# 13-year-old wanting a nose ring **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 7, 2013, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327 "2013-01-07T07:12:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/41 "2013-01-07T17:57:24Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > That’s now how it works in schools in the US. Parents, as well as students, are bound by the Student Code of Conduct, which generally includes the Dress Code. Yeah, that’s ostensibly how it works here, too. But if a parent allows it, what’s the school going to do, pin her down and take out the ring by force? Suspend her? When she comes back still wearing the ring, suspend her again? I’d love to see a school keep that up for long without getting sued. Hell, it’d probably just take the threat of a lawsuit for the school board to overrule the school’s decision. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/42 "2013-01-07T18:15:36Z")
> [@Sevencl](#): > > Yeah, that’s ostensibly how it works here, too. But if a parent allows it, what’s the school going to do, pin her down and take out the ring by force? Suspend her? When she comes back still wearing the ring, suspend her again? Generally warning, then detention, then suspension, same as any dress code violation (if indeed piercings are mentioned in the dress code. Some schools prohibit visible piercings specifically, some don’t, and some consider it to fall under the umbrella of “Other” things that they can prohibit on a case by case basis.). Keep the kid home under protest and you’ll find yourself looking up the Truancy section of the handbook when a police officer shows up at your door. > [@](#): > > I’d love to see a school keep that up for long without getting sued. Hell, it’d probably just take the threat of a lawsuit for the school board to overrule the school’s decision. It’s been tried, and the courts have found in the school’s favor, as they have an interest in maintaining order and discipline, and students do not have the right of freedom of expression when in school. The courts response to parents, more or less, is, “Don’t like it? Homeschool.” In this country, we have the right to a free public education, but we don’t get to dictate every detail about how the school is run. We have the legal obligation to see our minor children receive an education, but it doesn’t have to be at that same free public school. If you want to allow nose piercings and your neighborhood school won’t allow it, you are free to pay for a school that will or to educate your child at home, where you can control all the details. ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/43 "2013-01-07T18:22:47Z")
Fucking hell. That’s a shock, I thought the USA was way better than here in that regard. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/44 "2013-01-07T18:41:19Z")
We have two daughters, 13 years old and 15 years old. Nose ring? Hell no. No earrings, tattoos, piercings, or boyfriends. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/45 "2013-01-07T19:25:21Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > We have two daughters, 13 years old and 15 years old. > > Nose ring? Hell no. > > No earrings, tattoos, piercings, or boyfriends. No fast dancing, either, I take it? ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/46 "2013-01-07T19:27:51Z")
> [@Sierra\_Indigo](#): > > I have my nose pierced and I love it. I think nose piercings can be cute or even hot depending on what jewellery is involved. > > The good thing about piercings is that they’re non-permanent. So if she doesn’t like it, she can just take the stud/ring out and it will heal in time. Or at the worst, leave a tiny hole that can barely be seen. > > However, that said my gut is feeling that 13 is too young. I don’t know why, it just is. I feel like piercings beyond a little girl’s ear piercings are not something that mommy and daddy buy for you. They’re something you decide on with your own research and use your own money to get, and you take care of yourself. It’s a weird idea to have and I can’t even defend it that strongly, just that… I think it’s too easy to do shit like that when you need parental permission and they’ll pay for it for you. Whereas if she waits and still wants it done at 16 (or whatever is the minimum age piercers will do piercings on without parental consent), when it’s her own money being used, then that is more in line with her really wanting it. I don’t think a 13 yr old should be trying to look hot, and I don’t think a parent should be encouraging them to look hot. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/47 "2013-01-07T19:43:28Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > We have two daughters, 13 years old and 15 years old. > > Nose ring? Hell no. > > No earrings, tattoos, piercings, or boyfriends. Honest question: no boyfriends/dating even for the 15 YO? The only reason I say so is that I was also not allowed to date at all until I left home, and that left me woefully unprepared for the world of men. I think 15-18 is a great time to start dating because then mom and dad can still help train and guide the child in the right direction, whereas once they are out of the house it’s much harder. In other words, it’s a great way to let the child fall, a little bit, so you can help pick them up - teach them independence, in other words. