# 25 and never been in a relationship **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 12, 2009, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824 "2009-04-12T08:49:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/81 "2009-04-13T17:59:35Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I’m going to take Argent Towers’s advice several steps furthur. Don’t just go hire a hooker (which is generally illegal and I don’t even know where you find a decent one). Grab a couple buddies and take a trip to someplace like Amsterdam, Brazil, Thailand or Poland where it’s totally legal and just go nuts. **KittyCat444** , is that a good enough “lose your virginity” story? Nitpick: Prostituton is totally ILlegal here in Thailand. But it might as well BE legal. Pretty much out in the open. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanTigerTamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@SuntanTigerTamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanTigerTamer)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/82 "2009-04-13T18:29:20Z")
I still don’t understand how a thread about someone with low self-esteem and problems talking to women could possibly devolve into a thread about where to procure a prostitute. He didn’t say he’s terrified of sex or walking around, heh, pedestaling pussy, he just can’t seem to feel close enough to these girls to want to do it. I’ve felt that way before, and it had everything to do with my self confidence. Once I figured that out, and realized that even I had stuff to be confident about, I was golden. Doesn’t happen overnight though. In the meantime, you should meet confidence’s unruly nephew, cockiness. Cockiness will help a lot, until you can develop the confidence. Just, not too cocky… That’s where it gets a little bit harder… ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/83 "2009-04-13T18:34:55Z")
> [@SuntanTigerTamer](#): > > I He didn’t say he’s terrified of sex or walking around, heh, pedestaling pussy, he just can’t seem to feel close enough to these girls to want to do it. Trust me. The girls here can make him feel close to them. They are experts unrivaled in their field. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/84 "2009-04-13T18:43:38Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Nitpick: Prostituton is totally ILlegal here in Thailand. But it might as well BE legal. Pretty much out in the open. Based on your other thread, it’s probably not the best time to visit Thailand either. ---
**Author:** ![KittyCat444](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/848f3c/32.png) [@KittyCat444](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KittyCat444)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/85 "2009-04-13T20:21:45Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I’m going to take Argent Towers’s advice several steps furthur. Don’t just go hire a hooker (which is generally illegal and I don’t even know where you find a decent one). Grab a couple buddies and take a trip to someplace like Amsterdam, Brazil, Thailand or Poland where it’s totally legal and just go nuts. **KittyCat444** , is that a good enough “lose your virginity” story? Ha, no, not good enough for me. I would be seriously grossed out if my boyfriend lost his virginity to some hooker or random gross barfly. Sorry if I’m being prejudiced. I tend to like innocent, virginal-seeming nerdy boys anyway 🙂 Of course, other girls might be different, but I have a friend who was in that position (her boyfriend lost his virginity to a hooker). She was pretty disturbed by it too. Basically, I think that as someone who already feels isolated from society, the OP should lose his virginity in a normal, socially-accepted way. Not that he’s too worried about it, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/86 "2009-04-13T20:26:52Z")
> [@KittyCat444](#): > > Ha, no, not good enough for me. I would be seriously grossed out if my boyfriend lost his virginity to some hooker or random gross barfly. Well, if push came to shove, would you prefer a hooker or a sheep? ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/87 "2009-04-13T20:30:28Z")
I don’t know…can sheep pass on genital warts and herpes to their partners?? That really does up the ante. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/88 "2009-04-13T20:52:40Z")
> [@KittyCat444](#): > > You type with great grammar and spelling, and that’s a turn-on to many of us women in and of itself 🙂 So it’s true. Guys read _Playboy_ and girls read _Webster’s_. "_Oh… ohh God… ohhh YESSSSESQUIPEDALIANISM!!!_ ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/89 "2009-04-13T21:43:12Z")
> [@KittyCat444](#): > > Basically, I think that as someone who already feels isolated from society, the OP should lose his virginity in a normal, socially-accepted way. Good point. I’d wager it would be easier to find someone who would like to date a virgin than someone who wants secondhand exposure to all the diseases a hooker might be carrying. Ew. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/90 "2009-04-13T21:55:21Z")
I doubt you’re more likely to catch an STD from an escort (escort…escort…ESCORT) than you are from a random twentysomething woman in the population at large. In fact I would guess you are _less_ likely. Be safe, right? But what is this, health class? You should know that stuff already. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/91 "2009-04-13T22:02:20Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > I doubt you’re more likely to catch an STD from an escort (escort…escort…ESCORT) than you are from a random twentysomething woman in the population at large. In fact I would guess you are _less_ likely. What’s your reasoning for this? ---
**Author:** ![SuntanTigerTamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@SuntanTigerTamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanTigerTamer)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/92 "2009-04-13T23:06:55Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > I doubt you’re more likely to catch an STD from an escort (escort…escort…ESCORT) than you are from a random twentysomething woman in the population at large. In fact I would guess you are _less_ likely. > > Be safe, right? But what is this, health class? You should know that stuff already. You know, paying for it isn’t the only option. Might work for you, but 99% of the fun is lost… ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/93 "2009-04-13T23:40:14Z")
You’re advice isn’t going to help him either. “Be yourself” is utter bullshit advice to give someone. It’s worthless. If “himself” is a guy who can’t make a move on a girl, then “being himself” isn’t going to help him make a move on a girl. He needs to be someone other than himself. Sometimes, believe it or not, people need to change in order to accomplish things. ---
