Well, I think you might be exaggerating as much as the OP. Or, at least, the situation you describe isn’t inevitable.
In my case, I live seven miles from my workplace (downtown L.A.). I’ve always chosen places to live that make for easy public transit to work (or the university). I’m not forced to live in a “shitty apartment” or “in the bad part of downtown,” either–unless “bad” for you is code meaning “not all white people,” as it often is with some people. In fact, we share a comfortable, large, three-bedroom craftsman with hardwood floors, a fire place, a modest back yard, and two baths. (We moved out of the dingbat, but it’s in the same neighborhood). The rent we pay is comparable–maybe even better—than that of bedroom communities.
I can walk to the subway, and I take that to work about twice a week. Not really to save gas so much as it’s just easier if I don’t have a bunch of stuff to carry. I’d say if I wanted, I could easily get by on three gallons a day most days, unless I have to go to the Westside a lot.
I realize this kind of situation is not possible for many people, but I don’t think living closer to work is always as impossible as people claim. A lot of people just refuse to live in a place that doesn’t have certain characteristics. Or, they’re already driving a lot, so they don’t think twice about taking a job 30 miles away. (I’ve turned down jobs because of the commute.) If working people abandon the areas around their jobs just for the extra sq. feet, or a pool–or “better” neighbors–that causes an economic ripple locally.
And another major reason why so many people have to live so far from work is that so many employers just assume that everyone is okay with driving a lot to get to work–so they put their companies out in the middle of nowhere, because the rents are cheaper. “Business parks” in soulless suburban wastelands are one of the leading causes of degradation of the quality of life, IMHO. (Meanwhile, a lot of urban commercial real estate lies empty.) The company saves the rent, the employees pay for the gas.
I know many people have no choice, but I think people have more choice they they say.