# 2nd Annual Doper Turkey Day Food Fight... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 23, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839 "2001-11-23T02:21:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/41 "2001-11-25T01:15:58Z")
::stumbles out to the kitchen and finds an unused bag of raw cranberries:: \ ::sneaks back into dining room and scatters raw cranberries all over the floor like organic ball bearings:: ::watches everyone skitter around like doped up ice skaters:: ::gets hit upside the head by **ozonebaby** ’s flung turkey:: ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/42 "2001-11-25T01:32:01Z")
Okay, okay, the wishbone slingshot is finally working! These olive pits look like they are nice and hard. Hmmm, whom to aim them at? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/43 "2001-11-25T01:33:46Z")
_giggles and dumps mushed up apple pie over **Baker** ’s head_ ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/44 "2001-11-25T01:46:34Z")
YEEEEEEEEOWCH! _glares at Baker_ _picks up a nice, COLD bowl of ice cream_ Ready… aim… _hurls icecream_ _SPLAT!_ hah, so much for his olive pits… mmm, apple pie and ice cream… _slurp_ _PTOOEY!_ Ah, well… _glances around_ _trips on a Zenster cranberry_ YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! _rolls out into the open_ uh-oh… ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/45 "2001-11-25T01:51:11Z")
::decorates **Cougarfang** in full _ala mode_ style with vanilla ice cream _and_ mushed up apple pie:: ::slips on one of the loose cranberries and pretends as though it was intentional:: ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/46 "2001-11-25T02:06:18Z")
_SLURP_ _licklicklick_ no sense in letting food go to waste… _sneak-attacks Zenster with freshly-baked brownies and lots and lots of chocolate icing_ _licks icing off of Zenster’s feet_ Mmrph… lessee (lick) if Zenster’s (slurp) ticklish, (lick lick) shall we? _lick, lick, lick_ ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/47 "2001-11-25T02:07:21Z")
the soles of his BARE feet, mind… (I shudder to think of what he’s got on his shoes) ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/48 "2001-11-25T04:00:12Z")
\ Make a wish! \ Nuts. Oh, well. You should have wished that I wouldn’t do this… \ Heh heh. J-E-L-L-OH MY GOD!!! \ ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/49 "2001-11-25T04:07:24Z")
_Hissssss_ _splats Jester with a pumpkin pie_ _jumps over the prone, pumpkined Jester and wades back into the fight, wildly sloshing meat stew all over the participants, especially Guinastasia_ ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/50 "2001-11-25T04:08:32Z")
Ok you dopers watch it! I got the green congealed jell-o mold from hell that NOBODY wants to eat much less wear…and I ain’t afraid to use it. Y’all know this stuff is made out of nuclear waste and snot…don’t make me use it! Oh, and I got Aunt Ida’s three thousand year old fruit cake as a back up weapon! ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/51 "2001-11-25T04:12:36Z")
\ There’s always room for Hell-o! \ ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/52 "2001-11-25T05:51:42Z")
_shakes head and gets up from floor_ Her. Her, her, HER! Gah… _grabs fruitcake, jams Jester’s head through it_ There, now THAT _really_ improves his looks… _ducks back under the sofa_ ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/53 "2001-11-25T06:11:02Z")
_enters, looks around at the mess, baffled_ Sorry, folks, wrong room. I just wanted to listen in on another silly debate between the Veggies and the Carnies. _slowly backing out_ Really…I’m just a **neutral omnivore** …I’m not looking for any trouble…I’ll just be leaving now… didn’t mean to bother you…bye,now!..carry on… ---
**Author:** ![ozonebaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/eb8c5e/32.png) [@ozonebaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ozonebaby)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/54 "2001-11-25T17:01:17Z")
You aren’t going anywhere, TN\*hippie! _hurls a pumpkin pie straight into hippie’s face_ bullseye! _picks up another turkey_ watch out everybody, i have no idea where this one is going to- _slips on Zenster’s cranberrys_ argh! look out Zenster! _evil grin_ _throws turkey at Zenster but he ducks and the turkey goes wizzing through the air_ SMACK! uh oh. _it hits the moderator Coldfire in the face_ _ozonebaby dives under the couch with Cougarfang_ ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/55 "2001-11-25T17:56:18Z")
**Cartooniverse** glides throught the maelstrom. Gleaming in his White Tyvek[sym]ä[/sym]Jumpsuit and matching Booties, his hair perfect. He moves silently, with the stealth of one NOT YET SULLIED. BWAHAHAHAHA 😃 . He picks up the cornucopia and hooks up the pneumatic hose that he threw through the window a few moments before. As the bits and bobs of foodstuff fly around him, he calmly loads up his \*\* Weapon of Choice\*\*. The Pacifist to the last, it’s only loaded with marshmallows. The heat gun attachment locks onto the front, and he lets loose with gobbets of half-melted marshmallow, globbing and splatting onto the stunned faces of \*\* Guin, punha, Cougar, Java\*\* and the rest of the motley crew. Once his stockpile of fresh marsh’s is spent, he drifts quietly back through the doorway, leaps onto the back porch and sheds the White Tyvek[sym]ä[/sym] Jumpsuit with matching Booties, tossing them into the garbage pail. Before the crowd can become unstuck, he’s already into the **ToonMobile** , speeding off into the darkening afternoon light, cackling evilly as he goes 😃 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/56 "2001-11-25T18:20:22Z")
Recovers from Jester’s Hell-O Mold attack, gets up and “hurls” (remember he crammed it down my throat :D)Hell-O all over Jester. Oh look! A whole bowl full of that mandarin orange, marshmallow glop. Grabs two handfuls and starts slinging. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/57 "2001-11-25T20:35:12Z")
Alright, _fine_, **Cougar** , I apologize for the “him” thing. But, c’mon, everybody’s covered in food, it’s not like it’s easy to distinguish. But hey, to make up for it, how bout you and me go smack the living crap out of **Cartooniverse**? Ahhh, getaway car shmetaway car. You’ve heard of sugaring a gas tank? Well, I just one-upped everybody. **Toon’s** not gonna make it very far, seeing as how he’s running on a tank full of turkey gravy. So…\ Let’s go stuff that turkey.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/58 "2001-11-25T22:17:08Z")
Hey, **Cougarfang** , lets me and you gang up on **Jester** and stuff three thousand year old fruitcake down his gullet! Not only did he cal _you_ “he” he said it to me too! All right, I admit I’m no Ms. America, but I don’t really look like a guy do I? Plus, (sob), he broke my slingshot and poked me in the eye! Let’s go for it! Yee-haw! I’ve got him down, now where is the fruitcake? ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/59 "2001-11-25T22:50:55Z")
Awwwwwww, jeez… **Cartooniverse!** Forget the car! There’s a getaway scooter around the side of the house! Let’s book it! ---
**Author:** ![ozonebaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/eb8c5e/32.png) [@ozonebaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ozonebaby)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839/60 "2001-11-25T23:25:51Z")
Fine Jester, just leave me here! _throws a bowl of brussel sprouts at Jester_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/2nd-annual-doper-turkey-day-food-fight/94839.md?page=4)