# 13-year-olds having oral sex on a school bus **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 16, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965 "2003-09-16T17:12:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/41 "2003-09-16T19:09:53Z")
Well, you are certainly entitled to your opinion, **Isabelle**. But when your 13 year old son starts to notice that girls are taking on a different shape than him and that it makes a part of him take on a different shape, I’m sure he would figure it out whether or not you talk to them about it. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/42 "2003-09-16T19:12:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chefguy \* > \*\*Better that they’re having oral sex than unprotected vaginal sex. Better that they’re having any sort of sex than plotting to kill their enemies. > > We continually deny sexuality in this country of prudes and repressed hormones, while sending our kids off to see Terminator 6. What do we covet? That which we see every day. Violence is not a natural impulse. Sex is. Deny the natural impulses and reap the unnatural. > > So a couple of horny teenagers gave and got. Perhaps the bus was not the best choice of venue, but what harm has been done? I suspect the real harm is to the sensibilities of fundie prudes to whom sex is a joyless, furtive exercise concluded in a darkened room for the purpose of procreation only. > > Go ahead, blast away. \*\* **Chefguy** for President! ---
**Author:** ![Gravity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gravity/32/14322_2.png) [@Gravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gravity)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/43 "2003-09-16T19:15:12Z")
I remember being pressured to show my panties _and more_ on the bus when I was 6 years old. The boys would pay you a quarter if you did. My best friend talked me into it, and then yelled at me when I chickened out. Our district only bussed until age 10, and by that time, there was a whole lot more than just panty-showing going on in the back of the bus, and if you didn’t want to be a part of it, you sat further to the front. By the age of 13, I certainly did know what oral sex was. My guess is that I was about 9 or 10 when I figured that out, by reading books. My mother believed that kids should read anything that interested them, so I was reading Stephen King and JRR Tolkien and anything else that my hands happened to come across, including some of the more steamy romance novels. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/44 "2003-09-16T19:16:53Z")
Well, now, Chefguy, I wouldn’t go _that_ far. Although I will admit to being a tad conservative in such matters, I’m by no stretch of the imagination a fundie prude. I will say if you’re going to engage in oral sex the least a couple can do is to do so in private. ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/45 "2003-09-16T19:18:03Z")
I blame the schools. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/46 "2003-09-16T19:18:27Z")
I knew what oral sex was by 13. Knowing about it and doing it are 2 different things. Knowledge=good. Knowing about something does not mean kids are going to go out and do it. IMO, the more discussion and good information kids have about sex, the better. By 13 many girls are sexually mature and physically able to get pregnant. 13 year old boys are thinking about it nonstop anyway, so they may as well be well-informed about it. Repressing information about sex is not the way to prevent kids from acting out sexually, or to keep them ‘innocent.’ I think keeping kids ‘innocent’ has gotten over-hyped to the point where people think we should withold basic information from kids. That is not innocence, that is ignorance. That said, these kids were obviously acting inappropriately and the girl’s mother is an idiot. I would be very concerned if I had a child who did this, but not because they knew what oral sex was. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/47 "2003-09-16T19:28:26Z")
_The head on the girl goes up and down Up and down Up and down The head on the girl goes up and down All around the town_ ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/48 "2003-09-16T19:31:11Z")
**Lord Ashtar** the more I think about it the more I don’t know how to bring up the subject of oral sex with my son. I bet he already knows about it. Afterall he has 3 older brothers. I think it should come from me but I don’t know how to even start the conversation. THis is going to take some thought. ---
**Author:** ![More\_Cowbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@More\_Cowbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/More_Cowbell)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/49 "2003-09-16T19:34:59Z")
Anyone who has left Pittsburgh Airport via Route 60 can attest to this. You are given two choices when exiting the airport. One choice is Beaver, the other choice is Moon. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/50 "2003-09-16T19:36:08Z")
_The head on the girl goes up and down Up and down Up and down The head on the girl goes up and down All around the town_ ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/51 "2003-09-16T19:40:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Isabelle \* > \*\*I think only the 17 year old has had sex. The other young kids haven’t (to the best of my knowledge) \*\* I am sorry **Isabelle**. I remember reading another post of yours saying that 3 of your 5 kids hadn’t listened to you about waiting for marriage to have sex so I assumed that the 15 year old was one of those. I guess I am just confused about the ages of your kids. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/52 "2003-09-16T19:44:44Z")
