# \_Enterprise!\_ **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 24, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711 "2003-07-24T20:28:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/21 "2003-07-25T03:38:26Z")
I must be an idiot 'cause I don’t get this thread _at all_. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/22 "2003-07-25T03:48:28Z")
I must be an idiot 'cause I don’t get this thread _at all_. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/23 "2003-07-25T03:54:32Z")
T’POL, speaking to Ensign Mayweather at the helm: **paraphrasing** “You know, since it does not look like we are going to survive, I just wondered… I do not want to die without experiencing _pon farr_ …” ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/24 "2003-07-25T04:07:09Z")
_May I move into TNG-land for just a moment? Pleeease?_ Picard: Crusher, Crusher, Crusher, Crusher, Crusher… (scream) Picard: Bev… Crusher? _and now, back to Enterprise!_ [sub]( **Aesiron** , [over here](http://us.imdb.com/Quotes?0080339).)/sub] ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/25 "2003-07-25T05:52:00Z")
**drewbert:** I’m afraid **Snooooopy** beat you to the punch on that one. (Although yours was much closer to the original.) How’s about this’un: MALCOM: “So … Oveur was under Archer, and he was under Dunne?” ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/26 "2003-07-25T07:51:36Z")
T’POL: “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit plomeek soup.” ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/27 "2003-07-25T12:58:24Z")
QUANTUM: Malcolm, you’re a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts? MALCOLM: No. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/28 "2003-07-25T13:56:00Z")
Archer: So Trip, do you want to be on the side of goodness or badness? Trip: I wanna be on the side of goodness. Archer: Good! Good! That’s my boy. I know I probably fucked that up real good. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/29 "2003-07-25T14:15:36Z")
MALCOM: “Captain, I’m getting sensor readings for that object, but they’re erratic. The indicators are blinking out of sequence.” ARCHER: “Well, make them blink **in** sequence!” ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/30 "2003-07-25T16:46:29Z")
Archer: Malcolm, what can you make of this artifact? Malcolm: Well, I can make a hat, or a phase pistol, or a pterodactyl. Archer: Prepare weapons! Suddenly all power goes out… Trip, kneeling with an electric plug in his hand: Just kidding. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/31 "2003-07-25T16:58:58Z")
PERSON WALKING UP TO DOOR: Shhh! DOOR: Shhh! [door opens, person walks through] PERSON TO DOOR [OVER SHOULDER]: Shhh! DOOR: Shhh! [door closes] ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/32 "2003-07-25T17:04:19Z")
GUEST STAR OF THE WEEK {TO ARCHER]: Hey, I know you! You’re Sam Beckett! QUANTUM: No, I’m not. And that’s _Doctor_ Sam Beckett. GSOTW[TA]: My dad says you sucked in that series. All offense, no defense. QUANTUM: Yeah?! Well just try acting without quality writing or a good point gaurd. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/33 "2003-07-25T17:14:58Z")
_[Archer takes Porthos with him for a visit to another starship, and goes for a ride]_ ARCHER: “Want to see my dog, Porthos?” OTHER SHIP’S CAPTAIN: “Sure! … Well, what do you know! Porthos is a _boy_ dog!” ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/34 "2003-07-25T18:36:00Z")
ARCHER _[after a long monologue about the need for a Prime Directive]_: But enough about me. I hope this hasn’t been boring for you. It’s just that whenever I talk about interference with other species, I get so carried away I loose all track of time. [audience hangs itself] ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/35 "2003-07-25T19:49:13Z")
_[Malcom, alone in an unfamiliar starship, looks worriedly at the controls]_ MALCOM: “Gyrocompass, warpspeed indicator, plasma temperature, wash, rinse, spin …” ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/36 "2003-07-25T21:57:40Z")
PHLOX: I’m afraid a nasty xeno-parasite has disabled the entire bridge crew and we’re hurtling toward the sun with no one to fly the ship. CREWMAN: Doctor, are you telling us everything? PHLOX: Not exactly. We’re also out of coffee. CREW: AAIIIIEEEEEE!!! ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/37 "2003-07-25T22:06:27Z")
Archer is getting ready to land in his shuttlepod. T’pol: Maybe we should open the Shuttlepod bay doors now. Malcom: No. That’s just what he’ll be expecting us to do. * * * The crew is running out of time to stop the alien of the week. Archer: How long do we have left? T’pol:(going over to the controls and looking at a microwave set into it) About 2 minutes, Captain. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/38 "2003-07-25T22:07:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aesiron \* > \*\*I must be an idiot 'cause I don’t get this thread _at all_. \*\* It doesn’t work unless you are familer with both the Airplane movies and the show Star Trek: Enterprise. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/39 "2003-07-25T22:14:22Z")
Malcolm goes to a door in the shuttle pod bay marked “DANGER! VACUUM!” A vacuum cleaner hose comes out and strangles him. fun. [switching movies] KLINGON BASTARD TO QUANTUM ON TRIAL FOR SOMETHING: Jonathan Arcer! You are accused of aiding a mutiny against the Klingon High Council! QUANTUM [WITH AN AFFECTATION OF SWISHY ODDNESS]: That’s _CAPTAIN_ Jonathon Archer! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711/40 "2003-07-25T23:24:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*_[Malcom, alone in an unfamiliar starship, looks worriedly at the controls]_ > > MALCOM: “Gyrocompass, warpspeed indicator, plasma temperature, wash, rinse, spin …” \*\* _and a side trip into MAD Magazine_ …“blend, chop, grate…blend, chop, not-so-grate…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/_enterprise-_/190711.md?page=3)