You have my sympathies - I can’t imagine how hard that must be to deal with.
It’s not hard at all. It’s just the routine for now.
Teaching her to control herself, that part will be hard.
How old is she?
Do you seriously suppose that there aren’t some pretty immediate health issues associated with a BMI of 31? The low end of obese at 5 years old is a BMI of 18.
Not to mention that getting burned by dad’s cigarette a couple times a week won’t immediately kill you either – hey, it’s quite possible to live a normal life span – but it’s still, legally, unquestionably, abuse.
I don’t think “risk of organ damage” should be the yardstick, here. Hopefully someone would intervene long before it got to that point. I’d also point out that underfeeding is also typically a long, drawn out process, with health affects that accumulate over time, just as overfeeding is.
Only 7. (Though the shit she has been through has messed up her eating so I predict we will still be here when she is 10.)
First of all, some kids don’t need to be taught to be mean; they’re capable of it all on their own.
Second, having been an overweight child, and having been teased about my weight, I know now through counseling and perspective that I had the power to change my behavior the entire time. Sometimes, the victim contributes to their own bullying by refusing to change behavior that is considered unacceptable by the group. It’s a sad reality, but it is reality.