")
[QUOTE=CoG888] $27,215,000,000,000,000, give or take a few hundred trillion. Cites available if requested. [/QUOTE] Did you use the google gummi bear volume converter? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2008, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879/39 "2008-05-24T03:56:30Z")
[QUOTE=CoG888] $27,215,000,000,000,000, give or take a few hundred trillion. Cites available if requested. [/QUOTE] Well, if we can do _that_, a new high-speed train system should be a cinch! 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/10-million-dollar-practical-joke/449879.md?page=1)