# 11 Reasons I'm Not Cool. Jump in and join the fun! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 30, 2002, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484 "2002-05-30T02:18:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![QueenAl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/d26b3c/32.png) [@QueenAl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QueenAl)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/122 "2002-06-05T10:28:22Z")
> [@](#): > > - > > 1. The computer I’m typing this on was built out of parts pulled from that scrap heap, and soldered together with the soldering iron in #4. > \*\* I think that is the epitome of cool. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/123 "2002-06-05T12:34:53Z")
1. I’m pleased and proud and get a neat shivery feeling like you used to get when you slid down the pole on the playground because a thread I started that WASN’T in the Pit actually made it to three pages. 😃 2. Four years after it came out, “Starcraft” is still my favorite PC game of all time. 3. The only rock & roll posters I’ve ever had on my wall were: -\> Duran Duran - not because any of the band members were “hot” or “dreamy,” but because I got it for free at a convenience store and my bedroom walls were bare -\> Howard Jones - not because he was “cute” or “a hottie,” but because he’s a synthesizer GOD. 4. I have not now, have not in the past, and do not anticipate ever having an actual crush on a celebrity - singer, actor, entertainer, philanthropist, astrophysicist, or personality. 5. I might be willing to make an exception for a really cute famous astrophysicist. (IS there such an animal?) 6. I flagrantly added six more items to a list for which I set the original limit - and actually feel strangely ashamed. ---
**Author:** ![Phoebestar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Phoebestar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phoebestar)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/124 "2002-06-05T14:36:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cruktar \* > \*\*1. I work in a public library. > 2. A co-worker and I amuse ourselves by reciting Tori Amos lyrics back and forth while putting up books. > \*\* OK, these two alone make you one of the coolest people on the planet (to me) I love libraries and Tori Amos. I guess what this thread proves that true cool is relative. Most of us seem to eschew the “popular” notions of what cool is, and create our own standard of what we think is cool. Which is how it should be. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/125 "2002-06-05T14:57:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SNenc \* > 13. I find myself crying at a _lot_ of movies lately. > > 1. I read encyclopedias for fun when I was a kid. I can’t watch a single episode of _Seventh Heaven_ without getting teary-eyed. It’s disgusting. I watch _Seventh Heaven_ :rolleyes: I learned what sex was by reading encyclopedias as a kid. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/126 "2002-06-05T15:47:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by buckgully \* > \*\* > 6. I ate “Star Wars” cereal for breakfast this morning. > 7. I found a technical inaccuracy on the back of the “Star Wars” cereal box. I had to resist the urge to write a letter. > \*\* You didn’t happen to write [this editorial](http://www.theonion.com/onion3821/general_mills.html), did you? ---
**Author:** ![agentfroot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@agentfroot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agentfroot)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/127 "2002-06-05T16:14:09Z")
1. i get anal about correcting spelling and grammar 2. i think fat women are beautiful in a world where thin is the ideal 3. the word “exlax” makes me laugh hysterically (and everybody knows it and constantly reminds me of it) 4. i’m listening to cher and beavis and butthead’s version of “i got you babe” 5. i’m wearing a shirt that says “please feel free to whisper, point, stare, and ask questions” 6. i don’t like freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies (i like the dry kind) 7. i’m obsessed with velma from scooby doo 8. i fence with a foil and wear the dorky olympic-style white jacket 9. i think jareth the goblin king from “labyrinth” is sexy, especially the mullet 10. i always have to wear a tshirt over my bathing suit on the rare occasion i agree to go swimming 11. i completed my freshman year of college without attending a single party hahaaaaaaaaa i love being me! ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/128 "2002-06-05T21:11:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by QueenAl \* > \*\*Oh - one more - I use words like ‘heretofore’ and ‘henceforth’, and ALWAYS use proper grammar and spelling, even on the internet, and even when I’m drunk. \*\* Respect, admiration and 200 cool points from me. We are the separated halves of one soul. ---
