# 50 Greatest Straight Dope Rants **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 28, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997 "2005-08-28T18:19:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![andrewdt85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71e660/32.png) [@andrewdt85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrewdt85)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/1 "2005-08-28T18:19:04Z")
Best of lists are everywhere- whether for greatest films, greatest songs, greatest stand-ups, greatest tv moments, or VH1 productions on everything from greatest one-hit wonders to 50 greatest bowel movements of the pop stars. Okay, I made that last one up, but barely; these lists are legion. Thus, I feel SD should have some of our ‘best of’ lists. I know of the bookmarked threads that are selected for the main page of SD, so that’s kind’ve a best of list… But, my list is more specific: The 50 Greatest SD Rants of all time. The rules are that it must conform to a ‘rant’ as defined by common sense, that it can be on any topic, it can be honestly-angry or surreally so, it can appear in any forum (although the majority will probably be in Pit or GD), it does not have to be the full part of a post or thread (it can just be a ranting paragraph in an otherwise calm post/OP/thread), and that we vote on them democratically at the end. An obvious contender for first place would be **I Burning Your Dog** , a surreal rant to say the least that has had a lasting impression. I _have_ read it, and I even know that it was posted in August of 03, but I can’t friggin find it. Link? I’m so ashamed… Another one I like: **Sampiro’s** rant **[How can religious people know so damned little about their religion?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=310697&highlight=short+lame)** Amen- great topic, meaningful rant, well done. He ends with: > [@](#): > > And again, I KNOW that not all Christians are ignorant, but I seem to have met far more who can tell you who the minister’s daughter is dating than can tell you who Herod Antipas was and what he ruled v. what Pilate ruled, and to me this would seem to be anything but trivia if it was THE BASIS OF MY MORAL CODE. > And I’d wager kidneys to Chevy Cutlass parts that these are the same people who vote against gay marriage and for the Ten Commandments in the courthouses. Fuckers. I’ll wait until much later until I start nominating some of my own. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/2 "2005-08-28T18:25:50Z")
[The Telemarketer Speaks. I respond.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=51270) Instant classic. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2005, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/3 "2005-08-28T21:26:26Z")
[The rock in the box: I burning your dog](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=203185). Robin ---
**Author:** ![bluecanary](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bluecanary/32/3614_2.png) [@bluecanary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bluecanary)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/4 "2005-08-28T21:50:14Z")
[Another Bathroom Etiquette Memo: Do you have a prehensile rectum?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=80957&highlight=prehensile+rectum) The OP is a good rant. but post 27 is probably the best single post ever on the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2005, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/5 "2005-08-28T23:32:21Z")
An honorary Pit post even though posted in GQ: [**How to Kill Evil Nazi Groundhogs**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=15906) This one’s definitely worth a read: [**Fuck you, you motherfucking slimy excuse for a uterus**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=132700) My favorite of my own rants (it’s not bad form to do that, right?): [**People in subways moving with the alacrity of enheroinated cows**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=234719) ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2005, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/6 "2005-08-28T23:53:00Z")
[Walmartians](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=184365) ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/7 "2005-08-28T23:55:17Z")
Well, it’s _my_ best: [**Dear Euro-turds**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=94450) ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/8 "2005-08-29T00:06:40Z")
In the “Surreally angry” category:[The Horror of Blimps](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=160851). One of the best posts _ever_ – maybe not heavy on the anger, but it was posted in the Pit, so it’s under there somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/9 "2005-08-29T00:22:59Z")
[Insurance for the cataclysmically stupid](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=236970), by **Dante**. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/10 "2005-08-29T00:35:01Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > [Walmartians](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=184365) That was so funny. I laughed out loud so much, my wife kept bugging me about what I was reading. I had to send the link over. She is now reading aloud making it nearly impossible to type. ---
**Author:** ![Fredescu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/73ab20/32.png) [@Fredescu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fredescu)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/11 "2005-08-29T01:21:16Z")
[Suck it down, you drunken bitch!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=306209). Definitely in the ‘honestly angry’ camp. ---
**Author:** ![andrewdt85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71e660/32.png) [@andrewdt85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrewdt85)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/12 "2005-08-29T01:53:35Z")
> [@Fredescu](#): > > [Suck it down, you drunken bitch!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=306209). Definitely in the ‘honestly angry’ camp. I need a shower. And some Pepto Bismol. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/13 "2005-08-29T01:57:14Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > [The rock in the box: I burning your dog](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=203185). > > Robin My personal favorite. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/14 "2005-08-29T02:06:03Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > [Insurance for the cataclysmically stupid](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=236970), by **Dante**. Yeah, that one’s a beauty. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/15 "2005-08-29T02:12:42Z")
> [@Fredescu](#): > > [Suck it down, you drunken bitch!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=306209). Definitely in the ‘honestly angry’ camp. If we ever find a way to convert rage into electricity, that OP could power the Eastern seabord for a month. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/16 "2005-08-29T02:23:45Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > [The rock in the box: I burning your dog](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=203185). I’ve heard this referenced in other threads, but this is the first time I’ve actually read it. **Brilliant**. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/17 "2005-08-29T02:43:56Z")
Not an angry rant, but some great sarcasm in [I stood next to the Emperor of the World at McDonald’s!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=152737) ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/18 "2005-08-29T02:46:17Z")
Oh fuck, I started bookmarking a couple of these, but screw it, I’m bookmarkikng THIS thread so I have them all when I need to vent by proxy… ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/19 "2005-08-29T03:18:42Z")
> [@Fredescu](#): > > [Suck it down, you drunken bitch!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=306209). Definitely in the ‘honestly angry’ camp. Holy crap how did I miss that one?! “Butter churn?” Wow. Just wow. ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/20 "2005-08-29T05:06:44Z")
Oh my effin’ word. These were all before my time as a Doper , and they are freakin’ HILARIOUS ! I am bookmarking too. Keep 'em coming ! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997.md?page=2)