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Lecture the cashier on why you dislike the store. “You see, that’s exactly why I don’t like shopping at K-Mart. The prices are always marked incorrectly, the floors are dirty, the lines move too slowly, there are never enough cashiers, everything is hard to find, the red vests aren’t red enough, and blah blah blah…” If you really don’t like shopping at K-Mart, then don’t shop at K-Mart.
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Say that because you own stock in the company, you deserve some sort of special privilege as a customer.
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Loudly insist that the store must accept food stamps because you can’t afford to pay for food since the price of cigarettes is so high.
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Hit on the waitress.
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Come in drunk with a bunch of drunk ass friends and engage in a bunch of loud, drunken behavior. It’s not funny or cute. It’s rude to all staff, and it’s rude to other customers.
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Come in one minute before closing, or even worse, bang on the locked doors after closing and demand to be served.
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Order steaks to temperature without knowing what the temperatures actually mean. Medium is SUPPOSED to have some pink in the center. I didn’t cook it wrong, you just don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.
I do this all the time. If they want me to know exactly what I want before I get to the speaker box, they should put the goddamn menu where I can read it first. 
“Don’t be a college student.”
At a bar, never say, (for example) “I’ll have a vodka and tonic, and make it strong!” First, you call into question the bartender’s ability to make a drink, and , second, you make yourself look like a cheap idiot. If you want a double, ask for a double - and be prepared to pay for it.
I think it’s perfectly fine to do this, but only in a fun and flirty way that gets her to laugh. If it’s in a creepy way that makes her uncomfortable, then the proscription applies to more than just restaurants.
- If there is a line at the bar, never order anything with more than two ingredients, liquor included.
I had an owner of a sub shop get mad at me over something like that once. I asked for a BLT sub and asked if he could put the bacon on the grill before putting it on the bread. “You think I don’t know how to make a BLT?!?” He was truly offended.
The thing was, he would make them by putting raw bacon on the sub roll, then toasting it in the oven until the bacon was luke warm.
Hold on, here. I thought it was universal that it was a given that EVERYONE was going to clap. Seriously. When I worked in a Mexican restaurant many years ago, everybody, except the Mgr. clapped when it happened. Sort of like a “Hey, Dude! Your in the club, now!”
hh
Don’t use the self-checkout if you don’t know how to use the goddamn self-checkout. It’s not friggin’ brain surgery.
I also can’t stand those people who don’t understand how cash registers ring up sale prices. At most supermarkets, it rings up the normal price and then deducts 99 cents or whatever, but there’s always some yahoo shouting, “It rang up as $1.98!!! It’s on sale! It’s on sale for 99 cents!! You need to take money off!” Relax. Deep breath. Let the entire transaction happen and *then *see if everything rang up correctly.
Let me start giving you back change then produce a few more coins so you get less change back.
Leave the door open.
Ask me ridiculous questions like “what’s that thing that’s good on food”?
Say that you bought something here that I know we have never carried.
Let your kids run wild.
Put things back where they don’t belong.
Ask me to break rules like apply a coupon to a different product.
Ask me to go through your enormous basket of items and find any that could be bought as a boxed set and so I can give you the box price.
Pile your purchases on the counter as you shop and then complain that we sold an item to another customer by mistake.
Take a dump in the bathroom and then not flush.
Boy, I feel better. Really.though, I have the best customers in the world 99.99% of the time.
Or the bartender.
They’re paid to be nice to you, and they can’t get away from you like they could in a social situation.
Whatever) Don’t threaten to sue the company, or the cashier, or the manager, or anyone at all. They know it’s an empty threat, and it makes you look like an asshole, and it’ll probably just get you kicked out. In the *highly unlikely *event that someone has actually done something suit-worthy, saying something will just make them cover their asses, anyway.
Well, the thing is you don’t know what’s going to creep anyone out. Obviously, when you’re talking to a random woman, she can just roll her eyes or leave, but if it’s a waitress, she pretty much has to put up with it. Which is why I’d err on the side of caution and NOT flirt. One man’s fun and flirty is another person’s, “AHHHH, he’s about to attack.”
Unless you look like Tom Brady, in which case it’s always fine.
This would be OK. But there’s flirting, and then there’s blatantly hitting on, trying to monopolize his/her time, and basically acting like they’re another patron who’s there to meet people, not an employee.
In my experiences as a bartender, most people tend to do the first - harmless flirting when ordering a drink. The few that take it too far tend to stick out, though. Like the guy who had to be dragged out by the bouncer at close - he wasn’t being violent and didn’t seem too drunk, he just didn’t want to leave until I agreed to go on a date with him. Or, when I was cashiering at a cafe attached to a hotel, the guy who came down just before closing to tell me his room number, when I was basically alone - I’d never even flirted with him, though I reconized him since he was at a conference and had been in a few times. I was only about 19, so I didn’t know what to say, but my thoughts were basically, “dude, I’m a cashier, not a hooker”. I think the look on my face must’ve tipped him off to how inappropriate he was, though. He slunked off pretty quickly.
Stupid, sexy Tom Brady. Must be nice to have his life.
If she’s laughing and bantering back, I’d say that that’s a sign that she’s enjoying it.
Never call tech support until you’ve rebooted your damn computer first. If it could possibly, minutely, even be within a tiny shadow of a doubt caused by your router, reboot that too.
Never use tech support (or any other phone support) as a therapy line. We are here to fix your problem. We are happy to do it. However, if we fix your problem, please avoid spending twenty more minutes telling us about how this, and every other computer problem you’ve had in the last six months, has made you feel. I’m a tech; I can sympathize, I can apologize, I can pass on substantial (read: coherent) feedback, but if you can’t honestly answer the question “What do you expect the tech to do about this?” with anything but “Pay attention to me for some indefinite and agonizing amount of time while I bellyache at length about problems largely unrelated to why I called”, then please stop.
Actually my mother is a perfect example of what WPA-Guy means. And no, of course he didn’t mean it literally that women actually expect their groceries to be free, he just meant that you’d think they were taken by surprise by the whole “need to pay” part of the transaction.
My mother and I once stood in line at Madam Tusseau’s Wax Museum for almost 20 minutes. She really wanted to go and insisted it was her treat. The line was really, really long. We got to the front and, as always, my mom only then thought “Oh, I suppose I need to get my wallet out of my purse if I’m going to pay…” and of course she couldn’t find it. The whole line was being held up. I offered to pay but she would have none of it. She rummaged and rummaged (she never puts things back in the same place, so her wallet could be anywhere in her Mary Poppins giant bag). Standing in line for 20 minutes with nothing to do but stare at the back of the person ahead of us, and it never occurred to her that she should prepare for the next step.
So I had us step aside and we went to the back of the line again so no one would kill us. This is something she does every time she goes to the store. She could stand in line doing nothing for half-an-hour, and only when the cashier says “That’s be $19,75.” will it occur to her to get her wallet out, or rather, to begin searching for her wallet in her cavernous bag.
She is also a lovely woman who will just stop and stand at the bottom of the escalator causing a pile-up behind her. ::sigh::
mmmm, no. The clapping when someone drops something pretty much ends when you exit the high school cafeteria for the last time.
Don’t. Just don’t. While you think you are being all cute and smarmy I at the next table am rolling my eyes because said waitress is too busy in hijinks with you to get to me, and I am annoyed.
Put your penis away, please.