# 5000 Years of Larry King **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 14, 2007, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105 "2007-04-14T14:50:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/1 "2007-04-14T14:50:16Z")
CNN has an upcoming special on [50 Years of Larry King](http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/larry.king/). Most people know about his many marriages and his heart attacks and his contributions to hardcore journalism and his position as [role model](http://www.mugshots.org/hollywood/larry-king.html) and that he’s worshipped as a god in parts of Asia and Winnipeg, but not as many know that every 50th year Larry King burns in a fiery explosion and is reborn as a young journalist once more and that he has done this at least 100 times. I have some highlights from a few of his interviews from before this last 50 year period and would love to read any others may have. > [@](#): > > **LARRY KING TONIGHT, 1557** > > At 10 she was Daddy’s little princess with a life of palaces and parties, at 20 she was a bastard forbidden to see her mother and in fear of her life, now she’s back and she’s the queen and she’s the author of the blockbuster new memoir _HAIL MARY: My Spiritual Journey as a Princess, Bastard and Queen_, please welcome back to the show Mary Tudor, Queen of England, Ireland and France. Mary, always a royal pleasure. > > Mary: Thanks Larry, great to be here. > > Larry: I can see you’re still pregnant like you were last time you were on the show. How long have you been expecting now? > > Mary: Let’s see… next Friday… about two years. > > Larry: Philip excited? > > Mary: I think so, it’s hard to tell. Phil’s kind of reserved you know. Plus, he’s been busy so I haven’t seen him in three years or so. > > Larry: Picked out any names? > > Mary: Toyed with a few. If it’s a girl it’s going to be Katherine after my mother, the martyred queen, a saint among women. > > Larry: And if it’s a boy? > > Mary: Dakota or Topher, or maybe Christ Returned. > > ## Larry: I like it. > > Larry: How do you feel when the media and your critics call you ‘Bloody Mary’, or ‘Catholic bitch’, or ‘exalted Bastardess’ and all the other things? > > Mary: It used to hurt. It did. I’m… [sniffle]… it used to hurt. I’m not gonna lie to you. And I can’t help but think a lot of it is because I’m a woman. > > Larry: The old ‘double standard’? > > Mary: Exactly. If you’re a man and you use high office to systematically destroy people and institutions who were cruel to you when you were a fearful exile then you’re “the Great” or “the Mighty”, when you’re a woman you’re “Bloody”, or they poke fun at your weight gains. > > Larry: Hmmm. So how did you work through the pain of that hurt little girl with all your critics and detractors and the rebellions? > > Mary: My faith. My spirituality. That got me through a lot of it. And then last year I burned most of my enemies at the stake, sometimes after having their intestines pulled out and their bodies broken on a rack, and you know, they say fire is cleansing… it’s a cliche, but it really is. I feel so much better now. You know, when you see some guy who just ruined your childhood, who just made your mother’s life a living hell and snatched the last jewel from her neck and put it on a… a heretic whore stepmother… and who called for your death when you were just an innocent pawn… you hate that guy, you hate him for so many years… but then, when you see that same guy brought low, his own family reduced to begging, you hear his screams as his intestines are ripped out and burned before his living eyes and then he’s pulled by the throat until he suffocates as people jeer and throw feces and rotten food at him… it all just goes away. And you learn to forgive him. I feel so much lighter now. > > Larry: Forgiveness. It’s something more people should do. > > Mary: Oh, I totally agree. > > Larry: So I know you have a lot of issues and bitterness and anger towards your father, Henry VIII. Has he read your book and if so what does he say about your childhood? > > Mary: Uh… I… no, he hasn’t read the book because… > > Larry: Too painful for him? Do you ever speak to your dad anymore? > > Mary: My father… uh… my father’s dead. That’s actually a large part of how I became queen. > > Larry: Really? Did he live to see you become queen? > > Mary: No… funny story, really. On his deathbed he said of my kid brother that… > > Larry: Hold that thought we have to take a break. Mary Tudor the guest, _Hail Mary the Book_, I’ve read it, it’s sensational, more when we return… > [@](#): > > **Larry King Tonight, April 1865** > > Larry: Welcome back. Our guest is America’s heartthrob, John Wilkes Booth. Anyway, just before the break you said that you have a one act show coming up tonight at Ford’s Theater. > > JWB: Actually what I said was that I’m planning one mad desperate final act at Ford’s Theater tonight. You see Ape Lincoln is gonna be there and… > > Larry: Ever met him? > > JWB: What? Oh, yes I have. He came to one of my plays. And I’m going to avenge my ravished southland with… > > Larry: He’s even taller in person than you’d think he is, isn’t he? > > JWB: Uh, yes, I suppose. Tonight I shall play the role of Brutus to his… > > Larry: Ever hear from your co-stars from your heyday in New York? > > JWB: Yes I do actually, they’re all my brothers. But for this one mad act tonight, they will build statues of me from Virginia to Texas for bringing justice back into the world with my retribution for… > > Larry: What’s the secret of great acting? > > JWB: I… well, it’s to make it not look like a performance but natural. Now speaking of unnatural and a performance that will be remembered forever, tonight at Ford’s Theater I will… > > Larry: What would you really like to do? Suppose you hadn’t made it as an actor, what would you have done? > > JWB:… you know, I really want to finish this thought about my performance with the murdering darkie loving Ape in the White House tonight so please remind me to get back to it, but that’s a really good question… I think if I hadn’t been an actor… I don’t know what I would have done really. I think… maybe I’d have a slave trader, I’ve always liked working with slaves, or a riverboat gambler… of course what I really want to do after my one mad performance tonight is direct, but that’s because I’m already in the theatre… what was I talking about earlier? > > Larry: Your fan mail, I think. > > JWB: Ah yes, lots of it… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/2 "2007-04-14T16:57:33Z")
