# 100 things a customer should never do.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [November 3, 2009, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154 "2009-11-03T11:31:29Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/1 "2009-11-03T11:31:29Z")
This is in friendly response to “100 things restaraunt Staffers should never do” [100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=538370)
So what are the 100 things that customers should never do to the staff?
1. Grab or touch the staff. Its rude, distracting and potentially dangerous. Ok, if there’s blood or fire, a polite tap will be tolerated…
2. Whistle, click your tongue or otherwise make animal beckoning noises at the staff.
Let’s not limit this to food services. What rules for customers would you like to see?
---
### Author:  [@yendis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yendis)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/2 "2009-11-03T12:36:43Z")
1. Never utter the phrase “the customer is always right!” in a tone of righteous indignation as if it is some immutable law.
---
### Author:  [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/3 "2009-11-03T12:48:19Z")
1. Start socializing with the staff when he/she is busy or other customers are waiting.
---
### Author:  [@WPA-Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WPA-Guy)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/4 "2009-11-03T13:05:21Z")
1. At the checkout, have your form of payment ready before the cashier asks for it. IME most men are ready to pay, most women are surprised everything isn’t free.
---
### Author:  [@slitterst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slitterst)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/5 "2009-11-03T14:31:07Z")
1. Blame the technical staff for the fact that you showed up 5 minutes late and can’t figure out how to work your own laptop.
2. Bring only one copy of any mission-critical data/presentation.
---
### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/6 "2009-11-03T14:43:19Z")
1. Don’t get to the drive-through and then say “Just a minute”.
---
### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/7 "2009-11-03T14:44:37Z")
1. Tell the IT staff or programmer that you got an error, but have no idea what error message said.
---
### Author:  [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/8 "2009-11-03T14:48:41Z")
Throw their money or charge cards at the clerk. No. Seriously. Don’t do it. Don’t fling your card at the clerk, don’t drop your money on the counter so they have to scramble to chase it all down, and don’t toss bills at them. At all. Ever.
When I was in retail, it was mostly men who would do this–toss their charge card onto the counter as if us clerks were some sort of lesser being. It’s not cool. It doesn’t make you look macho. It makes you a dick.
---
### Author:  [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/9 "2009-11-03T15:13:29Z")
Don’t applaud when waitstaff drops or breaks something.
I was in a restaurant for a work function and a woman was balancing one too many galsses on a tray. One fell, smashed to bits and a guy at a neighboring table (not from our office) sarcastically started clapping his hands. I thought his date was going to get up and leave.
---
### Author:  [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/10 "2009-11-03T15:20:13Z")
Don’t tell me you’re ready to order when you’re not. Yeah, you know what steak you want, but you wouldn’t believe the number of people that are then FLABBERGASTED when they find out they also have to choose a side, AND a salad dressing! If only the menu told them they get a side and salad with their steak…oh wait, it does.
Well, if only there was a list of the side dishes to choose from, I mean, they couldn’t choose because they had to wait for me to list them out loud…only, there IS a list. Ditto for the salad dressings.
Honestly, so many people are complete fucking MORONS when ordering food, I wonder how they get by in daily life. It’s honestly not that hard to read over a three page menu.
---
### Author:  [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/11 "2009-11-03T15:21:04Z")
Please don’t tell me how you’re going to have channel 4, 7, 12, 45… come down here to run a story on how I wronged you. Or don’t tell me how you have a good friend at the local paper who is going to hear about how we wronged you and run a big story badmouthing us. And while you’re at it don’t bother telling me about how I’m going to be hearing from your lawyer cause your going to sue us and I’ll probably be losing my job.
Thousands of threats over 10 years and I never made it onto TV, into a newspaper, or had a lawyer sue me. How disappointing.
---
### Author:  [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/12 "2009-11-03T15:24:01Z")
Do not put your dick in the mashed potatoes. It’s not that kind of party.
---
### Author:  [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/13 "2009-11-03T15:25:13Z")
When you’re at the register and you’ve paid for your items, and there is a line of people behind you, please step to the side while you arrange your money back in your purse/wallet/handbag, stow your receipt wherever you stow your receipts, check your lipstick, collect your belongings, read a novel, whatever. When you remain firmly standing in place while you do these things, keeping the rest of the customers from stepping forward to continue the checkout process, the rest of us are silently exploding your head in our fantasies.
---
### Author:  [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/14 "2009-11-03T15:26:13Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#):
>
> Do not put your dick in the mashed potatoes. It’s not that kind of party.
How was I supposed to know that? You put a plate of mashed potatoes in front of me, and what do you expect?
---
### Author:  [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/15 "2009-11-03T15:28:16Z")
> [@gigi](#):
>
> 1. Don’t get to the drive-through and then say “Just a minute”.