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/48 "2013-01-07T19:56:37Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Also, teenagers need to rebel. It’s part of the social and mental development process, where they figure out who they are when they’re not being defined by you. Some “good kids” have very quiet small rebellions, and some kids have huge police action involved rebellions. But they all need to do it. So maybe it’s time to give her something to rebel about. Maybe not. Only you know. Interesting point. But no, I do not know! My mom was (STILL IS) so overbearing and such a micromanager that I try very hard not to be like that. But maybe she does still need to rebel against something. > [@Clothahump](#): > > Tell her no. It won’t look cute on her. It’ll just mark her as being another buffalo in the herd following the social trend of self-mutilation. She’s already another buffalo in the heard of self-mutilation, with her earrings. > [@gracer](#): > > OP, it sounds to me like you’d rather she not do it, but you are heavily leaning towards letting her. Why not just let her know the actual, hard-to-articulate reason that you’d rather she didn’t get pierced, then tell her how much confidence you have that she makes wise and grown-up decisions for herself and let her decide what to do. Worst case scenario, she regrets a tiny hole in her nose. Good advice. No reason I can’t honestly explain to her how I feel about it. > [@Saraya](#): > > Where did you come up with the age of thirteen? That seems arbitrary. It is arbitrary, but she first brought it up recently, and she’ll be 13 in March, so I said no way can she get it done before she’s even officially a teenager, because I mean come on. It’s not something I’ve been promising her or anything, but this just came up the other day. > [@](#): > > All due respect I am highly saddened for you that such a ‘decisions’ requires you “collecting opinions” on the internet. > Do you want her to have it? No? Ok tell her “No N-O No” I already said I have no problem telling her no about it, if that’s what I decide I should do. > [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > One question, though: Does her school have any policy on piercings? I didn’t even think to consider that. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/49 "2013-01-07T20:01:07Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > No fast dancing, either, I take it? Only when he’s shooting at their feet. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/50 "2013-01-07T20:35:43Z")
I’d say no because once she gets a nose piercing, then she’ll want to come up with something else, and then something else, if that makes any sense. She’ll have it in her head that she’s a daring risk taker and want to keep at it. Next she’ll want tongue studs and lip and eyebrow piercings and ear gauges, which make me slightly nauseous. I just took my 17-year-old to get her nose pierced, against my desires, but she’ll be 18 in 2 months anyways. And her straitlaced aunt/schoolteacher has one, and I really had no other reason not to except that I didn’t want to see my baby get pierced (although as a filipina she’s had her ears pierced since she was an infant). It’s something she’s been asking for for many years, and not a passing fancy. It didn’t hurt her much at all, and I have to admit it looks pretty good on her, as much as a nose piercing can. But I’d say you should have a very well-shaped nose or it will just draw attention to it. Her employer doesn’t allow nose piercings, so she has to take it out for work, which is a problem because it’s still so fresh. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/51 "2013-01-07T20:55:09Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Her employer doesn’t allow nose piercings, so she has to take it out for work, which is a problem because it’s still so fresh. It’s quite common to get clear, flat studs that are pretty much invisible and are usually used for these situations. I’ve even worked on a filmset where they were invisible enough that, combined with make up, they could do close-ups. Might also potentially be an option for school, if they’re not happy with it? Though I presume in the case of the OP, school would be fine with a pierced nose. