# 2 dates, then THE TALK, now what? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 2010, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412 "2010-12-16T20:03:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ajb867](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f14d63/32.png) [@ajb867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajb867)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/41 "2010-12-16T23:31:40Z")
OP what you described is called “crazy”. I’ve been fucking crazy for 10 months and have been living in despair but not whacking off that much for 9 months. Nothing that I “hoped” would change has. Worth it?.. That’s the best advice I can give you. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/42 "2010-12-16T23:32:40Z")
Don’t try to pick apart what’s really going on, don’t try to work with her on her issues, don’t wait for her: get out now and thank your lucky stars she gave you all the information you need early on to make an informed decision. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/43 "2010-12-16T23:37:26Z")
[QUOTE=lorene] I once told my sister that if you met someone through Alcoholics Anonymous, you were not allowed to know their last name, even if you were dating them. Because it’s, you know, anonymous. [/QUOTE] This is true. In fact, even if you marry them, you’re not allowed to know their last name. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/44 "2010-12-17T00:36:24Z")
> [@fusoya](#): > > …how is someone ripping me off when they refuse to let me pay for ANYTHING? Wasn’t there a thread last week about a guy talking to a scam artist and wanting to see how far he could get, who said that he was told the same thing? (That the scammer initially wasn’t asking for money, that is.) It makes sense–if someone starts out asking for money, even the most naive mark will be forewarned. And it does seem to work–both you and the other OP assumed this person couldn’t be out for money simply because they didn’t ask for it or went out of their way to refuse it. But it seems sort of suspicious if you think about it. The fact that Amy’s going out of her way to portray herself as broke but won’t even take a few dollars for pizza–it’s like she’s trying to make herself seem as full of integrity as possible. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/45 "2010-12-17T01:31:11Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > If she did say it to a guy she’s interested in, she’s trying to make him jealous or at least to demonstrate that she’s desirable. Yes - this is exactly what I was getting at. She went straight home after one good date with you and immediately called the guy she really wished she was dating. She might like you - who knows? - but right now, she’s using you to make him jealous and to make herself look like more tempting to the guy she really wants. ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/46 "2010-12-17T01:36:38Z")
Thanks everyone, you are the best. SDMB has a Marketplace now, why don’t _we_ have a dating section? The more I think things over, the more I realize that everyone has their pros and cons. The pros are evident much faster, but then the cons are the barriers. And in this case, the cons scream BACK OFF. This is an unwinnable struggle, and best to get out while I’m still in one piece. The next time I talk to Amy, I’m going to tell her how the first time she said she was undateable, I should have just listened to her rather than taking it as a challenge, and until that changes, I’m not going to try to date the undateable. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/47 "2010-12-17T01:47:51Z")
While I can’t argue with the people who have experience with this sort of situation not working out, I 100% cannot understand why people are throwing out the label of “crazy.” Nothing about this encounter reads like any mental disorder. If anything, it reads like a woman who is better off psychologically, since she’s actually in touch with how she feels, and has the psychologcal insight to actually share that with someone she is trying to be in a relationship with. But it seems that most people’s definition of crazy is “thinks differently than me”. That’s just cultural bigotry, and I find that very, very shameful. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/48 "2010-12-17T01:48:05Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > \ > Tell her to sort out her shit and come back later. That’s my thought, too - “Well, I enjoyed seeing the concerts with you, but I’m looking for a real relationship, so why don’t you give me a call if you decide you’d like to go out with me again?” and then just move on. One thing that holds true for most people is that if they meet someone they like, all the thoughts of what could have been with the one that got away just disappear. If she is really into you, she’ll be thinking about YOU, not Mark-who-might-have-been. I wouldn’t completely blow her off, though, because she might actually be in the process of forgetting about Mark because you’re so awesome. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/49 "2010-12-17T01:48:21Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > The second oldest SDMB adage should be adhered to in this situation. I have no doubt you’ll completely ignore it, but I might as well reiterate it. > > **Don’t stick your dick in the crazy.** Don’t flatter the Dope. That saying isn’t a “Dope adage”. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/50 "2010-12-17T01:51:37Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I wouldn’t completely blow her off, though, because she might actually be in the process of forgetting about Mark because you’re so awesome. 🙂 Right, this. Stay away from her for now, but definitely make it clear that you might want to see her if she sorts through her issues. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Don’t flatter the Dope. That saying isn’t a “Dope adage”. 😛 Ha! Haven’t heard it elsewhere before. Whoops! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/51 "2010-12-17T02:09:30Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > This is true. In fact, even if you marry them, you’re not allowed to know their last name. …and if you take their last name, you have to have it back by 10. ---
