# 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [November 2, 2009, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091 "2009-11-02T19:51:05Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 6
### Author:  [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/101 "2009-11-03T19:32:51Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#):
>
> I noted that as well. But if people _here_ missed that bit, you can be sure that an awful lot of other people missed it as well, and they’re going to come away with the idea that these “rules” are what they should expect when they go to Denny’s.
That’s probably true, that a fair number of people jump right to the numbered things and don’t read anything else. But it isn’t as though the author is making it difficult to understand that he’s talking about his restaurant, by making that point in some complex thematic literary device in the subtext of the blog post. The point that he’s talking about his restaurant is made in the literary layer that’s above the subtext.
You know, the text.
So if someone glosses something stated clearly in the first sentence of the article, I don’t believe the author is to blame if people don’t read it.
By the way, I’m predicting “restaurant fail” on this venture. I love fish, but holy mackerel, one beef or chicken dish isn’t going to kill your restaurant, but some customers would surely appreciate it. I think the author is to be commended for thinking about maintaining a very high level of service, but 100% of service isn’t by the waitstaff. I think service starts with the menu.
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### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/102 "2009-11-03T19:39:29Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> I’m also not a fan of tableside services, such as grinding pepper onto my food, or preparing anything at the table. I don’t need the assistance. Give me some space.
How about when the waiter unfolds the napkin and puts it across your lap for you? :dubious: ick
And it was a sad day when a local spot switched from bottling their amazing dipping sauce to pouring the oil over an herb mixture in a dish. I guess the bottles got messy and this way they can control it, but I liked the independence.
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### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/103 "2009-11-03T19:41:50Z")
When I read this (bolding mine):
> [@New York Times](#):
>
> **Herewith is a modest list of dos and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building**. Veteran waiters, moonlighting actresses, libertarians and baristas will no doubt protest some or most of what follows. They will claim it homogenizes them or stifles their true nature. And yet, if 100 different actors play Hamlet, hitting all the same marks, reciting all the same lines, cannot each one bring something unique to that role?
I took it to mean that in a “When I’m Emperor of the World, these are the rules restaurants must abide by” sort of thing.
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### Author:  [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/104 "2009-11-03T19:58:44Z")
> [@gigi](#):
>
> How about when the waiter unfolds the napkin and puts it across your lap for you? :dubious: ick
Isn’t that a practice that is mainly confined to old-school high-end restaurants? In my hometown, all the high-end Mad Men- and prior-era restaurants placed the napkin in your lap. I’ve never seen it in any newer establishments, but I’m not saying it doesn’t happen.
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### Author:  [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/105 "2009-11-03T20:03:59Z")
> [@ivylass](#):
>
> When I read this (bolding mine):
>
> I took it to mean that in a “When I’m Emperor of the World, these are the rules restaurants must abide by” sort of thing.
That’s a bizarre reading. He said there’s 100 ways to play Hamlet and each one brings something new to the role, not that he’s going to create a single way to act the part.
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### Author:  [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/106 "2009-11-03T20:09:00Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> I don’t like it when the server doesn’t write down the orders. This seems to be trendy in some more upscale kinds of places, and I don’t get it. It doesn’t impress me, it just makes me nervous. Humor me. write it down.
None of the servers in the restaurants we go to write down the orders. It used to bug me, but I don’t think I’ve ever received the wrong thing. We used to go to Bugaboo Creek because the kids liked the talking moose, and even there the servers could take an order from a table of eight without writing it down and not make a mistake even when we made a substitution in every single order. A server who doesn’t have to write the orders down inspires confidence in me. If you get someone who writes it down you know you’ve got a rookie. I’d rather be served by someone with experience.
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### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/107 "2009-11-03T20:35:47Z")
> [@norinew](#):
>
> A no-snark-intended, serious question for you: what if the server asks permission before sitting down?
As long as you don’t take it as rude when I say “No”.
The waiter is there to, you know, wait on me. He or she is not one of the party. That means you call me Sir, not by my first name (or, worse yet, “guys”), you make every reasonable effort to abide by my reasonable wishes, and you sure as hell don’t sit down at my table.
If I am with someone else, I am out to eat and to enjoy _their_ company. If I am out by myself, I don’t want anyone’s company. Certainly not by anyone who expects to be paid for it.
Regards,
Shodan
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### Author:  [@Coup\_Fourre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coup_Fourre)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/108 "2009-11-03T20:51:15Z")
> [@elmwood](#):
>
> Maybe the next series will include:
>
> Always take orders of tables in the order that the tables were seated, not by whcih table has the most customers or better dressed guests.
>
> This really bothers me as an occasionally-singleton diner. I sit down. Party X with two or more people sit down. Waitron takes the order of Party X first, then mine. I’ve walked out of restaurants several times because this happened. Surprisingly, it never happens when I’m on a date, with a friend, or out with family; only when I’m alone.
Big no-no! This has happened to me where I’ve been seated a one-top and a 2-4 top at the same time. I will always greet the one-top 1st. Makes 'em feel special, and, honestly, they are just as important as multi-diner tables.
Also, I’ve gotten some really great tips from single diners–sometimes better than bigger tables!🆒
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### Author:  [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/109 "2009-11-03T20:53:10Z")
Dumb questions: do high-end restaurants still offer diners a chance to sniff the cork when they are served a bottle of wine? I’ve gotten samples to determine if the wine is to my liking, but never heard “Would you like to sniff the cork, sir?”
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### Author:  [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/110 "2009-11-03T20:56:30Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> The waiter is there to, you know, wait on me. He or she is not one of the party.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen that at a restaurant where the servers don’t wear flair.