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/52 "2013-01-07T21:00:35Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > It’s highly likely that a piercing gun would shatter the cartilage of her nose, however. I’m not suggesting she or anyone get a gun piercing on their nose. I’m just pointing to the OP possibly why her cartilage piercing in her upper ear didn’t seem to hurt so much. > [@April\_R](#): > > I don’t think a 13 yr old should be trying to look hot, and I don’t think a parent should be encouraging them to look hot. Way to miss the point there. Just because _I_ find nose piercings hot in certain circumstances on certain people of the correct age and gender, doesn’t mean that it’s inherently an act undertaken to arouse sexual desire in people. I put in that comment for context so that people knew I am coming from a strongly pro-piercing standpoint, not to suggest the OP’s daughter is going to suddenly become “phwoar” just with the addition of some face jewellery. Also there’s no guarantee or indication that the OP’s daughter is suddenly going to become a guaged, scarified, branded BM freak just because she’s been allowed to get a nose piercing. I am presuming the OP knows her daughter’s mindset and whether one instance of leniency on her own part will lead to a slippery slope of “What the fuck have you done to your face?” ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/53 "2013-01-07T21:04:31Z")
Obviously **Crafter\_Man** is on something with his stance, IIRC, that his kids can’t so much as get their ears pierced until they’re out of the house (or at LEAST until they’re 18), but that’s not really the point here. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/54 "2013-01-07T21:27:57Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I’d say no because once she gets a nose piercing, then she’ll want to come up with something else, and then something else, if that makes any sense. She’ll have it in her head that she’s a daring risk taker and want to keep at it. Next she’ll want tongue studs and lip and eyebrow piercings and ear gauges, which make me slightly nauseous. I don’t understand this. First of all, as other people have said, YOU’RE the parent, tell her no. And I have never wanted anything other than my nosering. Those other things make me slightly nauseous, too. It’s not a slippery slope of piercing! Some of us have self control. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/55 "2013-01-07T21:38:21Z")
I wouldn’t want one for myself. It’s hard enough keeping snot from escaping the two nose-holes I was born with. Last thing I need is a “punch top” vent hole for easier pouring. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/56 "2013-01-07T21:42:47Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I wouldn’t want one for myself. It’s hard enough keeping snot from escaping the two nose-holes I was born with. Last thing I need is a “punch top” vent hole for easier pouring. Surprisingly enough, nothing comes out of that hole. Even with my stud out, both nostrils blocked and blowing as hard as I can, I cannot make a snot bubble come out of my piercing hole! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/57 "2013-01-07T22:41:52Z")
> [@Sierra\_Indigo](#): > > Surprisingly enough, nothing comes out of that hole. Even with my stud out, both nostrils blocked and blowing as hard as I can, I cannot make a snot bubble come out of my piercing hole! 😃 Epic disappointment! 😉 But I feel that you have reached the age and maturity to get one of those big stretchy hole things in your nose with a massive ring in it. Really, I trust you to make the right decision here. Go on, off you go! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/58 "2013-01-07T23:05:46Z")
> [@Sierra\_Indigo](#): > > Surprisingly enough, nothing comes out of that hole. Even with my stud out, both nostrils blocked and blowing as hard as I can, I cannot make a snot bubble come out of my piercing hole! 😃 Depends entirely on the gauge, placement and anatomy. As I found out during a particularly disgusting drunk hug one evening… (I don’t have a nose piercing. I do have a friend who does. And was drunk. Very drunk. Do we see where this is going? Ew.) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/59 "2013-01-07T23:21:07Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I don’t think a 13 yr old should be trying to look hot, and I don’t think a parent should be encouraging them to look hot. That was what my daughter (now 22) argued, and I relented. She will soon graduated top or close in her nursing school class. She has no kids and is punctual for all appointments.😃 ETA: she actually wanted to be “cool”, not “hot”. And she sure did look “cool”. ---
**Author:** ![myskepticsight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327/60 "2013-01-07T23:39:32Z")
I would think 13 is a little young for this. Maybe make her wait it out awhile and then see if she still wants it, 6 months, a year? This could just be a fad or an itch that will pass, and if she waits a bit she won’t want it anymore, and it will be better that she did not get an extra hole in her face. If she still really really wants it after a good amount of time, maybe seriously discuss it then? And I am only 26 and holes in faces do not bother me. I have no extras, not even ears (I have tiny earlobes) and no tattoos, but I think they are just fine on others. My dad and brother even have earrings, and my brother at points had tongue and eyebrow piercings as well, and all my friends have tattoos. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-old-wanting-a-nose-ring/646327.md?page=4)