# 50 Greatest Straight Dope Rants **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 28, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997 "2005-08-28T18:19:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/21 "2005-08-29T06:24:58Z")
[WOO! I am masturbating like a motherfuck!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=241922) Not necessarily the greatest thread out there, but definitely one of the greatest thread titles. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/22 "2005-08-29T06:25:32Z")
I think **Maud’dib** ’s [early volley in the direction of a mod](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=1866300&postcount=11) deserves an honourable mention. You’ve come a long way, beenie-baby. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/23 "2005-08-29T06:29:02Z")
Woo! **Muad’Dib** simulpost. (That’s one of my favourite threads, ever.) ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/24 "2005-08-29T11:47:39Z")
Sampiro’s [Woman behold thy daughter, daughter thy mother, & BOTH OF YOU LOSE MY NUMBER!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=326481) has to be the most hilarious. Askia’s [H.P. Lovecraft Was A Racist, or Blake, you condescending Junior-Modding twit](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=331448&highlight=blake) deserves an honourable mention for sheer invectiveness. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/25 "2005-08-29T12:07:39Z")
**lno’s** [My Rage Burns With The Fire of A Million Suns](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=62082&highlight=%2Alno%2A) is hall of fame material. Note especially the part about Jerry Lewis and Jerry Lee Lewis. Still cracks me up even after all this time! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/26 "2005-08-29T12:13:05Z")
**Master Wang-Ka** had a run in with some [Jehovah’s Witnesses](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4600087&postcount=31) ---
**Author:** ![wheelie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b4bc9f/32.png) [@wheelie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wheelie)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/27 "2005-08-29T15:02:41Z")
**Dante** ’s [Tales of the Sweaty, Feculent Herd](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=237296&highlight=gord+herd) still makes me glad I don’t have to use mass transit. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/28 "2005-08-29T15:24:04Z")
Here’s one of mine. It’s a pretty good one. Someone made a posting in GQ about John Kerry’s war record. Being a Dubya-bashing Bay Stater, I rushed right in to _defend_ John and _bash_ Dubya. (see posting #4) > **[John Kerry's War Record](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=240704)** > > Sorry for making the question so broad, but an email containing the following questions about John Kerry’s war record found itself in my Inbox the other day, and I’m having a difficult time proving or disproving its contents. Anybody wanna have a go... Well, it seems my zealous statements made me receive perhaps what was the most serious warning from a moderator ever. (see posting #14) If that wasn’t bad enough, my remarks had so derailed the discussion that everybody jumped on the “Let’s Bash-Dubya” bandwagon, prompting the moderator to warn _ **five** _ other posters. (See posting #25) Luckily I learned my lesson from the first warning and I was not one of the ones listed in posting #25. I was really surprised that my remark had touched off a lot of emotions and sent the discussion into a train wreck. This was _not_ my intention _nor_ was it my intention to get 5 addtonal SDMB members in trouble. I’m amazed the thread wasn’t locked. I’ve made postings (rants?) that were much more emotional, spiteful, bitter, etc but I think this deserves to be in the Top 50 as an example of being very careful of what you post - and what _not_ to post. ---
**Author:** ![Tinkertoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f19dbf/32.png) [@Tinkertoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tinkertoy)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/29 "2005-08-29T17:43:11Z")
Dare I invoke the name of[Jack Dean Tyler’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=43031&highlight=Penis) wreck or any of the [spin](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=44175&highlight=Penis) [offs](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=46061&highlight=Penis)? ---
**Author:** ![Tinkertoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f19dbf/32.png) [@Tinkertoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tinkertoy)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/30 "2005-08-29T17:51:20Z")
Howabout the humor of [I met the Lowest Common Denominator at Winn-Dixie!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=156156&highlight=cream) or ---
**Author:** ![percussion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@percussion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percussion)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/31 "2005-08-29T19:22:27Z")
> [@Fredescu](#): > > [Suck it down, you drunken bitch!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=306209). Definitely in the ‘honestly angry’ camp. i forgot aobut that one!! what a gem, is Euthanasiast still around? ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/32 "2005-08-29T19:28:46Z")
> [@percussion](#): > > i forgot aobut that one!! > > what a gem, is Euthanasiast still around? Still around, and still [posting.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=332383) ---
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/33 "2005-08-29T20:50:13Z")
> [@percussion](#): > > i forgot aobut that one!! > > what a gem, is Euthanasiast still around? Yep! > [@AHunter3](#): > > My favorite of my own rants (it’s not bad form to do that, right?): [**People in subways moving with the alacrity of enheroinated cows**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=234719) What kind of an attention whore do you have to be to reference your own [rant](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=330211) in a greatest rants thread? Shameful, I say. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/34 "2005-08-29T21:31:34Z")
I dunno, what are the available kinds of attention whores? I didn’t know we had to self-categorize! ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/35 "2005-08-29T22:23:55Z")
A recent Euthanasiast gem: [Remembrance of Things ‘Passed’](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6483388#post6483388) ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/36 "2005-08-29T23:49:58Z")
> [@Euthanasiast](#): > > Yep! > > What kind of an attention whore do you have to be to reference your own [rant](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=330211) in a greatest rants thread? Shameful, I say. :dubious: You had me at Reeses feces. I hadn’t read this one before, but I have to say I might love it even more than the thousand suns one, which is \*way \* better than the blimp one. Yes, this rant is way, _way_ better than the blimp one. Blasphemous, I know, but The Horror of Blimps doesn’t even allude to a gorgonzola and cat shit sandwich. “download a brownload” indeed. ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/37 "2005-08-30T01:58:19Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > **lno’s** [My Rage Burns With The Fire of A Million Suns](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=62082&highlight=%2Alno%2A) is hall of fame material. Note especially the part about Jerry Lewis and Jerry Lee Lewis. Still cracks me up even after all this time! Ah, ‘Rage’ is one of my favorites, along with **Sue Duhnym** ’s: [So I was sucking my husband’s dick…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=55273) That’s some good stuff. ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/38 "2005-08-30T02:27:12Z")
::adds to bookmarks then backs up bookmark file:: **andrewdt85** , we’re not quite to 50, but it looks to me like you’ve been more successful than others at compiling an all-time best list. I’ve seen most of these before, but it’s so much fun to re-read them. Congrats! GT ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/39 "2005-08-30T03:00:17Z")
> [@imthjckaz](#): > > Ah, ‘Rage’ is one of my favorites, along with **Sue Duhnym** ’s: > > [So I was sucking my husband’s dick…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=55273) > > That’s some good stuff. I was just thinking about that one! Duck lips! ---
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997/40 "2005-08-30T03:25:48Z")
[Yes! I KNOW her husband blew his brains out! So the fuck what!?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=306572) is another great one by **Sampiro**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/50-greatest-straight-dope-rants/318997.md?page=3)