**SkipMagic** , the expanded title is Cannibal 4H. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/53 "2003-09-16T19:45:03Z")
That’s ok **In Conceivable** its easy to lose track. I have a 22yr old, 19 yr old, 17 yr old, 15 yr old and 13 yr old ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/54 "2003-09-16T19:53:02Z")
Ah! I forgot the 19 year old. He must not cause any trouble. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![metroshane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@metroshane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metroshane)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/55 "2003-09-16T19:55:42Z")
What’s the problem, he bought her dinner? Or at least lunch in the cafeteria. Not only did I know about oral sex at that age…I wanted it bad. I was never able to get it until much older though. ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/56 "2003-09-16T20:06:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Isabelle \* > \*\*I have a 13 year old and we have discussed sex and protection. I have not gone into details about oral sex. I don’t think it is necessary at 13. \*\* You may not think so, **Isabelle** , but it _is_ necessary. If you don’t talk to your kids about it, they will surely find out from their friends, and quite possibly they will find out in a way that you wouldn’t like very much. Anyone who doesn’t think 13-year-olds (and younger) know about oral sex (and much, much more than that) is simply blind to the realities of the modern world. My wife is teaching seventh-graders this year, and overheard one of the female students talking to her friends. The part she overheard was something like “ **…because she _fucked_ my _brother!_** ” My wife had a talk with this girl about what is and isn’t appropriate to talk about in the classroom, of course, but the point is that 13-year-olds today certainly do know about sex, in all its varieties. Whether or not you think it’s “necessary” to tell your 13-year-old about it really doesn’t matter much at all. They’re going to find out, if they haven’t already. You may think you’re solving a problem for your child by sheltering them, but you’re not. I would actually say that you’re part of the problem you’re trying to solve, because you’re pretty much guaranteeing that your child will get faulty information from a peer, rather than accurate, complete information from you. You’re not controlling the situation, you’re ceding control to your child’s peers. I’m not trying to question your parenting decisions, **Isabelle** … far from it. If you feel that sex of _any_ kind is inappropriate for your child, then that’s your right to decide as a parent. Every parent is different, and every child is different, and limits should be set appropriately. However, choosing not to address issues that are bound to come up (if they haven’t already) is just living in denial. You were harping on reality earlier – the realty now is that many kids see oral sex as a “safer” alternative to vaginal sex, however inaccurate that is. Some kids, as others have pointed out, do not even consider oral sex “sex” in the traditional sense. I’d recommend you address it now, to avoid problems later. And yes, I’ve put my money where my mouth is (sorry). Our eldest daughter is ten years old. We’ve talked about sex, and menstruation, and pregnancy. We’ve gotten detailed when necessary. This includes a discussion about oral sex. Was it a bit uncomfortable for all concerned? You bet your ass it was – but it was also honest and, to the best of our knowledge, accurate. I’m glad to say that my daughter is armed with the most powerful of tools – knowledge – and she is so armed _before_ she has need of it. In that sense, I’d say our discussions on the subject have all been extremely necessary, and more will doubtless be necessary to finish the job. And all of that said, I’m mainly in agreement with **Chefguy** on the issue in general. Comparing oral sex and violent crime, for example, oral sex barely even registers. I’m not saying I’m ready for my child to be having sex just yet (yeesh, the thought of it), but I’d rather she was having sex than beating the hell out of some other kid. And yet, social norms seems to be more accepting of violence in children than of _natural_ sexual curiosity. Seems to me that those priorities are quite topsy-turvy. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/57 "2003-09-16T20:11:58Z")
**Avalonian** How did you discuss oral sex with your daughter? Did you go into specific detail? technique? feelings? clinical discussion? I understand your daughter is only ten but I would like some ideas. My 13 year old knows about sex and protection. CLEARLY. We just never ventured into the oral sex discussion. I know it should come from me. Actually it should come from his father but since he is not in the picture my son only has me… ---
**Author:** ![metroshane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@metroshane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metroshane)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/58 "2003-09-16T20:13:35Z")
Just out of curiosity (I have a daughter on the way)…how do you talk to kids about sex without making it shameful? ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/59 "2003-09-16T20:15:23Z")
Be upfront? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965/60 "2003-09-16T20:23:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by metroshane \* > \*\*What’s the problem, he bought her dinner? Or at least lunch in the cafeteria. \*\* You’re missing the larger problem: the increasing lack of common sense in today’s society and its propensity toward lawsuits. In other words, that mom appears to be one of those lawsuit-happy idiots. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/13-year-olds-having-oral-sex-on-a-school-bus/201965.md?page=4)