**Author:** ![MissGypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@MissGypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissGypsy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/129 "2002-06-05T23:35:47Z")
1. I collect Pillsbury Doughboys 2. I will not leave the house unless my panties, shirt and socks all match EXACTLY 3. I know the lyrics to every Air Supply song 4. I also love Motley Crue with a passion, and even own Motley Crue underwear 5. My SO collects toys and is obsessive about model cars, and I spend my weekends at toy shows with him. And I enjoy it. 6. I embroider fanatically (cross-stitch too) 7. I fantasize about being a stripper, and have nearly perfected Demi Moore’s performance in Striptease, but nobody has yet to see me do it. So far, at least. 8. Men who can do good impressions of Kermit the Frog turn me on. 9. I majored in Political Science with a concentration in Political Theory for one of my B.A.s. I read Locke for fun. 10. I am addicted to the Food Network, and I idolize Martha Stewart 11. I proudly display my spelling bee trophies from 1982-1983 in my living room 12. I lisp and stutter, often simultaneously 13. I was the only 2nd grader who had to wear bifocals (even before either of my parents had to!) 14. I watch Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory every single day. For the past 8 years. 15. My favorite sandwich is Peter Pan Crunchy peanut butter and lettuce. Other people can barely stand to watch me eat it. 16. I love bubble gum, but make so much noise with it that it grosses everyone out. Chomp, smack, slurp… It’s a passionate thing for me. 17. Kenny Rogers, George Jones, and yes, even Boxcar Willie… need I say more? Makes my heart melt… 18. I didn’t know what Survivor was for the first 2 seasons. Never heard of it until the 3rd. 19. Can’t dance. Can’t sing. But do anyway. 20. Love Barbie coloring books. and… 21. Have no idea what’s cool at any given time until my best friend updates me… Utterly clueless. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/130 "2002-06-06T03:28:14Z")
**1.** My complete collection of Jefferson Airplane and Jefferson Starship (but not plain Starship) albums. That I listen to regularly. Even though I’m only 32 years old. **2.** I can list all the presidents of the United States in order and all the states in order of admission, and I can tell you why, more or less, each came to pass. And I don’t even get paid for it. **3.** I go wild over foreign languages and all grammar rules. I love them. **4.** I look like a Republican, dress like a Republican, but am certainly not a Republican, and will give a short lecture to anyone who makes that mistake. **5.** My dream car is a Volvo. **6.** I haven’t seen any of the _Godfather_ movies. **7.** I brag about my massive collection of reference books. **8.** My entire romantic life for the past two years has been a result of personal ads. I started with the personal ads in April. (It’s actually quite a ride, but that’s another story.) **9.** I’m too nervous to write Jimmy Carter the fan letter that I want to write him about his trip to Cuba. I have a similar unwritten letter I want to send to Jim Jeffords. **10.** I think _Good Will Hunting_ is a trite piece of crap that didn’t deserve any more acclaim than a road movie starring Bob Saget and Charles Grodin would. **11.** I think girls like me better when I wear argyle socks. I have no evidence either way; it’s just something I think. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/131 "2002-06-06T03:39:03Z")
**gypsygirl31** , you’re the winner in my book. You’re so uncool you’re uber-cool. I wanna hang out with you, and not because I think I’d look cool by comparison, but because you sound like FUN! ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/132 "2002-06-06T04:38:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tansu \* > \*\*Katisha is thunderingly cool. Except for the G&S - and that’s so naff it’s cool. \*\* 😃 I’m going to put this in my sig. Thanks, **Tansu**! Actually, I think it’s because Brunchma regulars are automatically cool. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/133 "2002-06-06T05:33:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by QueenAl \* > \*\* and I will never be a Friend of Dorothy. \*\* Slight hijack… who’s Dorothy, and why does she want you to be her friend? \<---- extremely sheltered lesbian who’s realized that unless she asks, she really never _will_ know ---
**Author:** ![Cruktar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d9b06d/32.png) [@Cruktar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cruktar)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/134 "2002-06-06T06:14:12Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Phoebestar…_ > I love libraries and Tori Amos. I think I love you. If you’re ever in the NE Oklahoma area in a library and you hear the following exchange through the stacks, you’ll know I’m near: “Is it God’s?” “Is it yours?” “Sweet salliiiivvaaa.” We bibliophiles tend to be kind of odd, I think. The last “page” I worked with had markedly different view on pretty much everything than I did. We would be putting up a pile of books and get distracted by a book title, article, etc., start arguing, and a half-hour later remember that, hey, we’re getting paid to do something. It was heavenly. