# 31 jokes for nerds **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 26, 2011, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769 "2011-04-26T14:31:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/1 "2011-04-26T14:31:49Z")
I spit coffee all over my keyboard this morning because of [a few of these](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zrnd63DAH8o). ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/2 "2011-04-26T14:53:59Z")
I like the one about Spock’s ears. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/3 "2011-04-26T15:27:31Z")
And the one about how many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/4 "2011-04-26T15:29:55Z")
Pretty funny. The guy’s delivery was good. I was imagining him at a nerd party with the crowd in stitches. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/5 "2011-04-26T15:41:36Z")
Nerds have parties? Can I get an e-vite? ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/6 "2011-04-26T16:16:39Z")
> [@An\_Gadai](#): > > Nerds have parties? Can I get an e-vite? 'Round here, we call 'em Dope Fests. 😛 Some pretty funny stuff there. ---
**Author:** ![LionelHutz405](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lionelhutz405/32/536_2.png) [@LionelHutz405](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LionelHutz405)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/7 "2011-04-26T16:21:50Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > 'Round here, we call 'em Dope Fests. 😛 Ha! Make that 32. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/8 "2011-04-26T16:23:14Z")
Shouldn’t there be 42 jokes for nerds? ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/9 "2011-04-26T16:35:00Z")
And the barman says “Sorry. We don’t serve your kind in here!” Tachyon walks into a bar. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/10 "2011-04-26T16:59:46Z")
Moving thread from IMHO to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/11 "2011-04-26T17:08:13Z")
I found these much more entertaining that I thought I was going to. My favorites were 30/31. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/12 "2011-04-26T17:54:57Z")
Two of my faves that I tell IRL: René Descartes was in a tavern near closing time. The bartender said, ‘Mr. Descartes, would you like one for the road?’ Descartes says, ‘I think not…’ and suddenly vanishes! Werner Heisenberg and Erwin Schrödinger were driving along when they were pulled over for speeding. The cop says, ‘Do you know how fast you were going?’ Heisenberg says, ‘No, but I can definitely tell you where I was.’ The cop decides to search the car and finds a dead cat in the trunk. He says, ‘Do you know there’s a dead cat in the trunk?’ Schrödinger says, ‘I do _now!_’ ---
**Author:** ![FlightlessBird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/cdc98d/32.png) [@FlightlessBird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlightlessBird)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/13 "2011-04-26T18:23:15Z")
“The majority of people have an above average number of legs.” Not funny haha, but funny hmmm. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/14 "2011-04-26T18:48:22Z")
Ugh. Those jokes would have been a lot funnier if his delivery style wasn’t so over-the-top-and-trying-too-hard. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/15 "2011-04-26T20:14:59Z")
The joke about engineers and the glass half full/half empty I first heard from Tom Lehrer, maybe 45 years ago. Not sure if he made it up. Anyway, I did snicker out loud at least three times. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/16 "2011-04-26T20:58:14Z")
I’ve heard most of those before but one of the ones I didn’t and thought was funny was the Higgs-Boson particle going to church. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/17 "2011-04-26T21:08:09Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Ugh. Those jokes would have been a lot funnier if his delivery style wasn’t so over-the-top-and-trying-too-hard. I thought the delivery was perfect in its ‘over-the-top’-ness… ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/18 "2011-04-26T22:07:40Z")
> [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > I thought the delivery was perfect in its ‘over-the-top’-ness… Perfectly annoying as fuck, perhaps. Dude needs to pop a couple Xanax. I couldn’t enjoy the jokes because he was so distracting. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/19 "2011-04-26T22:22:30Z")
It sounds like he’s copying the dude from Ask A Ninja mannerism for mannerism. ---
**Author:** ![Anticounterrevolutionary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f04885/32.png) [@Anticounterrevolutionary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anticounterrevolutionary)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2011, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769/20 "2011-04-26T23:24:39Z")
A proton walks into a bar and orders a 6 shots of Tequila. Bartender says, “You sure about that?” Proton says, “Yeah, I’m positive.” Neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a beer?” Bartender replies, “For you, no charge.” _rimshot_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/31-jokes-for-nerds/579769.md?page=2)