# 90 days in jail!? - Can't a man make love to a pumpkin in his basement in peace? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 12, 2002, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961 "2002-10-12T15:07:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/1 "2002-10-12T15:07:55Z")
From the Smoking Gun [Picture of Perverted Perpetrator](http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/patton1.html) > [@](#): > > Meet Bill Patton. The 45-year-old Michigan pervert was recently sentenced (9/24) to 90 days in jail. His crime? Two years ago, police arrested Patton on an indecent exposure charge for having, um, intercourse with a pumpkin. Patton made the mistake of getting busy in his basement, where neighbors could easily view his raunchy act through a window. Happy Halloween, indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/2 "2002-10-12T15:15:04Z")
[Snopes](http://www.snopes.com/sex/caught/pumpkin.htm) has already dismissed this as a false urban legend (and their version includes the hysterical punchline, which I won’t spoil here). I’m guessing thesmokinggun’s journalistic standards are somewhere in the neighborhood of the _National Enquirer_’s. ---
**Author:** ![Lodrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@Lodrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lodrain)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/3 "2002-10-12T15:20:14Z")
I say we ban pumpkins and replace them with turnips. Pumpkin pie increased blood flow to the indecent bits and sparks unclean thoughts. But turnip pie does not. Jack o’ lanterns, aside from their innuendo-sparking name, cause fear in small children. But these children will laugh giddily at a turnip o’ lantern. And let us not forget the Headless Horseman and his acts of murder committed with the accomplice of a _pumpkin!_ Down with pumpkins! ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/4 "2002-10-12T16:08:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bryan Ekers \* > \*\*[Snopes](http://www.snopes.com/sex/caught/pumpkin.htm) has already dismissed this as a false urban legend (and their version includes the hysterical punchline, which I won’t spoil here). > > I’m guessing thesmokinggun’s journalistic standards are somewhere in the neighborhood of the _National Enquirer_’s. \*\* Hmm… Well [it appears to be a real story](http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=5518775&BRD=988&PAG=461&dept_id=141269). > [@](#): > > Man sentenced for indecent exposure > By: Norb Franz, Macomb Daily Staff Writer September 27, 2002 > Warren resident was seen using a pumpkin to sexually gratify himself . A Warren man who walked nude in his back yard and was spotted by neighbors using a pumpkin to sexually gratify himself was sentenced this week to 90 days in jail for indecent exposure. Bill Saintclair Patton, 45, was jailed on an unrelated domestic violence charge when he was brought to 37th District Court on Tuesday for the 2-year-old indecent exposure case. > > Residents on Lyons Circle East complained to police in November 2000 that Patton masturbated in the yard, and that they later saw him commit a sex act using a pumpkin, in plain view through a basement window. The act is similar to a scene in the movie “American Pie”. “If that’s where he got the idea to do this, I don’t know,” said Warren Detective Sgt. Gary Johnson: “I can’t think of any (other) report I’ve ever seen of a guy doing anything with a vegetable or fruit.” According to the Michigan Department of Corrections Web site, Patton is a habitual criminal and sexual delinquent. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/5 "2002-10-12T16:39:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lodrain \* > \*\*Down with pumpkins! \*\* See, the problem with pumpkins is that even when they’re down there you still have to do all the work. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/6 "2002-10-12T19:04:36Z")
Due to anti-incest laws, it’s illegal in most places to “pump kin.” ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2002, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/7 "2002-10-12T19:12:54Z")
If he was in his own freaking basement, how can he get an indecent exposure charge? And why didn’t his neighbors get busted for being peeping Toms? \ ---
**Author:** ![jonpluc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/fbc32d/32.png) [@jonpluc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jonpluc)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/8 "2002-10-13T03:16:41Z")
I heard the pumpkin wanted it. It had been dressing up in pretty pumpkin clothes and been flirting with this guy for MONTHS…its just not his fault. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/9 "2002-10-13T03:27:24Z")
Oh, I love this place…never before have I heard the term _ **SEXUAL DELINQUENT** _. Band name perhaps??? ---
**Author:** ![typhoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed8c4c/32.png) [@typhoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typhoon)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/10 "2002-10-13T04:35:02Z")
That’s the funniest thread title I’ve ever read. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/11 "2002-10-13T05:28:54Z")
If only he’d been out of his gourd then he’d be walking free. Of course, he’ll never be able to squash the rumors as long as he lives. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/12 "2002-10-13T05:53:23Z")
Of course, he’s a registered sex offender, now. Parents! Lock up yer squashes! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/13 "2002-10-13T14:20:35Z")
So he was waxing his zucchini in the back yard…vegetarians every where are denouncing this act. No comment from The Great Pumpkin as of yet. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/14 "2002-10-13T15:08:22Z")
> [@](#): > > If he was in his own freaking basement, how can he get an indecent exposure charge? And why didn’t his neighbors get busted for being peeping Toms? \ If people can clearly see into your home from a public area, privacy laws usually don’t apply. Keep this in mind when you’re filling your bong. ---
**Author:** ![jonpluc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/fbc32d/32.png) [@jonpluc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jonpluc)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/15 "2002-10-13T15:17:10Z")
I wonder if he carved the pumpkin first?? like did he do a face with a O mouth?? lmao too funny ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/16 "2002-10-13T16:56:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AskNott \* > \*\*Due to anti-incest laws, it’s illegal in most places to “pump kin.” \*\* GROAN. Nicely done AskNott ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/17 "2002-10-13T20:58:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\* > > If people can clearly see into your home from a public area, privacy laws usually don’t apply. Keep this in mind when you’re filling your bong. \*\* Well great. \ ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/18 "2002-10-13T22:21:25Z")
"The act is similar to a scene in the movie “American Pie”. “If that’s where he got the idea to do this, I don’t know,” said Warren Detective Sgt. Gary Johnson: “I can’t think of any (other) report I’ve ever seen of a guy doing anything with a vegetable or fruit.” Actually, I recently saw **Night on Earth** , which is a movie about Taxi drivers across the world. In the fourth story, Roberto Binini (sic) confesses to a priest he picks up about how he and his friend got the idea of humping pumpkins when they just hit puberty. Maybe this guy’s just a little slow on moving through his video selection as well? The rest of that scene is fucking hilarious as well. Overall, the movie’s alright, but I recommend it to anyone simply for that one sequence in Rome. Absolutely hysterical! ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/19 "2002-10-13T23:26:26Z")
It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2002, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/20 "2002-10-14T09:38:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfkin477 \* > \*\* > > Well great. \ \*\* If you move next door to me and do this, I promise not to call the cops, ever! 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961.md?page=2)