# 4 year old boy, Hand in pants problem **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 15, 2008, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102 "2008-08-15T15:47:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gbro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Gbro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gbro)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/1 "2008-08-15T15:47:19Z")
Just a concerned Grandfather here, My daughter is very upset about the habit of her youngest and is also denying the need of professional help. So I am looking for some help from experienced parents and teachers about how to handle this problem. The boy has been doing this ever since he could walk and has been reprimanded every time he is seen. There sure seems to be a link to stress, as he is more pron to it since his mother started back to work. He will be starting Head Start in fall and I was thinking of a catch phrase the teacher could use to let the boy know verses, George what are you doing, etc. We are all praying he will outgrow this, but then look at Al Bundy :eek: Thanks ---
**Author:** ![Naturally\_Oblivious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ec9cab/32.png) [@Naturally\_Oblivious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Naturally_Oblivious)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/2 "2008-08-15T15:51:53Z")
What he’s doing is perfectly natural. Most young boys go through it around that age. Just have his mom, or if she isn’t comfortable doing it, a guy he respects, sit him down and explain to him that while what he’s doing isn’t wrong, it’s not something he should do around other people. He should wait until he’s alone, either in his room with the door closed, or in the bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/3 "2008-08-15T15:52:49Z")
As an experienced teacher, I would say that although they will ask him to stop, this is not going to solve the problem (and may well cause teasing from other students). Catch phrases are not the answer. If your daughter is upset, **but refuses to seek professional help** , that’s the whole problem right there. Depending on your relationship with her, you could try saying that this is just a symptom and the boy needs to talk to someone. Or that it will not go away on it’s own. Or that these things happen and there’s no shame in getting professional help. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/4 "2008-08-15T15:53:10Z")
I need some more info, what _specifically_ is he doing. If he’s just tucking his hand in his pants ala Al Bundy, it doesn’t seem like a terribly big deal. If he’s playing/exposing/etc that could be different. You might just want to start with his pediatrician. It is possible there’s something going on down there that you’re not aware of. (Like a kid playing with their ear sometimes indicates an ear infection.) ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/5 "2008-08-15T15:53:21Z")
Well, I’ll be turning the big 5-0 and I still. . .anyway, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/6 "2008-08-15T15:53:54Z")
Get him a belt. Keep it snug. ---
**Author:** ![Gbro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Gbro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gbro)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/7 "2008-08-15T16:09:29Z")
Wow, What a mix of replies. I feel like that same thought 3 years ago, Ooh Ooooo, this is going to be a problem. Yes Joey there is more than just hand placement 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/8 "2008-08-15T16:09:40Z")
My little brother had that problem at about that age. We always said he was “adjusting himself”. It turned out his muscles and/or supporting tissue weren’t strong or developed enough to support his penis, so he’d reach in and point it “up”, so that his underwear would support it. It would fall, and so he’d adjust again. Our doctor suggested buying him a jock strap and not putting the up in it, as that would help support his penis. That may or may not be the problem in this case, but that’s how we solved it. He grew out of it in a few months. ---
**Author:** ![Gbro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Gbro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gbro)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/9 "2008-08-15T16:11:49Z")
[QUOTE=Gbro] Wow, What a mix of replies. I feel like that same thought 3 years ago, Ooh Ooooo, this is going to be a problem. Yes Joey there is more than just hand placement 😕 > [@](#): > > Get him a belt. Keep it snug. He lived in one piece jumpers put on backwards, PJ zipped in back etc. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/10 "2008-08-15T16:13:39Z")
At that age I used to put my hand in the top of my shorts. Turned out later I had a hernia that needed to be repaired. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/11 "2008-08-15T16:32:52Z")
I second the “ask the doctor” thing. He could have an infection or something. Peer pressure can also be helpful in breaking this habit. At 4 years old, he should begin to understand that it’s not cool to be all hand down the pants. However, as others have said, it’s not The End Of The World at this age, either. Kids are all different. My guess is that he’ll come around sooner rather than later. Best of luck to you! ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/12 "2008-08-15T20:20:36Z")
