# 100 best ripostes, turns of phrase, insults, bon mots, etc. on the Dope **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350 "2005-12-06T14:32:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/1 "2005-12-06T14:32:06Z")
I’ve seen several threads about the best threads on the dope, or the best posts on the Dope, but often what I most enjoy on the Dope is a short but incredibly sharp and incisive post – not the sort of thing that will compete with “Horror of Blimps” but still, a great pleasure to find. So I’m creating this thread so I can post some of my faves as I find them, and as they occur to me, and others can post theirs. I’ll start with a nice, snarky line by Amazon Floozy Goddess: > [@"Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > …And to see up close the rubbermouthed geriatric ghoul that is Steven Tyler… As **wolf in second hand clothing** pointed out: > [@](#): > > I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more appropriate description of that man before. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/2 "2005-12-06T15:13:48Z")
It was originally posted as a quote from a child, but “You eat stupid food for breakfast” was pretty good. ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/3 "2005-12-06T15:36:41Z")
> [@Hot Buttered Toast](#): > > I’m _thirteen_, **Giraffe**. Even with your prehensile tongue, I don’t think I’d be interested. Especially since your whole “toilet sandwich” thing. From [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=224544) thread. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/4 "2005-12-06T16:30:14Z")
In [Zen and the art of IKEA cupboard assembly,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=150512) we got this great line by **Coldfire** : DAMN you Pythagoras, and the equation you rode in on. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/5 "2005-12-06T16:43:17Z")
“If ‘stupid’ were cornflakes, you’d be General Mills.” ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/6 "2005-12-06T20:31:29Z")
By lno, in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=339425) > [@](#): > > We’ve secretly replaced Weirddave’s coffee with pure Colombian cocaine. Let’s see if he notices. Seems to have spawned ripoff attempts, but none will ever be as funny as this one. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/7 "2005-12-06T20:39:58Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > “If ‘stupid’ were cornflakes, you’d be General Mills.” [http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1\_062a.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_062a.html) ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/8 "2005-12-06T21:26:25Z")
“_I_ am the goddamned hall monitor!” – **manhattan** ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/9 "2005-12-07T04:13:42Z")
In [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=287310) we were discussing a Tivo that was recording Mexican porn upon its own volition. **Shirley Ujest** : > [@](#): > > I, for one, welcome our TiVo overlords. > > or should it be _I, for Juan, welcome…_ oh, never mind. ---
**Author:** ![MrJackboots](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MrJackboots](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrJackboots)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/10 "2005-12-07T06:27:01Z")
[Somewhere else in this forum…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6872844) > [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > If I survive the next 3 weeks without jamming those bells up your chimney without care, it’ll truly be a Christmas miracle! ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/11 "2005-12-07T11:38:42Z")
In [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=48762), \*\*hawthorne \*\* has a real zinger: > [@](#): > > The only way Smithwow will see medical school is from the inside of a jar. I think I first saw the quote on _teemings_. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/12 "2005-12-07T18:05:09Z")
Oh, the previous two zingers were NICE. Now I got one, from **Electronic Chaos** posting on a thread about rumors of a divorce between Britney Spears and her husband, K-Fed: (In respons to someone ridiculing K-Fed’s name): > [@](#): > > Not really. It means that if they get divorced, we get to call Britney “Fed’s Ex” ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/13 "2005-12-07T18:27:19Z")
Probably too long for what you’re looking for, but this entire [original post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=51270) is the best tearing to shreds of another poster that I have ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![Wartime\_Consigliori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@Wartime\_Consigliori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wartime_Consigliori)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/14 "2005-12-07T18:41:02Z")
In [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=277013&highlight=Stevens), a discussion of Cat Stevens’ name being on a No-Fly list, **Little Nemo** dropped this little observation: > [@Little Nemo](#): > > So Yusuf Islam can’t travel by plane because he advocates his religious beliefs, he’s spoken out in favor of the death penalty, and he’s had some financial dealings with questionable groups in the Middle East. > > I wonder if George Bush is on the same list? Classic, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/15 "2005-12-07T22:01:01Z")
Found another one, this one from **Slithy Tove** > [@](#): > > An America without America’s Funniest Home Videos dads taking a pinata stick to the groin is an America I don’t want to live in. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/16 "2005-12-08T02:09:50Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Especially considering that given the amount of DNA recoverable from the guts of amber-trapped insects, the analogy is comparable to saying “We have the words ‘the,’ ‘and,’ and a half dozen random consonants, but we filled in the gaps with the text of ‘War and Peace’ to recreate the Bible.” From [Science Mistakes which Ruin Movies (spoilers!)](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6767515&postcount=21) I got this exchange from somewhere - I couldn’t find the original thread, or the names of the posters, so much apologies in advance: > [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > “You do realize ‘near’ is a relative term.” > > On the scale of the solar system, the moon is pressing down on my head, too. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/17 "2005-12-08T02:41:44Z")
Many moons ago, a poster poured out a heartfelt tale of the Mcdonald’s she worked at burning down. It was in the pit and was very sad. About ten posts in, poster **Finagle** (i think, it was forever ago and I can’t search) said, “you want fires with that?” To this day, it’s the funniest thing I ever read here. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/18 "2005-12-08T03:51:47Z")
In a political thread, **Weirddave** launched this zinger: > [@](#): > > Also, I’m not condescending towards you because of your politics, I’m condescending towards you because you fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down before landing in the idiot bush on moron hill. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/19 "2005-12-08T04:04:20Z")
> [@Freddy the Pig](#): > > It was originally posted as a quote from a child, but “You eat stupid food for breakfast” was pretty good. [Thank you, thank you.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6820863&postcount=9) . It’s an honor just to be nominated. > [@CynicalGabe](#): > > You eat stupid food for breakfast. ---
**Author:** ![PigBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/97f17d/32.png) [@PigBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PigBoy)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350/20 "2005-12-08T06:07:45Z")
There’s always Cecil’s famous “Eat shit and die, you loser.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-best-ripostes-turns-of-phrase-insults-bon-mots-etc-on-the-dope/334350.md?page=2)