# 12 reasons Why I Definitely f#cking Hate Church **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 19, 2015, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074 "2015-04-19T23:21:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/21 "2015-04-20T12:57:07Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > …lets just say Anglican hymns dont quite have the same “energy” as lets say a Black Baptist church. If you think that’s bad, try growing up in a Presbyterian church where 85% of the members are over age 65. It was like attending god’s waiting room every Sunday. And they made “Amazing Grace” sound like a dirge. I stopped going when I was 15 or so. I realized my mother couldn’t physically make me go, so I just refused. Best decision ever. ---
**Author:** ![kferr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@kferr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kferr)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/22 "2015-04-20T13:17:11Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > I grew up as a Catholic, and while I was a practicing Catholic, I never raped anyone. How about since then? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/23 "2015-04-20T13:28:59Z")
I have the sense that the OP is in college; and that during summer, winter and spring breaks from college, he comes back tot he old homestead; and that as a condition of letting him stay rent-free in his old room, he is required to participate in the family’s church-attendance routine. How’d I do, OP? ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/24 "2015-04-20T13:29:19Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Does he juggle with snakes? I’d consider going to that church. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/25 "2015-04-20T13:30:36Z")
Actually, you only need one reason: 1. I hate being lied to. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/26 "2015-04-20T13:32:38Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > I have the sense that the OP is in college; and that during summer, winter and spring breaks from college, he comes back tot he old homestead; and that as a condition of letting him stay rent-free in his old room, he is required to participate in the family’s church-attendance routine. > > How’d I do, OP? I’m not the OP, but yes, you did a pretty good job guessing what was explicitly written in point #8 of his original post. Are you psychic? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/27 "2015-04-20T13:38:00Z")
Oh, crap. Well, you know, ya see enough of those clickbait-type posts, you’re bound to skim one once in a while. :smack: OP, why don’t you volunteer in the Sunday school, or babysitting toddlers in the nursery? That’d get you out of waker-upper duty, anyway, and you wouldn’t have to sit through the sermons… ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/28 "2015-04-20T13:41:32Z")
Convert to Judaism and sleep in on Sundays. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/29 "2015-04-20T13:54:40Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > What kind of church does your family drag you to? > > Is it a fundamentalist church that preaches hell fire and brimstone? Does the pastor rant at length about the evil secular life and the War on Christians and gay marriage leading this nation to the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah? Does he insist that the Earth was created in 6 days about 6000 years ago, and everyone who believes in that Communistic stuff like Evolution will be damned to eternal hell? Does he juggle with snakes? I doubt it. That at least might be interesting enough to keep everyone awake, if only by angrying up the blood. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/30 "2015-04-20T13:59:19Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Shrug. Don’t go. If your parents are supporting you and \*forcing \*you to go, convince them it’s stupid. You’ve got a good list. Add 13, “there is no god, so why bother?” > [@LSLGuy](#): > > If you’re old enough to be posting here you’re old enough to quit going. So quit already. > [@Spoons](#): > > I agree with other posters: just don’t go. … > > Really, just don’t go. To clarify: don’t go. If you’re worried about God, I PROMISE you that God doesn’t care one way or the other. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/31 "2015-04-20T14:01:11Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Is this a reference to the kiddy-twiddling scandals? :dubious: Or some auto-correct of “papist” as was suggested earlier? (… both?) I was wondering the same thing. If it was auto-correct, can’t argue with the accuracy of its results, though. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/32 "2015-04-20T14:03:33Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > What kind of church does your family drag you to? > > Is it a fundamentalist church that preaches hell fire and brimstone? Does the pastor rant at length about the evil secular life and the War on Christians and gay marriage leading this nation to the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah? Does he insist that the Earth was created in 6 days about 6000 years ago, and everyone who believes in that Communistic stuff like Evolution will be damned to eternal hell? I could see where the OP might find that stuff less than likable, but I can’t see it being the sort of service where his whole family would have trouble staying awake. > [@](#): > > Does he juggle with snakes? Or does he juggle live geese? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/33 "2015-04-20T14:04:11Z")
The neat thing about paying the bills is that you can make the decisions. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/34 "2015-04-20T14:08:58Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > Convert to Judaism and sleep in on Sundays. > > 😃 Convert to atheism and embrace your inner sloth. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/35 "2015-04-20T14:15:15Z")
There’s a church where members handle live poisonous snakes. I’m betting they don’t sleep through the sermons. Perhaps a change in denomination is in order. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/36 "2015-04-20T15:23:30Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Convert to atheism and embrace your inner sloth. Then your kids get into organized soccer leagues and you lose your weekends again. You just can’t win. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/37 "2015-04-20T15:35:05Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > organized soccer leagues All of those words are English, and yet they make no sense together. ---
**Author:** ![Kinthalis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kinthalis/32/16084_2.png) [@Kinthalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kinthalis)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/38 "2015-04-20T15:40:14Z")
The only thing I truly hated about visiting my Dad back when I was a teen. He would force me to go to church with him. Nothing more boring than church, NOTHING. He also forced me to recite rosary prayers with him every night. I think this is a catholic thing? You repeat a series of prayers over and over again while moving down the rosary beads. I wanted to kill myself half way through that stupid ritual. One weekend, I waited for him to get in the shower, got his rosary, cut the cord, and started removing beads, in the hopes that the prayer session would be shortened. He noticed. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/39 "2015-04-20T16:05:27Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I doubt it. That at least might be interesting enough to keep everyone awake, if only by angrying up the blood. Does Geritol make a product for angry blood? ---
**Author:** ![racepug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@racepug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racepug)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074/40 "2015-04-20T16:09:22Z")
I’m with you. Church makes me uncomfortable. I can’t really explain why. It just does. Maybe I’m the real-life Damien. :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/12-reasons-why-i-definitely-f-cking-hate-church/718074.md?page=3)