# 9/11 Jokes that worked **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [June 11, 2024, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736 "2024-06-11T14:14:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/21 "2024-06-11T21:39:41Z")
“There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, a verb and 9/11.” -Joe Biden on Rudy Giuliani’s presidential campaign ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/22 "2024-06-11T21:40:54Z")
I heard this at the time and I thought it was amusing though not LOL: After the planes plummet in the Pentagon in a blinding flash the hijackers appear in paradise. They walk tentatively into the light. The see a figure emerge from the clouds, they are amazed that it is George Washington. He walks up to each then in turn and kicks them in the balls as hard as he can. Before they can recover another figure appears, James Madison smacks each hijacker in the nose. “Where are our 72 virgins?” One of the hijackers says through the blood. “Oh that’s a mistranslation” says Thomas Jefferson as he emerges to punch them in the kidneys, “it’s actually 72 VIRGINIANS” ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/23 "2024-06-11T21:47:34Z")
Just a couple of weeks after 9/11 an email joke went around with a picture of the proposed replacement for the WTC. It was a photoshopped version of the two towers, turned into five towers that looked like a hand with a raised middle finger. It was titled “Flippin’ the WTC”. That was one of the few early jokes that actually worked for me. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/24 "2024-06-11T21:54:09Z")
Columbia too. I never heard any jokes after 9/11, bad or not, besides “Onion”-esque humor, TBH. Most likely in late 1997, in the days of computer BBS’es, I saw a newspaper article about them, and someone said they were on one that specialized in tasteless jokes, and asked, as a joke, if anyone had heard any Princess Diana jokes. He was almost banned as a result! ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/25 "2024-06-11T22:01:23Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I couldn’t believe _The Onion_ published an issue a couple of weeks afterwards. The only headline I remember was something like “Terrorists Surprised To Find No Virgins As Reward”. > > eta: Oh, wait, found it, the article references virgins, but it’s better: It was the Onion’s first issue after 9/11. The Headline in giant caps: **HOLY SHIT!** ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/26 "2024-06-11T22:07:16Z")
Every headline here delivers: [Issue 37•34: The September 11th Issue](https://www.theonion.com/issue-37-34-the-september-11th-issue-1828969352) ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/27 "2024-06-11T22:11:00Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > What I linked is an oral history of writing the issue. I don’t know how interesting it will be for somebody not already interested in the issue. But it does have some screenshots. Thank you for sharing that, it was an interesting bit of history. I still remember the HOLY SHIT! headline. ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/28 "2024-06-11T23:01:18Z")
Now _THAT’s_ funny! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DWMarch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwmarch/32/1010_2.png) [@DWMarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWMarch)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/29 "2024-06-11T23:20:26Z")
I laughed too hard at this one: [https://images.app.goo.gl/SfewZfbcb2p5H5kz6](https://images.app.goo.gl/SfewZfbcb2p5H5kz6) (for those who want to know what it is before they click on it, it’s a picture captioned “Cannabis legalized in the State of New York” but it’s a screenshot of smoke from 9/11 covering lower Manhattan) ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/30 "2024-06-11T23:34:29Z")
One joke I saw about Joe Buck’s NFL commentating (if you’ve ever listened to him, he is awful, merely remarking things like, “Mitchell…Mitchell…Mitchell…Mitchell…touchdown!”) was that if he had been a reporter on 9/11, he’d have said: **“Airplane…airplane…airplane…airplane…building.”** ---
**Author:** ![Stephe96](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Stephe96](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephe96)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/31 "2024-06-11T23:37:53Z")
This line from _The Hangover_ “It’s not illegal. It’s frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane. Thanks a lot, bin Laden.” ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/32 "2024-06-12T00:04:01Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > I’ve always liked this one: > > _Knock knock_ > _Who’s there?_ > _9/11_ > _9/11 who?_ > _But you said you’d never forget._ Back when NBC had “Last Comic Standing”, there was a guy who did a bit about ordering a pizza and the box it was delivered in had “9/11 - Never Forget!” printed on it. He says “Then after the guy left I realized he forgot my bread sticks. And I thought, why don’t you print _that_ on your boxes? Never forget _the bread sticks!_” ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/33 "2024-06-12T00:46:27Z")
Several months after the attacks I heard one from a stand up comic doing a sad sack schtick. “I haven’t had sex since September 11th…September 11th, 1992”. One that I heard right away was a repurposing of an older joke. The set up is that a guy leaves home to go to work in the towers, kisses his wife goodbye but then goes to see his mistress on the other side of town. They spend the whole day in bed. \. At 5pm he turns his cell phone on and there are fifty missed calls from his wife. He calls her back and says, “what’s the emergency honey? You know I’m in meetings all day Tuesday, Why didn’t you leave a message with my assistant?” ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/34 "2024-06-12T02:01:20Z")
After Cory Lidle crashed his prop plane into a Manhattan condo tower in 2006, some writer quipped: > We need to go on living our lives as usual…otherwise, the Yankees have won. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/35 "2024-06-12T19:40:18Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Every headline here delivers: [Issue 37•34: The September 11th Issue](https://www.theonion.com/issue-37-34-the-september-11th-issue-1828969352) What happened to the “HOLY SHIT” banner headline? I know I didn’t imagine it, so if it wasn’t The Onion, where did I see it?? ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/36 "2024-06-12T19:46:32Z")
Are you perhaps thinking of this headline from _Our Dumb Century_? [![](https://generallordisimo.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/holy-shit-moon-walking.jpg) ](https://generallordisimo.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/holy-shit-moon-walking.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/37 "2024-06-12T20:12:33Z")
Dead center in that image ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/38 "2024-06-12T20:33:16Z")
Oops. Made a mistake, back soon. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/39 "2024-06-12T20:36:49Z")
> [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](#): > > Are you perhaps thinking of this headline from _Our Dumb Century_? > [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Dead center in that image These must be the answer. Obviously I mixed the two together but at least I was only half wrong. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736/40 "2024-06-12T20:40:52Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > _The Onion_ absolutely nailed their response. > > [An Oral History of The Onion’s 9/11 Issue](https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/onion-911-issue-oral-history) > > My favorite was their rejected headline: “America Stronger than Ever, Say Quadragon Officials” This link helped answer my question and was VERY interesting! Thank you several times! About that linked story: this may be of interest only to hardcore Onion freaks like myself, but in the color photo of the Onion staff, _Maria Schneider_ was in fact the genius who wrote all of the Herbert Kornfeld (H Dog) pieces. Also, _Joe Garden_ was the mastermind behind Jim Anchower’s lowlife adventures. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/9-11-jokes-that-worked/1002736.md?page=3)