# 45-year old man on crack, naked, being eaten by an alligator **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 1, 2006, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471 "2006-12-01T14:40:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/1 "2006-12-01T14:40:58Z")
I saw [this headline](http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/southwest/orl-bk-alligator11302006,0,5231541.story?track=mostemailedlink) in the Jacksonville newspaper yesterday. I’m kinda surprised nobody beat me to it with a thread! So, let’s discuss. How does a person who is smoking crack wind up naked and in the jaws of an alligator? ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/2 "2006-12-01T14:48:19Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] How does a person who is smoking crack wind up naked and in the jaws of an alligator? [/QUOTE] I can’t answer that, but here’s another good question: What _kind_ of person smokes crack and winds up naked and in the jaws of an alligator? Answer: [this kind](How does a person who is smoking crack wind up naked and in the jaws of an alligator?). “Baw, I’m gonn’ WHUP dat sumbitch. Yew watch.” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/3 "2006-12-01T14:49:23Z")
Er. I meant [this kind](http://www.orlandosentinel.com/media/thumbnails/photo/2006-11/26648400.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/4 "2006-12-01T14:49:33Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] How does a person who is smoking crack wind up naked and in the jaws of an alligator? [/QUOTE] Oh, like _you_ never had a bad day… ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/5 "2006-12-01T14:55:29Z")
> [@](#): > > He said the man, who had been using drugs and lost a lot of blood, seemed oddly calm. Lots of people don’t realize that crack is better than Xanax, in cases like this. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/6 "2006-12-01T14:56:57Z")
He was pretty old for a crocadile hunter. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/7 "2006-12-01T15:10:40Z")
When the Alligator is up to the Ass in You, it’s hard to remember anything except that your initial objective was to Smoke the Crack. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/8 "2006-12-01T15:17:33Z")
Is this one of those guy things immediately preceded by “Hey Guys! Watch THIS!”? Or is that only brought on by Budweiser? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/9 "2006-12-01T15:18:32Z")
I take it he’s not having a good day, then? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/10 "2006-12-01T15:19:12Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] I saw [this headline](http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/southwest/orl-bk-alligator11302006,0,5231541.story?track=mostemailedlink) in the Jacksonville newspaper yesterday. I’m kinda surprised nobody beat me to it with a thread! So, let’s discuss. How does a person who is smoking crack wind up naked and in the jaws of an alligator? [/QUOTE] Heard about this right after it happened. Was going to post something about it, but after a while it’s just the [same story](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=371840&highlight=alligator), told over and over again, with different characters. Sort of like Shakespeare. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/11 "2006-12-01T15:20:40Z")
That sounds like the very definition of “a bad day”. Also, as a caption for **Doug** ’s picture: “You’n wanna wrassle right here’n now?” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/12 "2006-12-01T15:35:39Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] How does a person who is smoking crack wind up naked and in the jaws of an alligator? [/QUOTE] That’s a joke, right? Let’s put it this way: How does a person who is _not_ smoking crack wind up naked and in the jaws of an alligator? ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/13 "2006-12-01T15:48:21Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] That sounds like the very definition of “a bad day”. [/QUOTE] Actually, it doesn’t sound all that bad except for the alligator part. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/14 "2006-12-01T15:49:52Z")
I’ll be pondering the imagery on this one for some time. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/15 "2006-12-01T15:52:56Z")
[QUOTE=Colibri] Actually, it doesn’t sound all that bad except for the alligator part. [/QUOTE] Alligators have a well documented history of being buzzkills. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/16 "2006-12-01T15:56:32Z")
Some days you’re the alligator, eating the naked 45-year old man on crack, some days you’re the naked 45-year old man on crack being eaten by an alligator ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/17 "2006-12-01T16:01:47Z")
[QUOTE=Colibri] Actually, it doesn’t sound all that bad except for the alligator part. [/QUOTE] Yeah, definitely could have been worse. He could have been eaten by an alligator and not had any crack. Or worse yet, he had some, but instead of eating him, the alligator ate his crack. I’ve met some guys who would fight an alligator for some crack. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/18 "2006-12-01T16:56:34Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] Yeah, definitely could have been worse. He could have been eaten by an alligator and not had any crack. Or worse yet, he had some, but instead of eating him, the alligator ate his crack. I’ve met some guys who would fight an alligator for some crack. [/QUOTE] Actually, the article said he also had injuries to his buttocks and legs… so the alligator _did_ eat his crack. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/19 "2006-12-01T17:43:44Z")
Yeah, lots of laughs. :rolleyes: > [@](#): > > Meanwhile, the alligator suspected of the attack was euthanized…A trapper caught a nearly 12-foot, 600-pound alligator Wednesday afternoon that investigators **think could have been the one involved in the attack** because it was feeding near where Apgar was found, agency spokesman Gary Morse said. The animal was destroyed later. (bolding mine) So, not all of this is hyuck hyuck funny. Some poor animal died because of a druggy human’s stupidity, and it may not have been the animal involved in the incident! ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/45-year-old-man-on-crack-naked-being-eaten-by-an-alligator/382471/20 "2006-12-01T18:11:03Z")
LOL @ Purina Gator Chow