# 3 year old won't go to sleep - Advice? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 8, 2010, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403 "2010-04-08T13:58:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/41 "2010-04-14T13:38:54Z")
As part of the solution, ensuring that the kid is actually tired can (as RTFirefly notes) be very useful. Some daily hard physical activity (longish walk, kicking a ball around the yard, racing a tricycle around the driveway) is not only good for general health and development, but tends to improve sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/42 "2010-04-14T14:02:13Z")
Not a parent, just a former 3 year old girl with trouble sleeping. My problem? Anxiety (it has been, on many an occasion, _much_ worse since I was 3). I used to keep myself up worrying about really bizarre things, and one of my younger brothers was worse. He would wake up in the middle of the night every night until he was 7 or 8 because he was afraid that a man with a gun would come into the house, or that a man would point a gun at his window, or that a “see-through brown ghost” was on the back deck. When Brother and I used to share a room, we would deal with anxiety by having conversations about things we liked, such as what kind of cars we wanted to drive when we grew up, and our favorite cartoons. For the OP’s daughter, talking and singing to herself might be a way to distract herself from intrusive thoughts or from going to sleep where she would have bad dreams. What have I found that’s best for anxiety? Keeping a bedtime routine. Going to bed at the same time every night and doing the same activities. When I was a kid this was reading books and drinking milk out of my favorite sippy cup, and then when I got in bed my mom would sing a specific series of lullabies. Usually when the last lullaby was sung I knew it was time to sleep. On weekends when my dad was around at bedtime, we would dance to my favorite music on the record player before bed. (As for Brother, his therapist suggested he move to another room which helped considerably - he stopped waking up Mom & Dad. However, he’s now in high school and still struggles with anxiety-based insomnia, so I don’t know.) ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/43 "2010-05-04T12:20:38Z")
Thanks for all the advice, folks. Things are getting better now. Seems like the most useful tips were to avoid going back in whenever possible (asking what the problem is through the door and only going in if it’s a real issue seemed to work well) and when going in for a real issue, not making eye contact or engage in conversation. Thanks again. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2010, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/44 "2010-05-05T13:21:41Z")
> [@gonzoron](#): > > Thanks for all the advice, folks. Things are getting better now. Seems like the most useful tips were to avoid going back in whenever possible (asking what the problem is through the door and only going in if it’s a real issue seemed to work well) and when going in for a real issue, not making eye contact or engage in conversation. > > Thanks again. Good to hear! Thinking back these are all just speed bumps we need to get through as parents. My son and I now laugh about his ‘Unsolved Mysteries’ fears. He now watches old episodes on Utube and has conquered that dragon. ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2010, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/45 "2010-05-05T22:11:50Z")
I don’t have kids, but I do have sleep troubles. One of the first things doctors tell adults who can’t sleep is, no TV or other “screen time” for at least two hours before bed. It is very activating for your brain to sit in front of a bright light, never mind the stimulation of the actual program or game. Find something to do other than television or computers. Read to her, for example. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2010, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/46 "2010-05-05T23:22:06Z")
One night she comes wandering out after bed time to discover daddy hog tied face down on your bed with a ball gag in his mouth and you holding a whip. “See? This is what happens when you don’t go to bed when you’re told!” Problem solved. child scarred for life ---
**Author:** ![Ceejaytee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ceejaytee/32/2956_2.png) [@Ceejaytee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ceejaytee)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/47 "2010-05-06T19:59:45Z")
> [@Elret](#): > > So we started staying with her until she fell asleep. Exact same routine as always - bath, book, light out - but instead of leaving, we just sat on the floor beside her bed, and from the very first day of trying this she was out cold within 5 minutes and stayed asleep until morning. Gradually we moved to sitting in the chair in her room instead of on the floor, then to standing at the door, then to standing outside the door, and finally now we leave, saying we’ll be back to check on her in a few minutes. Without fail, she is asleep when we go back in 5-10 minutes later. This is exactly what the behavioral therapist we took our son recommended. You start out close to the bed, and then move further away until you eventually end up outside.His other advice was, if our son wasn’t going to sleep until late even with us sitting there, to start this program at a later hour and then keep moving bedtime up by about 10 minutes until it was the time we wanted, and then start moving further and further away from the bed. He said not to let our son play music because he needed go learn to sleep without it. So he gets 2 songs on his cd player when he goes to bed and then he turns it off. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/48 "2010-05-06T20:19:37Z")
> [@](#): > > So we started staying with her until she fell asleep. Exact same routine as always - bath, book, light out - but instead of leaving, we just sat on the floor beside her bed, and from the very first day of trying this she was out cold within 5 minutes and stayed asleep until morning. Gradually we moved to sitting in the chair in her room instead of on the floor, then to standing at the door, then to standing outside the door, and finally now we leave, saying we’ll be back to check on her in a few minutes. Without fail, she is asleep when we go back in 5-10 minutes later. How gradually? ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2010, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/49 "2010-05-07T13:43:44Z")
Forgot to mention before… staying with her isn’t an option. we’ve tried that before. She clings to your arm or clothes and rubs you as she dozes off. The slightest movement in attempt at escape and she wakes up and demands that you don’t leave. It takes over an hour for her to fall deeply that way. So we refuse to stay at all now. Anyway… problem (mostly) solved. Now we wait for the little one to do the same thing… ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2010, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403/50 "2010-05-07T14:04:38Z")
We did the “move slowly out of the room thing” - that worked really well with my son. My daughter ended up responding to the “I’ll check on you in five minutes” thing. We gave her a clock. We’d check in five minutes. We’d take care of her needs, and check in five minutes again. But if she called for anything before five minutes were up, then it would be longer (seven) between visits. Then we started stretching out the five. Five after immediate tuck. Then ten. Then it was ten after the immediate tuck. Now she reads. Which means that sometimes we forget to tell her lights out and she is still reading at 10:30 (she is ten). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/3-year-old-wont-go-to-sleep-advice/535403.md?page=2)