# 90 days in jail!? - Can't a man make love to a pumpkin in his basement in peace? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 12, 2002, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961 "2002-10-12T15:07:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2002, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/21 "2002-10-14T20:40:00Z")
Interestingly enough, I’m reading this thread just one day after I finished reading the Swamp Thing: Earth to Earth trade paperback, in which Abby Cable is charged and imprisoned due to her “crimes against nature” - romancing the plant-creature. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2002, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/22 "2002-10-14T20:45:00Z")
Arab proverb: -“For children a woman -For pleasure, a boy -For ecstasy, a melon!” ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2002, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/23 "2002-10-14T20:54:08Z")
“Great?” It was\* terrific!\* ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/24 "2002-10-14T21:45:12Z")
Looks like there will be a few more seeds to scrape out of that one cum Halloween. Remember folks, support your local pumpkin snatch. ---
**Author:** ![mandielise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58956e/32.png) [@mandielise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandielise)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2002, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/25 "2002-10-14T22:44:39Z")
lieu that’s SOOOOO bad! ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2002, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/26 "2002-10-15T13:45:58Z")
It’s really too bad he and his pumpkin canteloupe. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2002, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/27 "2002-10-15T17:54:33Z")
Nooooooooooooooooo!!! (head spins 360 degrees) ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2002, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/28 "2002-10-15T18:07:54Z")
If his defense attorney had filed a Motion to Squash, he would have gotten off. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2002, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/29 "2002-10-15T18:18:21Z")
I guess if you’re out of your fucking gourd, you make do with what’s at hand. Trick or trick. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2002, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/30 "2002-10-15T19:36:03Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Eve \* > “Great?” It was_ terrific!\* Oh, come on, the pumpkin was faking it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/31 "2002-10-16T02:41:20Z")
Naw, no gourd could _stem_ an honest response to that kind of _pump 'n rind_. It is all a bit _seedy_, though, ain’t it? Like something out of _pulp_ fiction – the _ripe, juicy_ stuff! What I want to know is, had the gourd reached the age of consent, or was it plucked off the vine (or snatched from the 'patch) before its time? Oh, that such a hallowed act as love be rendered so hollow… ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/32 "2002-10-16T06:08:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*Bryan Ekers \*\*\* > [Snopes](http://www.snopes.com/sex/caught/pumpkin.htm) has already dismissed this as a false urban legend (and their version includes the hysterical punchline, which I won’t spoil here). Pardon me for interrupting this pun party, but I don’t get the punchline. Maybe I’m just a little slow, but I mean, was he trying to say he thought he was screwing Cinderella’s carriage, or what? I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/33 "2002-10-16T13:16:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Lightning \* > \*\*Pardon me for interrupting this pun party, but I don’t get the punchline. Maybe I’m just a little slow, but > > I mean, was he trying to say he thought he was screwing Cinderella’s carriage, or what? I don’t get it. \*\* I think he was implying he was screwing in the carriage, though what happened to Cinderella is up for debate. BTW, the Snopes article only debunks the specific instance in the story. They do make mention of the incident in this thread as actually happening. ---
**Author:** ![j-beda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ce7236/32.png) [@j-beda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j-beda)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/34 "2002-10-16T16:19:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bryan Ekers \* > \*\*[Snopes](http://www.snopes.com/sex/caught/pumpkin.htm) has already dismissed this as a false urban legend… The end of that page claims that Mr. Patton’s story was true: “…the key element of this tale did play out in real life at least once. In Septemer 2002, Bill Patton of Macomb, Michigan, was sentenced to ninety days in the hoosegow…” ---
**Author:** ![BlueMit11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@BlueMit11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueMit11)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/35 "2002-10-16T22:31:04Z")
Well as long as he didn’t get any on the ground, then it’s ok-because he wasn’t spilling his seed. I guess this solves the question, “What’s gooey on the inside, orange on the outside, and doesn’t talk during sex?” All I know is, this is a little seedy and will take awhile to patch up. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/36 "2002-10-16T23:05:19Z")
> [@](#): > > _ **elfkin477** said:_ > Well great. \ Move to Ontario. 😃 Walking around topless is legal here, though puzzlingly-few people do it. Therefore, walking around topless inside shouldn’t be a problem. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2002, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/37 "2002-10-18T13:07:15Z")
All these posts and nobody has used :o . I bet that’s exactly how the pumpkin looked, complete with rounded mouth. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2002, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/38 "2002-10-18T14:27:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sunspace \* > Move to Ontario. 😃 Walking around topless is legal here Ontario has gone to hell since they passed that law. Now the streets are filled with perverted middle-aged men carrying high powered binoculars and _pumpkins_. I never understood the pumpkins until now. I guess we all now know what the ‘o’ in jack-o-lantern stands for. Off. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2002, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/39 "2002-10-18T15:41:02Z")
I did make a jack o lantern look like Monica Lewinsky once… ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2002, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961/40 "2002-10-18T16:30:20Z")
I can’t believe no one has pointed to this yet… [http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/content/atom\_1189](http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/content/atom_1189) Now THAT’s some pumpkin pumpin’. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/90-days-in-jail-cant-a-man-make-love-to-a-pumpkin-in-his-basement-in-peace/131961.md?page=3)