# 14 Things You Should Never Say to a Gay Man **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2013, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964 "2013-12-10T07:46:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/21 "2013-12-11T02:05:09Z")
Are you sure it isn’t just a phase? ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/22 "2013-12-11T02:41:59Z")
No 14, do straight women really ask gay men if they want to see their vagina? ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/23 "2013-12-11T04:47:02Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > What is wrong with asking where they met? I didn’t get that either. Seems a pretty standard question to ask any new couple, gay or straight. (For the record, Mrs Piper and I met in the law library. Love blossomed amongst the torts, bailments, and incorporeal hereditaments.) ---
**Author:** ![Diz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Diz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diz)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/24 "2013-12-11T04:52:49Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > No 14, do straight women really ask gay men if they want to see their vagina? If that were a common occurrence, approximately 100% of men would claim to be gay. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/25 "2013-12-11T04:53:13Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > What is wrong with asking where they met? > [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > I didn’t get that either. Seems a pretty standard question to ask any new couple, gay or straight. > > (For the record, Mrs Piper and I met in the law library. Love blossomed amongst the torts, bailments, and incorporeal hereditaments.) The OP has told the story a couple of times now of how he and his partner met. While I think it’s a pretty neat story, it might not be something you’d want to share with, say, your elderly Aunt Sallie. Maybe that’s what he means? ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/26 "2013-12-11T05:11:22Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Is it “Where did you guys meet?” Or “where do guys like you meet?” The OP is not clear. The first is ok, the latter, not so much. Why? Maybe the asker is just curious about gay culture, and wants to know how gay men socialize openly. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/27 "2013-12-11T05:16:33Z")
1. What…? No Megan Mullally…!? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/28 "2013-12-11T06:52:37Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > No 14, do straight women really ask gay men if they want to see their vagina? [Apparently.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tpCGvcqO1U) ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/29 "2013-12-11T07:16:44Z")
I’m a gay man and I don’t mind being asked if I’m a top or bottom. I also don’t mind if you offer to hook me up with some gay guy who you see once a month to do your hair. I’ll politely decline of course, but I don’t take umbrage at it. But don’t call me girl please. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/30 "2013-12-11T07:27:59Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > The OP has told the story a couple of times now of how he and his partner met. While I think it’s a pretty neat story, it might not be something you’d want to share with, say, your elderly Aunt Sallie. Maybe that’s what he means? Yes, my partner and I met in a sleazy “back room” of a sleazy gay porn theater in NYC. We tell the truth to most people, but to “Aunt Sallie” we say something like “Gee, we’ve been together so many years, it seems like we’ve always known each other.” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/31 "2013-12-11T08:34:32Z")
So exactly how gay are you? ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/32 "2013-12-11T08:47:26Z")
“Get that microphone out of may face, or I’ll scratch your eyes out!” ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/33 "2013-12-11T09:30:15Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Yes, my partner and I met in a sleazy “back room” of a sleazy gay porn theater in NYC. We tell the truth to most people, but to “Aunt Sallie” we say something like “Gee, we’ve been together so many years, it seems like we’ve always known each other.” That’s not a uniquely gay thing, though. For example, a friend of mine met his (ex)wife when she was married to someone else. She spotted him at a party, thought he was hot, and asked him to dance. While they were on the dance floor she whispered in his ear, “I’m married but I fool around - wanna fuck?” Of course he did. Lust turned to love, she divorced, and the two of them got married. My friend told me that story years ago, but I never told my husband because I was afraid it would ruin their friendship. I doubt my friend ever told “Aunt Sally” the story either. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/34 "2013-12-11T14:36:30Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > I’m a gay man and I don’t mind being asked if I’m a top or bottom. For the love of all things holy who the hell asks personal questions about others’ sex lives, straight or gay? I do not want to know who is the top and who is the bottom any more than I want details of my straight friends’ sex lives. I have gone more than five decades without asking any of my friends if their girlfriends or wives are into cunnilingus. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/35 "2013-12-11T15:36:22Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Yes, my partner and I met in a sleazy “back room” of a sleazy gay porn theater in NYC. We tell the truth to most people, but to “Aunt Sallie” we say something like “Gee, we’ve been together so many years, it seems like we’ve always known each other.” “At the movies” works. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/36 "2013-12-11T15:51:35Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > #16: “My second cousin from Chicago is gay. Do you know him?” I’ve been dying to ask my gay friend in Atlanta if be knows Elton John — but only to make him laugh. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/37 "2013-12-11T15:55:31Z")
“Do you have a copy of the Gay Agenda I could look at?” ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/38 "2013-12-11T17:45:27Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > #17: “So where to you guys meet each other?” I assumed the OP meant “So where do you guys meet each other?” as in “Where do gay men find other gay men?” Which is a bad question because gay men meet each other in various ways/places – just like straight people do. > [@JohnnyMac](#): > > **3. “I’m like a gay man trapped inside a woman’s body.”** > I’m lucky enough to have only heard this (minus the “like”) from gay transmen. Do straight women really say this? I’ve never said it, but I had a gay friend say it about me a few times. We used to joke that he got the toaster but I got the manual. 😉 (Of course, neither of us ever meant it _literally/seriously_.) ---
**Author:** ![Beelzebubba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Beelzebubba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beelzebubba)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/39 "2013-12-11T23:44:39Z")
What made you decide to go gay? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2013, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964/40 "2013-12-12T00:18:11Z")
A friend recently posted to Facebook a link to these kinds of so-called _microaggressions_ that minorities of all types are burdened by, apparently every single day of their lives. I replied that I prefer the term _rudeness_ because it’s more inclusive: you do not have to be a minority to be burdened by it, and sooner or later you, too, will transgress. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-gay-man/675964.md?page=3)