**Author:** ![mecaenas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/91b2a8/32.png) [@mecaenas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mecaenas)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/94 "2009-04-13T23:41:47Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > What’s your reasoning for this? In Australia anyway, the professionals always insist on protection, are regularly tested and will refuse service if they believe their client isn’t completely clean. Incidentally it’s legal here. ---
**Author:** ![mecaenas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/91b2a8/32.png) [@mecaenas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mecaenas)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/95 "2009-04-13T23:46:06Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > You’re advice isn’t going to help him either. “Be yourself” is utter bullshit advice to give someone. It’s worthless. If “himself” is a guy who can’t make a move on a girl, then “being himself” isn’t going to help him make a move on a girl. He needs to be someone other than himself. Sometimes, believe it or not, people need to change in order to accomplish things. ++ “Be yourself” is right up there with “it will happen when you least expect it” and “you’ll meet a nice girl, it isn’t a big deal” with some of the best intended but most worthless platitudes people offer in this situation. Dating is a game and you need to learn how to play to some degree. And before anyone jumps on the whole idea of a “game”, I’m not talking about playas and hos. There’s techniques to getting women interested in a guy, and those who claim there isn’t either don’t realise it or don’t want to admit it. Not all techniques apply to all people, but there’s obviously a strategy involved either consciously or subconsciously. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanTigerTamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@SuntanTigerTamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanTigerTamer)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2009, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/96 "2009-04-14T00:48:11Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > You’re advice isn’t going to help him either. “Be yourself” is utter bullshit advice to give someone. It’s worthless. If “himself” is a guy who can’t make a move on a girl, then “being himself” isn’t going to help him make a move on a girl. He needs to be someone other than himself. Sometimes, believe it or not, people need to change in order to accomplish things. You’re a jackass. You’re post is my cite. He is a confused dude. He has no idea what the hell he wants, how is he supposed to get it. He needs to go out and figure out exactly what he’s looking for, then go after it. It’s worthless to be yourself, to be cool with who you are? Please. And you want him to go be a fucking trick. For me, and maybe this is just me, but I would never in a million years pay for it. There are plenty of ugly/fat/broke dudes out there that can pull a female simply by knowing exactly what they want and not being too scared to go for it. Women respect that. No one respects a trick. He can follow your lead if he pleases, but I don’t think that it is going to help him feel anything but worse. Quite a few females have weighed in saying just about the same thing. Should tell you something kiddo. And the idea of “techniques” and learning how to talk to a woman by reading a book is ridiculous, and demeaning, IMHO. They are people. You can just, you know, talk to them like you would a person. I know that’s pretty outlandish, but, believe me, the science is sound. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2009, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/97 "2009-04-14T00:55:38Z")
> [@SuntanTigerTamer](#): > > You’re a jackass. You’re post is my cite. Don’t insult other posters in this forum. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanTigerTamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@SuntanTigerTamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanTigerTamer)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2009, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/98 "2009-04-14T00:55:59Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Don’t insult other posters in this forum. Gotcha ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2009, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/99 "2009-04-14T00:58:27Z")
I’ll be honest. I don’t think a relationship (or lack thereof) is your problem. To me it sounds like good old fashioned depression. I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve been there. Lack of motivation, feelings of interpersonal disconnect, not wanting to get up in the morning, these are all red flags. You’re blaming your mood on women, but that’s just the most convenient thing to get hung up on at the moment. If you could wave a magic wand and get a relationship tomorrow, I’m positive that you’d find something else to worry about. I’d seek out a shrink and inquire about medication, if you’re eligible. There’s no shame in being a little sick in the noggin. Hell, this is the SDMB, you’re in good company. Depression can be fixed with the right counseling and/or meds. On the relationship front, I’m right there with ya. My situation is a little bit different, though. I’m extremely physically disabled which makes dating nigh impossible. Look on the bright side, at least you’re in the potential gene pool. Once you get your mood sorted out it won’t matter so much, which will make you more attractive to around. And hell, even if you die a virgin, so what? It’s sex. You can still jerk off. You can breathe. You can eat. You have shelter and a job. In the grand scheme of things, sex is small potatoes. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824/100 "2009-04-14T02:07:06Z")
There may be some issues here in terms of anxiety disorders… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/25-and-never-been-in-a-relationship/492824.md?page=6)