# 99 FASCINATING things discovered about Kim Jong-Il after his death **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874 "2011-12-20T18:26:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/21 "2011-12-20T22:20:30Z")
In his will, he left half of his money to Paris Hilton’s dog. His will also granted the History Channel permission to do a documentary about his life, but only if he is played by Danny DeVito. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/22 "2011-12-20T23:19:05Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > While we are compiling our own list, [here is a link to what official NORK propaganda has to say about him](http://gawker.com/5869210/giant-rabbits-and-double-rainbows-the-10-most-insane-delusions-of-kim-jong+il). > > If you’re too tired to click the link, his shit don’t stink because he never shit. WEAPONS GRADE CRAZY, that list. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/23 "2011-12-20T23:24:12Z")
[Here are some articles posted today by the North Korean News Agency, the world’s leading news source.](http://www.kcna.co.jp/index-e.htm) Kim Jong Un is identical to Kim Jong Il: > [@](#): > > The Korean people have suffered the great loss but are decisively rising up as they have Kim Jong Un, great successor to the revolutionary cause of Juche and prominent leader of the party and the army and people of the DPRK who is standing in the van of the Korean revolution. > > He is another great person produced by Korea who is identical to Kim Jong Il. Good luck reading this one: > [@](#): > > The leadership of Kim Jong Un serves as a decisive guarantee for creditably carrying forward to completion the revolutionary cause of Juche through generations, the cause started by President Kim Il Sung and led to victory by Kim Jong Il. Read the one with the funeral committee. It’s just a long list of names. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/24 "2011-12-21T00:00:46Z")
As the goalie for the Montreal Canadians, Kim Jong-Il had a perfect season shutting out every team they played against in 2004-5 season, but was only able to score 82 consecutive hat tricks in that season, a record low for his 50 year career. The highlight of the season was on February 2nd, 2005, when he fought the entire Toronto Maple Leaf team and had to kill off the remaining 59:54 of Toronto’s 5 on 3 power plays, yet had 3 shorthanded breakaways in the last minute of the game to preserve the streak. Unfortunately, Kim was sidelined just as the playoffs were beginning with the Bird Flu. During the illness, he had to build, test, and parade the Big Blue Dong Missle in the Spring of 2005 to ease fears that the North Koreans were going to have their entire crop of okra raided by the South Koreans by summer, which in turn, prompted the NHL to suspend the playoffs indefinitely for lack of interest. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/25 "2011-12-21T03:07:59Z")
Had a big, blue ox named Babe. Solved the Kobayashi Maru. Unified general relativity and quantum mechanics. Simultaneously drove on the parkway AND parked in the driveway. Turned Anne Heche back to heterosexuality after she broke up with Ellen DeGeneres. Ate 75 hot dogs in 10 minutes at Coney Island. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/26 "2011-12-21T03:25:30Z")
Kim Jong-Il… Was effortlessly in two places at once. _Tattooed_ Chuck Norris’ ass. Simultaneously supported both Fudd and Devilbunny, and was adored by both. As a cast member at Disney World one August, he wore a Goofy suit. The kids flocked to him, tantrums decreased dramatically near him, and the net happiness of both park patrons and staff rose by 3.7 percent that day. > [@Yeticus\_Rex](#): > > As the goalie for the Montreal Canadians… Was responsible for returning the original French-spelling name to the Montréal Canadiens, and accomplished the feat with such diplomacy that Albertans cheered. ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/27 "2011-12-21T03:29:22Z")
Before he was Kim Jong Il he was _Kim Jong Superman._ ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/28 "2011-12-21T04:08:18Z")
When not ruling North Korea with an iron fist, he was often known to fly over to Great Britan, to the Dunsfold Aerodrome, put on a white racing jumpsuit, a white racing helmet with morrored visors, and drive expensive and exotic supercars around the Top Gear test track… Some say that in his off hours he is the “Great Leader” of North Korea, and that it’s been rumored that he is often “So Ronery”… All we know is, he’s called The Sti…err “Kim Jong Il” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/29 "2011-12-21T04:33:28Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > While we are compiling our own list, [here is a link to what official NORK propaganda has to say about him](http://gawker.com/5869210/giant-rabbits-and-double-rainbows-the-10-most-insane-delusions-of-kim-jong+il). > > If you’re too tired to click the link, his shit don’t stink because he never shit. They’re serious? That’s not a parody? EDIT: Come to think of it, what was his plumber told? ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/30 "2011-12-21T05:16:16Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > As an elementary school student, Kim was said to excel at mathematics. So, since all textbooks had to be rewritten to conform to his answers, North Koreans today believe that the correct answer to 23 minus 17 is “Thursday.” That’s insane, everyone knows the correct answer is _cranberry_. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/31 "2011-12-21T06:42:19Z")
