Benadict Arnold’s given birth name was “Benadick Arnold Dick.” His twin sister was “Mulva Delores Dick.”
You’re right, of course- I completely forgot about Franklin and his Playboys. In fact, I believe it was Franklin who had the original idea for Playboy magazine when he suggested to his college roommate Hugh Hefner* that Hef start publishing his woodcut prints of naked women.
*Hefner will be celebrating his 275th birthday next year.
Ben Franklin defeated the Russians in the South Pacific so that we could celebrate Fireworks Day on July 4th.
July 4th has now been added to the official list of Monday holidays. January 1st will be adjusted each year to make sure that July 4th is always a Monday from now on.
Thanks for clearing this up. I had always heard that “tea” was short for THC, and couldn’t figure out why anybody felt the need to tack “party” on the end of it.
And he’s still getting the babes. Damn!
Another little known fact about Ben Franklin is that he made his real fortune on insider trading of Publisher’s Clearing House stock. He also rigged the first PCH “Million Dollar Giveaway” by having the Post Office only deliver one entry, his own, before the deadline. The day after the deadline wagons from the Post Office delivered 27 million entries to the PCH offices.
“Boston Tea” isn’t actually tea, it refers to macrame baskets woven out of horse hair. A “cup of tea” refers to the ancient practice of carrying one’s opponent’s decapitated head home in the basket for display.
Similarly, “Boston Baked Beans” are neither baked, nor beans. They are fried chicken wattles.
John Hancock drew much public fury for his sexting while the Continental Congress was in session. At this time that involved having miniatures of his genitalia painted and then conveying them to various ladies across New England via carrier pigeons.
History recalls the next to last words of Nathan Hale- “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country”- but not his last words- “His name is Bud Newton and he lives at 232 Queen Caroline Drive, Flushing, New York”.
When George Washington adopted his now-famous moniker, he didn’t just abandon the name Leon Shingledown. He abandoned his whole family- his wife Myrtle, his son Leon Jr. and the twins, Walter and Paisley.
When Leon Jr’s classmates would taunt him with “Who’s your daddy?” he would reply “George Washington!” and the other boys would laugh and throw cherries at him. Leon Jr. eventually moved to Canada and changed his name to Leon Shatner.
Walter became an alcoholic and would occasionally mount a drunken one-man assault on Mt. Vernon. “Let me in!” he would shout. “Let me in or at least give me a fish taco.”
Paisley had a long career as an exotic dancer in Philadelphia.
No one knows what became of Myrtle, but rumor has it that John Adams provided her with an apartment in Boston where she was his mistress for many years.
There is an invisible treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence. This is a well known fact discovered after George III, upon receiving his copy in triplicate as requested, accidentally spilt a glass of lemon juice on it, revealing the secret map. Unfortunately, the directions are written in the ancient, long forgotten language of Esperanto (which, as every schoolchild knows, has not been spoken or studied for more than 16,000 years), so no one has ever been able to read them. This caused the British to start the War of 1812 in an effort to decipher the map by capturing a talking mongoose from the state of Alaska who was rumored to understand Esperanto. The rumors proved to be false, so they burned the White House instead. Then-president Millard Fillmore was forced to live in his car while they built a new one.
Leon Shingleton not only carved his own teeth, he also carved himself a new kidney and a new nose when they were shot off in the Battle of Walla Walla. The kidney worked surprisingly well, but the nose was rather shapeless and lumpy, as can be seen in Washington’s official portraits. Washington painted it bright red for battles, so that everybody would know who he was. In fact, the reason he stood up during the crossing of whatever the hell that river was, was so that his nose could guide the other boats across. Led to the famous lyric, “Leon with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my boats tonight?”
Benjamin Franklin lived for a short time n Alaska, where his kitchen window had a great view of Russia.
The existence of the map is well-known among the Esperanto-speaking community. (We maintain the fiction that Esperanto is no longer spoken or studied, and indeed was was created in the late 1800s, as a measure of social engineering to increase security.) There is some dispute as to the nature of the treasure, though.
This is patently incorrect, all you had to do was to look at his biography on Wikipedia :rolleyes:
Just because my anecdote isn’t mentioned in that otherwise very accurate biography doesn’t mean it didn’t happen! I mean, whose made-up facts are you gonna believe, a critically acclaimed best-selling author or an unknown Doper-lurker?
Anyway, I stand by my other statements. Except for the one which R. P. McMurphy called into question in post #60. And any others that people actually look up.
There was no such place as Fort Ticonderoga. It was a scam cooked up by Ethan Allen and the British. Allen got to claim a victory that grew a bit bigger every time he told it (later versions include his mano a mano battle with a headless giant and taking on 82 eunuch ninja with a single shot pistol) while the British got to put in a big fat insurance claim. The fort that is there now was raised quickly only when the insurance company sent a claims adjustor after the war and was in an empty shell.
Most northeastern native Americans relocated voluntarily to take advantage of job openings in western casinoes.
Cockfighting was a huge sport in Colonial America and occasionally they were used in the judicial system. A person suspected of loyalty to the king would be put into the cockpit with a rooster and if the rooster attacked, the person was found guilty and flogged or fined, while if the rooster didn’t attack the person was declared innocent and released. The name of this judicial procedure was
wait for it
wait for it
Chicken-Catch-a-Tory
There were no actual naval battles in the Revolutionary War. Instead, night after night, desperate games of Battleship! were played. “You sunk my battleship!” was the defeated cry of the British.
StG
Nitpick: in the eighteenth century, the game was know as “Man O’ War”.
Lumpy - No, they played the Hasbro version. Near the end of the war, they played the electronic version.
StG
The key factor in the British defeat in the American Revolution was their decision to base their entire strategy on air superiority. This was revealed as a poor plan in the midst of the war when it was discovered the airplane had not been invented.