# 100 things a customer should never do. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 3, 2009, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154 "2009-11-03T11:31:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/141 "2009-11-04T22:03:29Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Don’t ask about “shoes in the house.” There’s no need–of course you don’t wear shoes in the house. Especially when loading the toilet paper up and over. ---
**Author:** ![Gymnopithys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/fbc32d/32.png) [@Gymnopithys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gymnopithys)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/142 "2009-11-04T22:24:30Z")
Never pinch a waitress’ fanny (they are getting ecchymoses) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/143 "2009-11-04T22:27:22Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > There’s no need–of course you don’t wear shoes in the house. Especially when loading the toilet paper up and over. And keeping your cats locked inside. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/144 "2009-11-04T22:42:25Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > And keeping your cats locked inside. But only if they’re declawed and circumcised. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/145 "2009-11-04T23:36:00Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > What a strange woman. Tell me, does this kind of thing happen often? _sigh_ Editing error. Rephrased, and didn’t notice the original sentence was still there. > [@Rack-a-Bones](#): > > I am of two minds on this. One, if I waited my time in line then I should be able to get the drink I want. But two, if you order up in front of me some concoction containing multiple colored liqueors that requires muddling and/or shaking and a sugar rimmed glass then, as someone upthread put it, I will be wishing your head to explode. You summed it up well. Personally, if I’m not drinking beer or wine, I have my liquor straight up or on the rocks. But if my wife wants something with four ingredients and I’ve stood in line for it, then I’m by golly buying it for her. On the flip side, I would never order a blended drink or a complicated layered shot when the bartender is slammed. That’s just rude. > [@Coup\_Fourre](#): > > Grrr…seriously! This absolutely burns my bagel to no end. Who the f\*#k uses checks anymore, anyways? Debit cards? Heard of 'em? Actually, I appreciate getting checks from people who understand how to use them. If someone has everything but the amount filled in by the time I finish scanning their books, they can fill in the amount and we’re done without having to wait for the debit card to process, _and_ it costs my store less. > [@gigi](#): > > I won’t fall for that though–every time I decide to take a chance, the person can’t answer my question. :smack: When I’m on the other side of the desk (when I’m the customer, in other words), I’ll frequently say “no” when I’m in some huge chain store, because I expect the employee to be undertrained, uninterested, and probably in the wrong department. In a store like mine, however, if I’m looking for something, I’ll ask. In a 1,500 square foot shop, when you’re talking to the owner (or someone who acts like an owner), odds are good your question will be answered. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I fold it, and throw it over my purse. I also find it interesting that so many people find the coat thing interesting. It just caught many of us completely off-guard. I can see taking my coat off if I’m going to be spending an hour in one store, but I’m a guy. I _hate_ spending an hour in one store. If I have to shop, I move down the street like a well-oiled machine. Into a store, ask where to find what I need, buy it, move on to the next store. I don’t want to dress and undress every ten minutes. I want to buy my stuff and go home. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2009, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/146 "2009-11-04T23:51:24Z")
People take their coats off in stores? Huh. Actually, I _do_ do that - when it’s -30ºC outside and the stores have the heat jacked as high as it will go - it’s take the parka off or melt. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/147 "2009-11-05T01:55:33Z")
> [@Gymnopithys](#): > > Never pinch a waitress’ fanny This is doubly true in the UK. ---
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/148 "2009-11-05T02:53:53Z")
Here are a couple more things that are sorta less bitchy (again, in a museum setting): -Don’t be afraid to skip something if you don’t find it interesting. You don’t have to see every single little thing in the building; I can almost guarantee you’ll find something that you’re not terribly enthused about. If you’re reading a sign and it’s boring you…move onto the next one. We won’t be insulted. No, really, we won’t. (Well, it might also help that it’s near closing time and we want to go home, but…we definitely won’t be insulted.) -Don’t be afraid to ask questions! We do not expect you to know what every single little thing is; that’s what we’re here for. It’d be weirder if you DID know everything, frankly. Okay, we may think your question’s stupid. But, first of all, we’re not gonna TELL you that. Second, just because a question is stupid doesn’t necessarily mean it shouldn’t be asked. If anything, that’s even MORE of a reason to ask it, because then your ignorance will be fought. Besides, I’d rather have you ask a stupid question than to leave the gallery not knowing its answer. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/149 "2009-11-05T03:49:02Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > I don’t get it either. My Dad was one of those “oh, I’m just being amusing” flirters, and it took my mother, sister and I YEARS to convince him otherwise. He doesn’t do it now, though, thank God. > Number whatever: Don’t expect restaurants to accommodate your party’s nearly criminal lateness. There’s a great restaurant not too far from us, but it’s _small_ and they don’t take reservations. They also don’t seat a party until they’re all present, which is clearly stated on a sign by the door. People will bitch endlessly about this policy, despite the fact that with as few tables as it has, the place needs to keep them moving to stay in business and there’s no way they can miss the sign. Oh, well. I appreciate that the place doesn’t waste my time by letting them increase my wait time. If a place did that to me then I would just get takeout (assuming the food is worth it) but then, if one of our party can’t be arsed to eat on time we just order on his / her behalf and carry on ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/150 "2009-11-05T03:54:21Z")
> [@dolphinboy](#): > > And most importantly, don’t make idle chit chat with the chasier, waitperson, or receptionist unless they are truly a close friend of yours. I can stand waiting in line while the customer discusses the latest gossip or the weather. You’re allowed to say ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’, but that’s about it. If they ask you a direct question answer it as succinctly as possible. Keep your eyes forward at all times. Minimum 12inches separation between people and maximum 18inches. Do not make any vocalizations in a language other than the first language of the majority of the people in line. If this is unknown then keep all communications in a written form. Never, and I mean never ever question the price that is rung up. If the product was marked incorrectly, you should have noticed that when the same product was rung up for one of the customers in font of you or in one of the lines to either side. Finally, we hope you enjoy shopping at FU-Mart! ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/151 "2009-11-05T04:02:05Z")
> [@BlackKnight](#): > > **corkboard** , you can always just _go inside the restaurant_! Drivethrus are for people who have at least a very good idea of what they are going to order. If you don’t know the menu, _go inside the restaurant_! A drive through is for whoever wants to go through the drive through. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/152 "2009-11-05T06:34:05Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > It really depends on the cold outside for my jacket/coat. If it’s really chilly out, I’ve got a huge parka which keeps me extra toasty in Minnesota, but is rather cumbersome (I have to flip the hood behind my back and lean that way when I’m driving or it will royally limit my peripheral). That jacket will come off and go into the court or get bundled under an arm. If it’s moderate temperatures out (between 15F to 45F) then a regular jacket will stay on. Have parents/teachers stopped telling kids that if they keep their coat on indoors they’ll freeze when they go back out? Not that I believed that anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/153 "2009-11-05T06:37:33Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Have parents/teachers stopped telling kids that if they keep their coat on indoors they’ll freeze when they go back out? Not that I believed that anyway. They told them that? What’s the rationale there? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/154 "2009-11-05T07:10:07Z")
I don’t recall anyone ever explaining it, but I reasoned that you might **feel** colder than otherwise when you went back outside. Plus, if wearing the coat indoors made you warm enough to sweat a bit, the moisture would chill you somewhat when it met cold air. Still, I didn’t believe the “OMG you’re gonna die of pneumonia!” propaganda. If you got warm enough inside to really sweat, you’d take the coat **off**. I also didn’t believe my mom when she said if I opened my mouth outside when it was below 32F, my lungs would freeze. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/155 "2009-11-05T17:35:25Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Let us reiterate how important it is that people get off their goddamn cell phones at the deli counter. Times a billion. Nothing made me want to put a portafilter upside some douchebarge’s head like them gabbing on their cell while I was trying to find out what kind of drink they wanted and the rest of the line was stacked halfway across the coffeshop. > [@Anaamika](#): > > I’m sure it’s been mentioned but I got all mad today again about stupid people who just leave their carts in the middle of the aisle. Better yet: they stop in the middle of the isle and then stand next to their cart, gaping slack-jawed at the groceries. > [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > This is doubly true in the UK. I almost spat all over my keyboard. Well played. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/156 "2009-11-05T17:39:05Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > I don’t recall anyone ever explaining it, but I reasoned that you might **feel** colder than otherwise when you went back outside. Plus, if wearing the coat indoors made you warm enough to sweat a bit, the moisture would chill you somewhat when it met cold air. Still, I didn’t believe the “OMG you’re gonna die of pneumonia!” propaganda. If you got warm enough inside to really sweat, you’d take the coat **off**. > > I also didn’t believe my mom when she said if I opened my mouth outside when it was below 32F, my lungs would freeze. People had some odd beliefs about the cold back then. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/157 "2009-11-05T17:57:17Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > And while we’re at it let’s mention how to maneuver a cart down the aisle while shopping. > DO: > -Keep the cart parallel to the aisle > -Keep the cart to one side of the aisle > -Stand either behind or in front of the cart when browsing > DO NOT: > -Stop the cart perpendicular to the aisle > -Park the cart in the middle of the aisle > -Stand beside the cart You forgot my husband’s favorite maneuver. We take separate carts, and I give him the list, while checking off the things that I’ll grab (my memory is much better than his). All right, we’ll meet up again somewhere in the store, while I have my cart parked parallel to the aisle. He will park HIS cart next to mine, completely blocking the aisle. Usually he has someone behind him, too, wanting to get past. I used to just give him The Look, but since that doesn’t even register on him, I now tell him that someone wants to get past, and can’t, because he’s completely blocked the aisle. The person wanting past gives me a look of relief. Bill looks at me in total amazement…he actually hadn’t noticed that someone was behind him. He doesn’t do this out of spite, he really is that clueless. And he’ll do it on the next trip. He might even do it again on the same trip, for that matter. Speaking of clueless, as a general rule, if you flirt with someone who can’t tell you “Get lost, jerk” without that person suffering some consequence, then no, it’s not harmless flirting, and it’s almost certainly not welcome. Most people who work with the public are excellent at hiding their true feelings towards their customers, or they don’t last long. If you want to flirt, flirt only with someone who can walk away from you without consequences. Then you’ll see just how charming and welcome your flirting really is. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/158 "2009-11-05T19:06:14Z")
A few more that I’m reminded of from the update to the other thread and it’s correponding original article: Don’t pay your $20 check with a $100 bill, _especially_ if you’re my first table. Why the fuck do you even _have_ a $100 bill? Who walks around with those? ATMs give out $20s, so this means you went into the bank to get money…ok, not too unusual, you had to cash a check. But why did you get $100s? Don’t say you need separate checks if you really don’t. I can’t tell you the number of times a party, anywhere from two to twenty people, say they need separate checks, and then they all pay cash and don’t need change. Hey, newsflash nimrods: you could have done that with one check! It’s a pain in the ass for me to split checks for anything more than four people, especially larger parties that have desserts and appetizers. Even worse is when it’s not split with every guest on their own, but when seats 1, 4, and 7 are on one check, 2 is by himself, 3, 5, 6 is on another, and 8 and 9 on the last, oh, but 2 is also buying a drink for seat 1, but seat 5 is buying seat 2’s dessert. FUCK YOU! Just have one or two people pay, and then either have the other people pay next time, or sort it out with some cash after you leave. Also, when you get the check, PAY IT! This goes double (triple!) when you ask for the check! Why would you ask for it if you aren’t ready to pay? And if it’s later in the evening, or after the lunch rush, and you see me refilling the salt and pepper, sweeping the tables near you, etc… that means I’, not taking any more tables, and I need to to pay so I can leave. Stop being a jerk and keeping me later! I don’t demand that you leave, unless I’m a closing server and it’s past closing time, but otherwise sit there as long as you like after I leave, but just pay me so I CAN leave! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/159 "2009-11-05T19:10:42Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Don’t pay your $20 check with a $100 bill, _especially_ if you’re my first table. Why the fuck do you even _have_ a $100 bill? Who walks around with those? ATMs give out $20s, so this means you went into the bank to get money…ok, not too unusual, you had to cash a check. But why did you get $100s? Tough. I like hundreds. They occupy much less space in my wallet. If the restaurant can’t keep enough change on hand to handle them, they should just go out of business right now. Late night or a drive thru is one thing. Inside is another. Suck it up, plate jockey. Where’s my change?😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154/160 "2009-11-05T19:16:58Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > If you want to flirt, flirt only with someone who can walk away from you without consequences. Then you’ll see just how charming and welcome your flirting really is. This is it, exactly. It’s not that any person here is necessarily a skeevy creeper–it’s that the object of the flirtation has no good way of getting out of the interaction if they so desire. > [@bouv](#): > > Don’t say you need separate checks if you really don’t. I can’t tell you the number of times a party, anywhere from two to twenty people, say they need separate checks, and then they all pay cash and don’t need change. Maybe that group of friends has learned that if they don’t do separate checks, a couple of people won’t contribute enough money, and the server will get stiffed on their tip. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-a-customer-should-never-do/516154.md?page=9)