Can you please explain this concept to my wife?
I pull into the McDonald’s parking lot and into a parking spot.
Her: “Why aren’t you going through the drivethru?”
Me: “Do you know what you want yet?”
– “No.”
– “Well, decide what you want then I’ll go through.”
– “But I can’t see the menu.”
– “It’s freakin McDonalds! They have the same stuff they’ve had last week!”
– “Just pull up and tell them to wait a minute.”
---
### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/16 "2009-11-03T15:30:15Z")
> [@WPA-Guy](#):
>
> 1. At the checkout, have your form of payment ready before the cashier asks for it. IME most men are ready to pay, most women are surprised everything isn’t free.
This seems a little unnecessary. Women seriously think that going to a restaurant is free? Come on.
---
### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/17 "2009-11-03T15:33:03Z")
Not restaurants, grocery stores. If anybody is holding up the line searching for a checkbook, it’s a woman. There is a specific sub-set that never even thinks about payment until they can maximise the inconvience for everybody. These people need to be culled.
---
### Author:  [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/18 "2009-11-03T15:37:04Z")
> [@Hampshire](#):
>
> Can you please explain this concept to my wife?
> I pull into the McDonald’s parking lot and into a parking spot.
> Her: “Why aren’t you going through the drivethru?”
> Me: “Do you know what you want yet?”
> – “No.”
> – “Well, decide what you want then I’ll go through.”
> – “But I can’t see the menu.”
> – “It’s freakin McDonalds! They have the same stuff they’ve had last week!”
> – “Just pull up and tell them to wait a minute.”
If your wife had a hairy chest, I’d say we’re married to the same person. I refuse to go to drive thrus with him ordering any more. Not only does he not think ahead, he speaks as though they’re miles away without a listening device to help take the order. On top of that, he cannot just say an order, but has to “uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhmmmmmm” before each item and leaves pauses so the order taker asks if he’s finished. Which is then answered with “uhhhhhmmmmm”. Drives me batty.
(The ironic part: he’s a waiter.)
---
### Author:  [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/19 "2009-11-03T15:43:40Z")
> [@stpauler](#):
>
> If your wife had a hairy chest, I’d say we’re married to the same person. I refuse to go to drive thrus with him ordering any more. Not only does he not think ahead, he speaks as though they’re miles away without a listening device to help take the order. On top of that, he cannot just say an order, but has to “uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhmmmmmm” before each item and leaves pauses so the order taker asks if he’s finished. Which is then answered with “uhhhhhmmmmm”. Drives me batty.
Mine also does the whole, “I can’t read the menu, so just pull up and we’ll tell them to wait a minute,” thing. He also becomes irrationally insane with rage when something that used to be on the “dollar menu” is no longer on the dollar menu, or when he detects some discrepancy in pricing that makes him think the restaurant is trying to rip him off. There has been more than one occasion on which he has become so angry that he refused to order anything, even when the rest of us were getting lunch.
“Aren’t you going to be hungry?”
“Screw them! If they’re going to have a value menu where ordering the individual items separately is the exact same price, then what’s the point of a value menu? That’s not a value! That, in fact, is the EXACT OPPOSITE of a value! Don’t get me anything. I’m not eating here.”
“…well, that’s certainly going to show them.”
The thing is, he’s normally a really easy-going guy. We just can’t take him to fast food restaurants.
---
### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/20 "2009-11-03T16:06:20Z")
> [@stpauler](#):
>
> If your wife had a hairy chest, I’d say we’re married to the same person. I refuse to go to drive thrus with him ordering any more. Not only does he not think ahead, he speaks as though they’re miles away without a listening device to help take the order. On top of that, he cannot just say an order, but has to “uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhmmmmmm” before each item and leaves pauses so the order taker asks if he’s finished. Which is then answered with “uhhhhhmmmmm”. Drives me batty.
I used to go to late night restaurants with a guy kind of like this. In order to get the full effect of this, picture that character that Dan Aykroid used to play on SNL – Remember the really slick guy who pronounced Titian as Titty-an?
“I’d like a… No, wait. What I’d like is… No. Bring me… How about a nice… hot… No. I’d like a nice… hot… cup… No. I want a nice… hot… cup… of black… No. Bring me a cup… of hot… nice… black… No, wait.” (looks at both sides of menu for five minutes) “Bring me… a… cup… of… nice… hot… black… strong… cof… No. Do you have tea? Nice… hot… No. I’d like a…” (looks at menu again) “Nice… hot… strong… black… No.”
This would go on for a good 10 minutes. Every single time we went out. And the only thing he EVER ordered was a cup of nice… hot… strong… black… No.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154.md?page=2)