# 14 Things You Should Never Say to a Gay Man **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2013, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964 "2013-12-10T07:46:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/1 "2013-12-10T07:46:17Z")
[“14 Things You Should Never Say to a Gay Man”](http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/gay-no-nos) #15. To a gay couple: “Which one of you is the girl?” #16: “My second cousin from Chicago is gay. Do you know him?” #17: “So where to you guys meet each other?” Any more? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/2 "2013-12-10T08:19:06Z")
18 “It’s so brave of you to defy that ‘all gay men are good looking’ stereotype.” ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/3 "2013-12-10T08:27:37Z")
The only one that ruffles my feathers is when girls or gay guys call each other girls. But lots… and I mean _lots_ of guy guys refer to each other as “guuurl” and “bitch” and such. It’s ridiculous. But then they’ll get mad if you ask them “which one of you is the girl?” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/4 "2013-12-10T15:09:48Z")
What is wrong with asking where they met? ---
**Author:** ![grama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@grama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grama)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/5 "2013-12-10T15:18:18Z")
#19: So you like to take it up the ass? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/6 "2013-12-10T15:22:41Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > What is wrong with asking where they met? “Did y’all meet in Glee Club?” ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/7 "2013-12-10T15:48:53Z")
#20 Why didn’t you come out to me earlier? Look, it’s not the only aspect of my life. In fact, I find it rather mundane. Moreover, you didn’t come out to me as straight so I guess we’re even. I just had this happen with a new friend. /Frankly though, most of these questions don’t bother me too much as long as they’re done with good intentions. Outsiders don’t understand the differences and are just curious or try to see how what we do fit in their worldview. And frankly, every gay is different too. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/8 "2013-12-10T15:50:58Z")
#21. so… what’s it like? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/9 "2013-12-10T15:58:30Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > What is wrong with asking where they met? Is it “Where did you guys meet?” Or “where do guys like you meet?” The OP is not clear. The first is ok, the latter, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/10 "2013-12-10T16:04:15Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > /Frankly though, most of these questions don’t bother me too much as long as they’re done with good intentions. Outsiders don’t understand the differences and are just curious or try to see how what we do fit in their worldview. And frankly, every gay is different too. Yeah, the ones that bother me are when they’re upset I don’t care to dump my purse out for them to pick through and the ones who get upset when life as my friend does not mirror rom-com movies with a blonde starlet and her sassy gay best friend. Otherwise I don’t care. And that article annoys me because it bitches about some stereotypes while emphasizing others. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/11 "2013-12-10T16:05:43Z")
1. Are you a top or a bottom? That’s probably the most horrible thing that you could say (well, on this side of the homophobic line). Surprised it’s not in the top 10. ---
**Author:** ![JohnnyMac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@JohnnyMac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnnyMac)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/12 "2013-12-10T16:40:48Z")
**3. “I’m like a gay man trapped inside a woman’s body.”** I’m lucky enough to have only heard this (minus the “like”) from gay transmen. Do straight women really say this? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/13 "2013-12-10T16:57:39Z")
> [@JohnnyMac](#): > > **3. “I’m like a gay man trapped inside a woman’s body.”** > I’m lucky enough to have only heard this (minus the “like”) from gay transmen. Do straight women really say this? I knew a woman who probably has; she’s certainly said things very close to it. She hangs her hat on her “fag hag” identity because, IMO, of her extraordinarily bad dating choices; sticking to that lets her avoid any responsibility for her own part in dating. She can be all ‘gay men are so awesome! (but of course they’re unattainable so they’re the perfect date for me)’ and not face up to how her own desperate / overly-clingy / ‘turns into psycho bitch when rejected’ behavior drives off straight men. Think of the stereotypical “men are threatened by strong women!” attitude when she’s also a somewhat mean person, and that’s it. (And this speaking as a woman who wasn’t ever ‘all that.’) ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/14 "2013-12-10T17:02:07Z")
I thought you guys were supposed to be neat. ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/15 "2013-12-10T17:53:14Z")
#23: I’ve always wanted my own gay! Can I be your Fag Hag? ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/16 "2013-12-10T17:58:49Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > 1. Are you a top or a bottom? > > That’s probably the most horrible thing that you could say (well, on this side of the homophobic line). Surprised it’s not in the top 10. Agreed, not a good question to ask. I have friends, however, who have matching baseball shirts. One says “Pitcher” and one says “catcher” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/17 "2013-12-10T18:15:51Z")
#24: Sorry, in what Bizarro universe is it even possible for a woman’s vagina to be repellent and a man’s asshole to be attractive? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/18 "2013-12-10T23:58:51Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > … I have friends, however, who have matching baseball shirts. One says “Pitcher” and one says “catcher” That’s truly awesome. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/19 "2013-12-11T00:43:10Z")
“Uranus makes me feel uncomfortable”? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/20 "2013-12-11T01:06:39Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > “Uranus makes me feel uncomfortable”? Use more lube? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964.md?page=2)