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![QueenAl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/d26b3c/32.png) [@QueenAl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QueenAl)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/135 "2002-06-06T12:52:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Daowajan \* > \*\* > Slight hijack… who’s Dorothy, and why does she want you to be her friend? > > \<---- extremely sheltered lesbian who’s realized that unless she asks, she really never _will_ know \*\* It’s more of a gay male thing, really. ‘Friend of Dorothy’ is a euphemism for being gay, because the Wizard of Oz and Judy Garland herself are gay icons. Not sure how the actual phrase came about, though. I will never be Friend of Dorothy because I didn’t particularly like the film. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/136 "2002-07-09T11:08:24Z")
First off, I’m a guy. This does not in itself register on the cool/uncool continuum, but it does modify certain other items. 1. I had my first computer when I was 5. It used a tape recorder for a storage device. Before I got a recorder, I used to memorize my programs and type them in when I wanted to use them. 2. I haven’t gotten a full haircut since 1990. For a while I had a mullet, but now it’s just uniformly long. 3. I like sushi, dammit. Not only that, but I know how to make it. 4. I curse too much. Dammit. 5. I like sewing. I’m better at it than my wife. 6. I like cooking. This isn’t uncool anymore, but it was when I was a kid. 7. I didn’t learn how to swim until I was 12. 8. I don’t like it when store employees try to be friendly or engage in small talk. Just don’t be rude and give me my damn change already. 9. I have a big poster of the Enterprise-D behind me. I often point out to people that the port warp nacelle support is rendered badly, and thus appears to be a different shape from what it should be. 10. I have the first season of TNG on DVD, and plan on getting all of them when they come out. 11. I also like Star Wars. Some would consider this heretical. In fact, my handle is taken from the name of a Star Destroyer. 12. I play far too many video games. 13. I talk both to and for my cats. They each have distinct voices and mannerisms. 14. I have been known to go a couple of weeks without leaving the house. On these occasions, if I’m forced to go to the store or whatever I feel like a mushroom suddenly exposed to a halogen lamp. 15. I don’t like coffee, beer, or hard liquor. When I do drink (rarely), it’s usually something fruity. 16. I only ever wear boots or sandals. That includes fancy boots for dress occasions, including my wedding. Just a few months ago, I bought new pairs of boots and sandals. The time before that was about 3 years ago, and before that probably another 4 years. 17. I hate dress clothes. Loathe them. I don’t even like khakis that much. They look nice, but I’m always afraid they’re gonna fall apart on me. Give me back my jeans, dammit. And a T-shirt. 18. I wore Marvin the Martian socks to my college graduation. 19. My mom wanted to play in the Werewolf game my friend used to run when I still lived at home. But she didn’t want to be a werewolf. She wanted to be a werebuffalo. 20. Actually I love my mom. She’s uncool too. She wears a dinosaur shirt and shoes to work. 21. My friend still runs a Werewolf game, and I still play. It’s not the same storyline though. 22. I want a stationwagon. No, not a minivan, dammit, a stationwagon. In Berkeley, CA, there’s a sort of stretch stationwagon with 10 doors. I want one of those. 23. I don’t like the traditional “guy” sports, or the whole sports culture. Give me more Olympic fencing, dammit. 24. There’s probably more, but I’m too uncool to stay up any later. On the other hand, it’s pretty uncool to be up this late while posting to a message board. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/137 "2002-07-09T12:18:38Z")
1. I don’t like cats. Never have and never will. 2. I try to live a Christian way of life. 3. I have a sarcastic nature and can make wisecracks about any situation. 4. I love music, except for heavy metal, hard rock, and nasal country. 5. I live in the South and love every thing about the lifestyle. 6. I collect turtles. 7. I have lots of friends, but few close friends, more people consider me a friend than I consider them. 8. I am honest, tactless, and straightforward, I have no filter between my brain and my mouth. 9. I rarely care what people think of me. 10. I miss my mom and dad and will normally start to cry if I dwell on thoughts of them. 11. I have lived in the same general my whole life. 12. I’ve only been on a plane once in my life. 13. I love the ‘Golden Girls’ and watch them for an hour every weeknight. 14. I don’t watch sitcoms (except above), if I watch TV I watch a movie. I can’t stand to watch a movie if I miss the begining and I won’t watch it until I can watch it from the start. 15. I love Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks. 16. I sleep in a purple nightshirt with a lamb on it. 17. I rarely wear a bra. 18. I love men and date a lot but have no desire for an SO. 19. I drive a RAV4 and love it and will get another one when the wheels fall off the one I have now. 20. I am proud to be an American. ---
