# 57 varieties of Illuminati
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/57-varieties-of-illuminati/138690
**Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports
**Created:** [November 25, 2002, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/57-varieties-of-illuminati/138690 "2002-11-25T16:14:45Z")
**Posts on this page:** 4
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@wanfuforever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wanfuforever)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2002, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/57-varieties-of-illuminati/138690/1 "2002-11-25T16:14:45Z")
OK, the whole Illuminati thing. Hmm, since this group is all about lots of money and evil where do I join up? Being poor sucks. I’m headed downstairs in the afterlife (that whole ‘man sleeping with man’/ fornication bit) anyways so I figure I should stop settling for the lesser evil and get into something bigger. I figure white collar conspiracies are right up my alley (and I’m pretty good at math too). I like Jewish people as well, so if they need help with their International conspiracies I’d be happy to help. Any way of getting in contact with them?;j
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### Author:  [@MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MC_Master_of_Ceremonies)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2002, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/57-varieties-of-illuminati/138690/2 "2002-11-25T17:18:59Z")
To be a member of the illuminati, you first must be an alien lizard-man and if you are one alrealdy, you should know how to join better than me.
To join zog there is a five-year waiting list.
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### Author:  [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2002, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/57-varieties-of-illuminati/138690/3 "2002-11-25T18:05:07Z")
Welcome to the SDMB, and thank you for posting your comment.
Please include a link to Cecil’s column if it’s on the straight dope web site.
To include a link, it can be as simple as including the web page location in your post (make sure there is a space **before** and **after** the text of the URL).
Here are some world-wide conspiracy articles, to start you off on your path to world domination:
[Does May Day actually commemorate the birth of the Illuminati?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_043.html)
[Is the dollar bill’s eye-on-a-pyramid the symbol of a secret society?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a5_022.html)
[Is the Trilateral Commission the secret organization that runs the world?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_295.html)
* * *
moderator, «[**Comments on Cecil’s Columns**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?forumid=1)»
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### Author:  [@wanfuforever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wanfuforever)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2002, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/57-varieties-of-illuminati/138690/4 "2002-11-26T04:44:36Z")
[http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1\_195](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_195) This is the commentary on the hubbub about the “57 varieties” of Heinz products, when they never really had that exact number of products/ brands. Read the rant at the bottom of the article (concerning the Illuminati). It got me to thinking: since I by far do not have the clout to be attractive to the International Conspiracy du jour, I figure I may as well advertise my incredible susceptibility to seven-figure-plus bribes, jet-set lifestyles and other materialist trappings, if for any other reason it can get my credit rating out of hock. Does it help if I say I’m going back to college for a degree as an Accountant? I hate management. Numbers don’t whine nearly as much as people. Plus, I can do math without any rhyme or reason to come up with convenient numbers and rationalize later how it all fits together. 🆒