**Author:** ![Peeta\_Mellark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@Peeta\_Mellark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peeta_Mellark)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/52 "2010-12-17T02:14:52Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I wouldn’t completely blow her off, though, because she might actually be in the process of forgetting about Mark because you’re so awesome. 🙂 Yeah, good advice. She _might_ realize she isn’t as hung up on Mark as she thought. The main thing is you backing off, protecting yourself emotionally, and putting the ball in her court. And don’t sit by the phone waiting for her to call you back. Keep looking on OKC, keep yourself primed for finding somebody else, and all that good stuff. And if you get a pleasant surprise from her, so much the better. ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/53 "2010-12-17T02:33:29Z")
OMFG. So she gets online, and the first thing she tells me is how she got home to find an eviction notice on her apartment door. Apparently her roommate hadn’t been paying the rent for over a year. So it begins. When you’re right, you’re right. And I think those “beware the cons” folk are right. Don’t worry, I’ll be offering her neither my bed nor my wallet for this. ---
**Author:** ![Keith\_Berry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/22d042/32.png) [@Keith\_Berry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keith_Berry)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/54 "2010-12-17T02:41:12Z")
> [@fusoya](#): > > OMFG. So she gets online, and the first thing she tells me is how she got home to find an eviction notice on her apartment door. Apparently her roommate hadn’t been paying the rent for over a year. So it begins. When you’re right, you’re right. And I think those “beware the cons” folk are right. Don’t worry, I’ll be offering her neither my bed nor my wallet for this. Total insanity! You made the right decision at the right time. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/55 "2010-12-17T02:43:53Z")
Just curious: does she have your home or job address? btw, don’t help her move, either! Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/56 "2010-12-17T02:48:54Z")
Wow. Sounds like it’s over already. I’m gonna ask my question anyway: Is it common for people nowadays (Amy, not **fusoya** ) to be so quick to talk about their emotional attachments, their “baggage”? Used to be you’d get to know someone first. It’s one thing to be honest, but something else to use a date as a therapy session. ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/57 "2010-12-17T02:59:11Z")
Well, she’s been to my house, so she a general idea of where I live. I don’t know if she memorized the street or building # though. Right now I just really can’t believe this shit is happening. I told her straight up that she ain’t moving in here. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/58 "2010-12-17T03:01:51Z")
> [@fusoya](#): > > OMFG. So she gets online, and the first thing she tells me is how she got home to find an eviction notice on her apartment door. Apparently her roommate hadn’t been paying the rent for over a year. So it begins. When you’re right, you’re right. And I think those “beware the cons” folk are right. Don’t worry, I’ll be offering her neither my bed nor my wallet for this. I think I’d just respond something like “Well, you did mention that you weren’t sure how long you’d be staying in NYC. This may be the thing you need to jump start your move process and start over somewhere else” Good for you for not being drawn into the drama. > [@AuntiePam](#): > > I’m gonna ask my question anyway: Is it common for people nowadays (Amy, not **fusoya** ) to be so quick to talk about their emotional attachments, their “baggage”? Used to be you’d get to know someone first. > > It’s one thing to be honest, but something else to use a date as a therapy session. I’m with you, but I think we might be the minority. IMHO people move wayyyyy too fast as far as most things go in dating situations. Just like a lot of people use the 3 date rule for physicality. I barely KNOW you after three dates, I’m sure as hell not going to sleep with you. Telling too much too fast seems like a way to get too emotionally attached at a point when you’re just getting to know someone. The sharer and the shar-ee both get a false sense of intimacy and I think it raises the stakes and the idea that you’ve found THE ONE. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/59 "2010-12-17T03:34:00Z")
> [@fusoya](#): > > OMFG. So she gets online, and the first thing she tells me is how she got home to find an eviction notice on her apartment door. Apparently her roommate hadn’t been paying the rent for over a year. So it begins. When you’re right, you’re right. And I think those “beware the cons” folk are right. Don’t worry, I’ll be offering her neither my bed nor my wallet for this. Okay, _that’s_ a strange coincidence. Okay, I change my vote to, “See ya. Have a nice life.” That doesn’t even make sense; when I had a rent cheque bounce once (through no fault of my own), the eviction notice was on my door within 24 hours. Do some landlords really let you go a year without paying? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412/60 "2010-12-17T03:40:11Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > Just curious: does she have your home or job address? In the OP he says that they spooned at his place. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2-dates-then-the-talk-now-what/564412.md?page=4)