# 5 year old getting undressed at school with boy **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221 "2011-02-04T23:53:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/21 "2011-02-06T02:11:01Z")
We had the “peeing outside on the playground” with our son about that age. He’d discovered the wonders of peeing outside - we were far away from a bathroom and in the woods. We just put it in context. “You don’t do that at school - or pretty much anytime you can get to a bathroom easily, and you don’t do that where other people can see you. Playground isn’t private enough and there is a potty right there.” Though you probably don’t want your daughter to determine its ok to strip during a playdate either, so I’d think your context should be broader. We had both a boy and a girl who spent plenty of time seeing each other naked until fairly recently (he’s twelve now, she’s eleven - they’ve both screamed if the other catches a glimpse for a few years) - so we didn’t have the sort of curiosity you are dealing with ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2011, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/22 "2011-02-06T02:33:27Z")
I can also see the facility’s viewpoint:“What! My child was cloistered in a locked room naked with a boy, and all you did was tell them not to do that? Ka-ching!” best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Ladymarmalade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@Ladymarmalade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ladymarmalade)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/23 "2011-02-07T01:30:34Z")
I think it was handled appropriately. Boys and girls aren’t allowed to get naked together at school. They broke the rule and got a small punishment. Now it’s over. I’d let it be over, personally. I would not tell my child that it was fine to get naked with others at home though, kinda weird, imo. I just told them “that’s private” and left it at that. ---
**Author:** ![Trubie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71c47a/32.png) [@Trubie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trubie)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/24 "2011-02-07T01:58:09Z")
I don’t think they’re overreacting. My friend used to work at a daycare center where a little boy used to try to take other children to a secluded spot and he tried to perform sexual acts on them. The fact that the door was closed, as another poster mentioned, doesn’t sit well with me. I would ask your child “Who closed the door? Why did you/he close the door?” If he was the one closing the door, there may been more intention than just looking. Just as if she closed the door, she knew she was doing something you’re not allowed to do in school. Or maybe she wanted to do more than just look. I think a child like that should be sepereated from others. Children who just “nudists” or playing an “innocent” game of doctor, usually have no problem dropping their pants in front of the while class. Where as the more sinister stuff tends to happen behind closed doors. This would bother me more considering their friends. Have their played at home (her home, or his home) and done something similar? I think some things could be going on and I would ask my child what’s been going on. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/25 "2011-02-07T04:59:25Z")
> [@Trubie](#): > > …the more sinister stuff tends to happen behind closed doors. > I think some things could be going on and I would ask my child what’s been going on. Finally, a lone voice of reason crying out in the wilderness!!! “Why Snoop be dragging his mink all on the floor?” “That’s pimp shit, fool, something you wouldn’t know!” ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/26 "2011-02-07T08:11:34Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Sorry, but isn’t playing doctor as normal as you can get for small kids? Yeah. It’s really not something to worry about. Most (if not all) of the kids of that age that I know have done it and their parents just laughed - in private, after telling the kids sternly not to do it again. Doing it at school is wrong, however, and the teacher’s punishment was about right. Odds are it won’t happen again - their curiosity’s been sated. What elfkin said is a good way of phrasing it, and answering any questions your daughter has; it doesn’t require both parents sitting down and making a big deal out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/27 "2011-02-07T14:29:09Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > Also what should I say to the teacher as I’ve asked to speak to the teacher next week? Lot of good advice above regarding privacy to be discussed with your daughter. But I’m curious why you asked to speak to the teacher, if you don’t know what to talk to her about. Normally, people request meetings because they have something they want to discuss. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/28 "2011-02-08T01:38:28Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Lot of good advice above regarding privacy to be discussed with your daughter. > > But I’m curious why you asked to speak to the teacher, if you don’t know what to talk to her about. Normally, people request meetings because they have something they want to discuss. I’m also kinda wondering why the first thought was “Teacher’s got it wrong”. Whether you think its the right approach or not, teacher’s school, teacher’s call - unless the incident was so terribly inappropriate, wrong or flat out proveably false accusation the parent should stay the hell out of questioning the teacher’s judgement as a first port of call. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/29 "2011-02-08T14:14:09Z")
> [@Trubie](#): > > I don’t think they’re overreacting. My friend used to work at a daycare center where a little boy used to try to take other children to a secluded spot and he tried to perform sexual acts on them. > > The fact that the door was closed, as another poster mentioned, doesn’t sit well with me. I would ask your child “Who closed the door? Why did you/he close the door?” If he was the one closing the door, there may been more intention than just looking. Just as if she closed the door, she knew she was doing something you’re not allowed to do in school. Or maybe she wanted to do more than just look. I think a child like that should be sepereated from others. Children who just “nudists” or playing an “innocent” game of doctor, usually have no problem dropping their pants in front of the while class. Where as the more sinister stuff tends to happen behind closed doors. > > This would bother me more considering their friends. Have their played at home (her home, or his home) and done something similar? I think some things could be going on and I would ask my child what’s been going on. I’ve known three daycare workers and they seemed to run across similar stuff at least once a year and often more. There are a few really messed up kids who’s parents are to blame. I don’t think the OP kid was in this category. I’m explaining why your kid got a very minor correction. They would inform you if this had gone further and your kid would get banned, and Social Services called. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221/30 "2011-02-08T14:52:46Z")
The reason that I wanted to speak to the teacher is so that I know what went on. Now that I have I actually know what happened and not what my ex told me happened. It seems they both went into the bathroom together and **didn’t** take off their clothes, they were just peaking. I was also told that the teacher said that going to the bathroom was private and that’s it. That’s why I wanted to talk to the school, not to get up in arms over something, to find out what happened so I can talk to my daughter about it and get it right. I also asked to be kept in the loop since it’s obvious that my ex doesn’t want to tell me what’s going on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5-year-old-getting-undressed-at-school-with-boy/570221.md?page=1)