# 14 year old daughter \[boyfriend advice\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 23, 2011, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572 "2011-06-23T16:28:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![julia8558](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cc9497/32.png) [@julia8558](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/julia8558)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/1 "2011-06-23T16:28:40Z")
My daughter has had this ongoing, seemingly innocent relationship with a boy she met on Xbox 360 live. I have talked to him myself and seen pictures of him and he is 15 years old and sounds polite etc. etc. I havent fought the relationship but have set boundaries on what they can talk about. It seems when I fight something, she only wants to do it more so I have down played it and allowed it. I checked where she was googleing last night and she was looking into things like “should you be embarrassed to tell your boyfriend you masturbate?” I am soooo freaked out right now. I know masturbation happens at this age but talking to your boyfriend about it?, Oh my God!!! Any ideas on how to approach this other than taking away all communication methods she has? HELP Julia ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/2 "2011-06-23T16:30:00Z")
> [@julia8558](#): > > I am soooo freaked out right now. I know masturbation happens at this age but talking to your boyfriend about it?, Oh my God!!! Not seeing a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/3 "2011-06-23T16:30:31Z")
Forum change reported. Hi Julia, you’ll get more answers in another forum so I’ve asked the mods to move this to that forum. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/4 "2011-06-23T16:31:07Z")
Let’s see if I can flag down a mod to move this to a forum where it’ll get proper notice for the topic. Meanwhile, it sounds like normal teenaged sexuality, and a good time to make sure she’s got correct knowledge about sex and birth control and STDs and is encouraged to protect herself. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/5 "2011-06-23T16:31:49Z")
Moved to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/6 "2011-06-23T16:32:44Z")
You’re worried that she’s talking about jerking it to some dude who lives somewhere far away? Got some bad news for you about the internet… ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/7 "2011-06-23T16:34:26Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > Moved to MPSIMS. Oops. Simulmove. I moved it to IMHO. ETA: Also edited thread title. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/8 "2011-06-23T16:40:46Z")
> [@julia8558](#): > > My daughter has had this ongoing, seemingly innocent relationship with a boy she met on Xbox 360 live. I have talked to him myself and seen pictures of him and he is 15 years old and sounds polite etc. etc. > I havent fought the relationship but have set boundaries on what they can talk about. \*\*It seems when I fight something, she only wants to do it more \*\*so I have down played it and allowed it. > I checked where she was googleing last night and she was looking into things like “should you be embarrassed to tell your boyfriend you masturbate?” > > I am soooo freaked out right now. I know masturbation happens at this age but talking to your boyfriend about it?, Oh my God!!! > > Any ideas on how to approach this other than taking away all communication methods she has? > > HELP > > Julia bolding mine - this is significant Also: what, exactly, is it you want to accomplish when you say “how to approach this” to us? Do you want their relationship to end? (Not under your control, sorry to say.) Do you want her to not masturbate? (See above.) Do you want her to not be Googling these topics? (Somewhat under your control.) Taking away all her communication will most likely backfire on you. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/9 "2011-06-23T16:44:13Z")
It’s normal and healthy activity for a 14 year old. Don’t sweat the small stuff (and this _is_ small stuff). ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/10 "2011-06-23T16:46:49Z")
You can’t really set boundaries on what they talk about. Not well, anyway. It’s better for you to be open with your daughter about what **you two** talk about. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/11 "2011-06-23T16:52:30Z")
Sex is normal. Give her a condom and tell her not to get pregnant or a disease ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/12 "2011-06-23T17:02:33Z")
For my teens, electronic communication rules include “no wedging, no porn, no pictures”. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/13 "2011-06-23T17:11:39Z")
Of course it’s freaky to find out something like that about your daughter. But she sounds perfectly normal. She could have been googling far worse things like “how to get your boyfriend to agree to a gangbang.” ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/14 "2011-06-23T17:30:35Z")
> [@Ca3799](#): > > For my teens, electronic communication rules include “no wedging, no porn, no pictures”. Aw, crap, I don’t even know what “wedging” is. I guess I have about six years to figure it out before my kids are teens. ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/15 "2011-06-23T17:32:24Z")
> [@Ca3799](#): > > For my teens, electronic communication rules include “no wedging, no porn, no pictures”. I thought of myself as being relatively knowledgeable about internet terminology but what the hell is wedging? Sounds really perverse. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/16 "2011-06-23T17:33:24Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > Aw, crap, I don’t even know what “wedging” is. I guess I have about six years to figure it out before my kids are teens. I was about to post a variant on this, substituting in “glad I don’t have kids because obviously I’m behind the times” instead. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/17 "2011-06-23T17:33:30Z")
She will certainly be talking to people about masturbation, in real life or online. You can’t stop it, and trying to runs the risk of ruining your relationship with your daughter. Why, exactly, do you think you can or should stop this? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/18 "2011-06-23T17:38:22Z")
Wedging: 1.Fix in position using a wedge - the door was wedged open 2.Force into a narrow space - I wedged the bags into the back seat This must be stopped. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/19 "2011-06-23T17:39:02Z")
Teenagers are weird. If you don’t want to see things you will be disturbed by, don’t check her history. I wouldn’t check my kids’ histories unless they gave me a damn good reason to- it really seems like an invasion of privacy if you did it just to be nosy. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572/20 "2011-06-23T17:44:20Z")
> [@julia8558](#): > > My daughter has had this ongoing, seemingly innocent relationship with a boy she met on Xbox 360 live. I have talked to him myself and seen pictures of him and he is 15 years old and sounds polite etc. etc. When you say you have talked to him, do you mean in person and/or over the phone, or do you mean over the internet? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/14-year-old-daughter-boyfriend-advice/586572.md?page=2)