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### Author:  [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/111 "2009-11-03T21:13:06Z")
This is the one that really stood out to me:
> [@](#):
>
> 1. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” [snip] will do.
This is exactly backwards. ‘No problem’ is informal, but, except under bizarre circumstances, completely true. If my server is being sarcastic, it’ll come through in their delivery, not in their using the term.
‘My pleasure’ is an obvious lie, and therefor inherently insincere.
But, it’s polite insincerity - usually, it can be laden with sarcasm, of course - so I wouldn’t think any less of the server that said it.
I do, however, think less of an employer who insists the servers say it, because they think it sounds sincere - thinking I’m an idiot is not a good way to get on my good side. (Nor is being an idiot who thinks that ‘my pleasure’ is, or even sounds, sincere, for that matter.)
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### Author:  [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/112 "2009-11-03T21:48:42Z")
> [@elmwood](#):
>
> Dumb questions: do high-end restaurants still offer diners a chance to sniff the cork when they are served a bottle of wine? I’ve gotten samples to determine if the wine is to my liking, but never heard “Would you like to sniff the cork, sir?”
Sometimes they’ll put the cork down next to you and you can inspect it if you wish, but I can’t imagine there’s any reason to smell it. As soon as the waiter puts it down, he’s pouring you a bit of the wine, and you can smell and taste the actual wine in just a matter of moments.
Having the cork placed next to you is more about making sure the cork is from the bottle you actually ordered, not a $3 bottle of Chateau Crapville with an Opus One label glued on.
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### Author:  [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/113 "2009-11-03T21:49:19Z")
> [@elmwood](#):
>
> Dumb questions: do high-end restaurants still offer diners a chance to sniff the cork when they are served a bottle of wine? I’ve gotten samples to determine if the wine is to my liking, but never heard “Would you like to sniff the cork, sir?”
In my admittedly limited experience, yes, they do, at least in some places.
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### Author:  [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/114 "2009-11-03T22:04:49Z")
> [@Ravenman](#):
>
> Having the cork placed next to you is more about making sure the cork is from the bottle you actually ordered, not a $3 bottle of Chateau Crapville with an Opus One label glued on.
The age-old ritual of inspecting the cork isn’t so much about the sniff. As you said, you can sniff the actual wine to get more information.
It’s about checking the cork for indications that it has dried out because the wine was stored improperly. If the cork is allowed to dry out, then it is likely to crack and/or shrink, allowing impurities into the bottle. A dry cork may have mildew on it, or may just be a red flag to say, “check this bottle carefully.”
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### Author:  [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/115 "2009-11-03T22:30:46Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#):
>
> But then, I strenuously avoid eating with other people as much as I can. That’s really just a personality quirk on my part; I like to eat my food _while it’s still hot_, so when my food is placed in front of me I shut up and eat it. Plus, I’m one who eats for nourishment, not for the social experience. I find myself endlessly frustrated by dining companions who get their food and then leave it practically untouched while they yammer on and on. Trying to eat and converse at the same time is an exercise in frustration for me, since somebody always says something I’m expected to respond to just as I’ve taken a big bite of something. So I’d rather suspend the conversation for the time it takes to eat, then pick it up afterward.
I’m the same way. Yak yak yak, I can’t stand it. When I go out to eat, I’m always the first one done.
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### Author:  [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/116 "2009-11-03T22:42:30Z")
> [@Ravenman](#):
>
> Sometimes they’ll put the cork down next to you and you can inspect it if you wish, but I can’t imagine there’s any reason to smell it. As soon as the waiter puts it down, he’s pouring you a bit of the wine, and you can smell and taste the actual wine in just a matter of moments.
>
> Having the cork placed next to you is more about making sure the cork is from the bottle you actually ordered, not a $3 bottle of Chateau Crapville with an Opus One label glued on.
It’s also so you can look at the condition of the cork. If it’s dry and crumbly, chances are it’s let air get to the wine and the wine will have gone off. Yes, you can also tell by tasting the wine, but it’s one more data point.
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### Author:  [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/117 "2009-11-03T23:05:50Z")
> [@elmwood](#):
>
> Dumb questions: do high-end restaurants still offer diners a chance to sniff the cork when they are served a bottle of wine? I’ve gotten samples to determine if the wine is to my liking, but never heard “Would you like to sniff the cork, sir?”
Yes. No idea why I’d want to do that. I have to bite my tongue lest I reply: “No. Would you like to smell my finger?”
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2009, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/118 "2009-11-03T23:20:29Z")
Um, that’s why the cork is placed on the table.
Want to sniff it? Knock yourself out.
But it’s really so you can see it’s in good condition and the wine has not been compromised.
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### Author:  [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2009, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/119 "2009-11-04T01:01:23Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> The waiter is there to, you know, wait on me. He or she is not one of the party. That means you call me Sir, not by my first name (or, worse yet, “guys”)
I really don’t like being called “sir”. I find it patronising and insincere.
Naturally I’d feel differently about it if I had a Knighthood, but I don’t, so I’d prefer not to be called “sir” by customer service people where possible.
All of which is a complicated way of saying “There is no way to please all customers all of the time”.
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### Author:  [@Dusty\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dusty_Rose)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2009, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/100-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do/516091/120 "2009-11-04T01:13:13Z")
I could handle Ma’am for the most part. What I absolutely cannot stand is when they call me “Hon” or “Dear.” Especially if they are my age or younger. Annoys the hell out of me.
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