# 17 years divorced, my parents are squabbling again, and I'm caught in the middle...what to do....

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/17-years-divorced-my-parents-are-squabbling-again-and-im-caught-in-the-middle-what-to-do/614778>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [March 5, 2012, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/17-years-divorced-my-parents-are-squabbling-again-and-im-caught-in-the-middle-what-to-do/614778 "2012-03-05T03:26:51Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\
**Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/17-years-divorced-my-parents-are-squabbling-again-and-im-caught-in-the-middle-what-to-do/614778/61 "2012-03-22T16:38:52Z")

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> [@fusoya](#):
>
> The one thing I do really take concern with was my dad’s ultimatum that I not spend any time around my mom and her fiancee (his justification being that if she’s changing her tone to them not being in a relationship, then spending time with them together would be approving their deceit).

That’s an unreasonable demand on his part. There’s no guarantee that one party in this business is a saint, no matter how scummy the behavior of the other party. Real life does not work like that.

Any unreasonable demands he makes on a third party, of course, have nothing to do with whether she deserves to get alimony or not. But her awful behavior doesn’t make everything he does right.

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**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\
**Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/17-years-divorced-my-parents-are-squabbling-again-and-im-caught-in-the-middle-what-to-do/614778/62 "2012-03-22T17:45:43Z")

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> [@FairyChatMom](#):
>
> _“Mom, I’m not going to lie for you. Period. Incidentally, did you stop to consider that the only ones who will win in this will be the lawyers?”_
> 
> For me, this sums up the thread neatly. Of course, I’m on the outside looking in with no interest in either party’s position. Free advice, for what it’s worth…

This. She may never see you as an adult, and might act ‘betrayed’ if you point out her wrongdoing, but if you can get her to see she CANT WIN, then hopefully she’s smart enough to let it go and GET ON with her life. Sounds like she has one, and she’s wasting it. Do her a favor, and smack her upside the head \<figuratively\> Surely she’d have done that for you when you were being stupid?

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**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\
**Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/17-years-divorced-my-parents-are-squabbling-again-and-im-caught-in-the-middle-what-to-do/614778/63 "2012-03-22T17:57:10Z")

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> [@Taomist](#):
>
> Surely she’d have done that for you when you were being stupid?

Lots of parents see their relationship as one-sided. Just because mom chastised OP as a kid when he was being stupid doesn’t mean she’d welcome the criticism directed at her, now.

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