**Author:** ![EchoKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/138 "2002-07-09T13:15:58Z")
1. I enjoy hanging out with my father’s friends (who are in their 70s) 2. I have to comb the fringe on my area rug after I vacuum. 3. I’m attracted to men that look like the Unibomber 4. I love make-up. 5. I talk to strangers in the grocery store all the time. 6. A gigantic bowl of buttered noodles is my idea of heaven. 7. I occasionally call my adult son by his baby name. 8. Louis Prima is awesome. 9. I have never had a cavity in 46 years. 10. Tell me a dirty joke and I’ll be your friend forever. 11. I won’t wear shorts – ever. ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/139 "2002-07-11T02:12:34Z")
1 - I’m 43. 2 - I’m a white guy. 3 - I live in the suburbs. 4 - I drive a minivan. 5 - I _like_ my minivan. 6 - Even though I look good in hats, if I wear a baseball cap backwards, I look like _dorkus majoris_. 7 - Even though I’m a musician, if I dance, even in the privacy of my living room, my 17-year-old daughter immediately says, “Dad…windows!” 8 - I like barbershop quartets, and even sang in one for years. 9 - Sushi leaves me cold. 10 - I go to bed around 10 or 11 most nights. 11 - I don’t know what’s wrong with kids these days, I swear. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/140 "2002-07-11T04:57:21Z")
**1.)** I first thumbed through the pages of _The Princess Bride_ in high school and still enjoy reading every “…single syllabub.”; and after I finish each time, I think to myself, “Yep. True love’s out there somewhere. All I need now is a sword, a black mask, a ship named _Revenge_ and I should be all set. I wonder if Wal-Mart carries those? Maybe E-Bay?” **2.)** The first concert I ever attended was a Chicago concert. **3.)** The _last_ concert I attended was a Chicago concert. (Same group, different year.) **4.)** The best damn concert I ever attended was an Air Supply concert at Crown Center in Kansas City, Missouri. **5.)** There are times in my life where I feel this inexplicable rage for certain vowels, so I purpos\_ly l\_av\_ out as many _s as is both polit_ and possibl\_ for an ongoing list. **6.)** I name all my pets after literary characters; for this reason I really, really want to obtain and owl just to call him “Archimedes.” **7.)**_All_ of the vechicles I’ve ever owned have been named a variation of that three-letter ode to simplistic names, Bob. I’ve had a “LittleBOB”, “HeyBOB”, “NonBOB” (didn’t really look like a Bob-car to me) and, currently, “FireBOB” who will eventually be replaced by my first brand-new car, “The BOB”. **8.)** Buffy fan, here. I even went out and grabbed a DVD of the “Once More, With Feeling” musical episode Fox sent out to S.A.G. members for emmy consideration. Because a singing Buffy appealed to the inner-weirdo in me. **9.)** I cannot sit still without having something to read; whether it be a list of ingredients, a warning label or the FBI warning advisory popping up on my television screen, my eyes are front and center, ready to feed my constantly malfunctioning synapses another jolt of eletrical rhetoric. **10.)** I wanted to be the Incredible Hulk when I was younger, yet I was afraid to watch Bill Bixby change into Lou Ferrigno, so I left the room every time and only came back when he was finished morphing into Kermit on steroids. My wish to be the Hulk never came true, as is evidenced by the lack of that haunting end-show melody when I walk my forlorn walk down an empty road. **11.)** I encourage my female cat, Katharina, in thinking she’s a parrot by letting her hitch a ride on my shoulder whenever I walk around the house. This Halloween I plan to make her an eye patch. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484/141 "2002-07-11T05:10:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*This Halloween I plan to make her an eye patch. \*\* Damn. Since that last post I’ve had a change of heart and no longer do I plan on turning my cat into an eye patch. (Only enough leftover fur for me to make one glove, so why bother?) No, instead, I will now make an eye patch _for_ her, so she can don it on Halloween and properly complete the joke I was originally going for in #11. Thank you. Please call off PETA. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/11-reasons-im-not-cool-jump-in-and-join-the-fun/111484.md?page=8)