I did that until I was 5 or 6 (can’t pinpoint it exactly, but I remember being chastised for it in a house where I began living when I was 5 1/2). I had no medical condition, it was not masturbation, just keeping my hands busy, as far as I can tell (the other hand would be used to suck my thumb at the same time) I’ve no clue why or when exactly I outgrew it. But I can tell it didn’t require professional help (and actually don’t understand very well why this issue appear so serious that such a thing should be envisioned). ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/13 "2008-08-15T20:27:25Z")
[QUOTE=clairobscur] I did that until I was 5 or 6 (can’t pinpoint it exactly, but I remember being chastised for it in a house where I began living when I was 5 1/2). [/QUOTE] I’m a girl, but me too (except four)–shame is a great teacher. (Sigh.) ETA: Sorry, mine actually was masturbation, not a stress or medical problem…but probably better to see a doctor in case it’s not…and if it is just self pleasure, then I’m sure he’ll learn to feel bad about doing it in public soon enough. ---
**Author:** ![groman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@groman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groman)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/14 "2008-08-15T22:31:53Z")
[QUOTE=Santo Rugger] It turned out his muscles and/or supporting tissue weren’t strong or developed enough to support his penis, so he’d reach in and point it “up”, so that his underwear would support it. It would fall, and so he’d adjust again. Our doctor suggested buying him a jock strap and not putting the up in it, as that would help support his penis. [/QUOTE] 😕 I do not understand. What support does a penis need from what muscles/supporting tissues? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/15 "2008-08-15T22:38:19Z")
I once had a fungal infection of my urinary tract. Yes, men can get them too. The poor kid may be darned unhappy. BTW–have you asked the kid why he does it? ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/16 "2008-08-15T22:40:48Z")
Since the OP is looking for advice, this is better suited for IMHO than GQ. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Saratoga\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Saratoga\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saratoga_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/17 "2008-08-15T22:53:19Z")
Boxing gloves. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/18 "2008-08-15T23:44:40Z")
Just so you know. This is something that shows up in one or more students every year when they start school for the first time. It is a problem, but your grandson is not the only kid out there doing this. Steps should be taken to curb this, as they can’t allow it to go on in class. It’s common to have worse cases than this too. The people I know seem to have about equal girl and boy problems. It’s always a treat when the parents teach the kid what a vagina and penis is, yet don’t teach them to not show other students. Yes were talking five to six year old kids that like to tell other kids their function, because the parents are dumb asses. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/19 "2008-08-17T16:54:36Z")
I stumbled upon a paragraph in my book by Dr Spock, “Baby and Child care”. He adresses this problem. He says boys and girls between 2,5 and 5 years of age start noticing their body, and become sometimes very worried about parts “missing”. Boys, when noticing girls who seem to miss a penis, become worried their penis might go missing too. Girls might notice boys’ penises, and equally worry that some part of themselves is missing, so they start worrying about other parts they might also lose. If both aren’t reassured that boys and girls are just shaped differently, it might become a bigger and bigger worry, and both sexes might feel the need to check up on, and protect, their genitals. That would explain the need for the hand down the pants. In fact, kids can worry so much about this, they don’t dare ask their parents about it, because they feel there is something “taboo” about the whole thing, and that fear ascerbates their own worries. Sometimes little kids start undressing other kids to check if they are still “intact”. The answer is quick and easy: reassurance, in a light and casual tone. Boys and girls can be told they are just shaped differently. A boy is like daddy, like Uncle Marty, and like his little friend Timmy from next door. Girls are shaped like mommie, like big Sis, like Ashley. Keep the examples close to home, and use examples the kid admires. If necessary, girls can be assured that girls have something instead of a penis, “a space in their bellies where a baby can grow in once you are a grown up”. This works extra good as kids understand the idea of fairness: boys have something, girls have something else that is also nice. In fact, Spock says that this problem is the number one cause of such “hand down pants”-behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2008, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102/20 "2008-08-17T17:36:34Z")
Sheesh. What’s wrong with 'Get cher hand off yer crotch!" when it happens? It’s what we’re doing now and the kids appear to be growing out of it. Sometimes folks make too big a deal out of things. (But I heard my cousin’s aunts step-brother’s son had a Real Problem™!) Then that will be discovered in due course. It feels good. Tell them it’s not appropriate in public. Rinse-repeat. No big deal. The act of _raising\_children_ is all about instructing things like proper social boundaries. This is no worse than nose picking and public urination…it’s stuff you have to teach kids to be members of society. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/4-year-old-boy-hand-in-pants-problem/460102.md?page=2)