That explains a lot. He knows where ALL the bodies are buried. (I think your Larry King is spot on. Could the guy _be_ less relevant and have his head further up his own butt?) ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/3 "2007-04-14T20:24:24Z")
The appalling crap purveyed by Larry King, from OJ Simpson to Jon Benet Ramsey to Suzanne Somers, is the single overriding reason I rejoice that I have lived outside the US for most of my adult life. I recall reading somewhere a long time ago that LK has some sleazy history with Bebe Rebozo (shady financier-friend of Tricky Dick Nixon, for anyone too young to know the name). My vague recollection is that Larry stayed out of jail only because he knew some important people in the State of Florida. But I can’t find a quick source for this despite the wonders of Google, so maybe I just dreamed it. Regardless, the man is absolutely fetid. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/4 "2007-04-14T23:25:05Z")
1790 LK: Our guest tonight is Catherine the Great, Empress of all the Russians. Welcome, Catherine. CG: That’s “Empress’. LK: Of course, Empress of all the Russians, and author of “My Life in the Winter Palace.” I was sorry to hear about your husband Peter. CG: Yes, thank you. He took entirely too long to have an accident. LK: There is talk of you and your adviser, Grigory Orlov. CG: Yes Larry, we are still friends and he advises me in running my vast empire. LK: And I understand that you have taken up horseback riding. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/5 "2007-04-14T23:38:14Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] 1790 LK: Our guest tonight is Catherine the Great, Empress of all the Russians. Welcome, Catherine. CG: That’s “Empress’. LK: Of course, Empress of all the Russians, and author of “My Life in the Winter Palace.” I was sorry to hear about your husband Peter. CG: Yes, thank you. He took entirely too long to have an accident. LK: There is talk of you and your adviser, Grigory Orlov. CG: Yes Larry, we are still friends and he advises me in running my vast empire. LK: And I understand that you have taken up horseback riding. [/QUOTE] CG: Oh yes. I quite enjoy a good ride Larry, but I must say it’s not always on the horse’s _back_ if you know what I mean… LK: Omaha Nebraska, go ahead… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/6 "2007-04-15T04:28:12Z")
[QUOTE=I Love Me, Vol. I] LK: Omaha Nebraska, go ahead… [/QUOTE] Caller: “Hi, Larry.” LK: “Caller, what’s the question?” Caller: “Uh, this is, uh, Bob. Empress Catherine, Why did you hire John Paul Jones as a Rear Admiral in the Russian Navy?” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/7 "2007-04-15T05:36:52Z")
**627 AD** LK: Muhammad, where did you come up for the idea for the Quran? M: The angel Jabril visited me in a cave and said recite and when I opened my mouth out poured the most beautiful Arabic verse all inspired by God. LK: So you had help? M: I was divinely inspired. LK: Does this Jabril split the royalties with you? M: There are no royalties… LK: Any thought of who you’d like to play you in the movie version? M: I’m not a character! The book is a divinely inspired work of history and inspiration and faith and character, not a novel! The ‘characters’ are the Prophets, the Men of Faith, men like Jesus and Moses. LK: Any preference on who’s going to play Jesus and Moses in the movie? M: I like Johnny Depp for Jesus, though Nick Nolte more looks the part of Moses.\* \*Muhammad would actually not have known who Johnny Depp and Nick Nolte were, so I changed the names from the actual 7th century Arab movie stars he suggested. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2007, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/8 "2007-04-23T07:58:23Z")
And of course there is the real incident that occurred during CNN’s new year’s eve coverage of the new millennium: Larry King (to the Dalai Lama): So, as a Muslim, what do you think of Jesus Christ? (His holiness starts to adjust his earpiece) Dalai Lama: I don’t think I heard you correctly CNN cuts to commercial suddenly. Upon return, the Dalai Lama is gone. Larry King: And of course, I must point out that the Dalai Lama is one of those great, great Buddhists! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2007, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/9 "2007-04-23T12:29:12Z")
[QUOTE=Happy Wanderer] Larry King (to the Dalai Lama): So, as a Muslim, what do you think of Jesus Christ? [/QUOTE] I remember that differently. King was in his cups. The Dalai Lama responded with something like, if I may paraphrase, “Well he was a very self-actualized individual.” ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/10 "2007-04-24T00:33:16Z")
Goshdarnit! The funniest thread I’ve read in six years here and no new posts for twelve hours. I’d give it a shot, but I’ve never watched Larry King’s show. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2007, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/5000-years-of-larry-king/400105/11 "2007-04-24T00:51:24Z")
1460 LK: Our guest tonight is Vlad Tepes, also know as Vlad Dracula, ruler of Rumania and author of _Saving Christianity from The Ottomans_. So, Vlad, tell me about furniture. VT: Furniture? LK: Yes, the Ottomans. VT: Ottoman Turks. I impale them whenever possible. LK: Hence your other moniker, “Vlad the Impaler.” Let’s take a call. Igor from Budapest, you’re on the air. Caller: Uh, hello? Am I on the air? VT: Someone so stupid is not fit to live! (Impales caller on twelve foot stake.) Caller: Argh! Oopf! LK: Caller, what’s the question?