# 5 Love Languages books - does the author cite research? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 26, 2020, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620 "2020-09-26T22:00:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/1 "2020-09-26T22:00:52Z")
Maybe someone has a copy, or can check with their library? I went to get the ebook, and it and the physical copy were out and had a waiting list. If he actually does cite research, I don’t need specifics, just a yes or no ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/2 "2020-09-26T22:06:03Z")
It’s been a while since I’ve read it but I’m pretty sure the theory is not based in research. IIRC the author draws from examples from his Christian counseling practice, citing case studies which are just about as good as anecdotal data. That said, I think it’s a useful theory. ---
**Author:** ![Schnitte](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/schnitte/32/9033_2.png) [@Schnitte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schnitte)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2020, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/3 "2020-09-27T09:51:36Z")
It’s available on [Gooogle Books](https://books.google.de/books?id=K1fRBAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=five+love+languages&hl=de&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj31sfNh4nsAhWxM-wKHR2tBn4Q6AEwAXoECAUQAg#v=onepage&q&f=false) - not in full, but many pages and the table of contents are, and to me that is enough to conclude that there’s no citation of academic reasearch. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2020, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/4 "2020-09-27T10:07:08Z")
What is this controversial theory being referred to? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2020, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/5 "2020-09-27T10:18:10Z")
I had a quick glance through a PDF. The chapter footnotes, with an exception for M. Scott Peck appear to be entirely Bible verses. Apparently he has a website with a study guide [https://www.5lovelanguages.com/](https://www.5lovelanguages.com/). ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2020, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/6 "2020-09-27T13:12:29Z")
Essentially the theory is that people give and receive love in different ways, and that many conflicts in a relationship can be traced back to having different love languages. So, if my love language is Words of Affirmation, and **Sr. Weasel** is showering me with Gifts, I’m not going to feel loved despite the best of intentions. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2020, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/7 "2020-09-27T15:02:03Z")
And not that controversial, but when you have self help books that aren’t based on research, you might get something useful, or you might get something that’s possibly harmful like the sexist “Men are From Mars…” books. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2020, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/8 "2020-09-27T15:19:10Z")
You may find this article helpful: > **[It Isn’t About Your Love Language; It’s About Your Partner’s](https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/10/how-the-five-love-languages-gets-misinterpreted/600283/)** > > A framework meant to help people become more attuned to their partners now gets treated like a personality test. The article says > [@](#): > > The author, Gary Chapman, based his theory that everyone has a primary love language (that is, a category of behaviors that they most immediately associate with affection) on his own observations as a counselor. but it also talks about researchers’ responses to the theory. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2020, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/9 "2020-09-27T15:47:17Z")
I didn’t see anything harmful in the book, unless you believe religion is inherently harmful. It’s not full-on proselytizing but it’s clear his ideas stem from his faith. I’m an atheist who found the concepts useful. It’s also - to be honest - not that deep. Like many self - help books, you could get the same information from a crib sheet. It’s as simple as knowing what the five love languages are and discussing them with your partner to figure out which ones apply to you. Then you focus on showing affection according to your partner’s preference. That’s it. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2020, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-love-languages-books-does-the-author-cite-research/921620/10 "2020-09-28T18:06:15Z")
Well, as I said before, this is a book that does help, but there are “self-help” books that don’t help, and some that are actively harmful. If they don’t cite resources in the back, you don’t know which they might be. Research sometimes confirms what we “know”, like allowing transgender kids to present as their preferred gender reduces the risk of suicide. Sometimes it over-rides common knowledge, like Galileo’s Leaning Tower of Pisa experiment (not to mention almost all medical knowledge up until somewhere in the 1700s or 1800s). And sometimes it shows more than what common knowledge tells us. I have a book on the same topic by someone who not only was a counselor but a researcher. He doesn’t have cites per se, but he does have 6 pages of references, most of which are actual published studies