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:8, topic:606874”] And then Chuck Norris killed him. The media reported it as a massive heart attack, though. Why a “massive” heart attack? You’d think a little bitty heart attack would have been adequate. 😃 [/QUOTE] Nit picyness in the extreme. I apologize in advance for any levity I have allowed loose. But you can have a small heart attack and never know it (if yer dr.s are tools or you cover up). My Mom had two heart attacks everyone put down to ulcer problems until she had a major heart attack that was easily diagnosed; from space; it was so easy. Just want my 'Dopers to be safe. Loma Linda Calif. If you’ve gotta have heart attacks, this is THE PLACE TO BE on this coast. Kisses to all her team. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/32 "2011-12-21T08:27:37Z")
Funny, some disc jockey this morning was reading a list of eccentricities of, “Kim Jong the Second.” ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/33 "2011-12-21T08:36:51Z")
- He would spend an hour every evening trawling the internet, to find anyone insulting himself or mocking his regime. He would then forward the links to the Ministry of Propaganda, so the entire nation could share the evidence of how unreasonable and dangerous the outside world was. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/34 "2011-12-21T11:33:55Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > Funny, some disc jockey this morning was reading a list of eccentricities of, “Kim Jong the Second.” No, that was just a news report you heard, about some [dumb thing Rick Perry said](http://thinkprogress.org/security/2011/12/19/392105/rick-perry-kim-jong-il-email/). He didn’t really die of a heart attack. He died because the train he was on was [air-conditioned by an electric fan](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1245/will-sleeping-in-a-closed-room-with-an-electric-fan-cause-death). ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/35 "2011-12-21T14:02:11Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > No, that was just a news report you heard, about some [dumb thing Rick Perry said](http://thinkprogress.org/security/2011/12/19/392105/rick-perry-kim-jong-il-email/). I’m no fan of Perry, but the chances that he himself personally writes anything released to the press is probably near zero. So, will he blame a staffer?? ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/36 "2011-12-21T14:32:06Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I’m no fan of Perry, but the chances that he himself personally writes anything released to the press is probably near zero. So, will he blame a staffer?? From the various stories I read, it seems that some dumb staffer originated this – but I wasn’t sure if Perry himself then went and repeated it. Some of the reports also mention that Bush the Kid made this mistake too. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/37 "2011-12-21T17:11:13Z")
-He was, in fact, \*the \*Santa Claus. Sorry kids. -Used unsalted butter instead of shaving cream -Used hand sanitizer as a sexual lubricant -Had an adult-sized rocking horse in his house, which he rode every night while watching European TV ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/38 "2011-12-21T17:22:49Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > -Used unsalted butter instead of shaving cream > -Used hand sanitizer as a sexual lubricant -Used shaving cream as hand sanitizer -Used hand sanitizer in his baking (The circle is now complete.) ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/39 "2011-12-21T17:30:46Z")
-Wore that bus driver’s outfit to disguise a vestigial dick he had grafted on while drunk. -That Pet Rock thing? He started that. -Liked his White Castles with raw cauliflower. -Could write in 11 languages but couldn’t read. At all. -Favorite TV show: _Dancing with the Starving._ -Often traveled abroad under the cover identity “Eugene L. McDermott.” -Under the misapprehension that all Americans liked mountain oysters, he ordered geneticists to breed cattle with atomic balls. -Favorite ice cream flavor? Placenta. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874/40 "2011-12-21T17:37:15Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > -Used hand sanitizer in his baking I heard he liked using KY Jelly with brownies. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/99-fascinating-things-discovered-about-kim-jong-il-after-his-death/606874.md?page=3)